RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

Posts: 1570 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Thanks to shargrol for suggesting this "Look how it's ..." practice. I felt confused and stuck and had no clue how to continue. This practice does seem to put another angle on this whole self awareness spin. 

I tried to make a short video of my practice as there was sadness there and even strong sense of dumbness and mental numbness with preassure in the skull from above weighing in (from one ear to the other, across the head) so thought of recording that so to share with those interested in this approach. However after pressing Rec. the practice took another spin and went more towards absorption.
Still here it is and may this video be of benefit. 
https://youtu.be/pbZ_E5Kci9s
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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General update; 
I think I started with sitting daily from February 2nd 2021. 

I don't have desire to sit often or long. Once a day 30-45 minutes is a norm and I practice "Look how it's ..." method invented by Kenneth Folk. 

Basically it creates more space and is not as narrow as Noting can be. It also seems more zoomed out, more fuzzy, more defused, more curious, more loose, less hectic than Noting. 

It is also very good as self inquiry. It does create that push pull between the knowing/knower of the experience/experiences. Who is who? Who is where? Where is who? What's that who? emoticon such unspoken inquiry seems to be the undercurrent of this practice. 

So it's a nice balance between noting and self inquiry. 

I do it during my daily walk in the forest for 30 minutes but this one is loose. I do t consider this one the official practice time. Sitting is for that. Off cushion in daily lifeing I'm co tasting this practice whenever I remember. 

It's a good practice. 

When sitting then it usually ends up in strong absorptions which are noticed as "look how it's being absorbed, look how it's relaxing, look how it's comparing, look how it's seeing changes, look how it thinks it's a 3rd Jhana, look how it senses outbreathing being very long and heavy, etc ..." 

However there is also boredom, sadness, sense of loss, dumbness, non clarity, heaviness, stiff neck. 

I have also noticed that "line" between being lost in a scenario and then coming back to awakeness is not as sharp anymore nor is it charged with a guilt trip. It almost rolls over from one state to the next. I think I expressed my self correct here. There is softness to this transition, like waves rolling over gently one after the other. 

Anyways, I will try and update this log but can't promise how often. The main inspiration for starting this log is for it to be of inspiration and benefit to others. 
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Emil Jensen, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Inspiring how you stick to it even when practice is difficult. That has gotta be the way to go.
Probably good lessons to be learned in sticking out the tough ones emoticon

The "look how its.." is a nice practice. I had some pretty new, interesting and deepening experiences with it as well. And you're right, it does really create this push/pull you talk about. It forces one to see new things that are more subtly a part of the doer or the observer imo.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Thanks Emil! emoticon 

Yeah, the whole "being conscious" thing seems like "sticking out the tough one" emoticon 

No wonder Buddha found Pari-nibbana to be the ultimate freedom from Dukkha emoticon emoticon 

Keep on sailing that fragile dhammic raft through this vast ocean of samsara ... 
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J W, modified 11 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Way to go Che, keep it up and keep inspiring! 
Hope we can get back to our jam sessions at some point emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Well, Papaji, you're inspiring the fuck out of me! My fragile dhammic raft has splintered, and the splinters went over a waterfall. Haven't gotten to the bottom of the waterfall yet, but all the fish assure me it's fine. But what do fish know? 

I'm with JW, don't let your guitar get too dusty. Hang tough, mate. All the fish send their best.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Cheers lads! 
Ah yes, jam sessions emoticon 

Im in a hole where nothing sounds good and I can't play nor can I get any ideas anymore. It's a black hole. Usually that's where new ideas pop out from. 

Let's see what happens. New/better forum could help re-start that music thread as it's too confusing as is right now.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Had a dream last night. I was back to my old work place in Sweden. That was the place that got me to such stress levels that I snapped. That was the reason behind me embarking on this journey. I started to look for self help as therapy did not seem enough. 

Anyway, it seemed as if I was back working there and the feeling was not nice. The boss was an unfriendly bully. 

This morning I'm getting some memories from war. I dont want to call it flashbacks as I'm calm and they are just unpleasant and memory like (included an officer who was a bully). There is a very hard preassure on the right side of the skull going down into the stiff neck and stiff shoulder blade. 

Lots of Nada sound high pitch and low freq rumble. 

