Elbólintós P-Log - Discussion
(EDIT: URL's to sites of Tucker, Upali and Cedric added.)
I am very grateful for all I had the privilege to learn so far here on DhO and finally decided to start a regular practice log. I'd like to offer the following by way of introduction.
First exposed to the mindfulness boom in 2012-2013, I started to slowly build up a regular practice in 2016-2017, inspired by many but at that time perhaps most significantly by TMI, MCTB1 and Robert Wright's Why Buddhism is True. (I owe special thanks for the makers of the audiobook version of all three works!) Approximating a daily practice, albeit often omitting a day or two, and occasionally more, since 2018.
I am currently playing and working with (in that order) with various forms of Noting (inspired, among others, by Mahasi, Shinzen, Shargrol & Papa Che Dusko), TMI, Fire Kasina (Ingram), Satipatthana (Analayo), Metta (Vimalaramsi), along with various approaches based on materials from Rob Burbea, Ken McLeod and Dan P. Brown (IPF). I have great respect for pragmatic dharma in general and, specifically, Daniel Ingram's work and the DhO Community. (I have some background in Western philosophy, Green political activism, and working with languages.)
I have no attainments to speak of.
I have approx. two weeks' worth of retreat experience, including time with Tucker Peck and Upasaka Upali, both of whom I am very happy to recommend as teachers.
I am taking a year-long course in Gendlin's Focusing technique. Furthermore, I am doing weekly online sessions with a much appreciated noting partner I have encountered here on DhO, Cedric Reeves. (Based on our interactions, I can heartily recommend him as a teacher as well.)
My practice goals for 2021 include a 2h daily formal practice with 1h of noting, increasing awareness off-cushion (U Tejaniya), establishing a routine of Micro-hits (Shinzen & also as recommended by DhO's Jim Smith), significantly increasing concentration and insight and integrating all of that with life in general (aka getting my shit together) and specifically, training in Morality, including Metta, IPF and Gendlin's Focusing, and once again, getting my shit together for the benefit of this being, the people in its close proximity, the planet, and all sentient beings. Also, probably, taking up work with a teacher as well as doing retreats (self-retreats in all likelihood with a view to the COVID situation).
I also wish to improve the balance between discipline and a playful, experimental approach, as well as incorporate standing meditation, doing more Tai Chi & Yoga and some Reich-inspired body work (Jack Willis).
As far as the present practice log is concerned, I think I might start out with a pen-on-paper mediation journal, and share some (but not necessary all) of the content here, reporting at least once a week and see how this works out.
As far as the present practice log is concerned, I think I might start out with a pen-on-paper mediation journal, and share some (but not necessary all) of the content here, reporting at least once a week and see how this works out.
I am of course looking forward to feedback from you all and all your contributions are deeply appreciated.
Thank you for this
PS. "Elbólintós" is a pun on my first name (which I did not want to appropriate since there might be other Bálints around wanting to start their own practice logs) and it could roughly be taken to mean "(with a tendency to be) nodding off" in Hungarian or something of the sort and thus it is also, of course, a pun on sleeping and delusion as opposed to...
I am very grateful for all I had the privilege to learn so far here on DhO and finally decided to start a regular practice log. I'd like to offer the following by way of introduction.
First exposed to the mindfulness boom in 2012-2013, I started to slowly build up a regular practice in 2016-2017, inspired by many but at that time perhaps most significantly by TMI, MCTB1 and Robert Wright's Why Buddhism is True. (I owe special thanks for the makers of the audiobook version of all three works!) Approximating a daily practice, albeit often omitting a day or two, and occasionally more, since 2018.
I am currently playing and working with (in that order) with various forms of Noting (inspired, among others, by Mahasi, Shinzen, Shargrol & Papa Che Dusko), TMI, Fire Kasina (Ingram), Satipatthana (Analayo), Metta (Vimalaramsi), along with various approaches based on materials from Rob Burbea, Ken McLeod and Dan P. Brown (IPF). I have great respect for pragmatic dharma in general and, specifically, Daniel Ingram's work and the DhO Community. (I have some background in Western philosophy, Green political activism, and working with languages.)
