Some of the qualities of enlightenment seem to coincide with traits that women find attractive. Non-neediness, non-attachment, happiness, emotional equanimity,...etc..

Have you guy found this to be true?

Yes, if you get yourself into relatively ego free state, women will tend to throw themselves at you. Then 5 minutes later if you slip out of this state, suddenly the attraction fades. Quite amazing really. Money is the same - it comes to you if you don't chase after it.

http://financetrends.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/zen-and-art-of-trading.html

Importantly, it's not the wealth or the high status that attracts women; it's the fact that relatively selfless guys tend to drift to the top of their chosen careers and thereby attract the status and wealth that goes with that. In other words, material success and high status positions tend to go to those who have (to some degree) let go of their egos. There's a correlation, but the wealth and status is secondary.

Of course some men become wealthy by force, manipulation or underhanded means (politicians, bankers and so on). Their wives married them because they saw all the right signs (wealth/status) but forgot about the person's ego. The wealth and status had come by an unnatural means and so there's no love and a lot of unhappiness. They confused *wealth and status* with *the cause of wealth and status*. I imagine it would be an easy mistake to make.

So if you were to get into spiritual practices because you thought you'd attract women more easily, I think that could work for you. But if you have no job and no money, it can't work. Again, the reason why it won't work is not because you don't have wealth and status, it's because if you had a relatively ego-free existence, you'd already be attracting money and a job and all that goes with it. See what I mean? Consciousness is primary, outward manifestations are secondary.

That's an interesting take C C C...I agree with a lot of what you said, other than this..



I just don't find that to really be the case. I'd say, more likely the opposite. Take a look at someone like Michael Jordan...pathological narcissist who fueled himself by imagining and blowing up slights to his ego..

Donald Trump..pretty big ego...I'm sure you can find counter-examples here and there...but I'd bet that if you looked around at the people at the very top of their industry you would find some monstrous ego's..,

Malcom Gladwell wrote something along the lines of the fact that nearly all really successful people (and his book outlier's is about them) are fueled by some deep seated insecurity that constantly drives them. I would say a deep seated insecurity is the opposite of being ego-less.


This study showed that narcissists make the best leaders..

http://www.forbes.com/sites/frederickallen/2011/11/18/new-study-egomaniacs-make-the-best-leaders/

But I guess what I was really looking for on this thread is personal experience or anecdotes about how going along the path helped/hindered/or had no effect on your attractiveness to the opposite sex.

I suppose the ability to keep eye contact would have an impact...

Yea, women hit on me all the time now. When I look in the mirror and don't register the image as "me", sometimes I even feel like hitting on that person. Or was this question just directed at the mens?

I'm having fun with you... haha... because this question is a crapshoot. There isn't a solid version of enlightenment that pans across peoples' personalities. Personality traits are still around. Lots of the people I've met who have lots of experience with meditation, enlightenment, whatever, are really different and I can't say there's much about any of them I can hone in on that seems like some similar "quality" of enlightenedness.

Why do you ask?

I think it just makes you less preoccupied with the whole subject, an underrated benefit.

I see what you're saying. With Jordan and others like him, I expect he switches modes quite a bit. To watch him play, it's poetry in motion. In those moments when he's "on", he is totally lost in the moment and quite free of self-referencing. Watch some youtube clips - you can see it and feel it. I don't think it's possible to play like that without some ability to get in the zone and alter one's consciousness quite dramatically. Instead of the breath, his object of meditation is the movement of the ball and other players around him...and he goes deep! Trump probably gets high doing deals...his object of meditation is the numbers, the play of negotiation and so on.

Now imagine you're Jordan and you've just floated through another game and blitzed the field. The crowd is awestruck, and you yourself are awestruck at what just happened... it was like "you" weren't even there, it was just happening on auto-pilot. The media are swarming around you and every hot, hard bodied woman in the place is dying to just get close to you. Can you imagine the parties afterwards? How difficult would it be in that situation to NOT let your ego run rampant?

So I tend to think that those who reach great heights tend to do this switching thing.... but if you can think of some examples to counter that, I'd be interested to hear.

edit:

I've found the following approach useful: when you're out, do what is fun for you as opposed to what you think is expected of you. There's no special "social role" to play, just be as if you were at home with a close buddy. Be yourself, in other words. Do what feels fun in that moment. The more fun you're having, the more you become one with your "object" of "meditation", and the more you lose yourself in the moment. Before you know it... there they are, chasing you!

Well..dealings with the opposite sex tend to be a large part of life..(although perhaps when you are enlightened you would care less about this?) Curious as to how the path effects that aspect of life...

I imagine that you would attract more enlightened people to you when enlightened. Like attracts like.

Similarly, I remember reading awhile back that people don't really like being around enlightened folks because it can make them uncomfortable. I don't really know how true that is, but it made some sense. AKA if you have a ton of emotional problems and are very caught up in your sense of ego and self, being around someone who's really got their act together and doesn't think that way at all might be a bit hard.