Feelings of sadness pervade the moment. 
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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My father was a Marine, veteran of two wars (korea, as an enlisted man, Vietnam as an officer), and so many of his stories were about the bullies and idiots and ladder-climbing ass-kissers in positions of authority. By the time he starting really telling them, most of his stories had happy endings and a funny punch line, but you could read between the lines and see the tragedy and horror of bad people in authority ruining lives and getting people killed. There is are civilian analogs to this, of course. The night my mother died, in a half-ass post-op facility staffed on the night shift by incompetents who couldn't be bothered, was one long cluster fuck. I was thinking of that this morning in my meditation, her last moments--- like what you described, not a flashback, a calm place--- and I also thought of you, your buddy bleeding out in your arms. It was that kind of moment. It's an acid test of sorts, for meditation: sit with THIS. And it immunizes you from most of the bullshit. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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I hear you Tim. Thank you. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Post disappeared. Will try again. 

Sat a 45er. 

Started without any sense of direction so let it do whatever. It started noting aloud for likely 5 minutes then dropped into silent closed eyes breath awareness. Then shit storm of memories and scenarios poured down. Then started to do aloud the "look at how it's ..." 
shargrol, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Good stuff.

One teacher described practice as walking out into the deepest darkest jungle and creating a sitting spot inside a tangle of bushes and front of a small pool of water. Night descends in the jungle and a natural terror and excitement fills the body. Out of the darkness, barely lit by the moon, all sort of creatures emerge. We can sit there, hidden in the bushes, and watch the natural behavior of these creatures. Maybe seeing old creatures we had forgotten about, maybe seeing new creatures that we didn't even know existed. The creatures are all what they are, matters of fact, and only half of the experience. What is also interesting is all the internal creatures that are evoked. So we are watching the pool and we are watching inside. And maybe some of the internal creatures are old ones we had forgoteen about, maybe they are new ideas we never had before. And when the night grows light, we walk out of the jungle and bring our experience with us into normal life, changed by the depth of the experiences.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Thank you shargrol! 

Quick update; 
on cushion lots of neck stiffness and off cushion more so plus preassure around the brain, just under the skull I would say (I've had these sensations with SSRI medicine back when I used them, now off meds for at least a year) However it's so agonizing I took a painkiller.

Will try and squeeze another sit as there is nothing better I can do about all this nasty stuff but sit in it. 

After stopping with nicotine recently I can sense me escaping into the internet a lot and even going after snacks a lot. Craving entertainment and consumerism to numb down what arises.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 10 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Sat again before dinner time. Planned to sit 45 minutes but sat only 40 as i gave up after almost falling asleep. 

Caught my self doing noting eventhough I planned to only do "look how it's...". 
The noting seemed automatic and without knowing it really. Yeah, almost like a habit. Like tying shoe laces. 

The focus is dull. Numb. Very hard to notice stuff except what it is. Look how it's dull, inability to focus, almost stoned like. Just looking around the room at some stage. Look how it's looking around the room. Look how it's lost in stoned numb dullness. 

Had a few very strong body jerks.

Old memories also including shame. Included those in look how it's ashamed etc ... 

Towards end totally falling asleep. 

Off to make dinner with my family now. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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My son watched the Lego Starwars and wants to be like Darth Vader! ?? emoticon 

I can sense aversion towards waking up in the morning emoticon oh no, not again being conscious! - style. 

It takes 10 minutes for the stiff neck to develop and it just stays there all day long. 

Again having these memories from past kicking in. A bully boy from my childhood this time. Crazy shit with all this past memory firework! 

The nada sound is high pitch and has a low frequency rumble under it. Very heavy in the body (would prefer to sleep non stop). Very long outbreathing and very short inbreathing. 
Diffused image space. 

"This is It" realization is so much more fun in pleasant Nanas me thinks emoticon it becomes "This can't be It" when large Whale shit hits the shores! emoticon 

"Look how it's writing this post" ... 
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Chris Marti, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Keep in mind, it's only a movie!  emoticon

​​​​​​​
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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It all indeed is emoticon 
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Emil Jensen, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Dude, Darth Vader is pretty damn cool, not something to worry about. Haven't watched the lego version tho...But think about it.. Natalie Portman.. Padme.. bounchiga bow wow.. Oh and the super cool powers he has, too.
Maybe he's like super evil, but that man has an exceptional taste in intergalactic princesses. And his light saber is...hard af.