I have no attainments to speak of.
I have approx. two weeks' worth of retreat experience, including time with Tucker Peck and Upasaka Upali, both of whom I am very happy to recommend as teachers.
I am taking a year-long course in Gendlin's Focusing technique. Furthermore, I am doing weekly online sessions with a much appreciated noting partner I have encountered here on DhO, Cedric Reeves. (Based on our interactions, I can heartily recommend him as a teacher as well.)
My practice goals for 2021 include a 2h daily formal practice with 1h of noting, increasing awareness off-cushion (U Tejaniya), establishing a routine of Micro-hits (Shinzen & also as recommended by DhO's Jim Smith), significantly increasing concentration and insight and integrating all of that with life in general (aka getting my shit together) and specifically, training in Morality, including Metta, IPF and Gendlin's Focusing, and once again, getting my shit together for the benefit of this being, the people in its close proximity, the planet, and all sentient beings. Also, probably, taking up work with a teacher as well as doing retreats (self-retreats in all likelihood with a view to the COVID situation).
I also wish to improve the balance between discipline and a playful, experimental approach, as well as incorporate standing meditation, doing more Tai Chi & Yoga and some Reich-inspired body work (Jack Willis).
As far as the present practice log is concerned, I think I might start out with a pen-on-paper mediation journal, and share some (but not necessary all) of the content here, reporting at least once a week and see how this works out.
As far as the present practice log is concerned, I think I might start out with a pen-on-paper mediation journal, and share some (but not necessary all) of the content here, reporting at least once a week and see how this works out.
I am of course looking forward to feedback from you all and all your contributions are deeply appreciated.
Thank you for this
PS. "Elbólintós" is a pun on my first name (which I did not want to appropriate since there might be other Bálints around wanting to start their own practice logs) and it could roughly be taken to mean "(with a tendency to be) nodding off" in Hungarian or something of the sort and thus it is also, of course, a pun on sleeping and delusion as opposed to...
Thanks Tim Uram for your kind words of encouragement - feels lovely!
Ahoy...
...and the first day report (Jan 1):
- two longer sits (65 + 60 min sits) + 10 m once + a few not too successful efforts of noting "Rising, Falling" while doing household chores etc
- first sit: rather early in the morning (likely a lingering slight hangover, celebrating the new year the night before, had exactly on bottle of sparking wine)
- 10 m breath counting,
- 10 m metta (loosely following instructions by Bhante Vimalaramsi, felt a bit tedious at times)
- 40 m noting
- 5 m do nothing (as suggested by Shargrol)
- second sit: late afternoon
- 10 m breath counting,
- 50 m noting (10 minute thereof in a standing position)
--- this consisted of repeated cycles of
- 10 min stretch of noting SeeHearFeel aloud
- 10 min stretch of noting SHF + vedana couplets (as in "Hearing, neutral; Touching, liking; Feeling, disliking; Seeing, liking" etc.)
observations, mostly from near end of the sits, esp. the first one:
- pleasant vibrations on the upper lip, attracting and sustaining attention in a focussed manner (maybe like 2 minutes)
- subtle feelings (waves?) in hands (for maybe 3 minutes)
- also: muscles of the forehead and top and back of the head wanting to relax and contract repeatedly, much like in the FOREHEAD / TONIC EYES OPEN exercise in Jack Willis's Reichian Therapy - The Technique, for Home Use (p 183). not entirely intentional, but not entirely spontaneous either. let it happen, felt good, but wondering if this should be a concern as it goes against the idea of sitting still). noted "wondering"
- lots of spontaneous smiling and a general feeling of happiness
Ahoy...
