Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Feature

Andy (Samuel) Thai (Wiest), modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:49 AM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:28 AM

Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Feature

Posts: 3 Join Date: 5/16/24 Recent Posts
 I got recently diagnosis of Schizotypal Personanility Disorder because of me referrencing different Mythlogy, deities, religious concepts interconnected with each other. 

I was suffering from depression roughly around 2015 to 2019 then there would be moments where I would get lack of sleep and I would feel better (hypomanic) this went on for awhile of me cycling depression and hypo-mania. It wasn't until 2018 I was introduced with cannabis being high opened my eyes to new possibilities like I could be this happy. I realized I'm a highly anxious person and cannabis is allows me to relax. 

In 2020 I had a psychotic episode where I was walking with my mom to the subway and I was on my way to an interview with Equinox to become a Personal Trainer, I just wanted to help people get better. During the subway ride I was happy as a peach, but then I heard whispering from the other side of the subway cart, it was a little who was just mumbling to herself and she was just looking around with a paranoid taste. I looked at her and sent her love and kindness and she knodded at me and close her eyes. 
Then I recented a text from Jude mentioning about Flushing Printer, but I interpretted it as I need to go to Flushing Hospital. I left the subway cart and I called an Uber, as my Uber lifted me up I had a internal monologue, I had a voice. 

The voice said "Son you are worthy, to be King!", the worthy part I liked, but become a King I said "I don't know want to be a King and be burden with responsibilie" I asked the Uber Driver where he was from, Brooklyn = King so I said he can be king. Then I went to call two people who I had a crush at the time, one I would referred to a Lady Sif and another a Valkyrie, I just automatically assume their title and they responsed normally. I assume I was Thor.

I got to Flushing Hospital and I bypass the security and followed a old man going to see his daughter or wife, I still have no reason why I was there, I thought I was going to perform a miracle, and I was on the 4th floor by then. I was answering's doctor's call which were empty. Then the medical staff  noticed I was there, there was another older gentlemen that said "You have nice hair" and my Grandfather would say the same thing. 

The security team arrived to escort me out and they were disappointment in themselves for missing me and allowing me to come in, they were annoying by my presence. 

Since then I've gone through many Archtype. 

Marvel Thor was casted out of Heaven due to arrogance and to learn humility. I equate that to Lucifer, lightbearer, and Lucifer is equates to a Dragon. 
I have this book call "An Initiate's Guide to the Path of the Dragon" which ties everything for Dragon path. 

I went through a phlethora of ArcheType I really thought thought I was God because I was able to create a pantheon a series of what I would call evidence. 

Aang The Avatar: The Last Air Bender share the same name as my Vietnamese Name "An" it's pronounced the same. An in Sumerian is number 60, I am also number 60 in my Kung Fu Lineage. 
Then I received the name "Samuel Wiest" from there things started to get bibilical. 
I have a degree in BTech Computer Information system so I started to see things as in codes. 

I would mean like "Daniel" would be "God is my judge" and Ingram "angel, raven, or ruler" the most recently archetype if Dream and I would use his Family Tree mostly recognizing the different archetype and characters around me. 

I received a Hot Pink Umbrella that said Dream Hotel from a local park that has Graffiti "I LOVE YOU JESUS!" and  "ELI" "MER" "SIL" "SUPA" tagged on the billboard. 

I've cycled through and attached to different archetype, I still use Dream and N30 Morpheus as my "high self". 

Anansi the spider, King of Stories and Loki, God of Stories has been resonating a lot. 

I meant this clown name Spatz Donavan and he worked with Jim Carey to get into spirituality, he worked with out performers like Michael Jackson. I called Spatz Merlin, but Merlin is also Odin and I'm Loki his blood brother. 

There is just a lot of things that happened that connects to each other, like the show Mr. Robot and Raganarok the endings are teh same where it was all in the character's head. 

On Facebook, there a lot of people who seem to pick up on the Lucifer archetype and then Lucifer in the Netflix series becomes a boddhisatva of Hell. 

There is a trend where Anti-Heroes or the An Thai Christ, I use my name as part of the equation. 

An = Peace
Shalom = Peace

Lately I've been exploring the Abrahamic religion because I want to learn more about the Holy Spirit. 

I was wondering if this is a common thing to explore archetype. 

