My name and topic comes from the Tom Campbell theory that we are one conciousness that in order to evolve and survive it broke into pieces. We are here to become loving more evolved beings through multiple lives, and give data back to the server. (google tom campbell scribd book 1, tom campbell scribd book 2, tom campbel scribd book 3)
Before I was trying to learn how to seduce women for ego's sake in the PUA community. (I wasn't very good at it) but I thought that if I was able to be successful at this then I would be important.
The first time I did the ibogaine was at a low dose. I noticed females attention and much greater capacity to connect with people. In effect I became a better planner. I told my friend and his response was something like "yeah, so what. your not learning to love your just perfecting your ego"
The second time I did the substance at a higher level. I felt like a black filthy corpse lieing on the bed. No ego gratification after the second trip just a trip to the mental hospitol.
I took a hallucinogenic substance a year ago that both opened my heart to genuinely wanting a relationship (as a positive) and making me attached to a girl (the negative).
Lately I've realised that I need to become love. I realised how unloving and inuathentic I was around people. I told my friend "how do I become love, can you give me any resources?" He told me to find everything I can find about Ram Dass.
My ego wants me to please people with status. I'm really really tired of this. I want to connect with people around me, to not judge, to not want status, to grow spirituallly and attract a partner who is on the same journey. I also want to help in whatever way I can.
Today I bumped into a very genuine dude I respect. I told myseld "dont send hateful vibes whatever you do"
Today through interacting with people I thought that deep down we know peoples character and we know the truth however obscured it is.
To tell the truth the spiritual journey seems tough. Even Ram Dass who's done multiple psychedelics/meditation/travel to india got asked "i really found your book useful, why aren't you more like your book?"