...and the first day report (Jan 1):
- two longer sits (65 + 60 min sits) + 10 m once + a few not too successful efforts of noting "Rising, Falling" while doing household chores etc
- first sit: rather early in the morning (likely a lingering slight hangover, celebrating the new year the night before, had exactly on bottle of sparking wine)
- 10 m breath counting,
- 10 m metta (loosely following instructions by Bhante Vimalaramsi, felt a bit tedious at times)
- 40 m noting
- 5 m do nothing (as suggested by Shargrol)
- second sit: late afternoon
- 10 m breath counting,
- 50 m noting (10 minute thereof in a standing position)
--- this consisted of repeated cycles of
- 10 min stretch of noting SeeHearFeel aloud
- 10 min stretch of noting SHF + vedana couplets (as in "Hearing, neutral; Touching, liking; Feeling, disliking; Seeing, liking" etc.)
observations, mostly from near end of the sits, esp. the first one:
- pleasant vibrations on the upper lip, attracting and sustaining attention in a focussed manner (maybe like 2 minutes)
- subtle feelings (waves?) in hands (for maybe 3 minutes)
- also: muscles of the forehead and top and back of the head wanting to relax and contract repeatedly, much like in the FOREHEAD / TONIC EYES OPEN exercise in Jack Willis's Reichian Therapy - The Technique, for Home Use (p 183). not entirely intentional, but not entirely spontaneous either. let it happen, felt good, but wondering if this should be a concern as it goes against the idea of sitting still). noted "wondering"
- lots of spontaneous smiling and a general feeling of happiness
Day 2, continued.
- Impression that the visual field consisted entirely of flickering dots (pixels) – or as if such a layer was superposed on it. This could of course be entirely accounted for some naturalistic mechanism - such as particles in the fluid on the surface of the eyeballs or sg related to the optic nerves or even the result of some visual impairment – probably shouldn’t worry about the precise mechanism or ontological status thereof but to treat is as an object to further explore at the experiential level.
(Though frankly, it could also be a result of scripting, in the sense of having read too much about fancy advanced stuff (like observing the 3Cs directly in insight practice), one deludes oneself into imagining that this is what is in fact happening) – anyway, “this is just a thought” and again, the idea is not to overthink it as per usual but to keep exploring (it) at the level of sensate experience. Well at least some of the phrases have stuck , no big deal, they are bound to gradually imprint practice as well.)
- Impression that the visual field consisted entirely of flickering dots (pixels) – or as if such a layer was superposed on it. This could of course be entirely accounted for some naturalistic mechanism - such as particles in the fluid on the surface of the eyeballs or sg related to the optic nerves or even the result of some visual impairment – probably shouldn’t worry about the precise mechanism or ontological status thereof
but to treat is as an object to further explore at the experiential level. (Though frankly, it could also be a result of scripting, in the sense of having read too much about fancy advanced stuff (like observing the 3Cs directly in insight practice), one deludes oneself into imagining that this is what is in fact happening) – anyway, “this is just a thought” and again, the idea is not to overthink it as per usual but to keep exploring (it) at the level of sensate experience. Well at least some of the phrases have stuck
, no big deal, they are bound to gradually imprint practice as well.)
Days 3-12 + Day 13
Hey Martin, Pepe & Agnostic,
thanks for your kind interest & feedback!
After a dynamic start, I fell into the trap of aversion to logging/journaling. As a result of this, the promised "next chapter", as advertised in my last post, has also been dropped.
(OK, it was supposed to be about how body parts felt "alive" during a body scan the morning after a night sit following Rob Burbea's instructions working with the energy body, even though this specific morning I was simply trying to contemplate skin simply as skin, flesh as only flesh etc, as when contemplating beans, millet, rice etc in a bag of grains).
The sits, however, have been relatively solid. Save for one day w 60 and another w 90 mins worth of sessions, I had 120+ mins on and around the cushion (i.e. standing/walking med) every day + either microhits or household chores w/ noting almost practically most days.
This Saturday, after a four-hour Focusing Zoom training, I joined Cedric Reeves's one-day online retreat exploring rest; however, except for the yoga bit, I mostly did my own stuff, following the breath and noting for the equivalent of 5 hour-long sits. (The last 20 minutes in a supine position, promptly lulling me to sleep.)
