HI Darrin,
Welcome.
Further to the other comments:
Practice:
I sit down and within a few minutes I am able to stay on the breath without much trouble. I can pick up on vibrations in the breath at about 10 per second after I have settled in for a while. It's mostly on the out breath that I sense the vibrations. In/Top/Bottom I am aware of but the vibrations are not as pronounced. (correction: Make it mostly on the in breath not the out breath, actually when it starts it is as if a wave comes over me at the start of the in breath and then the vibrations become clear. Just meditated and figured this out.)
I have times when it seems that I am drifting out of concentration but I recently realized that was not really the case. It's more like I am down in a shallow hole (not a great explanation) that has me, not cut off from sensation, but it's like a curtain between me and sensation. I am still following my breath though the breath and everything else seems far away
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It is very useful to keep following that breath closely through all the sensations, keeping the mind gentle and at the breath. When it wanders a little, no problem - come back the breath. One is being like an ideal, gentle, kind mother/father to the wandering mind and just taking any mind of commentary (about the practice) or wandering thinking (about anything) and bringing it back into the breath, taking it in with attention.
One is really being at the breath (around the nostrils and upper lip) with full contentedness to be right there, with the breath. Or full contentedness to find oneself in a thought and returning one's attention to the breath. No anticipation for anything, just total willingness, sit after sit, to be there with the breath. Some breaths are short, some breathes are long. Just being at the breath
I make sure the forehead space between the eyes stays loose. There may come sensations of tightness or focus there later (maybe not), but while I am "in charge" of collected the concentration around the breath, I also keep the forhead area relaxed. In this way I know I am not adding too much volitional intensity in the effort, which is not helpful, which desire is counterproductive. The effort can be very excellent and intense, while still being fully relaxed and content.
Also, one can sit in a chair (like a dining room chair - which has softness and a straight back) and keep the legs even lifted on a bench, or stretched out on something (something that will not force you to lock your knees).
When the mind really goes into its object (e.g., into open awareness, anapanasati, kasina, devotion --- all standard objects of meditation) shtira, sukkha comes up: body is steady and comfortable. Even after many minutes pass, the body becomes steady and comfortable.
The mind, meanwhile, when it really gets focused with its object, starts growing in what seems like "brightness". I would not pay attention to the brighten aspects. At some point of focus the brightness naturally become part of the meditation, and there the mind gets to a place wherein body feels fine and mind feels alert, bright, well, focuses. At that point there is a new "chapter" of practice arising (in my opinion), first jhana and knowledge of samadhi (excellent "concentration").
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During the day, outside of meditation, it helps very much to be soft and gentle with everyone around you, to be an excellent non-judgemental listener, for example. This helps contain one's personality and prevent the creation of agitation with others (but it happens, like the mind wandering, and needs the same response to it's expression as the mind wandering: gentle recovery and return to sati), which creates an upset mind that is often too provoked in self-blaming or agitation to settle into focusing fully on an object. It can take days for a mind to settle after an argument...
During the day also, in as many spare moments as possible, letting the mind be felicitous and fully at the sense doors is very useful. This settles the mind before the meditation and also allows the conceptual aspect of mind --- heavily used in life today -- take a break, relax. If you work and in an office, feeling sunrise/sunset on the face (if near a window or by going outside and taking a walk in it). At night, there can be standing outside and taking in the air and animal or traffic sounds just as they are: letting odors be known in the smell-consciousness, acoustics just occuring in the hearing-consicousness. When eating, letting flavors just be in the taste-consciousness (although with food, when one eats after hunger, there is a strong pleasure sensation that spreads quickly through the brain and this mental consciousness of "pleasure" can also be felt). So this is often called here "seeing at the eyes", "hearing at the ears", "smelling at the nose" and it's usually referencing a sutta called the Bahiya sutta, about a man who became enlightened, experienced the simplicity of knowing things as they are.
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I have definitely been through the stages of the Dark Night many times so I will not go into all that.
I would really love to get the hell out of the Dark Night for a while. Can anyone tell me where I am at so I can make it to Equanimity.
So I have written a lot to you (on top of what others have written): both daily, felicitous, receptive, even mildly delighted sati at the sense-doors (this means not to elaborate at the mental consciousness level, such as going further than just smelling, and promoting thoughts like, "Oh, what a fine night.") and sitting for training in deepening focus (the body-mind will have its indicators such as steadiness and comfort and the mind will brighten when willing, gentle concentration builds...it is a bit like a game).
Lastly, making sure that one's physical fitness has been addressed is very helpful. For example, it is extremely helpful to get a boost out of dark night with a regular cardiovascular program and yoga (
or if you stretch, perhaps consider making every stretch be attended by long, slow, deep breathing (at least 5-seconds inhale, at least 5-seconds exhale, for no less than 5 cycles of respiration, ideally 12 cycles of long, slow, deep breathes). It is not even so much as the effect of the wonderful chemicals released therein, it is also about the effort and showing up to the effort which is then met by a chemical reward (from exercise) this combination of effort and reward starts to train the brain for focus and effort.
Best wishes.