I looked in Anansi the Spider because it contained "An" my name and my intial is AT = @

@ looks like O+a which reminds me of the Netflix Series The OA (Original Angel)

Most recent death Akira Toriyama initial is AT, he is known for Dragon Ball and Dragon Quest. 
Dragon Ball characters such as Son Goku takes after Sun Wu Kong, and Sun Wu Kong is Hanuman. 

After watching the show Loki, I believe we are all variants of each othere, so there is a say "view all as your mother", since people as variants from one another helps me navigate. 

Journey to the West, Sun Wu Kong because a Buddha

I believe I connect with Chenrezig aka Avalokiteshvara the most, after watching ABC: American Born Chinese, I'm a firmly believer that my mother is Guan Yin and I'm learning the path back to Source. 

I'm writing because it's the only thing that brings me joy and hopefuly opens to other who would like to share their story. 

I personally don't subscribe to the Schizotypal Personability Disorder, but I'll borrow the name because I do look at SchizoPoster's Memes. 

I learned OM MANI PADME HUM Mantra from a group of Guan Yin' Disciple in California, ever since then my parents has taken on a meditation practice and even setup an altar since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder which I definitely do have since I've feel the highs and lows, writing because I feel low right now and didn't know where else where I would post and discuss besides reddit. 

Anyways I wonder if this has to do anything with the Arisings and Passings. 

 
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Chris M, modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:52 AM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:52 AM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 5331 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Are you currently under the care of a mental health professional?

Chris M
DhO Moderator
Andy (Samuel) Thai (Wiest), modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:54 AM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:54 AM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 3 Join Date: 5/16/24 Recent Posts
Yes, I am. I'm just here to see if anyone else experience something similar or if this is part of the path. 
Andy (Samuel) Thai (Wiest), modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:59 AM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 9:59 AM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 3 Join Date: 5/16/24 Recent Posts
Interesting enough I want to a Freemasonic Lodge meet up.
I met another Andy who said "Thank you for hiring me and giving me an opportunity" but when the only person I've ever hired was a "Christopher".
This other Andy was Jewish since he wore a kippah. 

Andy would bring to Toy Story how the owner was name Andy. 
You're name is Chris, but reminds of Chris Pratt who play Andy Dwyer to Star Lord, to Mario with it's magic mushroom kingdom. 

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Matt Jon Rousseau, modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 2:01 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 2:01 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 203 Join Date: 5/1/22 Recent Posts
Maybe you shouldn't be meditating right now. It seems like you migh be getting into depersonalization or derealization territory because of your schizotypal personality disorder. Meditation can exasperate that stuff. .  However that is not a rule.  I would talk to your clinician about adding meditation   to your treatment.. maybe it could be good maybe it's in bad.  However I don't believe this is an AP event. It sounds like your condition is a little to disorganized  and scattered. I could be wrong though. Be strong and work with your medical professionals. METTA
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Chris M, modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:08 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:08 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 5331 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Not only can meditation exasperate that stuff but it can exacerbate it, too.
Matt Jon Rousseau, modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:19 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:19 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 203 Join Date: 5/1/22 Recent Posts
Oops . I used the mic
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Pawel K, modified 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:36 PM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/16/24 4:36 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 1172 Join Date: 2/22/20 Recent Posts
Difference between having disorder and normality is not acting on what you feel in a way that people would see as crazy and the difference here is just a matter of priorities. It shows you lack self control. Society only matters about your self control and don't care for socially accepted behavior.
Talking strange things is okay if you do not seem to suddenly decide to get in to a daze and do something irresponsible because voice told you and you don't know what you are doing because are literally fully asleep. Put your priorities in correct order.

In mind itself it is also what I care about. I have colorful mind that has million ideas and I let myself express them internally and even talk to people about them but when I need to be serious I just am and there is no "but this stuff feel good and being serious is boring". There is no discussion! And why despite I sometimes talk strangest of things to people no one calls me crazy. Its playtime and serious business time.

It causes people most discomfort to be around someone whose priority is not social norm.
Some people overdo it, even thinking there is relief in following them and then some may put all bets on it and have sad realization it was a lie and might start pushing it away, this social mind. Not want to deal with it wanting to indulge in all the things they didn't gave oneself opportunity to think. It is understandable but it is not the way.

The way is to do what you need do, behave how you need to act and regarding ideas try to make them work with what actually comes out of your mouth. The same ideas seed for you have in your mind can be made very interesting but you need to give them time, cook them correctly until they feel the right color. For now it seems your mind lost its priorities and by the way is making the same mistake as it did before - indulging in something to get relief that cannot technically exist by pushing ideas out as soon as they arrive. There is no relief in anything. The satisfaction your mind looks for doesn't exist. And this is fine because you actually just jump at first thing that you feel you want/need. You don't want this first thing. The thing you want is like all good ideas - to know what it is you also need to give it time.

