Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/3/20 8:34 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind tom moylan 8/24/16 7:33 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Eric M W 8/12/14 5:37 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Eric M W 8/12/14 6:33 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/12/14 6:55 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Eric M W 8/12/14 7:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/12/14 7:20 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Eric M W 8/12/14 8:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Dream Walker 8/13/14 2:37 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Dada Kind 8/13/14 3:55 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/26/14 8:10 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/29/14 8:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/7/14 10:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/9/14 1:42 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/12/14 9:11 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 9/13/14 12:13 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/13/14 8:21 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/14/14 4:49 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/15/14 12:59 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/17/14 7:47 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 9/18/14 8:49 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/18/14 10:23 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind katy steger,thru11.6.15 with thanks 9/19/14 8:02 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/17/14 11:00 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/18/14 9:42 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/19/14 10:41 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/21/14 11:38 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/22/14 10:26 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/23/14 9:11 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/13/14 11:21 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/25/14 7:12 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/25/14 11:23 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/26/14 12:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/1/14 2:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/1/14 2:47 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/2/14 10:08 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/3/14 10:00 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/4/14 10:02 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/4/14 7:31 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/5/14 9:25 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/5/14 5:30 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/6/14 10:21 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/7/14 12:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/8/14 12:07 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/8/14 8:30 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/9/14 12:02 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/11/14 6:03 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/11/14 9:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/11/14 11:10 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/8/14 8:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/9/14 9:38 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/10/14 12:41 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/10/14 9:21 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/11/14 9:59 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/11/14 7:09 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/11/14 10:43 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/12/14 9:13 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/12/14 6:16 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/12/14 9:28 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/13/14 7:42 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/13/14 7:33 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/13/14 9:26 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/13/14 11:00 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/14/14 10:09 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/14/14 2:05 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/14/14 3:39 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/14/14 7:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/15/14 7:29 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/15/14 11:29 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/15/14 11:27 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/15/14 12:13 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/16/14 9:00 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/16/14 10:59 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/17/14 5:46 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/17/14 9:46 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/17/14 7:09 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/18/14 4:06 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/19/14 9:05 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/19/14 1:16 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/19/14 7:03 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/19/14 7:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/19/14 8:26 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/19/14 9:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/19/14 11:58 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/20/14 12:06 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/20/14 2:35 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/21/14 1:20 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/22/14 8:58 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/22/14 9:26 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/23/14 7:20 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/23/14 9:44 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/23/14 1:07 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/23/14 1:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/23/14 3:08 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/23/14 4:05 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/23/14 3:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/23/14 4:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/24/14 8:20 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/25/14 1:31 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/25/14 9:58 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/25/14 2:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/25/14 7:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/26/14 12:47 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/26/14 11:51 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/27/14 7:26 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/28/14 11:12 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/28/14 1:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/29/14 4:05 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/29/14 8:30 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/31/14 7:47 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 10/31/14 9:53 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/31/14 10:16 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/31/14 9:49 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/31/14 11:45 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/1/14 8:29 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/2/14 9:13 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Jeremy May 11/2/14 9:32 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/3/14 2:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/4/14 10:37 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/4/14 1:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/5/14 10:42 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/6/14 11:05 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/7/14 10:54 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/8/14 12:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/9/14 11:09 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/11/14 12:12 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/13/14 8:42 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/13/14 11:04 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/17/14 6:58 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/18/14 11:42 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/20/14 11:00 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/21/14 11:13 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/22/14 10:55 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/23/14 10:59 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/24/14 10:58 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/25/14 10:39 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/28/14 5:44 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/30/14 10:36 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/1/14 11:43 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/4/14 4:04 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/6/14 6:36 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/8/14 1:02 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/9/14 1:47 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/9/14 8:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/10/14 7:46 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/11/14 5:55 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/11/14 2:35 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/14/14 9:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/16/14 10:59 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/17/14 8:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/19/14 12:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind J C 12/25/14 12:06 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/25/14 1:21 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/19/14 8:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/20/14 9:43 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/21/14 10:49 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/24/14 10:03 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/26/14 8:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/29/14 11:45 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/29/14 5:44 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/30/14 11:24 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/8/15 3:22 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/9/15 7:29 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/9/15 7:27 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/9/15 4:43 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/13/15 10:47 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/14/15 8:18 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/15/15 11:32 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/17/15 1:49 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/18/15 7:47 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/20/15 3:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/22/15 11:16 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/23/15 9:23 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/24/15 10:26 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/30/15 2:07 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/31/15 5:08 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/1/15 2:58 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/3/15 12:37 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/5/15 3:06 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/16/15 7:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/23/15 11:03 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/27/15 8:53 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/27/15 8:59 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/27/15 5:54 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/1/15 1:35 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/2/15 1:46 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/5/15 10:30 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/8/15 5:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/19/15 11:06 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/29/15 9:31 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 4/1/15 9:12 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/5/15 10:30 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/6/15 10:40 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/6/15 10:26 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/8/15 9:52 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/10/15 10:44 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/11/15 1:07 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/13/15 4:37 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/15/15 7:01 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/16/15 7:21 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/17/15 4:35 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/17/15 10:05 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/19/15 7:16 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/24/15 2:14 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/25/15 2:58 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/27/15 12:25 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/29/15 4:58 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/29/15 10:55 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/1/15 1:01 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/4/15 1:53 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/5/15 7:41 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/8/15 1:59 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/10/15 7:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Matthew Therrien 11/2/15 10:20 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/11/15 3:22 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/13/15 6:09 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/17/15 12:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/19/15 8:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/19/15 9:09 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 6/19/15 9:44 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/13/15 10:09 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 8/29/15 3:52 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/6/15 7:45 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/8/15 10:10 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 9/25/15 1:18 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 10/30/15 8:35 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/12/15 4:42 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/5/15 7:51 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/7/15 9:40 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/9/15 8:34 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/11/15 12:48 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/9/15 10:21 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/11/15 10:34 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/13/15 11:10 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/16/15 2:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/19/15 5:52 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/23/15 8:51 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/27/15 7:19 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 11/30/15 7:47 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/4/15 8:57 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/6/15 11:00 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/9/15 4:51 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/10/15 9:24 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/12/15 9:25 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/16/15 10:46 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/16/15 10:02 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/18/15 12:08 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/19/15 7:45 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/20/15 2:16 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/20/15 8:43 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/23/15 11:49 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/27/15 7:30 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/31/15 6:56 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 12/31/15 6:59 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/3/16 4:44 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/4/16 8:31 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/7/16 3:35 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 1/25/16 12:21 AM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/1/16 2:03 AM
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RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 2/28/16 11:44 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 3/2/16 9:19 AM
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RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 4/29/16 11:48 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 5/5/16 2:02 PM
RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind Karalee Peltomaa 7/24/16 1:16 AM
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 3 Years ago at 5/3/20 8:34 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/6/14 1:35 PM

Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Towards Vanishing the Mind and Total Certainty of Teachings and Practices - no more searching

G. Buddha left a self-indulgent lifestyle and joined fasters and meditators and fasted to the bone, then he cleared his mind - vanished all its evils - sitting decisively under the famous tree.  It is a simple path.  Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching keeps me steady.  I am retired and I also do strict dryfasting two weeks at a time....no food or water or bathing 24/7 for two weeks.  The body could go longer but psychologically I cannot, so two weeks it is so far.

I am now in my 13th two-weeks dryfasting session and body is still working internally.  I have done thousands of hours of strict dryfasting no less than 13-14 days at a time - more than any fasting guru or clinician.  The big purges occur from the ninth day on.  All but one of my unnatural food cravings is vanished. No more desire for grains or starches or meats or processed sweets; body loves ripe fruits and wakame seaweed broth. I bought a freezer and it is stocked with bags of frozen fruits.  The whole point is this is baby steps towards vanishing all compulsive cravings, starting with the "To Eat" sensation package. An eternal unlimited spiritual being can conjure up its own sensations without need to use a corporeal body as a via.  I'm much kinder and complementary now to the biochemical and anatomical needs of "my ape", haha.

The NCBI website confirms that a thyroid can be regenerated.  Body still working through parathyroid weaknesses, then it will move on to the cerebellum.  In between the long drys I adopted a lifestyle of one meal a day, being dry the rest of the day.  G. Buddha did better than I'm doing because he sat among those who fasted and meditated and that does help a lot.  I have no one but myself and one other person who struggles to correct the abuses to her body with dryfasting - she's starting to GET IT.  Take someone with you.

Due to surgeries and body abuses my brain and nerve function is impaired and long dryfasting restores the nerves and brain function. I am also now off all the decades long glandulars I had to take due to thyroid removed in 1971. The body intelligence will tell me when it is finished, and then I work steady to do what Buddha did to clear his mind. 

I administer a Facebook page, "Informed Dryfasting" and answer newbie questions about dryfasting on Quora.

I have a mentor (now un-berthed) who was the reincarnation of Lao Tszu, and he left a complete teaching and simple practices.  No more searching for "The Way".  This is a most blessed lifetime, and I do recall existences all the way back to the first separation from the creator of this universe. My skillful therapist helped me go from hatred and revenge to strong interest regarding the creator of this universe and I am much calmer now, not so easily triggered.  I actually saw the creator and how it viewed this universe - a saving grace.  What am I really?  "What are you?" is the proper script, and then a little bit of "What are you not?" for balance, heavily sprinkled before, during and after with 360-degree images to keep the hungry mind satiated.

In the early 90's I discovered Scientology and studied there for a few years and then left after seeing the degraded and degrading acts of upper management.  "Dianetics" and "Self-Analysis" and some other practices got me on the road, and I had some wonderful auditors, thank you.  I knew Ron Hubbard, but as they say in Buddhism, at some point in personal development one "kills the Buddha", moves on to simpler more concise and all encompassing teachings and practices, just me and chez moi  :-)) 
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tom moylan, modified 7 Years ago at 8/24/16 7:33 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/11/14 3:00 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Hi Colleen,
its nice to read your intro here.  i too find the tao te ching an absolutely excellent descriptor of the goal.  i particularly like a translation by a russian mystic who puports to be a sort of "oversoul" thingy.  one of my earliest insights that these practices from different cultures are all ponting toward the same things came when i read an intro to the "Upanishads" which correlated deeply with the tao te ching.

the past life thing is tough for me to pin down in practice.  i was doing past life regression several years ago and had some pretty profound experiences which could have been actual past lives , but what does that really mean? i don't know.

when i sit to meditate and move through the different layers of mind i tend to do a big yawn at the stage we call here the A&P, or arising and passing away.  it is less predominant now than when it first appeared as a notable recurring event in my practice.

please keep posting

tom
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Eric M W, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 5:37 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 5:37 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Hey Colleen,

Who is Rob Hubbard? A link to free dharma material is always great!

I'm glad you are open about past lives, I wish more practitioners were open to exploring or discussing this aspect of practice. I do understand why "psychic powers" are somewhat frowned upon, though, because they can be a distractor when it comes to insight. I personally know of one past life of mine, including a specific name and date, which was creepy at the time. I have a few others I suspect might be past lives, but it's hard to say for certain.

Look at Robert Monroe's books, his stuff is great for understanding past lives and why we incarnate. He was an atheist when he started having spontaneous OBEs, so he had to come up with his own framework. It's refershing to read about this topic without having to decode another culture or language.

What are your thoughts on future lives?

