George practice log 5

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george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/21/22 12:03 AM
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George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hey everyone.

So I'm coming back to log my sits as it makes me more accountable for them and if someone can get something of use from them then I'm happy for that.
In my previous logs I was very activated, excited and overwhelmed. I've been seeing a therapist that's helping me with emotional regulation and I'm taking medication so I've finally stabilised to the point where I can meditate everyday without being overwhelmed.
I have been sitting everyday for the past month and im getting into samadhi on the odd occasion. A lot has happen since my last log though, namely I'm now in my own place so I think im still getting used to the space.
Also hearing of Sam's passing has kinda kicked me up the backside.

​​​​​​​All the best to everyone, may we practice well.
george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/21/22 3:55 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Practice 45 min twice today.
Let go of effort, let go of needing to know what sensation came up & focused on rest. More noticing rather then noting. Turned the noticing around to the perceived observer & watched the watcher then focused on direct experience of sensations. Maybe a hint of samadhi.
I've found gentle observation, consistency and a relaxed attitude to practice is key for me. So I'll continue doing that with some noting at specific points in my sit.
George S, modified 4 Months ago at 2/21/22 4:46 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Good to see you back George and hear that you've made some positive changes in your life.
george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/22/22 5:04 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Hey George S, thanks mate.

​​​​​​​1 hour sit last night. Started out loud noting. Allowing the sensations to appear without effort. Stayed with bare sensations without describing them. Then rested for the remainder of the sit although noticing of phenomena was in the background.
george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/24/22 3:06 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Last 2 days have been much of the same practice both 1 hour each day.

Started with noting out loud, then noting silently. Then shifted into focus on rest. Went deeper into samadhi in these sits. Very nice and pleasant sit very relaxed.

Noticed a big fear response in daily life today. So tonight's sit will be focused on "fearful" sensations. No judgement or understanding of them just observation.
george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/26/22 9:00 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Tried sitting last night but was pretty emotional, crying etc. so I just went to bed.
I sat this morning but aversion to sitting was high and only managed a 30 min sit.
Will sit again today, obviously hitting an emotional block of some sort.
I managed a 45 min sit today. Aversion was high. Nothing new really but it's kinda fun noticing stuff. This is off the cushion, Id be focusing on something in the visual field and then a thought may come and take my attention. Awareness then goes back to what you were initially focusing on but only after do I realise there was no seeing in that moment there was a thought. It's like wow, seeing it happen in real time, really trippy.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 4 Months ago at 2/26/22 2:08 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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"Started with noting out loud, then noting silently. Then ... "

Its nice to see you shift tools and gears. However do remember that you can also go the other way, if stuff gets very hard shift backwards to noting aloud. It's ok to have s whole session just noting aloud. Noting the Unpleasant feeling tone is very important for this DN stage you seem to be entering. Even when it goes to EQ try and be curious about the feeling tone every so often. 

However no rushing here. The more you sink your teeth into DN the better seat you get in the EQ, so to speak emoticon So no rush and really welcoming and acceptance of all experience in DN. restlessness too. Look at it. Note aloud. 1-3 sensations a second. Matter of fact! What happens when there is urge to get up early from the cushion? To quit? Is there a sensation in the body? Is there an image in the mind? Is there a feeling tone arising with all this? Look at what else is connected to this unfolding of you cutting the sit short due to restlessness. emoticon It might likely be so unpleasant and even bring tears to eyes and utter misery and disgust but keep sitting and noting even through crying. This stuff, when sat through, noted through, can be so purifying. 

I wish you such purification experience! Best wishes George! 
george, modified 4 Months ago at 2/27/22 4:36 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Hey Papa! Thanks for the encouragement, I need it! I know that's what I need to do but the physical restlessness is very uncomfortable but I need to investigate/observe it more instead of resisting it.
​​​​​​​I sat for 45min today and it was very unpleasant. I was involved in a lot of fights with dangerous people when I was younger, so a lot of images, scenario building etc coming up. I managed to observe rather then get swept up in the anger and fear. I will sit again tonight.
Sat for another 50 min today. Consisted of noting my ass off really. Noting 1-5 sensations. Was laborious at the start but then got fluid and fast, no zoning out either.

On another note I think when I rest in some sits, im trying to solidify that sense of relaxation. The pleasant qualities become an expectation when I sit. So I think some hard noting is now needed. Thanks 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 2/28/22 8:19 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Yesterday morning I sat for 45 min again noting 1-5 sensations per second. Will do the same tonight. Just to echo what Papa has mentioned too. I have noticed that if you're able to feel unpleasantness with as much acceptance as possible the purification is greater. I've had things really upset me but with complete acceptance of the unpleasantness of it all can dissolve it in 1 sit.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/1/22 12:28 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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"The pleasant qualities become an expectation when I sit. So I think some hard noting is now needed"

"To get purification" can also become an Expectation so do look for that experience too. All mind states are to be objectified. Note with consistency and with as little laps in the labelling stream but with a Relaxed body. Every so often give a scan over the body and check the fingers, hands, arms, shoulders, jaw, neck ... those parts which usually strain when we try too hard. Relax them but keep the steady stream of noting. 

Best wishes G! 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/1/22 4:27 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Today I did the same thing. Noting every conceivable thing I could, 1-5 sensations a second. Tomorrow's plan is the same, note while noticing body and relaxing it where needed.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/2/22 4:09 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Today's sit was again the same, noting like a nutter for 45min! Bit slow at the start but then became very fluid and automatic. Mind didn't have time for perception of a sensation, just stuff happening. Near the end I slowed right down, was very relaxed. Pretty sleepy now. Tomorrow the same!
George S, modified 3 Months ago at 3/2/22 5:48 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Nice, sounds like some progression through the nanas.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/2/22 11:42 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Thanks George. I have a little idea what's happening but regardless it's the automatic noting that's doing the work. Much of the same thing today too. Flat out noting. Pretty boring. Nearing the end some weird seeing and hearing of thoughts, like they're magnified or like 3D. I've had this before and have clung onto it, craving it. This time I'll be noting the weird thoughts perception and craving.

