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Spurious claim to equanimity

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Spurious claim to equanimity
Answer
11/2/09 12:04 AM
Hello,
A few weeks ago I posted a thread with the notioin that I had attained to equanimity. However, the art of locating where one might actually be, as opposed to where you imagine or want yourself to be, is a finer skill that I had first thought. I considered an event which opened my crown chakra coupled with 3-D imagery in my visual field as the attainment of EQ. I thought I had recognised variations in each of the fear, misery and desire for deliverence of the Dark Night and so thought I was on my way. However, what I failed to recollect was that I had also experienced extraordinary 3-D meditations when I was in 3 characteristics years ago, that I had also desire deliverence then, that I had experienced fear and misery then too, and also stiffness in the body, most notably my neck which went on for years. I have since stopped using archetypal imagery upon the suggestion of a number of people, so no more 3-D imagery. Recently I have passed through further misery, persistant itch on the inside of both forearms, hatred and disgust of the world and powerful desire for the whole process to end which I cracked using noting about ten days ago. Recent neck stiffness has subsided, again. However I do now have very strong lower back pain and I have felt in physical hell for the last seven days, but regarding that, I may just have a virus. Recently, over the last four sits something new however has emerged. I remember my first A&P crossing, (and I've had to get used to the various forms A&P events take also!!) my single point focus switched spontaneously from single point to broad scope. It took one or two sits to realise I should just go with it instead of fighting against it, following what I thought should be happening, ha, ha. Now a recent experience, a very soft one I might also add has emerged. I have realised in sitting, that broad focus, is in fact 2-D. How do I know this?? Well, a few sits ago something 'switched,' so to speak, and where as there is nothing in the visual field, the spaciousness doesn't feel 2-D anymore. It has depth of field, which I have never experienced before. (Or have I, in different form in 3 characteristics years ago???). One brief 3-D mandala flashed into the field and then vanished because I now ignore visual imagery. I no longer hate the world, I no longer desire deliverence, I am not euphoric. I am just sort of chilled out during the day. But I'm chilled out most of the time anyway. So where am I at? Revisiting? Or encountering for the first time?? Look forward to any perspectives.
Paul

RE: Spurious claim to equanimity
Answer
11/16/09 3:22 AM as a reply to Paul Hurley.
More important than where you are is what you do with where you are.

If you are in equanimity, there are lots of schools of thought on what to do.

I recommend the following:

1) Resolve thus: "If this is Equanimity, may I attain to stream entry quickly by comprehending the true nature of formations. If this is Dissolution or the A&P or some other attainment, may I progress quickly to Equanimity and then on to stream entry."

2) Pay attention to the motion of attention and how this integrates with space in a wide, complete, all-encompassing way, with emphasis on how the Three Characteristics apply to this at all times when possible.

3) Don't worry too much about where you are, but pay a lot of attention to what is happening now.

Helpful?

Daniel

RE: Spurious claim to equanimity
Answer
11/20/09 3:21 AM as a reply to Daniel M. Ingram.
Hello Daniel,

Thank you for your reply. It is much appreciated. Since posting, meditation has a strong panoramic quality. There were three unusual bumps that occurred, emerging from the heart and funnelling upward into the crown, that altered the quality of experience in meditation. The effect has centred attention on what is now arising at this moment in the body with extraordinary clarity. It seems to have inverted my experience of looking out, to being aware within. Almost immediately it then resulted in me being able to observe emotional states rising during the day. The moment I see them rising, as simply present in me, my focus not on the external world as their source, they die. On the spot!! Remarkably empowering. Before I had to use noting etc, to dissolve emotional knots or states or unhappy feelings. Nothing much happens in meditation at the moment, just this very pleasant, 'field like' experience in which I feel mostly absent. I feel very calm and centred during the day. And thank you for the resolution suggestion. I find resolutions very powerful these days.
Paul

RE: Spurious claim to equanimity
Answer
11/20/09 3:18 PM as a reply to Paul Hurley.
If that is equanimity or the A&P or whatever nice stage, some people will subtly solidify the clarity, peace, ease, calmness, panoramic aspects, etc. This is normal, as they are so nice, but to get stream entry, gently and easily investigate them to come and go, flux, move around, like space moving around, which is attention, which is phenomena, in an integrated way, moving through what appears to be a center, but as all that changes, no center at all, just fluxing, arising, vanishing, moving phenomena, and thus panoramic perspectives reveal the instability of themselves, of space, of everything.

Feel any subtle tensions as the mind tries to synchronize with itself.

Notice bliss, ease, comfort, expectation, curiosity, investigation, all of those and more to arise and vanish, naturally, on their own.

Resolve again to get stream entry, let that resolution go, forget about it, and be present to this unstable dance of life, allowing the instability to encompass any sense of doer or watcher, which it includes in its instability.