Eric
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Eric M W, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 6:33 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 6:33 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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I stumbled into the past life while doing some self-hypnosis with the intention of seeing my past lives. I basically visualized a big white screen and asked to see a past life play out on it. There were some interesting scenes but nothing concrete, and I was getting frustrated. I firmly asked to see a past life that can be verified and I saw an image of a military uniform and got a very specific and unusual name. I did some research and found the person with that name, a military officer in the American Civil War. Very odd, but very interesting.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 6:55 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 6:55 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Sounds like you were really resolved to know about a past life.  Where do you go from here?
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Eric M W, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 7:04 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 7:04 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Right now my priority is vipassana as described in MCTB. I crossed the Arising and Passing Away two years ago without knowing what happened (vivid, colorful dream with mythic theme and explosions of consciousness) and found myself having a very difficult time in the Dark Night. Of course, I didn't know what was going on, so that was most of the problem. I've been a Dark Night yogi for this whole time and am gunning for stream entry. I've lost all siddhis I had before insight practice. Perhaps after stream entry I will be able to experiment with them some more.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 7:20 PM
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RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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I love the hard simplicity of Vipassana.   Am embarrassed to admit that I am not yet familiar with the terminology used here.  Is there a glossary on this site?
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Eric M W, modified 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 8:45 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/12/14 8:45 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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I don't believe so, the best way to get to know the terms used on this site is to read MCTB. Part III is where all the states and stages are named and explained.
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Dream Walker, modified 9 Years ago at 8/13/14 2:37 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/13/14 2:37 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Colleen Karalee Peltomaa:
 Is there a glossary on this site?


Somewhat
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/DhO+Dictionary

http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/3906614

and the best is using google ----> site:www.dharmaoverground.org wordtosearchfor
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Dada Kind, modified 9 Years ago at 8/13/14 3:55 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/13/14 3:55 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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I'm diggin' the eclectism you've got going.

IIRC dianetics was based on general semantics and cybernetics. I actually just posted a thread on general semantics here. And, as I understand it, L. Ron Hubbard ripped off Jack Parsons, who was a very fascinating Thelemite rocket scientist.

Speaking of Thelema.... Crowley did his own Tao Te Ching translation, with a few annotations. I think you might find it interesting.

Anyway, good luck on the path
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 8/26/14 8:10 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/26/14 8:09 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Metta Practice 24Aug14

"Have another create their own mind" (Continued)
- yawns
- admiration for how this was all set up
- my selection and doingness in this
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 8/29/14 8:57 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 8/29/14 8:57 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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29Aug14

Metta practice for last few days corresponds with my sessions to reduce thirst for sensation gotten from eating and drinking. Quite an interesting project, and supervised by my partner.   It is raising my awareness about processed foods and game strategies, and "to poison" is a non-life goal within the goal set of "To Eat...".  I notice my palate changing tastes, for example I noticed the ripe banana had complex flavors and textures and I realized I never really tasted it like that before these sessions.  Gradually I am able to retain my analytical awareness when confronted with processed foods.

My metta practice has been centered around (and around me) what is important to me regards "to eat", mostly food items and people I associate with eating.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/7/14 10:04 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/7/14 10:04 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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7Sep14

Metta:  A Beautiful Mind

Ah ha!  My mind finally got stirred up enough to drive me indoors and do my practice.   It was a case of A did not want to know B and B was ignoring A in favor of knowing C, and D did not want to know A, and D also did not want to know B, and now especially since A made such a ruckus about it.   D wanted to know the aesthetic E's and be complementary in the situation,   "When in Trumanville, be as the Trumanvill'ers."   Futility of waking the sleepwalkers in that time and place -- could lead to upset and games conditions.  

- huge yawns, incident coming up for viewing
- the first time this life I longed to have a beautiful mind
- someone else's beautiful mind I admired and coveted
- "can't have"
- a beautiful mind co-opted by the ego, pride
-  Eckhart Tolle has a beautiful mind
-  is an unperturbed mind
-  is less [reactive] mind


How does a beautiful mind seem to you now?

More realistic expectations.  Letting go is important; however rehabilitating native abilities also important.
 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/9/14 1:42 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/9/14 1:36 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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9Sep14

Metta Practice:  My Mind - all around me 6-directions repeatedly until no more change

NOTE:  I've become quite familiar with my mind, at least how it operates within the template of the possible goal sets of "To Know", interacting with others' same template.   What's beyond that I have yet to learn.  Still having fun taking this mind apart.

This a.m. did some mental judo:   My mind wanted to create all kinds of scenarios, dubbing in where there might be lack of real data to go on.  So I decided I can do consciously what my mind does robotically -- creating scenarios.

Also, I had an AHA! moment just deciding I was going to really look at my environment and feel it, touch it, and VOILA! "I'm here".  It was an Eckhart Tolle moment for sure   :-)   Laughter -- the joke's on me  :-)

New discovery:   A small bit of a yellow pill with the brand name of "lipodrene", a blend of stimulants including ephedra -- helps me exteriorize a bit from the psychic mass and metta sessions run better -- not such a grind.

My Mind:
-  keep seeing the pile of scrap wood partner wanted to bring home, still needing to be stashed somewhere.
-  mind wants to make judgements, i.e., it's good, it's bad
-  "No mind" very detached, no conception of a "problem"
-  mind eager to have a problem to solve, hungry for a problem
-  "No mind" amused by this swirl of psychic mass -- "my very own problem solver, gee thanks"
-  "A" must know the wood, "B" in self argument, "must know/must not know", and how can I push "A" into a must not know?
-  mind doing its job like a well oiled machine, but within its limitations of the postulate "must not know" the wood
-  I am reminded that freedom comes from being willing to experience anything
-  fear of rejection; aversion to revelation (being made to know something)
-  Aha! Mind is not capable of being complementary -- it must have a player in the game, an importance.
-  mind must compulsively create best use for this scrap wood -- gearing up to do just that
-  "No mind" amused -- "why must we?", with emphasis on "must".
-  oak flooring has value (reason why)
-  compulsion/fixation and postulate (must know) come before the "reason why"
-  I am amazed at how the mind can focus in on something to the degree it does, hence the term "narrow minded".  no 
   scale of importances at this moment.  For the mind nothing else exists at this moment except the oak flooring.
- so, in order to be complementary with partner I pose myself the question, "what is the best way to be complementary?"
-  answer is:  be him and find out
-  have no dog in this game and do what he wants and even contribute to his own reasons why for having it
-  feeling relief as I see the relation with the being is more important than relation with created things.  At a higher viewpoint it
   is all a solid and persistent illusion, but not so engaging at this higher viewpoint.
-  I also see my partner as a higher being and we are both looking at the game pieces on the playing field, amused in our
   own way.

