Hi all! 

I've been practicing seriously for about seven years. This past year, my stability of attention (access concentration, I guess?) jumped up leaps and bounds. I went on a 10-day in Jan 2023 and had a very deep retreat, in which huge waves/ vibrations of fear and anxiety were able to release through the left side of my torso. I had 16 "panic attacks" in one day, but equanimity was so strong that it all relased through this somatic channel without pushing me off balance. Afterwards I felt 100 pounds lighter. Left the retreat with high equanimity, but no illusions of hitting first path or anything like that. Lots of kundalini fireworks though. It felt like Dragon Ball Z inside my body.

Before that retreat, I had alot of tension up through my left ribcage/ solar plexus/ chest, which may be (in medical speak) related to gut health or could be something called a hiatal hernia. I'm finding that whenever I sit for any significant period of time, this area tenses and vibrates like crazy, as though there's some heavy anchor in the solar plexus that's tryin to hang on, while the vibrations are trying to blast it open. I'm caught a bit between craving relief from the discomfort and just observing the area with equanimity. 

I got some xrays and an ultrasound on the absomen and (apologies if this is gross to you), all it turned up was "moderate amount of stool in the ascending colon" and treatment recommendations for curing constipation, which I don't seem to suffer from. Trying to get my Doc on the phone, but I suspect he's going to say there's no major detectable issue. 

Wondering if anyone has any advice/ has had similar experiences. The sensations are incredibly distracting/ uncomfortable and it's hard to hold attention anywhere else, on or off the cushion.

One final note that may be useful – the area did fully release one evening when I was alone at home, after I did two significant bumps of Ketamine and lay down on the couch. It felt like a really wild purge of anger/ fear and toxic emotions, and I did have some really intense vibrations up the spine that made my brain buzz. The tightness in left torso fully melted away. I felt really good, but the next day the tension came back. That was the only time it's fully released. 

Hi Decaf,

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this! I've actually had very similar issues to what you're describing for the last 2-3 years and not found anyone with the same issues so this is kind of a relief to me. My left side opened up and became very energetically/emotionally active a while after reaching DN territory a few years back. Unfortunately I can't say I've found any solution to it other than working through and feeling into whatever comes up. It can definitely be intense at times. I've made some posts on this on here, mainly in my log if you're interested in reading about it.

Thanks for your post and I hope it helps knowing you're not alone.
Nihila

 I have had several, sometimes interconnected, medical issues throughout my own journey. Often triggered by the early nanas of a new path. It sucks and can really psyche you out. 

First off, do you have access to any kind of shadow work practice? Or something for healing and working with stuff that comes up like this?

Secondly. The whole pattern here in your message is tension and release. You took a veterinary tranquilizer and your chronic tension relaxed... 

How relaxed is your meditation? Do you find your approach to meditation is leading you toward deeper relaxation? Generally what kind of meditation are you doing?

Obviously, check in with your doctor or better with a specialist. Also obviously gastro intestinal stuff is very complicated. I have personally had to look into nutrition and dietary stuff where my doctor was not really able to help me in those areas. For me it all came down to taking a huge amount of responsibility for the quality of what I ate and discipline around when I ate. 

For stuff like this it can be really good to just lie down, relax as much as possible and feel into the tension. You can even dialogue with it. "Why am I feeling this?" "What are you trying to teach me?"

I find that can be a very insightful process. You can just inquire into the heart. Not everything has to be meditated through and cultivating a relationship with the body can be a deeply rewarding practice.
 

Thx Bayiha! That's very helpful. My practice is pretty standard vipassana/ insight. I am doing internal family systems work with a therapist currently, we had a session today where we talked about getting the information to these abdominal knots that "relaxing is safe; the end of vigilance will not mean death." In general as I go deeper into meditation and the body relaxes, this particular area clamps down and contracts. Perhaps body scans might help re-integrate these areas with the rest of the body (where energy seems to flow nicely), so it's not in this dissociated state of tension.&nbsp;<br /><br />In general I think it can be confusing sometimes to know when is the right time to meditate, when is the right time for healing modalities and what are some helpful practices that combine both. I love what you wrote about lying down and asking the tension questions, I often lie on my yoga mat and do something like this, but I feel like a bad meditator sometimes because I'm kind of dialoguing with myself, rather than dissolving/ deconstructing thought forms.&nbsp;

Hi Nihila! It certainly helps knowing I'm not alone. Much Metta to you. 

In my experience lying down can be a very useful posture for exploring deep levels of relaxation. I often use it when I need to explore the body and soften into something tough. It is one of the four postures a meditator can choose from. !!

"In general as I go deeper into meditation and the body relaxes, this particular area clamps down and contracts."
It's awesome that you're aware of that. Great observation. What's it like when you try to relax the clamp?

See if any of this is helpful. 

Can you observe the three characteristics of it? Is it impermanent? Is it one solid thing or just little sparkling sensations flashing in and out? Does this exploration help release any grasping associated with it? Is it suffering? Can we feel that it sucks and just be with that as it is? Soften our heart towards it? Is it not self,? Is it just some sensations happening all on their own? Can we relax any need to do anything about it? 

