Robert L. log

Robert L, modified 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 11:46 AM
Created 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 10:15 AM

Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Hi Everyone, My name is Rob, long time lurker, brand new poster. Didn't know where to introduce myself, so I thought this would be as good a place as any. I've been meditating daily for 3.5 years, usually two, one hour sits a day. I've done at home structured retreats about twice a year 1 -2 weeks each.
I started my practice with just sitting and watching closed eye imagery to help my anxiety, had some interesting visual experiences, a drop in anxiety, and decided to do some research. I bought and read TMI and started using its techniques. Became more interested and read MCTB. I started incorporating vipassana and developed a noting practice. I had several lessons with Kenneth Folk about two years ago, had an A and P experience shortly after (concentrated on an electrical sensation in my left foot, it multiplied, became bands of electric ball lightening that scanned slowly all the way up my body). I entered the dukka nanas with mild effects. Mostly bad moods, nightmares during the Fear nana, nausea during disgust with accompanying disgusting dreams and imagery during meditation. Didn't really notice the other nanas, except Reobservation which was...weird, but mostly just very chaotic, with harsh sensations.  About 6 months ago I had changed mostly to samatha and a sitting/do nothing practice where I just follow wherever awareness takes me. At that time, I watched Kenneth Folk's video on the direct path and read Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and those techniques seem to have lead me into meditative tranquil spaciousness, I assume is Equanimity.
When I meditate currently, instead of all these chaotic granular sensations that occur within  and over and outside my perceived "body". I feel like I am a big room with no walls , and the sensations are projected into the room, and it leads to the feeling that the sensation or thought, has an accompanying tension that I used to feel was within or on my percieved body, but is now within that room. And all these thoughts, sensations, and tensions are happening all over the inside of that room at varying frame rates. They just appear in a group within the room, my attention is drawn to it, it dissappears and another group pops up somewhere else. Sometimes it's a thought with its accompanying tension, a sensation, sometimes it seems like a group of sensations and a thought and tension, just projecting into the room, like an expanding and contracting sphere. Getting to this state usually takes about an hour and usually occurs right before my timer goes off. I enter this state when the tension (dukka?) shifts forward from inside, or at the periphery of  my "body" into the room's interior.

Yesterday, meditated for 90 minutes. Decided to meditate on aversion/attraction/neutrality after reading a post. Noticed the ring of tension in the area of my forehead and began noticing the neutral sensations in my awareness and space around me, the neutral sensations of space coalesced with the center neutral area in the ring of tension, and my awareness shifted within that neutral center, the ring of tension widened, engulfed "me" and dispersed. The space had the feeling of 5th or 6th formless jhana, but with bodily sensations still within the space. Then, within that space, I noticed bubbles of 1st Jhana sukka, then joy/sukka of 2nd, Joy of 3rd, all arising within that calm panoramic space. Then the alarm went off!
Sam Gentile, modified 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 1:06 PM
Created 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 1:06 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 1310 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Can't comment on your experiences, as they are above what I currently experience, but welcome to Dh) and thanks for starting a Log to share your experiences.
Robert L, modified 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 4:02 PM
Created 3 Years ago at 1/9/21 4:02 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Thanks Sam, good to finally write something down. 
Tim Farrington, modified 3 Years ago at 1/10/21 1:04 AM
Created 3 Years ago at 1/10/21 1:04 AM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 2464 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Hi, Robert, and welcome to DhO. I saw your post on JW's thread--- the Void is a great place to jump in, lol. The spaciousness you're describing does seem to have the flavor of EQ, and most importantly, you seem to be okay with the relative "emptiness" of the experience. In a way, there is nothing to do in EQ but let it deepen into even more emptiness--- the dark night tends to burn out our greed to get Somewhere Else, and experience Something Else, and exposes those efforts as misery-making. That you find yourself here, not striving for there, means you've been getting something very right.

Some of the best and most steadying and heartening insight into the equanimity nana can be found here--- along with a bunch of other basic practice sanity---  A compilation of shargrol's posts at dharmaoverground.org (shargrolpostscompilation.blogspot.com)  

Again, welcome to the sangha. I look forward to sharing the path.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 12/17/22 6:42 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/17/22 6:42 AM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Sitting. What is my experience without the memory of having a body? Without the memory of the chair on which I am sitting? Is there distance between these waves of sensation? Just tension and thoughts arising, and an awareness that does not move, but is always moving. and moments of death when the universe seems to reset, and then this awareness that has a dimension I can't grasp. Is everything a thought? I don't know
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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 10:07 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 10:07 AM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 7134 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
I'm happy to see you blog again. All my best wishes for your practice and wellbeing!
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 2:11 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 2:11 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Thanks,
Just read it a few days ago and was moved to write something down. Doesn't happen too often. 
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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 2:31 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 2:31 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 7134 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
Tim does have that effect on people. emoticon 
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 5:19 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/19/22 2:35 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
I got tired of waiting for him to post again. emoticon
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 12/23/22 9:26 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 12/23/22 9:26 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
I am, really is right in front of your face.

Everything, and nothing.

There.

Always right there.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/15/23 3:49 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/15/23 3:49 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
All thoughts, sounds, bodily sensations, dukkha, awareness, seem to be one with the visual field. What I thought was behind me, below me, above me, the space beyond the seen is nothingness, and awareness is there as well. But there is no behind, below, above, or beyond, because there are no boundaries, just a seemless alive emptiness.
It's amazing how much substance a thought can have. They can touch the screen.
I had a glimpse of no self two days ago while talking to my wife. First time. The seen was there, like always, but Rob wasn't. It lasted a second or two. I said, "huh," my wife said, "what?". And then Rob was back, looking at the dog cage. So interesting.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/25/23 10:33 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/25/23 10:33 AM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Metta meditation using the feeling of love for my dog. Where is the feeling of love coming from? What is the difference when it is felt vs. when it isn't? Is it ever really gone or is it always right there? It's always there 
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 2/11/23 4:51 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 2/11/23 4:51 PM

RE: Robert L. log

Posts: 71 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
I assume that I am looking out from two eyes
I assume that I hear from two ears
I assume there is a barrier between here and there
I assume there is distance between what I am
And what I am seeing
I assume my body has a shape 
I assume that it is solid
I assume that the chair 
Upon which I am sitting 
Exists beyond sensations 
And the memory I hold
From before I closed my eyes

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