Andy (Samuel) Thai (Wiest)
It wasn't until 2018 I was introduced with cannabis being high opened my eyes to new possibilities like I could be this happy. I realized I'm a highly anxious person and cannabis is allows me to relax.

To me personally cannabis/thc/etc are literal torture. I can adjust to make it kinda ok-ish but still it is the last thing I would describe this state as the relaxation. More like subtle massage of something that is stressed for the purpose of let this movement go somewhere where it won't cause issues.
My brother is avid fan of that stuff and always feels very relaxed.

Subtle continuous movement consciousness cannabis causes and keeping mind near neuron's control panel doesn't play well. I have control panel like in the movie Inside Out and when I let Canna inside it then all the emotions starts weaving hands around and if they are close to control panel it just don't work that well. If I put some tension in my mind then changing tension up and down does cause some relaxation compared to this tension being constant. I don't like putting tension in mind. My brother is walking tension. In this aspect we are polar opposites.

Though despite not liking it I would in heartbeat if situation required it. As much tension/relaxation/whatever as its necessary.
It might sound strange but this is the the right attitude for my mind - there is no time for silliness when there is unresolved stress.
It works like that - we ignore stress/dukkha, maybe pondering about what should be done and when alarms ring it has to be resolved asap then we do first thing that comes to mind that has nothing to do with what was thought about.
That is why we need to start acting early when the issue is not too serious. Then decisions made can be well thought and just better.

You said you have bipolar. I had that too.
What helps is just observing oneself but never force oneself as that only exacerbates issue (look POI - its literally bipolar disorder in a nutshell). Just like with social norms - treat it as important to be mindful to observe mind as much as you need to. When it feels like you are doing it for relief literally stop and wait it out like you had micro panic attack*, wait until you observed mind just because it was itself blissful. Once you learn to not indulge in relief but rather operate mind on bliss you will find there was never any need for any relief, any release, any need to push ideas under-cooked, no need to struggle with yourself. Mind just flows and whether it flows there is this same comfort that has millions of different shades of colors.

No Relief,
Ni

*) I mean treat it as what it is...
Adi Vader, modified 2 Months ago at 5/17/24 6:03 AM
Created 2 Months ago at 5/17/24 6:03 AM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 329 Join Date: 6/29/20 Recent Posts
Hi Andy

I am very sorry to hear about your mental health problem.

If we have a fractured bone, we need to go see an orthopedic surgeon. Similarly your problem is best addressed by seeking treatment from a therapist/psychiatrist. Preferably a psychiatrist.

These things you are describing are completely unconnected to Insight/awakening. The more connections you try to form the further complications you might create for yourself.

Some advice:

1. Stay under care of an MD psychiatry
2. Do meditation only after taking your doctor in confidence
3. Stop reading books on spirituality/awakening
4. Watch the mind for any out of the ordinary activity like grandiosity, paranoia, story creation reg gods, dieties, science etc. The mind weaves all sorts of stories that unnecessarily agitate the heart.

First get better at this mental health problem - 'hard core' practice can wait.

​​​​​​​I wish you the very best.
Andy Thai, modified 1 Month ago at 5/28/24 5:41 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/28/24 5:41 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 2 Join Date: 5/28/24 Recent Posts
I lost access to my old account and the reset password isn't working. 

It may sound disorganized, but I'm able to work my 9-5 job, and socialize with friends, Things which I considered to be out of the normal I only share with one person who has bipolar like me and is on the same wavelength. 

She believes she's literally Lucifer and Lilith and all these other characters too. 

I met a few people on X who think the same where we're Anunnaki aka Time Travelers here just to Kill Time. 

I'm on top of my medical stuff, they don't understand the connectivity part regarding spirituality and I'm a bit surprised you guys don't see any connection to any I've put. 

It sounds disorganized or chaotic, but to me, it's in order. Mainstream medical are bad at this stuff, they just dismiss you as delusional, and that's it. 

If I stuck with that narrative that I'm delusional then I would not have met all the other people who thought the exactly same way. Psychosynthesis is needed to integrate all the different parts. 

Although during mania things are harder to manage, I remember texting a group chat that had Daniel Ingram in there. He simply said "You seem to be flying high right now, can you fly low or land?" just say that made me calm down.
It's like having a hyperactive 4-5 year old acting out in an adult body. 