Often I'll explore that for a time and then flip over to doing some kind of inquiry. "What causes this?" "What am I feeling?" "What is this trying to teach me?" and you can really let the heart/sensations/object speak for itself. I get why this type of stuff can feel like bad meditation. But, learning to do this and getting good at it has been an extremely rewarding practice for me. I have learnt things about my body that have helped me personally deal with chronic illness and helped me approach treating it with compassion and embodied intelligence. (Couple with the appropriate medical care) 

And lastly you can try just dropping all practice. How much can you just let go and be with what is?

If any of that's helpful then awesome!

All kinds of crazy stuff can occur in the body as we learn to meditate and start "rewiring pathways" or whatever the hell it is that's happening in there. It's always helpful to get in touch with the heart, the body, the mind. It's all connected. It's all this experience. Y'know.  

@decafwolf   @nihila  This is kinda long-haired material that appears irrelevant at first, but stay with me for two minutes:

https://youtu.be/hYMRDq8J47o?t=198

From 3:17

"You will notice that the left diaphragm and the right diaphragm are NOT the same size, and this is the big picture:
Because of that bigger right diaphragm, the muscular forces acting upon the lumbar spine (which the QL and psoas attach to) are not equal on both sides.
There are greater forces coming from the right diaphragm on the lumbar spine than there is on the left side.
This is the reason  we have this thing called the AIC pattern, where the left pelvis is forward, the right side is back, and the entire pelvis is oriented to the right, along with the lumbar spine. "

TL;DR: The asymmetrical diaphragm can affect the lumbar spine to an immense degree, causing not only instability but also potentially pain.

What does that have to do with energy symptoms? I can only guess.
All I know is kundalini yoga is mad about the lumbar spine, aligning it, moving it, whatever have you.

If kundalini is mainly in the spine, and the yoga tradition for it manipulates it via spine, and you both have the symptoms in the same side,
I posit there might be therapeutic value in correcting this asymmetry.
The video goes into further detail on how to do this.

@danielmingram I know you have deep knowledge about myofascia, and thought you might find this interesting.
Ever known of other cases where spinal alignment affect kundalini and energetic symptoms?
I know it's a long shot, but that might support our friends here, if it's indeed as real as it appears to me.

It's an interesting theory Aeon, I do suffer from a very crooked body, scholiosis, left leg shorter by about 1.5 cm. Could try some breathing with the excercises he shows.

Edit: Definitely seem to be suffering from what he's describing. Laying down on right vs left was very different in the same way he describes.

I do hope it can be helpful.

One more thing to judge results effectively: Sometimes a pain pattern can be "ingrained" in a way, so that even after correct treatment, it would take 2 months to abate fully. This is a weird thing in pain science, related to phantom pains.  Can't remember the source or how they explain the causes, just something to look out for.

Not to script you, I do hope and assume that stopping the lower back from pinching the nerves would restore health quickly, it's just to be thorough.

Been trying some exercises and can definitely say it's doing something. I was able to stretch out my right side properly and contract the left side more and a lot of sort of dark but tingly energy (felt old) suddenly started pouring out around my legs and groin area. My lower back and lats also started cramping, like my calf have done before mentioned in my post aboud dark energy. So there definitely seems to be something to this theory, good catch Aeon.

@nihila Energy pouring out to your groin and leg(s) can further indicate you had a lumbar nerve compression.

This website can provide further options to treat lumbar plexus compression
https://mskneurology.com/identify-treat-lumbar-plexus-compression-syndrome-lpcs/
I know it's a tough read for us laymen, but the more options you have the better, right?

Cramps in lower back and lats can both be caused by muscular weakness, but also pinched nerves - though that will often be much more painful than normal cramps. All in all, means there is something to work on/explore here. Hands folded it can be as simple as physiological alignment - that has to be easier than the wild  energy  symptoms.

Hope you both find complete healing, whatever form it takes.

Wow! Thanks Aeon, so grateful for your thoughtful response. I do have scoleosis and the general pattern described in the video. I tried the exercise shown and was feeling some great blippits (this is what I call quick bubbly sensations that "blip" on and off really quickly, as opposed to the finer streams of sensation – not very technical, but kinda fun to say!) in my legs and back. Although much of the tension remains, it did seem to even me out quite a bit. Also – I played a pretty intense tennis match tonight and my lung capacity is noticeably greater. The left side, which felt constricted, seems to be expanding more., I have chronic low back pain that started around the time of my first dark night stage eight years ago. I think alot of this stuff is trapped energy/ dark energy, what have you, but combining physio and breathing with meditation practice might be the best way to "clear it." As I said above, my concentration/ stability of attention has become much, much, stronger, so practice can feel very clear and rich, it's just that the tension and buzzy energy make it very intense and kind of all one flavour.