How does my mind seem to me now?   It is mind and it does what it does and I feel less identified with it and I can use it or not use it; very grateful for the tools that allow me to lift off from the turmoil of the mind.   I am creating a scene of both of us unloading the wood as if we were one -- the one who created both of us.

Tears -- egoic mind crying a dirge.  Thank you to all the others who helped to make me realize the direction I was headed in and gave me a taste of contrasting bliss and serenity as a spur to keep up the good work.   So grateful -- this letting go.  May grace and mercy follow you.

namaste
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/12/14 9:11 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/12/14 9:11 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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11Sep14 Metta Practice, The Mind:

-  pride, ego
-  dominant postulate, "must be known"
-  mind seems all over the place now as opposed to being "narrow minded" in last sitting
-  many hippo yawns  :-)
-  very thankful that my mind is not me and that I see that more and more

How does my mind seem to me now?       Interesting as a subject for sitting, and why not?  -- I created it.   Life can be so simple without conflicting complexities of the mind.   Calm.


Have Another Create a Calm Mind:
-  yawns as some mis-emotion leaves
-  become the other person and "change my mind" as if I were that person
-  increased compassion and understanding for that person's travails -- what they are doing to themselves which they
   do not need to be doing
-  now receive an email from that person -- never receive any communication from that person -- just now


End of Sit
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 9/13/14 12:13 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/13/14 12:13 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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exteriorization of viewpoint is not necessarily a "leaving" -- it's more like an expansion, an enhancement of viewpoint

Yep emoticon

You've fascinated me.  I'm commenting so that I will be notified when you post more on this thread.  I know where you are going.  If you were in Arkansas, I would ask you to meet and sit with me.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/13/14 8:21 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/13/14 8:21 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Hello, Jeremy, kind regards.

Thank you for the example you set in doing your clearing work and encouraging others.

Your past life reminds me of when I interiorized into the precious and beautiful teardrop of a laughing Buddha and it seemed like eons were spent there going from extreme dark explorations of evil only to be lifted up into extremely ecstatic and brightened explorations with the help of angelic beings....to eventually exteriorize, able to laugh finally with -- and at my mind's creation of -- the Buddha.

"...I will teach him Not Buddha, not mind..."   --Tao Te Ching

When you sit, please contemplate my full return to "no mind", thank you.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/14/14 4:49 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/14/14 4:49 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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14Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind:
  • clutter
  • simultaneous message of I must know/must not know my mind.  Repeat "I must not know my mind"
  • it is not nice to leave the game and twice as not nice to take someone with you
  • very important to make the distinction between what is "me" and what is my [reactive] mind
  • without mind what am I?    I see this mind as a framework of postulates and their opposing postulates.
  • It seemed like a good idea at the time  :-))
  • much laughter  --  joke is on me

End of process.   How does your mind seem to you now?  Okay and I get the idea I can take it apart and voluntarily create a mind and uncreate anew.  Scour the flesh and get to the skeleton of it - disassemble.

Have another create something:  

(to be continued)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/15/14 12:59 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/15/14 12:54 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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15Sep14  Metta Practice, The Mind:

In doing this practice and keeping the process adressing a very general subject, i.e., "the mind", I find that my mind will give me any and all sub-topics of stuck importance and I'm getting adept at handling it and getting back to the general topic. 

I've noticed that my neurotic fears about the environment (tigers and snakes and spiders and ghosts, et al) is no longer a distraction (payback for being the archetypal "the writer of scary stories" -- serves me right, lol, scaring little kiddies like that)

I thought I was going to need thousands of hours of sitting to resolve a certain mental problem, did some i'net research and started taking borage seed oil -- problem gone  !     Appears one must pay a certain amount of homage to the lower life forms while still engaged in the process of unsticking identification as a body  :-))   Having an alkaline chemistry seems to be a basic importance for this body system, thus the Saatvic diet.

1st Process command:   "Create a beautiful mind" -- put it all around you 360 degrees

  • "beautiful mind" seems like an oxymoron
  • a mind engaged with higher aesthetics
  • "To Create/To be Created" games 
  • even a beautiful mind can be a trap unless one can knowingly, voluntarily create it and uncreate it
  • aesthetics seems to have been the first sensation lure, and "To Create..." the first sub-goal-set of "To Know..."but if I were to create a mind and play a game I can't see anything better than aesthetics 

Note to Self:  what about a compassionate mind?
  • The creators are more important than the created/creation
  • respect for Life is more important than any game
  • I am not my creation -- I create s'thing in order to have something to know and to be known by - it's a fun game, but only a game -- I will never ever again forget that, once my current mind is de-fragged, then wiped off.  
  • I am the installer of my own preferred mind games -- or I can leave the "drive" blank for as long as I wish
  • I'm a systems programmer and I create an AI with a "beautiful mind" matrix; start-change-stop, and repeat with new variables

Note to self:  create a "complementary mind"  (turns the other cheek)

  • see mind as created "entity"
  • created mind includes identity:  I am this, I am that ...  and He is this.... He is that ....   let the game begin !
  • it is not so much a problem of having a mind, but thinking one is the mind, identifying with it, trying to 'not know' it - games conditions with one's own mind -- problem/reaction/solution over and over again in a descending. constricting spiral into seemingly irreversible degradation/destruction - sub-conscious noise as truth/commands - and finally abject insanity trying to appear sane -- or saner than the other insane brothers and sisters
  • when doing any subjective practice "not mind" is doing the exercise -- just that alone is helpful to pull oneself out of the mind chatter
  • a beautiful mind never has to use force or prevent another -- the consideration of force and prevention never has to be part of a game....bumper cars at a carnival, where everyone is having a great time -- walk away without any hard feelings or compulsions

End of exercise.   How does a beautiful mind seem to you now?  A construct/entity for a fun game. I should probably also look into this compulsion to 'must have a game'/'must not have a game'

Have another create a beautiful mind: Our dog, Blondie
  • I feel she already has a simple beautiful mind -- I find her beautiful as a being
  • but compulsively scratching herself
  • I thought this process would be to change her and I find it is changing me instead  :-)
  • she feels limited and frustrated -- as a dog -- re: creating a beautiful mind
  • in her dreams
  • aura, glowing, smiling
  • can make running a "dance" (figure 8's)
  • her beautiful mind potential is smaller due to having a dog form - re aesthetic espression/creation
  • is she capable of aesthetic sensations? Can she see colors?
  • she puts her growls on an aesthetic wavelength - croons
  • give her a bath and trim
  • beauty + scarcity = importance value, thus ...

