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Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/12/12 5:49 PM
Hi,
Long time practictioner, but first time poster. I don't want to go too much into my story. I'm posting because I want to reach out to those who may have encountered any trickster spirits of a very heavy vibration. Perhaps you were decieved by this spirit and found yourself in hell. In addition to the agony of the knowledge you now possess you also have crazy powers. Hopefully, you didn't end up in the hospital as I did, but somehow you managed to get on living something like a normal life.
Have you seen the pit of despair? Does infinite evil peer out from behind your eyes? At some point in your life your only motiviation was the liberation of all beings from suffering and now you find yourself transformed into a dark wizard?
Yeah, it sucks, but it's fate, I guess, right?
If you can relate to this please send me a message.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/12/12 11:26 PM as a reply to black siddhi.
black siddhi:
Hi,
Long time practictioner, but first time poster.


Welcome to the DhO.

What are you a long time practitioner of, bs?

I don't want to go too much into my story. I'm posting because I want to reach out to those who may have encountered any trickster spirits of a very heavy vibration. Perhaps you were decieved by this spirit and found yourself in hell. In addition to the agony of the knowledge you now possess you also have crazy powers. Hopefully, you didn't end up in the hospital as I did, but somehow you managed to get on living something like a normal life.


How did you end up in a hospital? What went wrong? What was happening before in your 'longterm' practice all of what you say happened?


Have you seen the pit of despair?


Describe the 'pit of despair' phenomenologically please. What sensations, mental imagery , thoughts etc were associated with this concept?

Does infinite evil peer out from behind your eyes?


Describe this phenomenologically? Sensations? mental imagery? Thoughts? Beliefs?

At some point in your life your only motiviation was the liberation of all beings from suffering and now you find yourself transformed into a dark wizard?


Are you, bs, a dark wizard? What is a 'dark wizard'? What tradition is this idea based in?


Yeah, it sucks, but it's fate, I guess, right?
If you can relate to this please send me a message.


I cannot relate to any of this and would be interested to know if anyone does and what practice they are immersed in.

Nick

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 12:43 PM as a reply to Nikolai ..
Nikolai .:
black siddhi:
Hi,
Long time practictioner, but first time poster.


Welcome to the DhO.

Thank you. I'll do my best to answer your questions. Hopefully we can learn from eachothers experiences.

What are you a long time practitioner of, bs?

It began with chaos magick, but I was soon called to Sufism. After a series of visions typical of the path my personality and energy changed radically. I trained intensely in reiki and other forms of energy healing which led to me developing my own style of healing in cooperartion with a host of spirits.

I don't want to go too much into my story. I'm posting because I want to reach out to those who may have encountered any trickster spirits of a very heavy vibration. Perhaps you were decieved by this spirit and found yourself in hell. In addition to the agony of the knowledge you now possess you also have crazy powers. Hopefully, you didn't end up in the hospital as I did, but somehow you managed to get on living something like a normal life.


How did you end up in a hospital? What went wrong? What was happening before in your 'longterm' practice all of what you say happened?

What went wrong is that I encountered a maeolevalent spirit of very heavy vibration. Essentially my practice was surrender to the Light. This left me an empty vessel. Additionally, my arrogance and foolishness left me vulnerable to become possessed by this entity and others. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and committed to a mental hospital.


Have you seen the pit of despair?


Describe the 'pit of despair' phenomenologically please. What sensations, mental imagery , thoughts etc were associated with this concept?

Idk. I call it that because a voice once said, "it is a pit of despair, don't you forget it!" as I saw myself above a swirling black blackness. I wrote this about it: http://cllct.com/release/animpossibledarkness

Does infinite evil peer out from behind your eyes?


Describe this phenomenologically? Sensations? mental imagery? Thoughts? Beliefs?

Hmmm... It's like I am empty and have no feelings of my own. I peer into the souls of others and feel their feelings, think their thoughts, live their memories, and while gazing into this mirror I see only the worst of them which in turn they begin to see and believe. I have seen countless souls fall into the blackness, their gaurdian angels leaving them, their faces contorting in agony as they shift from red to black.

At some point in your life your only motiviation was the liberation of all beings from suffering and now you find yourself transformed into a dark wizard?


Are you, bs, a dark wizard? What is a 'dark wizard'? What tradition is this idea based in?

I guess so although if I were it would seem like I should have a will of my own instead of mindlessly giving incarnation to the serpent and his minions. I just picked the word- no tradition. It's kind of a fun way to describe my prediciment.

Yeah, it sucks, but it's fate, I guess, right?
If you can relate to this please send me a message.


I cannot relate to any of this and would be interested to know if anyone does and what practice they are immersed in.

Nick

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 1:21 PM as a reply to black siddhi.
black siddhi:

What went wrong is that I encountered a maeolevalent spirit of very heavy vibration. Essentially my practice was surrender to the Light. This left me an empty vessel. Additionally, my arrogance and foolishness left me vulnerable to become possessed by this entity and others. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and committed to a mental hospital.


A lot of what you write is quite far "out there". If you don't mind my asking, what makes you think that the doctors aren't right in their diagnosis of schizophrenia?