​​​​​​​It's really the noting that's a saviour here because for that 45min I'm not scattered, fantasising or planning and it might seem boring or repetitive but it's also very liberating.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/4/22 7:52 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Yesterday's practice was somewhat scattered. Had an interrupted sit in the morning and then only sat for 30 min in the evening. I was really tired. The noting was slow with low clarity. 

Today I sat for 50min, again noting was slow maybe 1-3 sensations a second but more clarity. I would like to sit for longer but my body just wants to get up! I need some strong determination sits!
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/6/22 5:34 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sat for an hour today. Noting out loud but then got into deep samadhi and noted silently. Was a beautiful sit, time flew by and it felt like everything was gliding and smooth.
​​​​​​​At a couple moments things started converging into a point and then came back out. I don’t know what it was but there was a nice glow after.
Update
Managed another 45min tonight again noting but took some time to relax at the end and just sit.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/7/22 5:57 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Started a sit this morning, slowed down and stopped noting looked at the timer 20mins in and just got up. Irritable and unease in the body. I will sit again tonight and make sure I note more.
Sat for 45 min, noting 1-5. Switching back and forth from out loud noting to silent. Tension in the shoulder blade area was present at the start but mostly went away when I noted it. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/7/22 7:44 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Can you imagine noting aloud for an imaginary person when the urge to get up gets strong and unbearable to deal with? Maybe imagine Buddha asking you to note aloud for him so he can hear what your experience is like. Or another teacher or spiritual friend? 

When you feel ready of course as this stuff does feel like one is to go crazy if one continues to sit when such strong unpleasant urge arises. 

If you do decide to just sit through this madness emoticon and take the Tsunami hit then try and look for the body sensations associated with this urge/restlessness, look for the feeling tone, look for the mind image. Connect these dots! Keep noting these even if they get repetitive, even if they cause utter misery and disgust. Stay at it until timer goes off emoticon 

Also if what I write doesn't resonate with you ignore it all! 

Best wishes G! 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/8/22 3:20 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Thanks papa for encouragement and tips. I used the imagining of someone while noting and it helped.
45 min sit tonight. Very unpleasant sit, a lot of resistance, head hanging, unease, irritated, anger and frustration. I was relieved when the timer rang.

​​​​​​​Want to do as papa has suggested and sit through the shit stuff and note as much as I can.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/8/22 8:25 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sits are getting difficult. I managed 45 mins noting maybe half the time and then just head hanging, agitation, fatigue a lot of resistance to sitting. 
Martin, modified 3 Months ago at 3/8/22 9:23 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Have you tried getting curious about the resistance? Lines of investigation that come to mind are: when does it start? is it constant or undulating? does it ever vanish? does it change when you straighten your head? what are the physical components? what are the mental components?

To be clear, I'm not a teacher, so this is not advice, but I've found that investigating unpleasant things makes the time pass more quickly, and adds a sense of doing something. Sometimes, also, seeing what the unpleasant things are made of makes them less unpleasant in the long run. I used to sit with worry and fear quite often. Then, when worry and fear showed up off the cushion, they didn't bother me as much.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/8/22 11:28 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Hey Martin, thanks for the tips. I do attempt investigation. Things I note are heaviness, zoning out, fatigue. I could give the questions a go. It's really just me having to get my shit together and put the effort in or just don't sit. See how I go
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/9/22 1:34 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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"It's really just me having to get my shit together and put the effort in or just don't sit. "

emoticon It really does come down to this emoticon doesn't it?!

I practice best when I can't stand the Dukkha anymore! Then I just lean into it with all my weight! But as long this seeker thinks it maybe have another door to mitigate this Dukkha it will not really jump into it but rather hop around it a bit here and there.

It's ok. This is normal. If you're anything similar to my personality then Dukkha will become unbearable at one stage. Might take years. But when it does that's the time for deep plowing the fertile soils of Samsara!

emoticon Excuse me rumbling too much yet again! 

All the best! 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/9/22 7:04 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Yes! I'm very much the same papa. I get to a stage when I'm just sick of normal everyday planning, fantasy & mental rubbish and I don't want to be caught up in all the suffering. Conditions are ripe then for good practice. In the mean time I'm happy that I'm just sitting for 45 min a day.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/10/22 5:35 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Great 45min sit last night kept noting all throughout the sit and noticed the stages coming through. Started very fast noting seeing, hearing, feeling. Then pain in the shoulder blades & just kept noting, but it all slowed down a heap. Not as much clarity and things were jarring. It then cleared up to a nice sense of ease, no pain noting got easier too. 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/11/22 2:29 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Another sit tonight, 55 min. Didn't do intense noting this time, just allowed whatever it was to come through. It was a pleasant sit and I'm in lala land as I write this. Very soft vibrations particularly in the face. Thoughts were there but they were really small and distant. I'd say this is equanimity. I didn't do any out loud noting, just silent noting and noticing. I honestly feel high after that sit. Haha
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/15/22 4:20 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Have been sitting everyday for at least 45min. Some days it's pleasant with clarity and good concentration other days like today there is a lot of resistance to sitting. I sat for 30min earlier but the restlessness was too much and I got up. I then fell asleep for a few hours and will sit again tonight. Apart from that pretty boring, just plain old noting and nothing fancy happening.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/15/22 6:19 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Nice!

