Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Hi, I'm very excited to have discovered Daniel's work and this community thanks to a comment I was blessed to see on reddit. There's a lot to absorb here - but I feel so much more sane than I did a few days ago. At some point I want to make a longer post about my situation and perhaps get some feedback on where I am on The Map and where I may need to go next, but for now I have just a quick question.

Any tips for someone on the verge of emotional release? A specific meditation (maybe even a guided track) or a method to just get it over with?

I now have 2 nights alone in an Airbnb with the privacy to cry. After that I'll be staying with family for a bit and it'll have to be put off again.

But now, this trapped emotion. It still feels so accessible - more so than ever before. Is there any chance of me just letting it go in the next day and a half? I don't want to have to go through another retreat just to dig it up again. I'm so tired of carrying this shit - I want to finally let go and drop it so I can harness that energy to find some way to be of service to others. I'm so sick of my self-centered BS. I don't even know exactly what this pain is (AFAIK I wasn't molested or anything). I do know that the state I've been in for over a decade is only made worse by the grief of losing so many wonderful people from my life - and the dwindling hope that I can somehow salvage some of those relationships.

Okay, that's enough for now. If anyone got this far and has any advice I'd be very grateful.

Much love to all!

*edited to remove some negative energy that was irrelevant to my question
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Siavash ', modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 1441 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
 I'm so tired of carrying this shit
As long as you are seeing it as "shit", and trying hard to hide it, you have to carry that shit. Sorry!
Why to think that other parts of you are better or worse than that shit?

I was in the first seat, front row directly in front of the teacher and felt terrible about setting a poor example.
Do you really have to set an example?! When that responsibility was given to you?
And why is it so bad to cry in front of your family? What would you lose? Seriously?

Why not stop chasing that emotions, and just let it be, and let it come whenever and wherever it wants to come?
Is crying a sign of weakness, or strength? Or none, and just some dumb movements in the nature?
 
Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Thanks for responding, Siavash.

I suppose you're right that I shouldn't be ashamed of crying, but I do think there's a time and place. I don't know what would happen if I just let loose emotionally but if it's some ugly wailing and moaning in the middle of the night for no obvious reason the family members I'm staying with would just get confused and upset. To me it's personal business that I'd prefer to deal with without an audience.

But, yeah, you are definitely right that at times I'm stuck on presenting myself as a stoic, unemotional rock for others. I would like to think that some kind of private catharsis would be helpful to open me up a bit and allow me to show more emotion around others. 

As for it being shit, thank you for the reminder. Off retreat it's easy to forget the sense of self-love and empathy for those aspects of me that likely gave them permission to come to the surface in the first place.
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Kaloyan Stefanov, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 74 Join Date: 2/18/21 Recent Posts
Hey Vincit, thanks for sharing these things, it is definetely one of the more difficult areas of spirituality. I assume you are a man - in our society unfortunately men tend to repress a lot of stuff. I myself was an olympic champion at repressing.

Unfortunately, as Siavash highlighted, it is not something that you "get rid off" or you are "done with it" in 1-2 days. This comes from someone who has tried that and failed miserably and has been attempting somewhat succesfully to deeply feel into it and heal/integrate things over the past 2 years emoticon Similarly to you, I haven't had any too dramatic life events, and yet found myself with a huge ammount of unprocessed emotions, tramatic events, energies, some of which would be more correctly labelled as "ancestral" or "karmic" than necessarily personal, which were repressed and unhealed.  Your emotional/energetic/bodily/karmic healing is a long-term "project".  When you progressively heal, things improve a lot - so it is definitely worth it. And often on the spiritual path - we don't really have a choice, stuff just starts bubbling up, as was the case with me as well.

My advice to you would be to treat it more long-term:
- Set your intent that you are willing to experience everything that needs to be felt and to be experienced, that needs to come up, that needs to be seen, that needs to be felt, that needs to be embraced, that needs to be integrated, that needs to be transmuted.
- Create space and time over the next weeks/months/(years?) to work on this - might not be retreats necessarily, but 1-2 hours per day to just sit/lie, let things come up, feel, experience, integrate, etc. It can get ugly sometimes - crying, anger coming up etc.
- Seek out help if you feel you are stuck or need help - body-focused therapy, IFS, trauma-focused techniques, EMDR, other modalities can be helpful. There is some good advice on this on this board as well.

Let us know if you need additional details on some of these things - more than happy to provide
Kaloyan
Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Thanks for taking the time to respond and the suggestions Kaloyan.

I am also olympic champion at repressing. I tried EMDR for a few years with one of the top guys in the field and it didn't seem to do anything for me. Tried a somatic therapist, which may have help a little bit. Had one therapist who worked with IFS as well as some kind of neurofeedback type of thing. Had my most profound theraputic breakthroughs with 2 guided MDMA sessions.

