Sex and Enlightenment

Fabian P, modified 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 4:44 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 4:32 AM

Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 5 Join Date: 11/20/10 Recent Posts
Is sex an obstacle on the way to enlightenment?
Sensual pleasures (greed) belong to the "hindrances". Is sex a hindrance?
Is it correct to regard sex exclusively from the viewpoint of "greed."
Do Arahats have sex?

Some say Arahats have left all earthly pleasures completely behind them...

Fabian
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John P, modified 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 11:24 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 11:24 AM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 155 Join Date: 1/24/12 Recent Posts
Well, this is just my personal opinion, but I think you don't need to give up sex unless you "know" you should(that is, you don't need to convince yourself every time).
But I do think sex in excess is bad, it becomes tiring and obsessive.
Also, it is better to have sex only with someone you love, as sex is not only about body, but also mind.

Again, this is just my personal opinion, but what I for now have found to be true on my experience.

Also, there is the tantra practice (which is way more than just sex), in which you use your desires as a source of energy, without indulging in them(in sex, for example, you would avoid ejaculating). If you want to know more about it, do your own research.
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fivebells , modified 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 1:59 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 1:59 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 563 Join Date: 2/25/11 Recent Posts
For now, it's probably enough to just avoid having sex while you meditate. emoticon
Some Guy, modified 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 5:55 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/14/12 5:55 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 343 Join Date: 8/9/11 Recent Posts
fivebells .:
For now, it's probably enough to just avoid having sex while you meditate. emoticon


But definitely meditate while you have sex.
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Tommy M, modified 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 9:01 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 9:01 AM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 1199 Join Date: 11/12/10 Recent Posts
J B:
fivebells .:
For now, it's probably enough to just avoid having sex while you meditate. emoticon


But definitely meditate while you have sex.

Hahahahahahahaha! Nicely said on both counts.
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Bailey , modified 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 11:18 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 11:18 AM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 267 Join Date: 7/14/11 Recent Posts
You are a lay practitioner and for a lay practitioner sex is completely normal. It is MUCH better to have a healthy sexual relationship than to repress it (we can see the results of repressing sex in the church and guru scandals.

Arahats can definitively have sex and I will hopefully be re-verifying this tonight ;)


-d
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Nikolai , modified 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 5:00 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/15/12 5:00 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 1648 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
Blue .:
You are a lay practitioner and for a lay practitioner sex is completely normal. It is MUCH better to have a healthy sexual relationship than to repress it (we can see the results of repressing sex in the church and guru scandals.

Arahats can definitively have sex and I will hopefully be re-verifying this tonight ;)


-d


Are you an arahat? Which version?
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Bailey , modified 9 Years ago at 8/17/12 10:44 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/17/12 10:44 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 267 Join Date: 7/14/11 Recent Posts
just assume the MTCB arhat
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Cedric , modified 9 Years ago at 1/6/13 10:46 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/6/13 10:46 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 89 Join Date: 12/25/12 Recent Posts
Desire for Sex along the path:
I have always been somewhat acetic. I remember being 12 years old or so and noticing all the pressure and difficulties around money in my family and kinda figured out that I would experience less suffering not consuming a lot, or needing money and the things that money can buy. Thus, since then I have generally had fewer outwardly/worldly desires. - What a blessing!!!
But, there is an exception. I am pretty interested in sex, much like other men. I do desire it. Think about it. Look at women and their bodies lustfully etc.
I do certainly notice the suffering of unfulfilled and even fulfilled sexual desire. I see the mental friction that is causes.
Anyhow, with all that said, I would like to ask my friends here who are further on the path about their current experience of sexual desire and how it has changed since good ole pre-attainment days?

Thanks and best to you all.

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Ona Kiser, modified 9 Years ago at 1/7/13 8:58 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/7/13 4:30 AM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 66 Join Date: 1/18/10 Recent Posts
Relating also to your questions correction: Cedric's other thread and his reply on this thread - about family and children on the other thread, what I have noticed in my own life is a gradual dropping of attachment to things, but dropping of attachment is not the same as aversion, but rather seems to be an open, ease-ful, relaxed space around the thing. So for example, when the body needs food (and sometimes when it is simply stimulated by a familiar food smell, like bacon frying!) the saliva and digestive juices start flowing - one feels hungry. There's a difference between simply experiencing this as it is, and feeling uncomfortable with this sensation, wanting to end it urgently, and grabbing a couple slices of pizza and chowing down. The sensation of being hungry becomes less of an urgent demand, and merely a natural response. It feels more okay to have those sensations, and the "lust" to eradicate them by immediately eating something is diminished. For me sexual urges have changed similarly - biological feelings may arise due to hormone cycles, for example, but are not terribly important and do not dominate my attention. I'm also not a 20 year old single person, so your mileage may vary.

Relating to other people has also changed, including relating to close family members and my spouse. I generally feel a great deal of fondness and love for other people, even if they are weird, quirky, trying my patience, etc. There's more "space" in the relationship to allow them to be as they are without wanting to manipulate them or change them. I can see that they are reacting from their own karma, conditions, etc. and doing the best they can, even if what they are doing is causing a lot of suffering. A friend of mine used the term "unconditional high regard" as a way to describe how her practice has pointed her in relation to other people, and that resonates quite often (though not always!! there's room to grow!) Behaviors that in the past were irritating or made me angry now often seem endearing or at least worthy of empathy. I feel more inclined to be helpful, patient and generous with others. I find other people interesting and likeable, even when we don't have a lot in common. This impacts my family life in that I really enjoy goofing around with my nieces and nephews (I don't have kids of my own), spending time with my extended family and husband, keeping company with friends and so on, where I used to be quite a bit more introverted and keep to myself more, as I found other people trying and exhausting to be around.

I recall points in my meditation practice -even recently - where I would truly worry that if this process didn't stop I'd end up "losing everything" or "turning into a nun" or such - there's a fear that comes sometimes with the loosening of attachments, because I couldn't imagine how that could work without the result either being not giving a shit about anything or becoming averse to the things I had previously liked. What it's been like instead is not either of those, but rather the relationship to things changing from being painful/needy/clingy/fraught to being easeful/gentle/soft/peaceful. That cycle of fear/anxiety seems to be a not uncommon pattern as things continue to shake out.

Hope that helps a bit.
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Cedric , modified 9 Years ago at 1/8/13 10:08 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 1/8/13 10:08 PM

RE: Sex and Enlightenment

Posts: 89 Join Date: 12/25/12 Recent Posts
Hey Ona,
thanks for responding. So you are basically saying that there is less energy/pressure/force in the desires etc now. And things are easier and everything is a bit less pressed.
Cool.
Thanks
Cedric

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