Hello,
A few weeks ago I posted a thread with the notioin that I had attained to equanimity. However, the art of locating where one might actually be, as opposed to where you imagine or want yourself to be, is a finer skill that I had first thought. I considered an event which opened my crown chakra coupled with 3-D imagery in my visual field as the attainment of EQ. I thought I had recognised variations in each of the fear, misery and desire for deliverence of the Dark Night and so thought I was on my way. However, what I failed to recollect was that I had also experienced extraordinary 3-D meditations when I was in 3 characteristics years ago, that I had also desire deliverence then, that I had experienced fear and misery then too, and also stiffness in the body, most notably my neck which went on for years. I have since stopped using archetypal imagery upon the suggestion of a number of people, so no more 3-D imagery. Recently I have passed through further misery, persistant itch on the inside of both forearms, hatred and disgust of the world and powerful desire for the whole process to end which I cracked using noting about ten days ago. Recent neck stiffness has subsided, again. However I do now have very strong lower back pain and I have felt in physical hell for the last seven days, but regarding that, I may just have a virus. Recently, over the last four sits something new however has emerged. I remember my first A&P crossing, (and I've had to get used to the various forms A&P events take also!!) my single point focus switched spontaneously from single point to broad scope. It took one or two sits to realise I should just go with it instead of fighting against it, following what I thought should be happening, ha, ha. Now a recent experience, a very soft one I might also add has emerged. I have realised in sitting, that broad focus, is in fact 2-D. How do I know this?? Well, a few sits ago something 'switched,' so to speak, and where as there is nothing in the visual field, the spaciousness doesn't feel 2-D anymore. It has depth of field, which I have never experienced before. (Or have I, in different form in 3 characteristics years ago???). One brief 3-D mandala flashed into the field and then vanished because I now ignore visual imagery. I no longer hate the world, I no longer desire deliverence, I am not euphoric. I am just sort of chilled out during the day. But I'm chilled out most of the time anyway. So where am I at? Revisiting? Or encountering for the first time?? Look forward to any perspectives.
Paul