Looks like editing my post to remove what seemed to me as mostly toxic bitching about my last Goenka retreat removed a lot of context. The gist is that on what was my 7th Goenka I had what felt like my first really profound "awakening" experience" - essentially a "converstion" with my "higher self" telling me that it was finally time to let go of the pain held in a knot/gross sensation/sannkra/whatever in my back that I've been working with for 13 years - and I started to cry, but held back because I didn't want to disturb others in the neighboring pagoda cells. I felt my efforts kept being thwarted by the structure of the retreat, inflexability of the AT to allow me any reprieve from the mandatory group sits/long basic instruction sessions/etc. and me holding back my emotions so as not to cause a disruption in the hall.

I still have a restless sense that this thing is about to burst - it's like I'm in a state of emotional constipation. I finally have fulll clarity that it *is* energetic in nature and not just something like a physical alignment issue because I can feel it move around the body - when I meditate or even just observe it it moves up into my face and I no longer feel it in my back (you have no idea how many massages I had  - always seeking out the deepest deep tissue lol. When I was in Thailand I'd go to a different parlor every day - asking the little ladies in broken Thai to give me the real thing - no Farang bullshit. They'd essentially kick my ass and be astonished that I'd barely react. lol).

Anyway, you are right that I need to get back into a long term attitude. It just kind of feels like I'm so close to the peak of my big first moutain - even though I know it's just one climb of a much longer hike.

My mind has settled back down since I posted and I'm going to a retreat center this weekend. They also offer some kind of Chakra class. Don't know how legit the teachers are there, but I'll also have plenty of time to meditate on my own with a modest focus on grounding myself and recalibrating my daily practice. If something profound does want to happen it should have ample opportunity.
George S, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 2111 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
 Hi Vincit, I've been feeling like I'm close to the top of the energy mountain for at least 2 years ... but each time I get there it turns out there is an even higher peak ahead! There was a period where I viewed my insight practice as contingent on energetic purification, but it turned out that insights have tended to release energy rather than the other way round. I've given up putting a timeframe on it now or even expecting it to be "finished", because that's basically a form of resistance. It does its thing, it changes, it moves around, and it's not personal - it's just a small slice of the energy of the universe. Have a nice retreat!
 
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Helen Pohl, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 88 Join Date: 8/10/20 Recent Posts
Vincit Omnia Veritas


I now have 2 nights alone in an Airbnb with the privacy to cry. After that I'll be staying with family for a bit and it'll have to be put off again.





For me at least, when I've set aside a time for crying it rarely happens and it's yielded better results to just let it out when the need to cry arises. Regardless of whether I'm around people or not. I just felt it's better to have a cry when the tears come, or they'll never come. =)
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Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 5981 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
For what it's worth, I have found that my relationships have actually improved from letting go of some of my stoicism. Showing one's vulnerability allows for authenticity and gives the people around you a chance to be supportive to a loved one (which many people appreciate). Maybe just give them a heads-up that you are going through something and might cry and that you don't really know why. It's a very human thing. I often find vulnerability beautiful in others, even though I'm still a bit reluctant about my own one. 
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Siavash ', modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 1441 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
 (Well said.)


Showing one's vulnerability allows for authenticity and gives the people around you a chance to be supportive to a loved one 

Also gives them a chance to be authentic themselves, with you and others, and gives them a chance to support you, also gives them a chance to get your support, because it's likely that everyone around us has similar issues!
 
Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Okay, I'm still learning this forum system ... so I gather this thing where you spend 45 minutes carefully typing out a reply to a post and then the whole damn thing arises and passes away into nothingness once you press 
"Publish" is a common feature here? Did that sly bastard Ingram specifically program it that way as a test of our equanimity?

Well, I'm pleased to report that I only very briefly wanted to throw my laptop across the room - but I very quickly regained my compsure. I'm perfectly content with the situation as it is. I didn't just waste my time because writing it out helped me to clarify and internalize my insights.

Anyway, thank you George, Linda and Helen (and thanks again to Siavash). Your feedback was very helpful, so much so that I did take the time to respond and explain why ... but I guess you're not meant to know those details because they're gone and I don't have time right now to repeat them. lol.
George S, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 2111 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Is suffering a bug or a feature? Don't know.
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 364 Join Date: 7/7/09 Recent Posts
Suffering is a feature.
George S, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 2111 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Well in that case it's a feature that can be debugged emoticon
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Chris Marti, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 364 Join Date: 7/7/09 Recent Posts
It's a feature that people think and hope is a bug. The key to the solution is to understand that it's a feature and to learn how that feature works, thus relieving the ignorance and associated angst, fear, pain and suffering, of thinking and hoping it's a bug.
George S, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 2111 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
The earlier versions seem to work better.
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Stefan Stefan, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 182 Join Date: 3/28/21 Recent Posts
Learn the profound beauty of the 3rd Vipassana Jhana, Notice the Jhanic aspects and then work from there with Vipassana. Use the cool blissful wispiness as an ally. When used to understand experience, it becomes like a shredder. The illusion of intrinsic existence of things get vaporized when focused on in this Jhana due to its attentional bandwidth. 