"Have her create an importance"
  • a cute little one to take care of - a 4-legged playmate
  • a healthy body, shiny coat
  • running, jumping, exploring, smells, surprises
  • peace of mind - the infernal itch

End of Sit

Notes:    With this type of exercise -- having another create an importance -- I as a being am exercising my ability to pan-determine another being and I get insights into that being's mental condition.  But I can also project onto that being what would be important for me towards them.  For example, I could mock up Blondie wanting me to bathe her, if I thought it would be good for her.  A de-stressing exercise when applied to someone whose goals appear to
be opposing your goals, like a mother-in-law who wishes you'd never married her daughter.   Sometimes I begin to actually be 
that person in terms of their mental complexity, and then from there change my mind about something, create an importance.   Very powerful.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/17/14 7:47 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/17/14 7:47 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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16Sep14  My Beloved Metta Practice:   My Mind:

Time out for some self-enquiry:
  • If I am truthfully Allness and Nothingness potential then how do I best loosen from a viewpoint that tells me otherwise and has me thinking about suffering and sensation gratification?
  • What is my mind apart from the brain?  What am I apart from my mental structure?
  • How do I create a mind?
  • How do I un-fix myself from my current compulsive and non-life mental structure?
  • What is life and what does it do best?
  • What postulates/demands did life make that created this 3D reality?
  • By what exact formula did life descend into degradation and how can it use that formula to regain the condition of existence called "Nirvana"?
  • When does wisdom become more important to me than compulsive egoic pursuits?  I.E., "Must know/must be known".
  • How do I resolve the conflicts within and with my own mental reality, much less with others?

Big Note to Self:   When upset do not dive into 6-directions re "The Mind".   First, take the edge off the stress by placing around me images of "nice" things, or by walking around and looking at and touching things until the stress bleeds off.   THEN AND ONLY THEN dive into "The Mind".   Always end "The Mind" exercise by replacing any lost significances with [positive] significances of my own creation.   Lesson learned.   Yawn.

Observations of my current mental case:   There are two overwhelming incidents which I attach a great deal of significance to.  One is this lifetime and it can still be re-stimulated by interactions in the current environment.  Once that is re-stimulated it throws me back to an incident that occurred before there were bodies, involving self separating something out from self, and that is where the basic goal set of "To Know ..." is still very hot and active with a great deal of intense negative emotion, including apathy and catatonia, and non-life thoughts, and on the flip side some "godly" emotions/thoughts/sensations (love,  joy, ecstasy) that stick me into wanting to re-live past experiences -- stuck in past pleasure moments...delusional to the dual nature of this universe and what I really am. 

The trick is to let go of the importances I hold onto within these two incidents; importances are always determined by my postulates that contain a "must" or "must not", especially when they are butted up against each other and carry equal weight:  "I must create a new creation/I must not create a new creation".  "I must have a body/I must not have a body".  "I must know Joe/I must not know Joe".

My current important postulate re resolution of my mental case is "To square everything away with love [compassion]", which was Lester Levenson's goal when he was told he would die.   No more non-life inclinations towards myself or others.  The stuck incident this lifetime carried intense anger, hatred, self-destruction, degradation -- the whole gamut of negative, non-life mind-set and a beautiful near-death-out-of-body experience/sensation.  A double whammy.  Thus I do mostly Metta practice and have come to love this practice more than any other.

Rules of Current Metta Practice:
  • Choose a general topic of address -- in this case the entity I call "my mind".
  • Check self and make sure I'm entering the sitting with a positive attitude, not upset; if upset, do positive process.
  • While doing core practice bleed off emotions/sensations/feelings just enough to locate and run the underlying postulate(s); remain passively open to whatever the mind presents.
  • Locate and "run" the underlying postulate(s) using a repeating technique, i.e., "I must not know Joe ... I must not know Joe .... " until no more change -- no more phenomenon -- occurs.
  • Check if it is okay to end the core exercise by asking self:  "How does your mind seem to you now?"
  • Always run a positive process before, during, and after running a process that is likely to bring up and release stuff, and especially when I feel like I'm getting in over my head.
  • Always run the core practice for another too - the viewpoint of another being  - as if it were my own (I'm still working this out).   Follow the rules of doing the positive process also.  
  • Failure to follow through with ample positive process can send me crashing and then not wanting to do the core Metta practice for days.

Other Necessary Practices Towards Vanishing the Mind:
Bring up past events of the day at the end of the day until no more "energy"  or stuck attention on anything that occurred that day and they can be filed into the past where they belong and I am sitting in serenity re day's events.

Continue working with partner on clearing own mind of compulsions re "To Eat..." and "To Taste..." to better work with others on these issues.

Live life watchfully and wisely and let it prove you.  :-)

End of Notes.


Start of Metta Practice:
Create/image something/someone I like and put it all around me
- smiling eyes; gives me deep satisfaction

Have s'one else create/image and put it all around me
-  s'one sitting

"Take your mind and put it above you"
  • yawns, fleeting thoughts, scenes, etc.
  • "To reason"  1175-1225; Middle English resoun, reisun (noun) < Old French reisun, reson < Latin ration- (stem of ratio).
  • "I must reason" -- it is a bit of a lie in order to keep an interaction ongoing because in truth there is no reason except, "it seems like a good idea at the time"
  • "I must not reason" --  I hate it when people can't be reasoned with, can't see the rationale, the logic -- they want what they want when they want it and they can't see the long term consequences.  People cannot reason very well through pain and suffering and they will take drugs with a page full of contraindications as a palliative instead of resolving the root cause.   Without reason people create solutions that create more problems, that add to the complexity and degradation of life.  
  • I see how I twist myself into a knot; therefore to love, to have compassion, to allow one to create their own experience, to allow one to know or to not know is the higher ground.
  • I agree to allow one to create an experience of being dictated to by his compulsions, his thirst for sensation -- I have no need to get into a games condition with that person
  • With myself, I find I generally enjoy being reasoned with, but not its negative, i.e., feeling "mindfucked".
  • A "must know" personality would reason differently than a "must not be known" personality
  • The aim of my Metta activity is to remove the "must-ness" and "must not -ness" so that interactions become more fun, or easy to let go of.
  • "All your viewpoints are mine"   :-))
How does The Mind seem to you now?   Less fixated on need to employ reason which led to frustration and negative mind-set.