I will share my experience here in case it might be of benefit to you;

When I had difficult times I would listen to these two talks (just before practicing) by Kenneth Folk (if you are Noting you ARE doing it right, in case of doubt, and its darkest before the dawn) and Shinzen Young (use the voice, don't break the stream of labeling) and they would boost my practice and keep me at it for the duration of my daily sits! Im very grateful they posted these videos to be out there for free! Best wishes G! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1UK5_692eo

https://youtu.be/StBTuX0tqU8
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/15/22 8:48 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Thanks papa. I used to be under the impression that all this 'stuff' has to happen, fireworks etc. Now I can accept that it's not like that at all! This old impression comes up from time to time and I wonder if what I'm doing is correct. Thanks for the videos and renewed motivation. 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/15/22 9:13 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Wowsers, what a sit. 45 min balls to the wall noting. easy at the start and became restless in the end but was flat out non stop all the way. Speed noting wise was around 3 sensations a second, it was all out loud noting so was limited with speed. Really happy with my efforts today.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/16/22 1:10 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Nice! emoticon 

If you want you can log about those noted experiences.
For example; About the itch (was it sharp, did it change), about the pain, what you've heard, any mind images, memories, etc ... 
This could motivate you to be more curious. 

However it's not necessary to log such details. Most important is to practice without slack as you just did emoticon Mind will figure out the rest. 

Many best wishes G! 

p.s. give yourself some slack off cushion. Live a life emoticon 
When in the gym lift weights! When out of the gym do some pop corn! emoticon 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/16/22 2:04 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Hey papa I would write more but everything is really fast, I don't ask a question and if I do I note "questioning". I just note and move to the next and next etc. all very fast.
​​​​​​​Images in the mind don't have time to be perceived as "something" there's this murky thing there and I note straight away. Like wise with hearing sounds in the mind, there may be a murmur and I'll note that and move onto the next thing.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 3 Months ago at 3/16/22 8:16 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Totally cool and valid! emoticon Keep up the good work! 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/17/22 6:10 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sat again tonight for 45min. Was noting gently and got into blissy/peaceful state. I was almost side swiped by the sensations but kept noting up just enough. Then weird 3D thought/dream like stuff came up and there was like a closing down, maybe a near miss not quiet 'gone' all the way.
Tomorrow I resume noting practice once again.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/18/22 1:14 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Today another 45 min. Was very pleasant but not a lot of clarity, everything was very dream like and soft.
When the weekend comes around that's when I'm getting into equanimity. When Monday comes it gets a little more difficult DN kinda stuff going on.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/20/22 9:05 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Did 90 mins yesterday of noting and an hour sit today again just noting. Everything was good until I visited my Dad and had an argument with him in regards to my brother and then my brother went off the rails. Things then got shaky for me as it triggered ptsd stuff. Brother has got help though, and I’m feeling ok now.
Medication really helps my symptoms but I really hope that one day I won’t have to take it anymore and that this chest ripping pain will stop. I have this intuitive feeling that what I’m doing will help me, it might not fix everything but I believe it will really help with the ptsd.
Which leads me to my next point, as it is Monday and it's back into DN territory. Right on time.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/21/22 8:09 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Did 45 min sit today. Noting was noticeably harder today, lots of my "stuff" coming up and the mind wanted to latch onto stories but I managed to keep the noting all throughout. My mood has changed to a sadness, this is in relation with family stuff but also DN stuff I'd say. Despite this the motivation to practice is high!
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I don't know how to explain how I experience attention at this stage. Daniel mentions that attention becomes wide or diffuse. I can't notice the difference of attention in the different stages but I'd like to try.
I do notice the feeling tone in the body is different though and the mind is a lot more scattered in DN.
I have a question regarding suffering vs pain if someone could kindly chime in. What is the difference? Is suffering the frustration/sadness of not finding satisfaction in phenomena? So it's like a low feeling tone or something different.
Metta to the community 
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Chris M, modified 3 Months ago at 3/21/22 8:29 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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I have a question regarding suffering vs pain if someone could kindly chime in. What is the difference? Is suffering the frustration/sadness of not finding satisfaction in phenomena? So it's like a low feeling tone or something different.

Getting hit hard on your thumb with your hammer is pain. Having to go right back to work with your hammer and anxiously anticipating getting hit again on that same thumb is suffering.
George S, modified 3 Months ago at 3/21/22 2:38 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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For me, the biggest part of suffering is resistance/avoidance of emotional pain that is already there (fear, anger, sadness, shame etc.) The practice is figuring out how I am resisting (e.g. getting lost in narrative, relief seeking behavior, or physical tension) and deconstructing or relaxing that habitual resistance pattern. The surprising thing is that it's actually a relief to really feel the pain rather than resisting it. Clinging to pleasure is also suffering, but usually that is also related to some kind of underlying pain avoidance!

SN 36.6 Salla Sutta (The Arrow)

"Now, the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones, when touched with a feeling of pain, does not sorrow, grieve, or lament, does not beat his breast or become distraught. So he feels one pain: physical, but not mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, did not shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pain of only one arrow. In the same way, when touched with a feeling of pain, the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones does not sorrow, grieve, or lament, does not beat his breast or become distraught. He feels one pain: physical, but not mental."

As he is touched by that painful feeling, he is not resistant. No resistance-obsession with regard to that painful feeling obsesses him. Touched by that painful feeling, he does not delight in sensual pleasure. Why is that? Because the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones discerns an escape from painful feeling aside from sensual pleasure. As he is not delighting in sensual pleasure, no passion-obsession with regard to that feeling of pleasure obsesses him. He discerns, as it actually is present, the origination, passing away, allure, drawback, and escape from that feeling. As he discerns the origination, passing away, allure, drawback, and escape from that feeling, no ignorance-obsession with regard to that feeling of neither-pleasure-nor-pain obsesses him.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/22/22 4:31 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Thank you to Chris and George for those replies.

