The energy of ill will - Discussion
I was doing this this morning as I lay in bed, remember how much of my sitting practice and retreat time included this kind of work... for what it's worth, I found this a very important practice/skill to explore and develop:
1. get established in sitting meditation
2. look for any thought/feeling of ill will within experience
3. follow that thought/feeling to the actual sensations that are yucky, inadequate, negative, unappealing...
4. keeping the attention on the sensation, include a broader sense of awareness/space -- feel the ill will as it is and where it is
5. adjust to have as a complete experience of the ill will within experience as possible
Ill will is a kind of symbolic avoidance habit. "I don't like that thing way over there." It tries to ignore part of experience and identifies with the other part of experience. But the ironic thing is, you are already experiencing it --- to ignore something you have to be aware of it. So what ignoring really does is waste energy, cut yourself off from information, and gives you a false feeling of security.
Using your attention to "find" ill will and holding it within awareness allows that little habit-dynamic of ignoring to release itself, which give you more bandwidth for attention/awareness --- so it becomes a positive feedback loop.
In a very interesting way, ill will itself is sort of a guide to where your psyche is dead/dormant/stagnating. So all you need to do is go there.
The trick, however, is not to have ill will toward ill will or try to "fix" ill will. Both of those reactions are close-but-wrong approaches. The path and the goal is to have as complete an experience of the sensations of ill will as possible and allow the sensations to be how ever they are. No manipulation. Just a complete experience without any intent to change anything.
You sort of love your ill will like you love yourself, because it really is a part of ourself (that we normally try to disown and distance). And if you don't love yourself, there you go: find those sensations where they are and hold it in awareness and have a complete experience of it. You simply keep doing that.
Probably obvious stuff and maybe not worth mentioning. But I was remembering this morning that about 80+% of my progress in meditition occured with this flavor of technique.
This is worth what you paid for it!
1. get established in sitting meditation
2. look for any thought/feeling of ill will within experience
3. follow that thought/feeling to the actual sensations that are yucky, inadequate, negative, unappealing...
4. keeping the attention on the sensation, include a broader sense of awareness/space -- feel the ill will as it is and where it is
5. adjust to have as a complete experience of the ill will within experience as possible
Ill will is a kind of symbolic avoidance habit. "I don't like that thing way over there." It tries to ignore part of experience and identifies with the other part of experience. But the ironic thing is, you are already experiencing it --- to ignore something you have to be aware of it. So what ignoring really does is waste energy, cut yourself off from information, and gives you a false feeling of security.
Using your attention to "find" ill will and holding it within awareness allows that little habit-dynamic of ignoring to release itself, which give you more bandwidth for attention/awareness --- so it becomes a positive feedback loop.
In a very interesting way, ill will itself is sort of a guide to where your psyche is dead/dormant/stagnating. So all you need to do is go there.
The trick, however, is not to have ill will toward ill will or try to "fix" ill will. Both of those reactions are close-but-wrong approaches. The path and the goal is to have as complete an experience of the sensations of ill will as possible and allow the sensations to be how ever they are. No manipulation. Just a complete experience without any intent to change anything.
You sort of love your ill will like you love yourself, because it really is a part of ourself (that we normally try to disown and distance). And if you don't love yourself, there you go: find those sensations where they are and hold it in awareness and have a complete experience of it. You simply keep doing that.
Probably obvious stuff and maybe not worth mentioning. But I was remembering this morning that about 80+% of my progress in meditition occured with this flavor of technique.
This is worth what you paid for it!
Funny you mention it Shargrol, I'm practicing something similar. Not starting from ill-will but from the "avoidance habit", and focusing on body sensations in the chest and head, as that's where my main knots are. Once noticed some kind of fuzzy uneasyness/tension/knot, the second thing to note is that that knot is a moving target (within some range). So I relax the whole thing, the edges dissolve and the center comes to "foreground". I plunge into it. There's (edit: an energy build-up, then a) split second gap and then there's a physical release for 1/2 second or so, not more than a second, usually a ultra-fast shake/tremor. Only a few times there's a nice afterglow, usually it's done and that's it, no insight to pick up. This happens many many times on-cushion. As for now, off-cushion happens very little, at the chest only. But I've noticed it's curbing my tendency to relax (brush aside) uncomfortable sensations, so that's a plus. Months ago I noticed how silence (an example of a neutral sensation) had increasingly become available. So next step may be finally embracing pleasant sensations 
Shargrol,
I brilliant distillation of so many more cumbersome practices... but the first thing that comes to mind is Michael Singer's "Untethered Soul", something I found useful for dropping tons of obscurations.