To facilitate emotional release, first learn to dwell in the pleasant aspects of the Jhana. This can act as a safety net. Formally resolve to have this point as a base. If things get too wild out in the wilderness of the Dark Night, know that there is something to which you can return that is wholesome, enjoyable, and light. 

With that in mind, really embrace the wisdom of there being no intrinsic thing for your experience of whatever there is. There is no resting point. This sadness now is formed by a host of structures, which are underlying causes and conditions. The causes and conditions should be highlighted, which produce the suffering. 

Work on the underlying processes (which should be apparent) to help facilitate the emotional release. 

Another thing I can recommend is reading the book "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McLaren. It has served me well in the tricky emotional bits of the path. Knowing what the emotions are about is profoundly liberating and lets us harness their energy for our development towards removing the fundamental ignorance that pervades unrealised suffering. 
Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Thanks for the input Stefan, and I'll check out that book.
Vincit Omnia Veritas, modified 1 Month ago.

RE: Methods to Facilitate Pending Emotional Release?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 10/12/21 Recent Posts
Well, I'll give an update in case anyone is interested. *okay, I guess this has kind of turned into a journal for myself - maybe it's time to start one in the proper place.* 

The ashram I went to was run by an enlightened Jain monk from India. The guy seemed legit, but what do I know? I want to say this is my first time dealing with this type of "fully enlightened" guru, so it was a unique experience. I've been to ashrams/centers that were oriented around the teachings of well known dead teachers (Sri Aurobindo, for example), but a living person who seems to be kind of establishing a sect around his own teachings was interesting - especially when we'd have morning chants in a gift shop sellling posters, etc. of the guy. The people living there and other guests were really cool and seemed pretty normal (although the enviornment wasn't quite as serious as I had hoped - for example, "noble silence" there meant wear a SILENT button but communicate like a mime - but I let go of my judgements, went with the flow and had an enjoyable, albiet more social, weekend than expected. I'm so used to feeling really insecure at retreats, dealing with spiritual imposter syndrome. It was interesting to feel like I was the relatively experience seeker - at times even the young aspiring monk was asking *me* serious meditation questions (granted, he was only a month into his renunciation). It was humbling and a needed balance that helped me realize that while I'm very, very far from enlightened - hell, I'm barely awakened - it's silly to think that I'm not serious about this stuff.

In his chakra class the Master taught several chanting and visualization techniques to work with the (in his tradition) 7 chakras. I suppose I never really gave chakras too much thought, as the topic always seemed a bit woo to me and my primary meditation training has been Goenka vipassana, which discourages such stuff as imagination and distraction (this approach has always appealed to me as I do try to be as rational and skeptical as possible in my spiritual pursuits). That said, the sensation that has dominated my 13 years of vipassana practice - that I've finally confirmed is energetic in nature - does appear to clearly align in location and behavior with an overactive heart chakra. In talking to the monk he "read my aura" (again, the type of woo think I've really tried to avoid) and told me that my heart (4th) chakra was "fine," but I have serious issues with my 1st (root) and especially my 2nd (sacral) which he essentially said are disupting my energy flow and causing a logjam at my 4th (heart) chakra. Again, reading up on these things and it does seem to check out - even though writing all of this feels a bit nuts to me. I've been working on those 1st two chakras using his chanting techniques and I can definitely feel some movement there. The visualization is a little harder for me. I'm a singer and a musician, so the chanting resonates, but I'm not particularly "visual" and it's a huge change to my meditation technique. I may also find an energy worker just for the hell of it.

Meanwhile, while at the ashram I got a chance to read almost half of Daniel's book, which thus far is just as illuminating as everyone says.

So, while I haven't found any quick fix, I'm feeling pretty good about where I am. I'll continue to refine my practice with an open mind - for now experimenting with some of these chakra/energy practices while keeping my core practice grounded in what I view as the more straightforward buddhist inspired insight/noting/vipassana/mindfulness type of stuff (along with Chi Kung, Wim Hof and getting back into my fitness regiment). I'm hoping to do a 7-10 day non-Goenka retreat before the end of the year (maybe MAPLE, if I can get in).

Once again, thanks for all of the supportive and grounding words from everyone who commented. I'm really happy to have found this community!

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