Day ----------- time (m) ---- Stand/Walk ---- Logging/Journalling
Day 3 (Sat) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Day 4 (Sun) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 5 (Mon) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 6 (Tue) ---- 60 ---- y ---- n
Day 7 (Wed) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Day 8 (Thu) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 9 (Fri) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 10(Sat) ---- 300- ---- y ---- n
Day 11(Sun) ---- 120 ---- y ---- n
Day 12(Mon) ---- 90 ---- y ---- n
Day 13(Tue) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Furthermore, as far as integration with life in the sense of productivity is concerned, the last week and a half were a complete failure. I absolutely need to get back to (or rather, take up) getting things done, my current performance is the opposite of sustainable.
DAY 13
Awakened by the clatter and bustle of the thrash collector truck before 5 am, decided to set the timer for 90 min. 30 breath counting, 30 min ZZ + Breathwalk, 30 noting. Not much to report; Breathwalk seems to induce alertness after, but let's wait and see.
Evening: 30 mins noting aloud. Pleasant, time flew by quickly.
Also some distracted noting at the dentist's in the morning
Hey Martin, Pepe & Agnostic,
thanks for your kind interest & feedback!
After a dynamic start, I fell into the trap of aversion to logging/journaling. As a result of this, the promised "next chapter", as advertised in my last post, has also been dropped.
(OK, it was supposed to be about how body parts felt "alive" during a body scan the morning after a night sit following Rob Burbea's instructions working with the energy body, even though this specific morning I was simply trying to contemplate skin simply as skin, flesh as only flesh etc, as when contemplating beans, millet, rice etc in a bag of grains). The sits, however, have been relatively solid. Save for one day w 60 and another w 90 mins worth of sessions, I had 120+ mins on and around the cushion (i.e. standing/walking med) every day + either microhits or household chores w/ noting almost practically most days.
This Saturday, after a four-hour Focusing Zoom training, I joined Cedric Reeves's one-day online retreat exploring rest; however, except for the yoga bit, I mostly did my own stuff, following the breath and noting for the equivalent of 5 hour-long sits. (The last 20 minutes in a supine position, promptly lulling me to sleep.)
Day ----------- time (m) ---- Stand/Walk ---- Logging/Journalling
Day 3 (Sat) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Day 4 (Sun) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 5 (Mon) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 6 (Tue) ---- 60 ---- y ---- n
Day 7 (Wed) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Day 8 (Thu) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 9 (Fri) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- n
Day 10(Sat) ---- 300- ---- y ---- n
Day 11(Sun) ---- 120 ---- y ---- n
Day 12(Mon) ---- 90 ---- y ---- n
Day 13(Tue) ---- 120+ ---- y ---- y
Furthermore, as far as integration with life in the sense of productivity is concerned, the last week and a half were a complete failure. I absolutely need to get back to (or rather, take up) getting things done, my current performance is the opposite of sustainable.
DAY 13
Awakened by the clatter and bustle of the thrash collector truck before 5 am, decided to set the timer for 90 min. 30 breath counting, 30 min ZZ + Breathwalk, 30 noting. Not much to report; Breathwalk seems to induce alertness after, but let's wait and see.
Evening: 30 mins noting aloud. Pleasant, time flew by quickly.
Also some distracted noting at the dentist's in the morning
Noting "simpatico" and "camaraderie". And you're right about the visit to the dentist!
Day 14
60+ min altogether (15 in the morning, then noting fear at the dentist (second visit), then some in the afternoon and in the evening.) Don't remember much.
Day 15
7AM - 60 min STEFH (Homage to Steph, lol) - See, Think, Emote, Feel, Hear
- seated + walking + standing alike
- Notes: Phenomena are rushing to you at a breathtaking pace. (Rapid fire, all the time.) Time passes very quickly (in the sense that almost all 10m intervals seemed rather short, except for the walking one perhaps.) At one point as if a shift or opening or dizziness, but quite light. With passage of time, happy mood noted with increasing frequency. Felt alert throughout, but in the last 10 m: almost drifted off to sleep, even had (at least) one open-eyed dream, one scene which must not have lasted longer than a second, but was notable due to its comic tone and somewhat obscene content (visiting prince from a remote land threatening to take a dump) - anyway resumed standing position and switched (back) to noting aloud.
- Seeing anxiety, worrying, self-pity, feeling of entitlement, anger/hurt, feeling abandoned.