Something along these lines was and is still my practice when something sticky, which these days is mostly just a "strange" mental or body feeling, comes up. Liberate all dharmas!
_/\_
I brilliant distillation of so many more cumbersome practices... but the first thing that comes to mind is Michael Singer's "Untethered Soul", something I found useful for dropping tons of obscurations.
Something along these lines was and is still my practice when something sticky, which these days is mostly just a "strange" mental or body feeling, comes up. Liberate all dharmas!
_/\_
What I've got from this thread so far is:
1. angry neurons
2. no "one" to get angry
3. Angry needs relaxation meditation
I even brought pop-corn this time!
Here! Want some shargrol?!
1. angry neurons
2. no "one" to get angry
3. Angry needs relaxation meditation
I even brought pop-corn this time!
Here!
Want some shargrol?!
Jim Smith
Untangling the furball of associated emotions can be part of experiencing it completely.
Untangling the furball of associated emotions can be part of experiencing it completely.
Thanks for "untangling the furball" -- gave me a good chuckle!
And yes I agree, ultimately everything needs to get untangled, nice feelings and aversions and even neutral sensations, too. And another sneaky one: treating neutral sensations as unimportant... which is a subtle form of ill will.
Papa Che Dusko
I even brought pop-corn this time!
Here! Want some shargrol?!
I even brought pop-corn this time!
Here!
Want some shargrol?! No worries papa, when I posted this I knew there would be a range of attitudes/orientations. (Is this too simple a practice, too advanced a practice, an unnecessary practice, a distraction from other good practices...) But I thought it was pretty essential so I figured I would mention it.
Bahiya Baby
The Buddha said there is suffering.
Neither clinging to suffering nor rejecting it is the middle way.
The Buddha said there is suffering.
Neither clinging to suffering nor rejecting it is the middle way.
If you also want pop-corn all you need is ask 
Sounds very good Jim.
That reminds me... One thing I found very helpful is to do a sitting practice right before going to bed. Same sort of approach, allow stuff to arise and pass, but if something is difficult or sticky, then rest attention on it while allowing it to exist as it is. This allows any residual stuff from the day to bubble up into consciousness and my mind is much cleaner before it goes to sleep -- promoting a very good and deep sleep.
And while it's true that sometimes problems from the day bubble up into consciousness and honestly can create some turmoil... but my theory is that it's better to do this before going to sleep, because it would probably just bubble up later during sleep and mess it up. So sometimes sits make me hot/flushed and I need to digest some psychological material and maybe I'm up just a little bit later... but I think it all prepares me for much better rest/recovery so it's worth it.
And on the progress of insight side of things, the mind seems to soften its egoic (clinging/avoiding) at night which tends to put people into a more jhanic/equanimous state, which is helpful for most people. Morning sits, when the mind is bright and clear, can sometimes have too much analytic thinking which covers up the subtle stuff. Evening sits tend to be more about subtle sensations and emotions --- the mind is too tired to think.
That reminds me... One thing I found very helpful is to do a sitting practice right before going to bed. Same sort of approach, allow stuff to arise and pass, but if something is difficult or sticky, then rest attention on it while allowing it to exist as it is. This allows any residual stuff from the day to bubble up into consciousness and my mind is much cleaner before it goes to sleep -- promoting a very good and deep sleep.
And while it's true that sometimes problems from the day bubble up into consciousness and honestly can create some turmoil... but my theory is that it's better to do this before going to sleep, because it would probably just bubble up later during sleep and mess it up. So sometimes sits make me hot/flushed and I need to digest some psychological material and maybe I'm up just a little bit later... but I think it all prepares me for much better rest/recovery so it's worth it.
And on the progress of insight side of things, the mind seems to soften its egoic (clinging/avoiding) at night which tends to put people into a more jhanic/equanimous state, which is helpful for most people. Morning sits, when the mind is bright and clear, can sometimes have too much analytic thinking which covers up the subtle stuff. Evening sits tend to be more about subtle sensations and emotions --- the mind is too tired to think.