Simon

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 1:28 PM as a reply to black siddhi.
black siddhi:
Hmmm... It's like I am empty and have no feelings of my own. I peer into the souls of others and feel their feelings, think their thoughts, live their memories, and while gazing into this mirror I see only the worst of them which in turn they begin to see and believe.
This is corrupted insight/corrupted equanimity. I have experienced something like this, though without the magical imagery. You might try cultivating metta for when this arises, and joy for when the despair arises.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 1:43 PM as a reply to Simon Ekstrand.
certainly, they were correct. I meet all criteria for the diagnosis. does that make my perceptions any more or less real?
I think the label is dismissive and doesn't promote compassion or understanding.
"He's schizo. Medicate him so he'll stop disturbing us. That's the end of it."

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 2:10 PM as a reply to black siddhi.
black siddhi:
certainly, they were correct. I meet all criteria for the diagnosis. does that make my perceptions any more or less real?
I think the label is dismissive and doesn't promote compassion or understanding.
"He's schizo. Medicate him so he'll stop disturbing us. That's the end of it."


I suppose i may have phrased myself poorly, I'll try again. Do you yourself believe that your experiences are "real" (for some sense of the word), and not just visions brought on by mental illness? If so, what makes you dismiss schizofrenia as the cause of your experiences when the symptoms line up well with the diagnosis?

Again, I'm not trying to be rude, only to gain some understanding of the situation.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 2:38 PM as a reply to Simon Ekstrand.
Does it really matter? Spiritual practice has nothing to do with whether experiences are "real" or not. The remarks on past lives by Daniel Ingram and Nikolai in this recent thread make this clear.

What matters is that disturbing material is coming up which is getting in the way of practice. The pragmatic question is how to respond to this material.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 3:04 PM as a reply to fivebells ..
fivebells .:
Does it really matter? Spiritual practice has nothing to do with whether experiences are "real" or not. The remarks on past lives by Daniel Ingram and Nikolai in this recent thread make this clear.

What matters is that disturbing material is coming up which is getting in the way of practice. The pragmatic question is how to respond to this material.


The difference being that Daniel acknowledges in his post that his visions may can just as easily have been past lives as simple delusions. black siddhi on the other hand seems to view his experiences as "true" ie. not just delusions of his mind, and goes on to call himself a black wizard with infinite evil peering out from behind his eyes.

To me, that is quite a marked difference.

Either way, as this line of questioning does not seem to be well received I will simply drop the issue. I was simply curious.

Simon

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 3:24 PM as a reply to Simon Ekstrand.
Simon E:
The difference being that Daniel acknowledges in his post that his visions may can just as easily have been past lives as simple delusions.
From the standpoint of spiritual practice, that is not a significant difference. The vast majority of Buddhist practitioners have believed the exact opposite to Daniel on this point, and the practice has had roughly the same effects.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 3:47 PM as a reply to fivebells ..
fivebells .:
Simon E:
The difference being that Daniel acknowledges in his post that his visions may can just as easily have been past lives as simple delusions.
From the standpoint of spiritual practice, that is not a significant difference. The vast majority of Buddhist practitioners have believed the exact opposite to Daniel on this point, and the practice has had roughly the same effects.


There is a large difference in how you let it affect your life, and thus your practice. Belief or lack thereof in past lives actually makes quite a small practical difference in your life. Seeing yourself as a possessed black wizard can apparently land you in a hospital, which presumably has quite a large impact on your life and practice. Sometimes seeing the difference between the real and the imagined can quite useful. Completely loosing the distinction between the two does not to me seem to be good for practice.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/13/12 4:00 PM as a reply to Simon Ekstrand.
I definitely agree that an accurate view of your circumstances is useful from a conventional point of view.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/14/12 3:09 AM as a reply to black siddhi.
black siddhi:
Hi,
Long time practictioner, but first time poster. I don't want to go too much into my story. I'm posting because I want to reach out to those who may have encountered any trickster spirits of a very heavy vibration. Perhaps you were decieved by this spirit and found yourself in hell. In addition to the agony of the knowledge you now possess you also have crazy powers. Hopefully, you didn't end up in the hospital as I did, but somehow you managed to get on living something like a normal life.
Have you seen the pit of despair? Does infinite evil peer out from behind your eyes? At some point in your life your only motiviation was the liberation of all beings from suffering and now you find yourself transformed into a dark wizard?
Yeah, it sucks, but it's fate, I guess, right?
If you can relate to this please send me a message.



The "pit of despair" is how the ego interprets its first glimpse of Freedom/Truth, when it appears on the horizon. To traverse the "gateless gate" requires that you surrender to the black void. The void/abyss has to engulf and destroy your self if you are to become free, so of course it looks terrifying.

Problems occur when your practice brings you to the gate and you get scared of losing your mind, and then try to beat a hasty retreat. Retreating = resistance, and will cause mental/physical sickness. So you either approach the gate knowing what's required of you, or you steer clear of it and stop spiritual practice altogether....up to you. It's normal to fear losing your mind, because the mind projects the self. You actually have to lose your mind to become free. I'd go so far as to say if you are doing any spiritual work and are not fearing losing your mind, you're not doing real spiritual practice.

Comfort and security gets you nowhere.

RE: Infinite Blackness
Answer
4/16/12 8:28 PM as a reply to This Good Self.
I thought of something else, black siddhi.

If you start a meditation with predominantly negative thoughts or surrounds, the meditation will throw up a lot of negative thoughts from deep aspects of your unconscious. "Set and setting" affect meditation as much as drug use, I believe. "Setting" is your surroundings - choose somewhere pleasant and tidy and conducive to relaxation. "Set" is your mindset - make it as positive as possible. Think about playful puppies until your emotion changes to one of positivity. Or do metta. Then start.

If I do any spiritual practice, I try to do it this way.

What I was talking about in the previous post may or may not apply.