Fear Nana?

Gabe, modified 4 Months ago.

Fear Nana?

Posts: 28 Join Date: 11/23/20 Recent Posts
Hey everyone I need someone to weigh in on this.

I did my second sit of the day, usually I only have one. It started very pleasant! There was a lot of mind wandering, but somehow, there was very little reactivity in this, it felt fine! Almost like I couldn't be bothered to meditate because I felt just fine. Nontheless, I kept on the noting. Eventually the pleasantness wore off, and was replaced by the usually sleepiness.

I've lately been focusing less on the labelling of everything, and more just feeling and observing, with a few labels as a reminder to keep up the mindfullness. In any case, sensations become more and more intense, more and more harsh, and before long my whole being was vibrating. If this was another A&P, it sure as shit was not pleasant, it was accompanied by a great deal of escalating fear, I kept "noting", but it was too intense to even label, I just felt the vibrations and tried to stabilise. The fear at it's peak was really terror, but I kept my cool.

My heart was beating like a huge shamanic drum or something, I thought it would rip out of my body.

I stayed here for a while but eventually stopped the session. I was felt uncontrollably shaking with adrenaline. I've cooled off now, mostly fine, but I am afriad to sleep to be honest. I had a pyschotic break on LSD, since quit all substances, but believe in liberation through meditation. That said, ever since I have been quite averse to "altered states" and am really afriad of losing my mind. I'm in this for the suffering, and the end of suffering.

I am feeling quite sad now, is it because I am sad about what happened, sad about the fear, or perhaps misery nana. I guess the reason I'm writing this at all is I have a desire to have my experienced normalised and maybe some pointers.

I'm off to practice some metta, and maybe read a book, I need it.
George S, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 2017 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Very normal stuff, nothing to worry about! I've experienced terror attacks during meditation and episodes were I was afraid of losing my mind. Eventually I realized that what is commonly called "losing your mind" is actually nothing more than the fear of losing your mind. It's not possible to lose your mind!
Gabe, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 28 Join Date: 11/23/20 Recent Posts
Thank you George for the kind response.

I agree it is not possible to lose ones mind technically, but it is certainly possible to have a mind so agitated and unhinged that it has lost track of all reality. Granted this only happened to a mind supercharged on large doses of psychedelics.

In any case it was just a terror attack as you say. I feel fine today. Will continue practice.
George S, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 2017 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
If it happens again, try to focus on the aspects of reality which are still functioning. It's easy to get caught up in the x% of reality which has gone bananas and ignore the 100-x% which is working just fine.
George S, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 2017 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
This 10 min video might help. It's about working with the body's natural trauma release mechanism:

https://youtu.be/CIaO-bf1TTI
Gabe, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 28 Join Date: 11/23/20 Recent Posts
Many thanks George,

​​​​​​​This is very useful.
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 1344 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Just to be sure: you had this fear when having an intense A&P versus being in the Fear Dukka-Nana of the Dark Night right? If so, the advice George gave is excellent.
Gabe, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 28 Join Date: 11/23/20 Recent Posts
Honestly dude I don't know, I've had this experience like twice now when my whole body vibrates. It's been happening more and more since I've been doing an hour a day.

I'm not sure if I should call it A&P as they are very different to what I thought my first A&P was, which was this blissfull 360 degree awareness state where all sensations were seen to arise from the same "source".

This is more like oh shit im gunna die everything is vibrating arrggggghh. If they are A&P, I seem to hitting one after another, like I'm collecting them lmao
Sam Gentile, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 1344 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Gabe
Honestly dude I don't know, I've had this experience like twice now when my whole body vibrates. It's been happening more and more since I've been doing an hour a day.

I'm not sure if I should call it A&P as they are very different to what I thought my first A&P was, which was this blissfull 360 degree awareness state where all sensations were seen to arise from the same "source".

This is more like oh shit im gunna die everything is vibrating arrggggghh. If they are A&P, I seem to hitting one after another, like I'm collecting them lmao

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Hmm, this is above my pay grade with multiple A+Ps. My A+Ps were extremely positive with lights, head to toe orgamsm (rapture), a overall  pervading seense that this was it - that means an unshakable faith in my practice. Yours sounds more like the Fear Dukkha Nana or one of the others. Maybe someone more qualified can answer. Good luck!
Gabe, modified 3 Months ago.

RE: Fear Nana?

Posts: 28 Join Date: 11/23/20 Recent Posts
I think I remember what caused my fear response last time, because I seem to have experienced the same again this sit, albeit less intense. It was stillness. A stillness so pervading and "still" that it felt like I would vanish or die at any moment. The mind response to this very deep and yet deepening stillness seems to be fear.
The sit was followed by usually noting of discomfort, averse, anger, fustration and also disapointment in the mind for reacting to the stillness in that way.

More to note, more to notice.