Start looking at everything to be exactly THE SAME. Past, present, future, here, there, you, everything else, good, bad, etc. all of this make it exactly the same - it is the so called single taste*. Just anything happens in your mind, outside, any thought, any sensual experience, anything whatsoever treat it as exactly the same thing. Treat all people and yourself as the same, all space as the same, all objects, all emotions, all potential actions, all things you do, all things you like or dislike, etc. Also see distances from anything to anything to be the same exact thing and this include distance to any supposed improvement.
Most important is for you to not seek experience of relief. I do not mean that eg. when you are eg. too hot you should not find cool shadow but you should not ever give in to idea of experience of relief. It actually only preoccupy mind and it then isn't capable of thinking straight. Once mind doesn't seek relief it will fix itself and its issues. Look at the potential relief as being the same as anything else and any experiences (both pleasant and unpleasant) pointing to relief as the same also.
If you take this practice to heart you will have moments where you will feel bad and it will at times feel like just one small action and you will experience relief. Do not give in and think of everything as the same exact thing and only act as if all things are the same. No aversion and not even dispassion* but just to be the same thing as everything else. Not like it but being it, everything being the same thing, the same moment, the same experience. If it doesn't seem like you are able to experience something as the same as everything else and thought arise that doing so would be relief then do not give in to this thought and just wait until you see everything as the same.
If something feels good, like when you experience happiness or other nice thing which do not feel like they are the same as everything else, like this single taste. Look at these experiences as being the same as everything else rather than using it as opportunity to again have relief. No relief chasing when your suffer and no relief chasing when you experience pleasure. No relief chasing when it is still chasing for and no relief chasing when it happens.
Then when everything starts feeling exactly the same, has the same taste and there is no past, no present and no future, just ethereal singular moment without there being possibility for anything else and anything else to be, anything else to do or anything else experience or anywhere else to be then and only then go back to your past experiences and analyze them with this new #singletaste eyes, not as they were but look for aspects it always been the same thing and in fact are the same thing.
If anything treat it as learning opportunity - same as you would otherwise have. You kinda do not have any choice. Chase relief instead and you might do something irreversibly stupid. What you have now you will laugh about and remember as best thing which happened to you if you get it right.
*) The single taste doesn't mean it is always the same. It means it is single taste of everything. You make everything the same by seeing it is the same. When you do it you will understand. At first it might feel like it would be better to chase relief and why most of this post is about relief. Be smarter this time than to chase relief again.
**) Dispassion is imho too confusing and dangerous imho to recommend in your case than single taste. It would work though, just resulting in different thing. If you feel more inclined to it just be sure the rules about relief stat exactly the same. If what you feel is the kind of dispassion which is aversion fueled by relief then do not do it and focus on single taste as it makes relief easier to see through.
A well respected meditation teacher mentioned this could be due to spirit posession as well.
EDIT:// More like your soul was broken to literal pieces having conflicts acting like posessions to each-other.
You overdid it there without right ideas what you wanted to accomplish and forcing things beyond your comprehension.
Not that they are easy to comprehend and at times some damage can happen when not knowing these things but it doesn't even look like you hurt yourself because you wanted to know yourself but more like "this something is the issue!" and you proceeded forcing oneself to destroy part of your being. Do not ever do that things!
Meditation is about being with oneself to integrate oneself in nice and pleasant atmosphere and not waging war on parts of your mind you think are the issue. More forbearance toward things which don't seem harmonious and things will become harmonious.
I seriously don't want to do this anymore.
This is relief talking.
Method I provided just works.
Any damage caused by wrong actions caused by wrong views will take considerable time to heal even on the best day so be patient and hone right view.
When you have opportunity look at normal healthy people who do not have issues - what is their experience most likely like? What they instinctively avoid going fully in to? When they suffer?
Normal people are Buddhas. They will arrive to support you when you are ready receive support - not the same thing as getting relief.