Man, your practice sounds tough at the moment. May you get through this really well!
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Dunno man, if I think of Natalie Portman I see a female body going sick, old and dies, rotting away, bones scattered by dogs, dust to dust ... emoticon 

emoticon Practice is life - life is practice. This is just such chapter in this unfolding teatre piece we call Papa emoticon Gotta walk amongst all the beings in the 6 Realms, gotta cycle, at times amongst Gods and at times amongst Hell Beings emoticon All these 6 Realm beings need to awaken in this Univerese we call Papa(ehm, Buddha)-Mind emoticon So many beings trapped in This Mind! 
George S, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Reminds me of the missing stanza from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner:

Beings, beings, every where,
That's all there is to see;
Beings, beings, every where,
Nor any one to be.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Tim Farrington, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Dunno man, if I think of Natalie Portman I see a female body going sick, old and dies, rotting away, bones scattered by dogs, dust to dust ... emoticon 

 Practice is life - life is practice. This is just such chapter in this unfolding teatre piece we call Papa emoticon Gotta walk amongst all the beings in the 6 Realms, gotta cycle, at times amongst Gods and at times amongst Hell Beings emoticon All these 6 Realm beings need to awaken in this Univerese we call Papa(ehm, Buddha)-Mind emoticon So many beings trapped in This Mind! 


Fuck this shit, it's not a fucking movie. It's real life where the bullies win, the ones we love get sick and age and die and rot away, and the fight in the field of the black birds goes on and on. Look how you grieve this. Look how fucking impossible it is to accept it. There's your fucking koan, man.

My worthless hyperinflated two cents worth in an economy with nothing of value. And fuck your fucking smiley faces too. Do your fucking grief work, right here where acceptance is impossible. That's your fucking practice.
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Chris Marti, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Fuck this shit, it's not a fucking movie. It's real life where the bullies win, the ones we love get sick and age and die and rot away, and the fight in the field of the black birds goes on and on. Look how you grieve this. Look how fucking impossible it is to accept it. There's your fucking koan, man.

Did you forget to drink your Ovaltine?
Tim Farrington, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Tim: Fuck this shit, it's not a fucking movie. It's real life where the bullies win, the ones we love get sick and age and die and rot away, and the fight in the field of the black birds goes on and on. Look how you grieve this. Look how fucking impossible it is to accept it. There's your fucking koan, man.

Chris Marti: Did you forget to drink your Ovaltine?
lol, Chris, it's too late, man, not even Ovaltine can help me now. Maybe it is time for a med check, though. I was actually hoping Che would take this as song lyrics and lay a wicked guitar riff over them.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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This Tim lad here is a bully! Can we ban him? Linda? 

Woke up in same fashion "eyes open up, oh shit conscious again" wish to remain asleep. 

Few minutes after getting up the stiffness in the right side of neck and shoulder becomes unbearable very agonizing to the point of wanting to take a painkiller. 

However sat for 45 minutes doing "look how it's ..." then strong absorption into 3rd Jhana happened and after it subsided I just went full on noting aloud to the end. There was so much heat in the bottom of the head at the back where it meats the neck. Really hot. 

Now off cushion less stiffness. Will squeeze in another sit later today. 
Tim Farrington, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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This Tim lad here is a bully! Can we ban him? Linda? 

Ouch. My bad, Che, and I beg your forgiveness. The best thing that can be said of me, as a bully, is that i'm inept at it. It is very difficult to take me seriously, and somehow I manage to never come out on top.

Call it a yellow card? Linda?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 6 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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emoticon I was just kidding with Tim of course (for those who might think I was serious) 
You see why smilies are so fucking important on these forums emoticon 
Gotta use them! Like heavily emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon 

Just sat for 40 minutes. Decided 45 but got up earlier. Mixture of noting aloud and "look how it's ..." also aloud. 

Feel very sleepy now and relaxed. Nada sound is very high pitch loud and there is some low frequency under it. It's like a multistrand frequency. 

sensing some activity on the left side of brain and skull (towards the forehead). Also rather unpleasant pain in the upper chest right side (it's passes away). 

Lots of memories from my old practice. Comparison with this new practice. Hoping this agonizing body pain will soon pass away. All this was used in "look how it's ..." practice. Image of my son and my partner came about and realization that I can't save them. Sense of sadness and loss. All this included in the Look practice.

Some vanishings some boredom some unpleasantness some pleasantness some itching some stiffness etc ... 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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There is this constant "unease and on-the-move" in the mind-body. Urges to this or that or dunno even. Its just on the move and move and move. One arises and passes for another just to arise and on and on it goes. 

No matter what mind state or mind stage ... there is this unease in all of it.