- Thoughts frequently creeping in, realizing only after the fact. Strange that thoughts can occur even while noting. (Image of a cave, with the top/ceiling being the noting and the thoughts passing right below it.)
- After the sit: a feeling that things (in life) are manageable, feeling competent, anxiety contained somewhat. Some lightness of heart.
4 PM - 30 min in a park and in the street, standing + walking, noting aloud.
9 PM - 70 min. 10 m watching the breath in deep La La Land, 60 noting aloud SHF. Again, quick and enjoyable with mental talk occurring seemingly in parallel with noting. Am I doing something wrong? (probably sensory quality needs to improve so as to see that these phenomena are not really parallel/cotemporaneous but a succession of distinct intermittent mind moments - but I'm likely scripting and overthinking again...)
Happy Birthday DHO!
60+ min altogether (15 in the morning, then noting fear at the dentist (second visit), then some in the afternoon and in the evening.) Don't remember much.
Day 15
7AM - 60 min STEFH (Homage to Steph, lol) - See, Think, Emote, Feel, Hear
- seated + walking + standing alike
- Notes: Phenomena are rushing to you at a breathtaking pace. (Rapid fire, all the time.) Time passes very quickly (in the sense that almost all 10m intervals seemed rather short, except for the walking one perhaps.) At one point as if a shift or opening or dizziness, but quite light. With passage of time, happy mood noted with increasing frequency. Felt alert throughout, but in the last 10 m: almost drifted off to sleep, even had (at least) one open-eyed dream, one scene which must not have lasted longer than a second, but was notable due to its comic tone and somewhat obscene content (visiting prince from a remote land threatening to take a dump) - anyway resumed standing position and switched (back) to noting aloud.
- Seeing anxiety, worrying, self-pity, feeling of entitlement, anger/hurt, feeling abandoned.
- Thoughts frequently creeping in, realizing only after the fact. Strange that thoughts can occur even while noting. (Image of a cave, with the top/ceiling being the noting and the thoughts passing right below it.)
- After the sit: a feeling that things (in life) are manageable, feeling competent, anxiety contained somewhat. Some lightness of heart.
4 PM - 30 min in a park and in the street, standing + walking, noting aloud.
9 PM - 70 min. 10 m watching the breath in deep La La Land, 60 noting aloud SHF. Again, quick and enjoyable with mental talk occurring seemingly in parallel with noting. Am I doing something wrong? (probably sensory quality needs to improve so as to see that these phenomena are not really parallel/cotemporaneous but a succession of distinct intermittent mind moments - but I'm likely scripting and overthinking again...)
Happy Birthday DHO!
Balint Pinczes:
Day 2, continued.
(Though frankly, it could also be a result of scripting, in the sense of having read too much about fancy advanced stuff (like observing the 3Cs directly in insight practice), one deludes oneself into imagining that this is what is in fact happening)
(Though frankly, it could also be a result of scripting, in the sense of having read too much about fancy advanced stuff (like observing the 3Cs directly in insight practice), one deludes oneself into imagining that this is what is in fact happening)
Even if one deludes oneself into imagining one's experience, it is still happening! (most of our experience is like this)
Dear Sam,
thank you for caring!
Yes, for [EDIT: most of] the past ten weeks I've been sitting at least 45 min at least six days a week doing samatha & vipassana.
I've also been following your blog and it is a constant source of inspiration!
May you be well.
thank you for caring!
Yes, for [EDIT: most of] the past ten weeks I've been sitting at least 45 min at least six days a week doing samatha & vipassana.
I've also been following your blog and it is a constant source of inspiration!
May you be well.
Thank you, Sam! I will
Day 120. 60 m
Started out immersed in thought. Saw thoughts subside somewhat, began satipaṭṭhāna - scanned body parts (skin, flesh, bone) & 4 elements as per Analayo's Satipaṭṭhāna Meditation - A practice guide, with several intermissions, consisting of some immersion in thoughts & chatter & self-projection. Also mixed in some breath watching & VIP along the way and also (immersed in some) thinking about all of this (about mixing these modalities, i.e., doing them parallelly).