​​​​​​​Yes resistance, how can I forget that word! I can see and feel the difference between the two especially with tonight's sit. Concentration, clarity and equanimity were high for 45 min. Pain in the shoulder blades and the numbness in the lower part of my body was like a burning sensation. It was a PAINFUL sit BUT resistance was fairly low and I got a taste of what people mean when they say the pain "feels kinda good" because it felt purifying like a good stretch. Lots to take from tonight's sit. 
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/23/22 5:29 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Much of the same tonight. Noting for 45min, concentration, clarity & equanimity were good. Again a lot of pain in the shoulder blade area. This upset me beforehand ie. a lot of resistance around the pain, now I'm reallly feeling into the pain and I'm starting to enjoy it.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/24/22 6:31 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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45 min sit noting tonight. Slowed down a little at some points but turned it up and just kept at it. Did a chest stretch before the sit and my shoulder blade pain was pretty much not present for the whole sit. I think I'm going to do some light stretching before my sits, help free up the body after a work day. Discomfort was still present during the sit but suffering was low so sitting wasn't an issue. Going to do some longer sits for the weekend.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/27/22 7:19 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sat previous days with normal 45min sits. Today I did 2 x 45 min sits.
I want to be able to do longer sits 1-2 hours but the hip pain is too much. I try to note everything I'm experiencing. Doubt, pain, resistance in the form of mental talk & images but it gets to a point where I can't go past 45min without moving my right leg. I put a pillow underneath my right knee and I still get searing pain. I try and notice the whole body or parts of the body that are relaxed but again have trouble. Thankfully I have 45min down pat though. I guess I'll just keep chipping away at it and make sure I'm sitting everyday consistently. 
Martin, modified 3 Months ago at 3/27/22 10:19 AM
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Have tried a kneeling bench?
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/29/22 2:05 AM
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Hey Martin, Thanks for the suggestion! I haven't tried a kneeling bench. I just bought a zafu and nice pillow though, so I want to try and make this work!
Last night I did 2 x 30min sessions, there's a big resistance to practicing so really want to put the hammer down tonight despite the physical discomfort.
george, modified 3 Months ago at 3/29/22 6:42 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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So I began my sit tonight with renewed fevor only to be interrupted by crickets in the ceiling. In a bout of frustration and anger I got up into the roof ready to grab the sucker. I didn't find anything though. So I picked my pillows up and moved to a spare bedroom. 30 mins later I hear him again, this time even louder! I'm thinking this guy is right next to me! I open my eyes, turn to my right and here is this little cricket walking into my bedroom like it owns the place. As soon as I got up it got scared and ran away but I eventually got him. I felt for the little critter and threw him outside probably to return in the next couple of days. So finally my third attempt later I managed to get a full 45 min sit in. I'm exhausted now
George S, modified 3 Months ago at 3/29/22 9:18 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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You can also use disturbances as an opportunity to investigate feelings of frustration and anger!

The Teachings of Ajahn Chah

Here is a simple comparison: suppose you go and sit in the middle of a freeway with the cars and trucks charging down at you. You can’t get angry at the cars, shouting, “Don’t drive over here! Don’t drive over here!” It’s a freeway, you can’t tell them that. So what can you do? You get off the road! The road is the place where cars run, if you don’t want the cars to be there, you suffer.

It’s the same with sankharas. We say they disturb us, like when we sit in meditation and hear a sound. We think, “Oh, that sound’s bothering me.” If we understand that the sound bothers us then we suffer accordingly. If we investigate a little deeper, we will see that it’s we who go out and disturb the sound! The sound is simply sound. If we understand like this then there’s nothing more to it, we leave it be. We see that the sound is one thing, we are another. One who understands that the sound comes to disturb him is one who doesn’t see himself. He really doesn’t! Once you see yourself, then you’re at ease. The sound is just sound, why should you go and grab it? You see that actually it was you who went out and disturbed the sound.

This is real knowledge of the truth. You see both sides, so you have peace. If you see only one side, there is suffering. Once you see both sides, then you follow the Middle Way. This is the right practice of the mind. This is what we call straightening out our understanding.
Martin, modified 3 Months ago at 3/29/22 10:57 AM
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I had a similar experience with a bird once. I was very keen to get concentrated for some reason, and this crow came and started cawing right outside. I just could not keep my mind on the breath. I was in a hurry, so it really pissed me off. After quite a long while of frustration, I gave up on the breath and made the cawing of the crow the object of concentration. Some time later I reached access concentration and, while I know this is silly, it felt like the crow and I reached it together. Since then I have been happy to go with any prominent sound that "disturbs" me. Because I meditate in a garage facing a back ally, I routinely take garbage trucks as my object of meditation. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 2 Months ago at 3/29/22 2:09 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Oh I welcome sounds from anything but mosquitos and flies around me face emoticon 

Bird song, garbage truck, tractors, cars, kids shouting, neighbours shouting ... all very good stuff to be labeled, makes an easy noting session emoticon So much food for Noting to really kick in emoticon but yes it can get unpleasant also and this is the object of noting "unpleasant, agony, aversion, hearing ... "

Nice stuff! emoticon 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 3/29/22 6:35 PM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Yes that's what I usually do! I note the dog barking then image of dog barking in my mind, or neighbours yelling, people talking, birds chirping.
This time the resistance was already high to sitting and then he started chirping and it all compounded into greater amounts of suffering.
I knew I was going to a lot of effort for a little cricket and that at the same time I was being taught a lesson. I allowed myself to be taught I guess.
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/2/22 1:34 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Yikes! Been a tough few days of practice! Resistance to practice is high but I have kept up my minimum of 45min noting a day. I want to get up around 30min in but I hang in there and I'm so relieved when the sit is finished! Nothing else really to report, very boring and unpleasant stuff, the real shit! 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/4/22 5:11 AM
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2 x 45 min sits yesterday. Second sit was more a absorbtion style sit. Today I had to go hospital for a small procedure on my leg so couldn't sit in my normal position but I still managed a 45min sit. Resistance to sitting still ever present.
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/5/22 9:55 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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2 x 45 min sits today. Motivation gone up a little.

