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Kundalini and flow

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Kundalini and flow
energy kundalini flow
Answer
1/6/21 7:24 PM
I went out for my regular afternoon walk. Immediately as I left the house, I started to feel a tingling sensation in my body. It became stronger as I walked, and after about 10 minutes it had become quite pronounced. The sensations coalesced into an energy flow running up my back and up my neck to the crown of my head. I started to feel like I was sending off sparks from the top of my head into the atmosphere, like a Fourth of July sparkler. I felt completely alive, brimming over with the energy of life.

My walk lasted for precisely an hour (I know because I always set a timer). During that time, as I looked around me, I saw that everything everywhere was also part of this same flow of energy. The sun was a huge source of energy, like a power generator for all of nature; the trees and flowers were bundles of energy bursting forth out of the ground; the birds and squirrels were sparks of energy that flitted about; even the colors I saw were popping and humming with electricity and life.

It was clear to me that all of these energies were multifaceted manifestations of the same primordial energy that created the universe. The Big Bang that continuing to unfold on a cosmic scale. Here, I could see only one small corner of the dance of the universe playing out, but I could perceive that what was taking place all around me and within my very own body was all part of this huge cosmic event — that we are all part of the same process of being and becoming.

The energy flow upwards through my body became increasingly intense. My body literally began bouncing off the pavement with each step I took, like I was going to launch into the air. Every sound I heard was like a mini Big Bang going off in my ears. A dog barked… BOOM! A bird chirped… BOOM! Even a thought going off silently inside my own head… BOOM!

A car went by, BOOM!, and I instantaneously understood how human beings have harnessed the creative energy of the universe in the form of machines that roar and churn and propel forth even more creation and becoming. I heard a person speak, BOOM!, and I understood how whole cultures and societies are all part of the Big Bang’s energetic dance. I had a thought, BOOM!, and saw how all of humanity’s ideas, fears, anxieties, dreams, and aspirations are all at their core emanating from the same energy. Each BOOM is all part of the same cosmic vibration, part of the cosmic play.

My body was shaking, and my heart pounding, filled with excitement and happiness. There was nothing apart from this energy; nothing that was not part of this dance. I also saw how birth and death are all swirled together, two sides of the same thing that are indistinguishable from one another. How death and decay are part of the same dance of being and becoming.

Since my initial awakening experience (described here), I had been describing my realization in terms of seeing that objects “out there” actually are located “in here” within my awareness. I resonated with the common metaphor of awareness being a “movie screen” on which an illusory “film” of life is being played. Most of all, I felt that while I lost my sense of being my “small self,” I increasingly felt identified with the “big self” of the Void.

All of this fell apart in the aftermath of the kundalini experience. The notions of here and there, screen and film, small and big selves have completely lost their coherence. These differences — which previously had been so meaningful and important to me—have been completely flattened out, so to speak.

Gone is the feeling that “I” am some kind of stable consciousness or awareness, no matter how expansive or spacious. Gone is the notion that awareness is a “container” or a “location” for experiences to unfold within. Gone, in fact, is the idea that awareness is even separable from experiences. All of those seemingly self-evident “truths” now seem to merely be disconnected fragments of mental phenomena, fantasies briefly flickering in and out of existence.

What remains might perhaps be best referred to as a single flow of experience. Sometimes this experience takes the form of thoughts; sometimes it’s sensations; sometimes it’s sensory experiences; sometimes it’s a feeling of being lost in a narrative; sometimes a feeling of waking up from the dream; sometimes it’s a notion of being some kind of self; sometimes a notion of not being a self. None of the specifics of what is experienced seems to matter. It’s all always part of a unitary experience, a whole.

These experiences are not arising “in” awareness. Each experience arises without being “in” or “at” any place in particular, without being “seen” by any particular witness. Or, if there is a feeling of any particular experience being “in” or “at” or “seen,” then that feeling is itself an additional experience that is arising following the first. Any attempt to locate, see, or explain what’s happening is simply further interpretation about the experience, just another thought flowing in the stream.

Furthermore, although this whole flow seems to be made up of discrete moments or objects, when I look at it more closely, it all blends into a seamless, unresolvable swirl. I find it impossible to separate any one aspect of experience from another in this flow. Each time I try to grab onto one thing in order to see it clearly, it’s already gone. Each time I try to investigate some individual thing more closely, it seems to dissolve into a fuzzy cloud of energy.

Every experience in this flow is revealed to be a mystery, but the realization of its mysteriousness is itself only another experience in the flow. It’s like all the ways of thinking that used to be there before awakening and all the ways of thinking that were there all got swirled together in the blender, broken up into tiny pieces that are now all mixed together into a big collage where form and Emptiness are undifferentiated and non-hierarchical.

I’m not sure what any of this means, or where it’s going. I’ve lost interest in overarching explanations or metaphysical statements. Everything feels up in the air. And that's OK. But, I would love to have any suggestions or advice from those of you who are working with Kundalini. 

[All of this happened back in late July, and I copied it over here from my practice journal]

RE: Kundalini and flow
Answer
1/5/21 4:46 AM as a reply to p s i love you.
This makes me think of that scene in "When Harry Met Sally," where Meg Ryan goes through the paces of a spectacular orgasm in the restaurant, except that this is not faked, lol. Still, I'm going to say the same thing to the waiter: "I'll have what he's having."

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