Anyways I appreciate everyone's feedback. Know when to act and when not to act is definitely I'm working on still when I get into mania. 
Andy Thai, modified 1 Month ago at 5/28/24 5:45 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/28/24 5:45 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 2 Join Date: 5/28/24 Recent Posts
May be an image of ticket stub, diary and text​​​​​​​
kettu, modified 1 Month ago at 5/29/24 6:35 AM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/29/24 6:35 AM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 51 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Take care of your mental health. The mental health professionals may not be up to your imaginations but otherwise they should be helpful for you. Try to trust them.

Don't take your archetypal imaginations too seriously. If they really help you to understand your life, and don't distrupt for example your job, your relations to family, friends etc, they may be ok. Why do they matter to you so much? It is not quite obvious to a reader of your posts. (Like, who cares if I'm a god or not? It does not make any difference to my daily life or worth as a being, does it.)

It is not possible for an internet outsider to understand what type of situation you really are, and as you tell that you have been diagnosed serious mental health issues, it is possible to comment your posts only very carefully. Many people have psychotic episodes or tendencies and learn to balance them with their daily life. Imagination can be playful, useful, fun, poetic and opening - and it may be lonely, heavy burden, frightening, disconnecting and delusional. You know for yourself what you are going through. Find a balance.
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J W, modified 1 Month ago at 5/29/24 5:18 PM
Created 1 Month ago at 5/29/24 5:16 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 687 Join Date: 2/11/20 Recent Posts
Hello,
First of all, I agree with the suggestion of others to continue to see a mental health expert. 
Be honest with yourself about what is working and what is not.  Consider medication other than cannabis, which can also cause psychosis.  How is your sleep?  Consider sleep/bipolar medication such as seroquel/quietapine.  My bipolar issues have vastly improved once I got my sleep figured out.  Talk to your doctor about it.

Buddhism is not a theistic religion, or even a religion.  Whatever your experience/relationship with archetypes, or dieties, from a Buddhist persective these are generally meant to represent states of mind rather than actual beings that exist inherently somewhere 'out there'.  My word of advice is to not get too attached or take too seriously any of these 'entities'.

Be well.

John
Cameron DeVries, modified 29 Days ago at 6/16/24 9:11 PM
Created 29 Days ago at 6/16/24 9:11 PM

RE: Archetype Journey - Diagnosed with STPD and BP Type 1 w/Psychotic Featu

Posts: 2 Join Date: 6/16/24 Recent Posts
I'm sorry for what you're going through.  I had a similar experience when I was 26 (it was a one day period of psychosis).  It was horrible, but when I slept that night I dreamt of the Bodhisattva I had been praying to every day for 3 years, and she was doing emergency surgery on my mind, saving it from further calamity - when I woke, I could control my mind again and have a normal life.  All I can say really say is:

...My Buddhist teacher always says if there's a will, there's a way.  keep doing what you can to recover - accept your new limitations mentally, but don't identify as a mentally ill person, even if people wwant to label you as such.  Work to heal and integrate the emotional wounds from this shock and trauma.  Just take your recovery step by step and trust that you getting somewhere and that you will get to the other side.  DO what you can for your healing and growth.  For example, I spent one year drawing a mandala every day after my psychosis.  it brought peace, joy, and a sense of accomplishment.  now when im in a bad place i have journals of mandalas to look at, and it feels good.  Sound healing with tibetan bowls has helped me a lot in my healing.  I am working with a somatic therapist who taught me (based on Peter Levine's work) that it is important to release tension after a trauma.  Once the body starts feeling okay again and doesn't feel a threat, integration can happen.  otherwise, we may still feel on edge and carry the fear of the psychosis with us. I had a Buddhist friend who healed from PTSD through just bringing awareness to his sensations when the fear and panic arose.  His therapist said give time to the panic when it arise, just go to the sensation and detach the sensation from the fear - just notice whether it is tight, restricted etc.  It worked for him, but I wouldnt recommend it unless you are working with a therapist in a safe space.  Be determined to get better, and be curious of ways you can take this obstacle and transform it into a blessing - it will make you more compassion, and more understanding of others who suffer. 

Since then,  I have been able to go to massage school and give massages to paying clients.  I have been able to volunteer three hours a day five days a week at a charity/animal organization.  And I was recently invited to join the board of a Buddhist non-profit.  

It was hard fought to get here...

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