Something thats coming up often in practice recently is how how things are experienced from a sense of self. There's this image of "me" in the mind space and the body follows it depending on how this image reacts to whatever stimuli. Even when I'm lying down the mind is creating this "self" in a lying down position. As attention moves to different body parts the mind perceives them as lips etc the perception comes as an image then a mental knowing of it. It's funny how the mind creates this sense of self and we react to an image of ourselves!! We're literally at the mercy of an imaginary image!! 
Martin, modified 2 Months ago at 4/5/22 10:10 AM
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Yeah, nuts, right?
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/6/22 3:54 AM
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It's crazy. Can't say I've really paid a lot of attention to the image of self. I've mostly enquired in the feel and talk space of self. 

I've mentioned in the past that I've had cessations but to be honest I'm confused and don't really know what's going on. I know I am cycling through stages and I know I can get into absorbtion states, that's about it. I tell myself that it's ok and do what you would do anyway and just keep practicing and maybe one day ill be able to map things out better. 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/7/22 5:29 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Tonight 45min sit noting 1-5. I tried noting silently but kinda got lost so went outloud noting. Pain in the usual spots in the body but got through it! Pretty "boring" stuff. I don't miss the excitement either.
Martin, modified 2 Months ago at 4/7/22 10:39 AM
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I think that, when you say it's imaginary, you are really getting to the heart of it, or, at least, or, at least, you are getting to the heart of one aspect of it, or, at least, you are pointing at a way of seeing that I find very useful.

My experience is that it is possible to gain skills and improve baseline experience without using a map. 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/8/22 7:07 AM
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Yo yo Martin Yeah I guess you can say it's an image in my mind and the image isn't imaginary it's an image, but that's all. Thinking it IS me is the imaginary part or illusory part.
​​​​​​​Another 45min sit, body pain was present but sat through it. Noting 1-5 fairly constant and automatic but a few lapses in concentration. 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/9/22 9:39 AM
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So I started to do a noting practice but it turned into an inquiry of what is all happening. I feel like I'm going around in circles. I was questioning what is "seeing". Saying it's "mind" is absolutely ridiculous. Relatively speaking it's true but I want the absolute truth and mind is of the body.It's awareness itself that is aware of everything! The body takes things from awareness and makes something tangible! Why, because this way the body can conceptualise itself within objective reality and then dodge “bullets” so to speak, the body is only interested in surviving! The body wants everything to be tangible because thats the plane on which it exists. Awareness doesn't give a hoot what's happening because it's always there whether your body is or not. Woooww

Update. Sat on the couch this time and managed 1:45min sit. The sit was noting the first 45 min but then became a resting kinda sit. Noticed how the sense of self was heavy & tiring. At one point I was saying just give it a test already but eventually I let it all just be without push or pull.
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Sigma Tropic, modified 2 Months ago at 4/9/22 4:49 PM
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​​​​​​​Awareness doesn't give a hoot what's happening because it's always there whether your body is or not.
Can you say more about this and what kind of experiments you've done to test this hypothesis or what sensations and experiences tell you this?
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/9/22 9:59 PM
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Good question and something I haven't thought about much. I always thought awareness as random but it's always there in its expanded or contracted form. I guess it's more something which guides the body. Like light in darkness. But saying awareness doesn't give a hoot is implying awareness has a personality and awareness just is
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/10/22 9:05 PM
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Attempted a sit yesterday and fell asleep. So today going to make up for it.
Sat today for an hour. Noting at the start was this surface external world kinda noting then quickly became internal & external but very subtle sensations happening. I notice theres a sensation arising and then it repeats itself a number of times, so I note the repeat of it. Flashes of white coming up & was in a sublime state, like another world. Also notice shifts in attention, felt like I dropped down more and more. Upon opening my eyes it takes a few minutes to come back and I hear blood rushing through my ears.
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/12/22 7:08 AM
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1 hour sit tonight noting 1-3. Was a battle all throughout. Had the creepy crawlies at one point and had images of insects and a monster like thing eating me. Great fun
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/13/22 1:54 PM
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Sat for 25 min. Tired after work. Woke up at 2am it's now 3:30am. Getting curious and more interested with "stuff" that's happening. Colours and patterns in the visual field mostly. Noticing of the body as this living organism rather than being me. Noticing that what we perceive mind to be is awareness itself and everything is happening within it. When there is awareness of something it's awareness that's aware of itself. It has to come from somewhere and return though. Slightly terrifying.

Since being on medication the feelings of shear terror have left me, I literally felt like someone was going to come behind me and kill me. I went on the meds because I was WELL out of my window of tolerance. I'm a little confused though because a lot of people talk about how you "have to feel it to heal it" and I can't feel that level of terror anymore. Does that mean it doesn't heal? Anyone?