Positive Imaging for self
Positive Imaging for another

Another's Mind 6-D:
yawns
he asks, "what am I?"

Positive Process

End of Sit

 
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 8:49 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 8:49 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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No more non-life inclinations towards myself or others.  


Hi, Colleen,

Good to read you. I think I get what you're writing here and in its context (up thread). I also wanted to say, to me, it's natural to have "non-life inclinations". It is very natural to want stress and source of stress to end and it is very natural to realize being alive requires constant re-fueling of actual food and water, constant re-fueling of one's safety or efforts towards being in safety, constant re-fueling of social dignity, then re-fueling of sensual gratifications (Mmm... peanut M&Ms). To be alive entails exhausting maintenance and being alive often results in being non-alive with unpredictable timing. So a mental perseveration on non-living is also a natural question of "How do I end these stresses inherent in being living?"

One can answer that impatiently via violent/harmful actions and patiently with something like artistic/curious/helpful action. The last scene of the movie "District 9" comes to mind: human-alien making a metal flower : )

So I guess I just felt a caution when I read that sentence (excerpted): it is likely, to me, that the volition of "no more non-life inclinations..." can go beyond a proper healing work into a resistance/aversion/avoidance to seeing things as they are: That living beings can also feel the exhaustion of being alive and the foreseeable, constant hustle of being alive and naturally living beings can become overwhelmed at the prospect of propelling oneself forward, especially if one's future looks stressful (harmed, unsafe, undignified, in pain..). To see this exhaustion, it's a good thing to see, a real, permanent source of compassion for all living beings at work to be alive whilst there's no promise of life (of safe, pleasant living).

What you are writing about, to me, is the heart of the two truths: "Wisdom" and "compassion". Wisdom sees the conditions of life and compassion is what allows one to transform information (even information that we don't like, such as urges to be non-living or causes of non-living) into wisdom by just sitting with that experience with kindness for self and other living beings feeling the same roller coaster of being alive and being on the edge of discomfort, indignity and certain death despite all efforts.

So a gentle artistic/curious/non-intrusive intention can develop in this, and certainly kindness and compassion.

Maybe I've really gone tangential to some of your thoughts in this thread : ) Anyway, thanks for sharing your practice.

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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 10:23 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 10:23 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
katy steger:
No more non-life inclinations towards myself or others.  


Hi, Colleen,

Good to read you. I think I get what you're writing here and in its context (up thread). I also wanted to say, to me, it's natural to have "non-life inclinations". It is very natural to want stress and source of stress to end and it is very natural to realize being alive requires constant re-fueling of actual food and water, constant re-fueling of one's safety or efforts towards being in safety, constant re-fueling of social dignity, then re-fueling of sensual gratifications (Mmm... peanut M&Ms). To be alive entails exhausting maintenance and being alive often results in being non-alive with unpredictable timing. So a mental perseveration on non-living is also a natural question of "How do I end these stresses inherent in being living?"

One can answer that impatiently via violent/harmful actions and patiently with something like artistic/curious/helpful action. The last scene of the movie "District 9" comes to mind: human-alien making a metal flower : )

So I guess I just felt a caution when I read that sentence (excerpted): it is likely, to me, that the volition of "no more non-life inclinations..." can go beyond a proper healing work into a resistance/aversion/avoidance to seeing things as they are: That living beings can also feel the exhaustion of being alive and the foreseeable, constant hustle of being alive and naturally living beings can become overwhelmed at the prospect of propelling oneself forward, especially if one's future looks stressful (harmed, unsafe, undignified, in pain..). To see this exhaustion, it's a good thing to see, a real, permanent source of compassion for all living beings at work to be alive whilst there's no promise of life (of safe, pleasant living).

What you are writing about, to me, is the heart of the two truths: "Wisdom" and "compassion". Wisdom sees the conditions of life and compassion is what allows one to transform information (even information that we don't like, such as urges to be non-living or causes of non-living) into wisdom by just sitting with that experience with kindness for self and other living beings feeling the same roller coaster of being alive and being on the edge of discomfort, indignity and certain death despite all efforts.

So a gentle artistic/curious/non-intrusive intention can develop in this, and certainly kindness and compassion.

Maybe I've really gone tangential to some of your thoughts in this thread : ) Anyway, thanks for sharing your practice.

Hello Katy, kind regards and thank you for taking the time and effort to "grok" me and my practice.  I think when you say "natural" you mean "the human experience" here on planet Earth ??   Yes, I am having a human experience too and have some "to survive" goals, however the compulsive edginess gets reduced through my practices.  

As I see it, we start out wanting to play a voluntary, largely complementary game -- everyone having fun, end of game, leave the playing field and decide on the next game.   From looking at my own long history as a being, me and my mates became more and more constrained and serious and reactive and vengeful and our goals turned negative, i.e., instead of "To Enhance" each other we began to seek to degrade and be degraded, no longer able to play the "To Enhance" game in the way we once played it -- unless we knew and practiced some sort of Dharma practice and thereby reversed the trend.

When I have completed my activities towards vanishing the mind -- and I mean the compulsive/neurotic/insane portion -- there remains wisdom, compassion, eternal bliss and oneness.  