Last thing: It hasn't happened in awhile but a few times, lying on my yoga mat having done some breathing exercises, I got some pretty sweet full body, jhanic bliss that did sort of sweep away the tension. As with the Ketamine experience and all the fear/ anxiety that buzzed up through this channel on retreat, the tightness comes back. It might just be the case that there's a lot of this energy that needs to express itself to feel complete. In any case, I will definitely continue to practice this exercise and if there are any major shifts I'll report them here and tag you and @nihila 

​​​​​​​Thanks again! 

Huh, would you look at that... Two left nadi kundalini issues, correlates with two sets of scoliosis and lateral hip tilt. The plot thickens...
I am glad to see you find it helpful, but why not see if we can take this one step further:
@nihila @decafwolf

While scoliosis is surely a complex problem that would benefit from whole body mobility training, if I had to guess what the biggest money-makers for you two folks would be, it would be side-stretches and thoracic/zenith rotations.

Side-Stretches: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLhk03yUPak

Zenith Rotations: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFaIxWSXoec
@jimsmith (I think you will like Zeniths to relieve your neck tension).

If done correctly, slowly, using strength to (safely!) gain more range-of-motion, keeping the spine as straight as possible, these two exercises can re-align the spine and open the ribcage (allowing for the diaphragm to be more balanced).
By all means ask questions about the correct form if you choose to do these. I am happy to reply, as is the guy (Tom) in the videos. He really does respond, and even gives direct coaching on form videos in his facebook group if you care to join it.

Mind you this is likely something that will need daily, if not multiple times per day practice in the start. Over time as symptoms abate, you can get away with once or twice weekly without pain returning (has been my experience). I mention this so you don't get dismayed (like I first did) if everything doesn't work perfectly from the get go. Sometimes physiotherapy is a long haul that requires diligent practice to come through.

Full disclosure: I am not a physiotherapist, chiropractor, health professional or priest of Medicine, I am not affiliated with the guy in the videos, but I can honestly say buying his SMM program was the best money I have ever spent, and I love him like family for enabling me to get out of pain. It's the single best one-stop-shop sledgehammer approach to full body mobility, painfree living and general injury resistance I have ever found.

Thx Aeon! These video look amazing. Very grateful for your help with this. 

My wife and I are expecting our first baby in a month, so it's a big goal to get my body in decent shape for all little physical feats needed to take care of the little monkey. 

Think I'm gonna focus more on stretching/ mobility and breathing in the coming weeks, sitting practice maybe isn't the thing right at this moment. 

Thank you Bahiya! These are all very helpful notes and it makes me feel less lonely. Three characteristics practice is a go-to for me, for sure. I've heard that sometimes focusing on a particular area/ sensation can be detrimental and actually intensify the sensitivity of that area. I forget this sometimes though, since tension and agitation draw focus with such great strength. Doing nice, even body scans and also expanding awareness outside of the body takes some of the pressure off I think. 

I work with kids, and sometimes I think of this metaphor: If you want a child to open up during an exercise, you don't just stand over them and drill them with questions, you can gently say: "that's all right that you don't feel like opening up rith now, I'm going to spend some time with your classmates, and I'll come back in 10 minutes to check in." When attention/ curiosity is relaxed, playful and casual, it can penetrate more easily. I imagine we all know the feeling of efforting to hard to crack/ penetrate into an opaque area of the body.  

"Doing nice, even body scans and also expanding awareness outside of the body takes some of the pressure off I think. "
Awesome!

This is a hard thing to put words to but... Sometimes being willing to explore and relate to difficult issues like this can be the catalyst that helps us discover practices, teachers, diets or whatever is needed to get the healing process rolling. There's something powerful about that willingness to compassionately be with suffering. There's something unescapably vulnerable about it (that is also very good practice).

I'm glad that a place like this exists. I feel less lonely being able to chime in on this stuff.

Kinda feels like I've been living in a cave these past few years

@nihila @decafwolf

I stumbled upon something that might be of use for you kundalini-lefties: Network Spinal Analysis.
It's a form of chiropractice "using precise, specific, gentle touch on the spine to update and cue the nervous system and improve quality of life. NSA can help to release tension and trauma stored in the spine and nervous system. "

https://heal.me/articles/network-spinal-analysis

If available where you live, might be worth checking out.

@nihila @bahiyababy @aeon wanted to update with a couple of interesting developments: I attended a low dose plant medicine wim hof style breath session a couple weeks ago and had a pretty epic somatic release. Felt like a filter opened up on my whole nervous system. With acupuncture, breathing and sitting practice, this left block can be released, and it is exquisite. What I'm seeing is that when something stresses me out it clamps right back down, like a shell. So it's fine to keep playing cat and mouse and releasing and re-clamping, but my sense is that part of me feels unsafe leaving it open. I'm seeing that much of my life is being lived in a state of partial dissociation. On the one hand, patience is a virtue. On the other hand, let's start living fully, or at least fuller. The writing of Joe Sarno can be VERY helpful for pain and discomfort along these lines too. Also, I'm doing that side breathing exercise everyday and my whole body is WAY more even and open. THANK YOU!

Cool, thanks for sharing. Glad you're making progress.