Ok so upon thinking about it a little more. The overwhelming fear was a SYMPTOM of the behaviour that's happening. So feeling out the underlying forces that create it WILL heal it. Feeling out the fear itself isn't necessary. Do others agree?
George S, modified 2 Months ago at 4/13/22 3:32 PM
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Yeah you've got to feel it to heal it, but that doesn't mean you have to do it all at once! Small frequent digestible doses are better than large indegistible doses which can be terrifying and prolong the suffering. So sometimes we have to go on meds to damp the system down a little. Don't worry about the feelings disappearing, they will make themselves known again in a more manageable way when it is safe to do so! Healing WILL happen, at the pace that's right for you. It's already happening.

Curious and and interested in stuff is always good. Can't go wrong there, getting curious and interested in exactly what's coming up. Nice insight on awareness emoticon
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/15/22 3:05 AM
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Thanks George : )

I've come across shargoals compilation of notes and posts which is GOLD. I REALLY resonate with how practice is described by shargoal. I was starting to wonder what the hell I was doing a bit, haha. After having read some of the material I can safely say I'm on the right track. The way he/she describes low equanimity to high equanimity and then to cessation is pretty much bang on with what I experienced. Kinda throw your hands up in the air and give up on control, just sit and then allow awareness to just be aware. Noting takes a back seat, becomes this every so often kinda thing and even with weird dreamy thoughts awareness itself goes. I'm so happy and honoured that I "get" that. The material is great to brush up on a whole bunch of stuff.

It's also really interesting when you really want something how it comes to you without effort. I find that so beautiful and life changing

​​​​​​​https://shargrolpostscompilation.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html?m=1#peoplemakerealprogress
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/15/22 7:53 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sat for 45min tonight. Didn't note as intensely and just noted every so often. It was a difficult sit, a lot of urges to get up and strong sexual impulses coming through. 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/15/22 8:37 PM
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Fear coming up, lump in throat, feeling of dread. Sweating a lot while sleeping. Music stuck on repeat in my head. This is dukkha nanas. 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/17/22 4:08 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Sat yesterday for 30min then a 45min sit later at night. Today sat for 50min. Getting up before timer rings out, getting strong hot flushes and then going cold and then hot again! That's about it
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/19/22 5:15 AM
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Feeling crap. Shame around sex coming up. I feel like a pig, I know I'm not a pig but there is this shame surrounding sex atm. Feeling disgusting, like a slob. It's changing the way I eat too, im indulging in heavier foods. I just feel yuk. Will do an hour sit tonight. Motivation low

​​​​​​​I think there’s shame around being a MALE. I have a tendency to think of men as sex hungry not giving a shit emotionally kinda humans. Yes we’re physical lovers but that’s our nature, it’s not because we’re disrespectful. We’re wired to love a different way. We couldn’t put our emotions on the line as much because that meant having to take away the very mechanisms that traditionally made us good hunters/ providers for the family. It was our job to take risks and put ourselves on the line for the sake of our families wellbeing. I’m not against women wanting to be charge, dominant, high up in organisational hierarchy etc. I just think being a “man” isn’t as “glorious” as some people think. A lot of men have positions of power, big fucking deal. They also have a lot of stress and responsibility. I don’t get why there is this massive cancel culture against men, or why I’m feeling it.
George S, modified 2 Months ago at 4/19/22 4:06 AM
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This is what purification feels like! Keep going, it gets better emoticon
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/19/22 5:19 AM
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Thanks George, I sat for an hour and cried through most of it. Feeling OK now but still feel like a pathetic piece of shit.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 2 Months ago at 4/19/22 6:49 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Men being sex hungry?! emoticon You clearly haven't been with most of the women I was with! emoticon And some bunch more I knew as friends. 

I think it goes both ways! Nature calls! It's Spring time and it's s time to mate! emoticon Very natural! And all the different positions and preferences are but mind gone creative! emoticon 

As long you don't hurt yourself and others, then sexual stuff is but natural and very human. 

Ok so you are post-SE? I didn't know that. If so maybe you need a different approach than just noting the heck out of it all emoticon 

For example Tonglen a la Shargrol could do good. "If there are beings out there being overwhelmed with sex stuff, may their experience come to me fully so I can experience it in their stead, so they can have relief from it" then you experience it fully without resistance i their stead so those beings can experience relief and awaken with ease. 

Once you did enough of this go into 'Look how it's ...' practice. I think you know this practice right? It's slower than noting and is more laid back and more open so to speak "look how it's ... (wondering with curiosity) ... sitting ... look how it's ... (looking with curiosity) ... hearing ... "

Then back to Tonglen if unpleasant stuff arises that's overwhelming. 

Ignore what I write if it makes no sense. 

​​​​​​​Best wishes G! 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/19/22 7:06 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Haha thanks papa. Yes I agree with that but there's also apart of me that feels ashamed with sex stuff, strict parents maybe, also a couple of shaming experiences as a child that has stuck with me.

I think my practice is naturally going this way, when I practice it's more a open noticing of things. Noting all the time every second is kind of suffocating, it doesn't allow a natural mode of awareness I guess.