Then again, I'm not enlightened yet, so I probably can't say. My advice... get enlightened, and test it out for yourself. ;)

I don't want to sound like a reductionist geek, but one way of classifying people is as follows:

1. strong ego + positive self-image
2. strong ego + negative self-image
3. faded ego + positive self-image
4. faded ego + negative self-image.

#3. is extremely attractive to both men and women.
#1. will be successful in the material world, but prone to short bouts of unhappiness.
#2. is extremely unhappy, unattractive and unsuccessful
#4. is your typical Dho member

Hmm, that's not bad, if I do say so myself (#1)!

And the reason you lay down and slum it with us flea-bitten mongrels is what again, CCC? ;)

Back on topic:

I do think that there is something about meditative accomplishment that can make people attractive, many things, in fact, and emotional intelligence is refreshing and reassuring to people, like a breath of sanity, and people who are really present to others, who can really listen and respond to what someone is bringing to an interaction or a conversation, are more compelling, and meditative attainment can generate confidence, and that is attractive, and it can reduce cortisol levels and that makes people seem healthier, and it makes people more lighthearted and people like that, and it creates pathways of thought and association that people find fascinating, and it can itself be a status symbol, and some people like those with status, and it can make the brain function better, which breeds success, and success is attractive, and so and and so forth...

Because I am also flea-bitten.

And I took a vow as a Bodhisattva to help all beings get laid.

My nose is still too big, I guess it's back onto the cushion for me

But seriously, one of the fruits of my practice is that my voice got lower and deeper. When I reach Barry White levels I guess I'll be fully enlightened

That's hilariously true. Listening to yourself talk and wow, I sound deeper and more resonant and melodic...lol
Barry white was only an anagami try tuvan throat singing or Monk chanting for arhat level...(grins)

Does this mean you yourself will refrain from getting laid until all sentient beings can do the same?

pssst, I heard Bodhisattvas are into watching only anyway! CREEEEPS!

Power is hot.

Meditating has a giant potential to improve your success with women.

1) Mediation improves equanimity and unattachment. These are the single most important factors when dealing with women. They are the benevolent forms of apathy, the reason that bad boys are so attracted to women.


2) Meditation improves the vibe you give off . How you make the woman feel is the second most important thing. The gold standard is “The way you feel is the way the women feels”. If you are having a blast the woman will have a blast, if you feel super cool and awesome the woman will perceive you as cool and awesome.

The way people perceive you is exactly the way you feel

I’ll say a couple more things but I want this to be digested first. If you really get these fundamentals… you will be a monster around women.


-d

In my personal experience, what seems to have made me more attractive was meditation itself, not necessarily the progress/enlightenment that came with it. I think it's somewhat like this: Once you get some decent mindfulness and concentration going, your mind relaxes, your body relaxes, your face relaxes, and you look healthier, happier, more wholesome, so people will like your appearance. As you start understanding the nature of reality, though, you inevitably come to see that "falling in love" and "passion" and "commitment"—and all the other stuff that your partner is probably going to be looking for from you—are basically nothing but deluded mental fermentations leading to suffering, so as soon as you open your mouth, especially now that you're not really into lying anymore, the women who initially had the hots for you will change their mind really quickly.

Taking all that into consideration, I'd say your first A&P may very well represent the peak of your attractiveness to the opposite sex.

I very much agree with what you've written so far...so let's hear the rest

First of all, try to find the source of the question. If you find the source, you get one step closer to finding the answer yourself.

In the meantime, the answer is yes. Not only opposite sex, but all life - women, men, adults and children, birds and foxes. You become attractive to LIFE, because you are life. The same way women and men find babies, before they have developed personality "cute", they find enlightened beings "cute". There is no rational reason, just "something about them". You are everything any person is looking for, whether they know it or not. I am not going into detail to explain how this attraction is expressed, to not feed your mind with some image of "Enlightenment" and what it entails - it has been done so many times already (most are wrong).

The attraction from opposite sex is absoulutely there, it is totally up to being to act on it or not. From my own experience, I can't see any permanently enlightened being going around having one-night stands with everybody. Whoever comes into contact with this, on a romantic/sexual level, falls in love on the deepest level of their being. If they lose it, it breaks their heart. I can't see myself ever doing that, of course can't speak for the others. Deep desire for a meaningful romantic relationship can be there, but it is not exactly desire as you might understand. It is seen as an experience, whether one chooses to have it or not, is up to every being themselves.

A realized being, let's say a man, is everything a woman is looking for, on the deepest level. The "unpleasant" body odors are gone, replaced with excess amounts of pheromones, unconscious immediate attraction to women. The full relaxation of the body in the permanent meditative state is expressed in the eyes - whether one sees it consciously or unconsciously, it creates an immediate attraction, across sexes. The natural non-neediness, no desires, is irresistible to women. It is kind of same when you are looking for a relationship or a partner, you attract the people that you don't really want. But when in a relationship, and this initial satisfaction and love (piece of pure love experienced for a short period of time if one is still identified with ego-mind) becomes subconsciously attractive to opposite sex. I guess it is commonly interpreted as "you are shining". When being is permanently liberated, this shine is natural, it needs no outside experience to have it. It is permanent, and it is obvious.