Regarding the thirst for sensation ....  well, I will simply have more interesting things to do than drive across town for the world's best tiramisu, lol.  Yes, I agree with you about not denying the human organism its natural needs and wants.  It however could care less about tiramisu when there are cookies in the pantry   :-))

Eventually, "being human" will be seen as being an option out of many other options of how to live life interacting with others.


You wrote much more that I did not acknowledge here and it will take me a few days to fully "grok" your post, and I have to admit I was a bit confused and that may be because it is late.

love,
colleen
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katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 9 Years ago at 9/19/14 8:02 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/19/14 8:01 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
Hey, girl,
You wrote much more that I did not acknowledge here and it will take me a few days to fully "grok" your post, and I have to admit I was a bit confused and that may be because it is late.

Nah, it's probably out there : ) Personally, I would (and do) just focus on things that readily make sense to me. Life's short, they say. If my post makes no sense, I'd just toss it in the mental compost pile of "just a fellow practitioner saying howdy and being supportive" And I hope you keep working with what does "click" for you.  Bye for now emoticon
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/17/14 11:00 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/17/14 10:12 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
17Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind

"Whenever you have to attend to your daily affairs, or undertake any matter, always spend some time in meditation and everything will be all right".   ZuXi, neo-Confucian scholar in Song Dynasty
  • First, getting mind quiet and discharging energies from yesterday's events; bringing up scenes from yesterday - yawns
  • viewpoint starts to exteriorize -- how does yesterday seem to you now?  -  more scenes, laughter, objects in environment more delineated, brighter, no mental overlay from yesterday -- how does yesterday seem to you now?  -  what yesterday?  :-)  LOL
  • some realization about "I don't have to feel/do that anymore".  Can walk through yesterday with more ease.

My Mind 6-Directions:
scenes and other "stuff and nonsense"  :-)
"To Administer"/"To Organize"/"To Clean"/"To Own"/"To Dispose of"/
"I must own/I must not own"  (repeated)








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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 9:42 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/18/14 9:42 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
18Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind

Love is the expression of the willingness to be complementary with another's goals or demands - no resistance.  This is the territory I am exploring with this Metta practice:  all unwillingness comes from my egoic mind, reinforced by incidents of interactions from the past.   Love is when I make a decision that the being is more important than any cherished, fixated goal I might have to oppose him with.


Today I focused on personal de-stressing and ran on myself the command "Create an Importance" ... and put it above you ....
below you .... , etc. 6-directions.    I felt fuzzy in the head and nothing came up at first and then I focused in on an erosion control project in the back yard -- it seemed to have the most current importance.   Finally, I decided to get up and actually do something about it and I abandoned my sitting practices for the rest of the day -- it was a beautiful day outside and my thoughts were there but not impinging to any great degree.  Was able to be complementary with others.

There is still the preference for slaking the sensation thirst over sitting.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/19/14 10:41 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/19/14 10:41 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
19Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind

I have this idea that once a sitting is finished -- it is finished -- it should not linger during the day.   How do I accomplish this?  What part of my Rules of Practice am I weak on?   Aha, the technique I use to replenish any lost significances -- doing that thoroughly at end of the Core Metta Practice should seal the session until I start the next sitting.   I shall put this to a more thorough test.  

My partner and I are always moaning belatedly that we are feeling the effects of opening the Pandora's box of the mind by not doing enough of what we call "Repair of Importances" before we go off for the day's adventures.   The mind abhors a recently created vacuum and will automatically fill it in with more, better, or worse "mind-stuff"/chatter -- until the mind is completely resolved/vanished -- everything brought into the realm of consciousness and voluntary creation.

"Create an Importance"  (6-directions)

Nature (or biosphere) is an intelligently (relatively speaking) hierarchy of organisms programmed to operate within the set limitations. I saw how carnivores eat rotted meat and concluded that carnivores rely on the microbes to assist the digestion of their meal.  I also recall a story of a sick meat-eating human who was advised by a shaman to go and eat rotten meat -- which he did and recovered from his dis-ease.   Ergo, microbes commonly associated with the foods I eat are complementary to this human organism.

Note to self:  I've just realized my mind is in one of two conditions when entering my sit.   Yesterday, for example, it was dull, hidden from view, and I had to persist repetitively through the exercise before anything came up as an importance.  
Today my mind is in an opposite condition -- compulsively creating, as if on a caffeine high and I could not lock in on any one significance/importance, and that would mean my session would take a long, long time.

I handled the compulsive create by first imaging myself without a care in the world and putting that all around me.   As I began to settle into that, one persistent importance kept intruding.  Aha! caught you!  I grabbed it, reeled it in and began putting it all around me over and over again until no more change.  As things got quieter and more focused I even saw where I had left it.

Have Another Create an Importance (6-directions)
Done without much stuff coming up

Core Practice:  The Mind
Getting too late -- will get up earlier to complete.

 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/21/14 11:38 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/21/14 11:38 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
21Sep14 Metta Practice:  The Mind:

I've heard if one does something long enough it becomes routine -- if done wisely and intelligently I suppose.  There is also a point where I feel I've come to a "make or break" point and must persist through resistance.   For example, I felt that this morning and so the first thing I asked myself was, "How does your mind seem to you now?"   That got me up and prepared for a sit.

Another thing I'm noticing is that I'm getting more analytical, more detached from the subject of my interest -- the mind and the human body.  The sessions my clearing partner is giving me re "To eat" and "To taste" compulsions take me eventually to realizations and awarenesses far beyond merely eating and tasting.  

Last night by the end of the session I realized that if I had not been so compulsive as a being, bringing this compulsive and sensation thirsty mind with me into that infant body I would have had far less considerations of having been traumatized or overwhelmed or forced or prevented, et al.  Thus, I brought it mostly upon myself -- I was NOT an innocent infant victim, ha!  What a joke!  I was however a provocateur within my own limited framework and heavily working both sides of the game -- seeking to overwhelm and gaining egoic mileage from being overwhelmed.  What we call "overts and motivators", what I call "taking turns" in this game of life.

Most beings are here to experience the thrills of forbidden sex, delusional drugs, and excruciating, agonizing violence, in one way or another -- even if only vicariously --  and/or as the giver of those.  And any creative cocktail of the above.  