Thanks papa I'll actively do that kind of practice now!
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/21/22 8:28 AM
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Practice today was an open awareness noticing type practice. I use the body as the primary object and then go from there. I was at a funeral today for my uncle and I was practicing all throughout the day and then did an hour sit when I got home. There are times when I'm blown away at life, this experience and the people around me. I really want to tell someone how amazing life is but I think they'll all just look at me like I'm some space cadet. Sometimes it scares the shit out me. I'm really taken back by everything, everything is surreal, I can't believe all this is happening, its crazy. Then sometimes it's just like oh OK that's it, pretty boring, there is nothing realllly that exciting anymore, everything is kinda bland. I don't mind either of those, I just noticed them throughout the day and I'd say it's me cycling through stages of insight.
From a psychological stand point I caught myself out several times having the urge to impress. This one ups man ship is something that I notice regularly. So today I mostly kept my mouth shut and didn't voice my opinion and watched the urge come up.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 2 Months ago at 4/21/22 10:29 AM
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This mind stuff is like a theatre show emoticon Except here you never know what kind of show will come up emoticon 
Buy letting mind watch mind it learns to let these patterns arise and burn out in awareness. Less clinging to these reactive patterns. And even seeing them just before they are to unfold. Or even if they unfold in bodily action or speech it's easier to say I'm sorry to another person. And also not to take it all too seriously. 
Practice leads to this. At some stage it's not about heroic trying but "letting" stuff just does what it does and watch it without resistance and with compassion and empathy, understanding that all beings suffer from this. 

Im blabbing again! 

Best wishes! 
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/24/22 8:30 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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Hour practice yesterday & 2 hours today. I'm a bit underwhelmed by everything. I care for life, people & wellbeing but this idea of fame, fortune or being a somebody is something that I'm tiring of. Want less and less drama. Feel like talking less
George S, modified 2 Months ago at 4/24/22 10:26 AM
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Being a nobody is much more interesting than being a somebody emoticon
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/26/22 7:18 AM
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Sitting everyday at least 45 min. Feeling slow and lazy. Might need to start out loud noting.
george, modified 2 Months ago at 4/27/22 7:51 AM
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RE: George practice log 5

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45 min sit tonight, gentle noting of out breath. I cried at the start, I kept getting images of me dead and my dad crying out. Also scenarios of him dying in pain. Stuck it through to the end though.
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/1/22 7:16 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/1/22 7:16 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
I have been practicing but it's become very lazy and dull as of late. So I've ditched the couch and gone back to the cushion and it's a lot better. Dullness is replaced by awareness of posture, images of me in a posture etc.

I think I've also figured out a way to alleviate pain in my glutes, hammy, hip region by leaning more forward allowing me to sit for longer on the cushion! I think I was always leaning slightly back and putting pressure on a specific part of the glute that made it really painful going past 45min. Ideally I'd like to sit through the pain but I'm not ready for that.

Today I sat for 45min and then 50min focusing mostly on posture. Also questioning everything, I think this is like beginners mind. What is hearing? What is seeing? Where does it occur? What is feeling? Instead of figuring it out I give in to the not knowing of everything. It gives a fresh take of things that arise, like this sense of wonder. Where am I and how is this all not a miracle in itself? Also when looking at things that are familiar to me but not allowing the mind to perceive or proliferate on it, just seeing it as it is and hearing words or phrases as just words without any meaning, hearing it all as just sounds or a language that you don't know. Which brings me to a great way to experience beginners mind is by listening to a language you have never heard of. Nothing comes up when you hear the words being said. I'm blabbering on now
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 4:47 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 4:46 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Monday sat for an hour, focusing on posture. Missed yesterday, was dead tired and just passed out.

Tonight I sat for an hour. Noting breath in and out then switched a little to posture and then choiceless awareness. Bit of pain in back and leg so moved a little, leant a little forward and back. Boring, no fireworks. Have that "over it" feeling.
Nick N, modified 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 12:37 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 12:37 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 9 Join Date: 1/27/22 Recent Posts
Hi George,
I wanted to chime in and say that I've been stuck in the murk of boring practice, being over it, not being as interested in phenomena. Any ideas what's working for you to get back into it?
​​​​​​​Cheers.
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 9:35 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/4/22 9:35 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hey Nick. If I'm bored I just sit anyway & practice. Before I'd try to get myself interested but you don't have to be interested, you just have to practice. It helps to be interested but it's not always there and that's OK. Boredom is actually quite nice when you get in touch with it. There's a peaceful no fuss quality to it which is calming, nothing wrong with that! Sure enough the interested you will come around again : )
Nick N, modified 1 Month ago at 5/5/22 11:56 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/5/22 11:56 AM

RE: George practice log 5

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That sounds good to me! I guess I'll get really familiar with the sensations around boredom.
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/5/22 6:30 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/5/22 6:30 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
So on closer inspection I've realised that it's equanimity that's the underlying thing that's happening here, not boredom. There's a carefree attitude. Nothing really bothers me and nothing is really that amazing. 
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/6/22 10:10 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/6/22 10:10 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hour practice past couple of days. 
I think about how far as a human I've come and I'm very proud of myself. I started practicing 6 years ago and I was an unstable person, fluctuating between hyper and hypo arousal with a strong victim mentality, working in a job I hated and couldn't see a way out. Now I feel like I've grown up. I notice the victim mentality & drop it, I'm the captain of my own ship. I'm going back to school and studying a major in psychology, emotions are stable now too with the help of medication but just being aware of how badly the emotions were fluctuating was a big deal! I find pleasure in simple things like seeing a child smile, seeing 2 people embrace, I feel what they're feeling & at the same time I can see how people struggle & fight their way through life & I feel compassion towards that because I too have seen that in myself. Looking everywhere for fulfilment and not finding it. Such a beautiful thing being able to just give up or give in to now. Seeing the opportunities that arise in the moment. Frustrating that you can’t explain it to everyone though.