Some thoughts on a planned canoe trip with friends and getting lost in fantasies about how great it would be to turn that into a retreat opportunity.
At 30', switched to noting - noted diligently. Experiencing sloth & torpor, went for a round (7'30) of noting aloud. Part of this was indeed very quick. Also noticed vibrations resulting from speaking the notes out loud in unexpected places (well any place would be unexpected really). Interesting. Followed by minor (tiny, minuscule) insight into the sense of me itself being a sensation or maybe more like a glimpse into how it could be seen as such.
Lovely sit.
Day 120. 60 m
Started out immersed in thought. Saw thoughts subside somewhat, began satipaṭṭhāna - scanned body parts (skin, flesh, bone) & 4 elements as per Analayo's Satipaṭṭhāna Meditation - A practice guide, with several intermissions, consisting of some immersion in thoughts & chatter & self-projection. Also mixed in some breath watching & VIP along the way and also (immersed in some) thinking about all of this (about mixing these modalities, i.e., doing them parallelly).
Some thoughts on a planned canoe trip with friends and getting lost in fantasies about how great it would be to turn that into a retreat opportunity.
At 30', switched to noting - noted diligently. Experiencing sloth & torpor, went for a round (7'30) of noting aloud. Part of this was indeed very quick. Also noticed vibrations resulting from speaking the notes out loud in unexpected places (well any place would be unexpected really). Interesting. Followed by minor (tiny, minuscule) insight into the sense of me itself being a sensation or maybe more like a glimpse into how it could be seen as such.
Lovely sit.
Day 123
75 m (originally sat down for 60', but liked it so much that decided to linger on)
Started w just letting th's run their course & settling. Setting Int. FB (following the breath), body parts, VIP, FB.
There were several cases of completely forgetting what I was doing but they couldn't have lasted more than 30s-120s.
Att'n rested on breath, body, body/mind, thinking, analyzing, futuRising, pastArising, returning, also pulsation, waves, energy, joy, attitudes/moods, some itching/needles.
Sat relatively motionless w straight back & long neck for 60 m.
Reached some equanimous state near the very end so decided to add extra 15m.
Of course, this extra time failed to comply with expectations and turned out rather sluggish, even the 3 min bits (the 15m session on the timer is set to chime every 3m) were difficult to trod through. Restlessness (noted) some VIP, investigating dhamma (though with major lapses).
7 treasures: There was joy, concentration, calm (sometimes abiding in calm - well maybe more like taking a quick dip in it) mindfulness.
Hindrances: Both thina-middha (sloth&torpor) & uddhacca-kukucca (restlessness & worry). Did experiment a little w applying counterdotes (anti-measures) w moderate success. Also at times had difficulty telling dullness & calm apart.
Altogether happy with the Sith.
Quite a buttful, looking forward to the next session.
75 m (originally sat down for 60', but liked it so much that decided to linger on)
Started w just letting th's run their course & settling. Setting Int. FB (following the breath), body parts, VIP, FB.
There were several cases of completely forgetting what I was doing but they couldn't have lasted more than 30s-120s.
Att'n rested on breath, body, body/mind, thinking, analyzing, futuRising, pastArising, returning, also pulsation, waves, energy, joy, attitudes/moods, some itching/needles.
Sat relatively motionless w straight back & long neck for 60 m.
Reached some equanimous state near the very end so decided to add extra 15m.
Of course, this extra time failed to comply with expectations and turned out rather sluggish, even the 3 min bits (the 15m session on the timer is set to chime every 3m) were difficult to trod through. Restlessness (noted) some VIP, investigating dhamma (though with major lapses).
7 treasures: There was joy, concentration, calm (sometimes abiding in calm - well maybe more like taking a quick dip in it) mindfulness.
Hindrances: Both thina-middha (sloth&torpor) & uddhacca-kukucca (restlessness & worry). Did experiment a little w applying counterdotes (anti-measures
) w moderate success. Also at times had difficulty telling dullness & calm apart.Altogether happy with the Sith.
Quite a buttful, looking forward to the next session.