Sadness around the eyes and in the jaws and throat and in the solar plexus and in the hands and fingers, down the legs ... I guess its pervading this whole body(mind).

Conscious in a lost thought scenario or conscious in awakeness ... its all shit (as in echoing-by-product of becoming and dying)

p.s. just venting out a little ...
George S, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Shit is where it's at emoticon

What did shargrol say ... personalized dukkha is personal dukkha.

Samsara is nibbana, if you can just kind of look at it from an ever so slightly different angle ...
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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This George S lad is a bully! Can we ban him? Linda? 

emoticon 
Tim Farrington, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Papa Che Dusko
This George S lad is a bully! Can we ban him? Linda? 

emoticon 


Papa Che has started calling out the bullies, and making it impossible for us to bully him! Can we ban him? Linda?
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Chris Marti, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Papa -

Think of the unbelievable fact that you exist. That you are comprised of atoms that were created by stars. That you are the product of billions of years of process, and are now a part of that wonderful process, and will always be part, live or die, smiling or crying, loving or hateful. Don't let this stupendous moment, this one moment, get away from you. Don't squander it. It's all any of us have. One moment. Just one at a time.

Go hug your child!

​​​​​​​emoticon
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Hugs are a constant in our home emoticon My 5 yo told me that if I get urge for nicotine he will give me a hug instead emoticon and I would tell him each time I would as a matter of fact feel huge urge to get tobacco and he would give me a huge hug emoticon Then he would ask "do you feel better now?" I would say "of course and thank you" emoticon 

However emoticon 
Star dust say you emoticon Star Wars sais I emoticon 
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Chris Marti, modified 5 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Good for you!
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Hey Papa!! We haven't caught up in a while. You said:
 I practice "Look how it's ..." method invented by Kenneth Folk. 

Is that your main practice now? What is it briefly? And you're not noting anymore?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Hi Sam! 

It depends; the practice can be pure freestyle noting and also "look how its (add whatever is happening)" or just one and not the other but I see them now happening even if I only decide to Just do Noting as there is this knowing "Look how its practicing noting" emoticon then "Look how it thinks its wise and cleaver" or ... "Look how its noticing that which is noticing the one doing the noting practice" ... and so on ... 

I mean we only ever have one moment in "real time" and the others are just memories and reactions to it (and also part of This one moment) ... its the dependent origination "unfolding" (concept shifting) and giving that feel of solid time unfolding ... there is This and This and This and all is happening right now ... but then there is "Look how its ... self-conscious knowing that its knowing" and there is this stepping backwards ... zooming out and out and out and .... until I guess there is no place to back off to any longer as there will only be the abyss-ness , or alredy is abyys-ness just we dont realise it and see it as "backing off" (yet another concept)  ... and its likely already freefalling without realising it ... ... emoticon dunno, something like that ... maybe emoticon 

But yes, on days like this one I do miss the practice. Had guests, kids jumping and screaming around all day ... Im out! emoticon Will see to sit tomorrow as I will have more time. However practice is NOT on fire thats for sure emoticon and everything is just layed back a bit, looking, listening, sensing, cognising, feeling, ... 

Hope you are doing well! As Im in some very diffused state of mind and kind of dumb really emoticon I dare not to give any advice to anyone , as you might have noticed emoticon I simply dont know right now anything emoticon but as with everything this too shall pass ... (guessing) ...
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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"look how its (add whatever is happening)
​​​​​​​what does that mean? what does looking involve?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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It's looking at the experiencer of this experience. To whom
is this happening? 
Who is this Noter of the Notes Noted emoticon 
Look how it's practicing noting or Look how it thinks it needs to practice concentration instead. 

Looking at the Doer. Looking at the Claimer. Looking at the Ignorer. ... or sense of it all. 

Our sense of self is stitched up fast like a Frankenstein emoticon it's always being recycled into fresh concepts. 
This "Look how it's" practice does seem to objectify both the supposed Doer and the Witness of the doer doing/experiencing. 

It's like sucking juice with two straws emoticon 

Anyway. It's like Noting in a way that practice itself is doing the awakening rather than pondering about it. So it's good to practice. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Decided to do walking meditation today during my usual daily 30 minutes brisk walk through our forest. 
Made a short video for you Sam emoticon 
As you hear it's not as intense as Noting can be emoticon 
https://youtu.be/YGBhiNNLczs
Sam Gentile, modified 3 Days ago.

RE: Look how it’s ... - Papa Log

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Thanks for the video. Interresting

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