When I’m out in public I love just watching this organism walking through space, what will it do next I ask, watch how it eats, how it thinks. Incredible. 
George S, modified 1 Month ago at 5/6/22 10:27 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/6/22 10:27 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2458 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Beautiful emoticon
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 11:49 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 11:49 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
I'm all over the place now. Felt elated before, then i was crying, now im miserable and frustrated. Don't know what's happening 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 12:42 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 12:42 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
"Don't know what's happening" 

​​​​​​​emoticon You do! You just said it above! emoticon 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 1:23 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/7/22 1:23 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Let me just add;

george Im in a similar situation for a while now. Mostly it's the stiff right side of the neck, shoulder and shoulder blade. Causing proper agony to the point of being aggravated. 3 C's. One could say most of the time in pain. On top of that having creeping insect sensations all over the body with occasional bites! Disgust. This all is causing Misery and desire for all this to just stop! Then there are thoughts to try and use techniques from my yogi box and remedy all this. Why? To avoid the suffering of course. I do the technique and it might get better but then it returns with vengeance. 
Then there are thoughts about "if I accept all this and I do it like a good Yogi this will all resolve into EQ or a new Path Moment or something so I don't have to be in this shit anymore" emoticon Well ... emoticon 

Gotta watch all those thoughts and intentions and urges surrounding the practice, all the hopes, all the thinking about "if I just get this done like a good yogi then AFTER the good stuff will come and I will be awakened and I will never have a bad experience again" emoticon 

BTW, Im just about getting tired to try and do anything to change this agonizing stiffness wrapped up in Re-observation and just say "fuck it, let it be".  ... ops! Here is another thought pattern saying "if I just say fuck it and let it be, maybe it will resolve itself and become a path moment" emoticon Ha! It's fucked up! But gotta be the light onto yourself ay! emoticon 

Please excuse my rumbling! Best wishes bra! 
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 2:14 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 1:56 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
You're right I do know and I can see the urge for cessation of everything or for my present moment to be different. Also expectations before I sit. low mood atm, which is fine, will sit soon. Thanks papa

There has to be some repressed stuff coming out, I'm sleepy, procrastinating and miserable. So what I want to do now is just be with the misery and notice any urges for it to be anything but how it is.
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 8:09 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 7:47 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Sat for 30 min and fell asleep. Woke up and then sat for an hour. Noticing spacey vibes trying to take hold, also noting wanting path or cessation experience to arise. These things I haven't been paying much attention to recently, sneaky little suckers. I asked what else am I repressing. I want to try and notice the urge for experience to be anything but what it is in present moment experience. 

​​​​​​​Any help from anyone is appreciated, is there something I can do better? Thanks 
George S, modified 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 9:24 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 9:20 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2458 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
I want to try and notice the urge for experience to be anything but what it is in present moment experience. 

Excellent!

Any help from anyone is appreciated, is there something I can do better?

No! Surrendering to the unavoidable transient immediacy of present moment experience as it is - in all its glory and pain - is the most powerful practice!
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 9:38 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/8/22 9:38 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thank you George : )
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 3:56 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 3:56 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
THIS will never be anything other than what it IS right this moment. Why the resistance? Why not call THIS home. Already Here. Where does this resistance come from? And what is it resisting in the first place? 

Just talking to myself here loudly emoticon 

Best wishes george! 
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 6:46 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 6:46 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Thanks Papa!

I started with a jhana practice to see if I could identify them and see the qualities. I think I can go through the first 4, first stay with breath until it becomes effortless, then second feel the pleasant qualities usually in my chest, hands or lips, third the feeling on my lips changes to a cool like feeling, is forth when mind becomes very quiet and in the background, can still hear it but it's very quiet and there is this spacious like feeling that becomes the main focus?

I then had dinner. Decided to sit again this time I was confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do, jhana or just notice. Anyway it ended up being a half assed sit because I didn't have a full intention to do either. Not to mention music has been stuck in my head and the mind became unbearably loud, I got so angry and confused.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 2:32 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/9/22 2:32 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
What did you have for dinner? emoticon We've had homemade Tex-Mex, for the second day in a row! We ate the rest from yesterday so as not to waste it.
It went down well I think. The few glasses of wine did help wash it down emoticon emoticon 

Ah yes, "follow the music" said an old DhO friend! As a matter of fact, I'm listening now to some of our DhO collaborations we did a while ago, like this one written by Tim FF, Emil playing the leys, and me the guitar, singing, and the rest. This can be a good song to get stuck in your head instead! Its about Dharma of course! emoticon 

https://soundcloud.com/papa-dusko/bar-of-last-resort-with-keyboards?in=papa-dusko/sets/dharma-overground-band&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 4:16 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 4:09 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hahaha that's a sick tune! I'm listening to it now! Thanks papa! Who drinks ozujsko beer? I have a Croatian background, that's why I'm asking. I was always thinking what bardo meant, haha
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 8:56 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 8:56 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Ha! emoticon I haven't noticed that these have a Croatian beer I know of! I snatched that photo of the internet! Coincidence or what! emoticon 
Btw, my background is Serbian emoticon Don't hate me for it emoticon emoticon 
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 9:05 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 9:05 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Sat for an hour, was pleasant, and sublime, awareness was simply aware little bit of mind wandering so noted a bit and then just let everything kinda sparkle and glow. I don't know what sparkle and glow words are referring too exactly. I think awareness itself? What's sparkling and glowing? The sensations felt that way I guess.

So I've read through my entire log and I can see more of how I'm trying to avoid pain and unpleasant stuff. NOTE TO SELF! I want to notice this more in my sits! 
george, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 9:09 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 9:09 AM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 388 Join Date: 9/8/20 Recent Posts
Hahaha, no way! I have no prejudice towards Serbians. In fact I have Serbian friends! Thanks for the tune papa!
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 12:52 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 12:52 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2436 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
You are welcome mate emoticon ! I was just joking! emoticon 

Best wishes! 
George S, modified 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 6:05 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/10/22 6:04 PM

RE: George practice log 5

Posts: 2458 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Luminosity - nice emoticon (don't get attached to it, obviously!)

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