A careening downward spiral of fun and games, aided by the ability to forget, and thus each lifetime seems sensationally new.

Fortunate and blessed the parent who realizes that tiny helpless infant is much more cognizant than it appears -- if one were able to address it as a being...

My grand-daughter, before she was born, I found her dramatizing psychosis in her realm of existence, however she was willing to pop out of it and with a little two-way communication she did.   She is now back to being a human compulsive games player and ready to run after all the sensations life on earth has to offer... to once more risk insanity or decide to put the breaks on it and get wise about upgrading her current condition of existence.   Been there, done that, yawn.    Why, even my dog will be a human and proceed down the same path next lifetime.  It's all just "me" having an experience, sigh...we must be able to have compassion and detachment regarding our brothers and sisters in this game of life.

Create an Importance 6-directions:
  "knowing"  - gives me altitude and understanding of all games in this universe
- no surprises, deadpan
- the knowing is extroverted -- knowing things and others, not necessarily introspective
- I am "The Eye in the Sky"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNiie_zmSr8  
- Knowing is sufficient unto itself and I do not need to have others know what I know, because "I Know", therefore, "I AM".
- for some reason it is important that others know -- and/or others know that I know
- it is important / it is not important

Time up, have to get to work.  Get up earlier Monday.

Note: today my partner reached for and ate an apple (he never does this) and this is exactly what I created him doing the day before.

"Timebreak" the Day's Events:
Yawns,  scenes flitting by, a bit of stuck attention -- resolved
How does today seem to you now?   I got what I desired and what I didn't get I could easily let go of.



 

 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/22/14 10:26 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/22/14 10:26 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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22Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind

The reason I do before and after the core practice, "Create an Importance" is that the egoic mind does not like to lose anything, and during a sit some or much of the mind can be vanished as one does the activities towards quieting the mind, towards its ultimate vanishment (which some may say is not possible, but I say is).   So I do what I call "Repair of Importances" (RI for short).  The mind wants to give me something "important" to chew on -- well, I can do the same thing consciously.  I do this practice until no more change.   I find it helps me cognite at higher levels of awareness when doing my Core Practice.  I find when I end the sit with the RI drill, I don't get dragged down into some importance the mind conjured up and think it is mine.  

I find not doing enough RI kills my practice.   I'd rather spend the whole time doing an RI drill than not doing it at all.  The mind is like a teenager who, upon seeing a large blank wall, wants to cover it with graffiti.   Consciously paint that wall yourself until satisfied.  This is very Zen.


"Have Another Create an Importance"
  • We give ourselves limitations on a via -- through accepting the limiting beliefs of others
  • What is my desire for someone else and have them create that -- my partner doing his clearing work and having fun with it
  • --  he puts his own importance all around him and then I put that all around me (thoughts, emotions and body somatics I'm feeling when I put it all around me -- it's like having an itch that can't be scratched -- characteristic of permeation)
  • --  putting it all around me is like a merging, a permeation and it is accompanied by some emotion and body somatics - indescribable
  • --  a sense of being him too -- not at first -- with repetition
  • yawns (a thought I shouldn't be spending so much time on this exercise -- should be getting to the core practice -- mind talk)
  • laughter, yawns as the sense of delusion arises, and dispelling of delusion --  I'm just making this all up, lol!  He's not really there in the way I thought at first
  • Peals of laughter as the delusion is dispelled
  • The importance of all this is changed too and anyway can't stop laughing right now
  • The laughter of rejection of a delusion
  • The joke is on me for fixating on an importance
  • I'm having a hard time pretending it's real, but I'm still doing the drill
  • Certainly feel less individuated, less separate from the "person"   ROFL
  • I'm glad no one is around to hear me laughing so
  • Note to Self:  Pull out the winter clothes for that darling other "me"  (rofl)
  • "Dear Darling Other Me"   How do I love thee, let me count the ways; oh, my not-me, yet the precious expression of my desire to know myself in all forms (rofl)  You were created to not let me forget the true meaning of the Tao symbol -- to be that full expression.   This gives me an immense love and respect for me, to know that I shewed myself the way by this means, through the importance of having a "you" that wanted wisdom and truth above all else  (tears. gratitude, a little death of ego that craves opponents  -- the eons of self-degradation tearfully falling away).  
  • Thankful for all the other "not-selfs" who had compassion and wanted to see their "not-selfs" have the opportunity to free themselves from their self-made traps
  • Calm, reflective, continue the drill...is it finished?
  • He has topped up his need for importances/significances (or the mind's need)
  • I am not experiencing anymore change at this time.
End of exercise.

-take a break-

Create an Importance 6-directions:
A greenhouse
mind chatter, yawns
chatter gone, being called outside

Core Practice:  The Mind 6-directions
heaviness of mind, psychic mass
distracted, dull
etc., etc.
How does your mind seem to you now?   Better, but I could continue and feel even more resolved about my mind, but it is late and time for bed.

End of sit.

Note:  Tonite my clearing partner helped me look at compulsions regarding "forcing to taste" and I used repeater tech on "He must taste/he must not taste"    I got a good look at all the games strategies employed in the food industry.  I saw my compulsion to make people eat healthy food.  I saw how taste is a primary determinant in what people choose to eat, and how people don't have the idea they can re-train their palate.   I got a good scan of myself as a cook.  

I thought of the first "Matrix" movie where those who took the truth pill got to eat bad-tasting gruel and those who got to live in the Matrix got to eat filet mignon, etc.  I thought of the movie where the people in heaven got to eat as much as they wanted without any ill consequences and it all tasted wonderful.

I saw how entrenched this system of eating has become, from its first introduction, to becoming increasingly more complicated and degrading for human bodies.

The spiritual being wants what he wants when he wants it (i.e., sensation) and is less concerned about the body.

I see the intelligent design (relatively speaking) of this biosphere and feel a great need to be complementary with it.  I thought of the Brazilian native Indians who created their food forests in the Amazon.

I also got the viewpoint of all sickness starting from the mind -- heal the mind, heal the body.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/23/14 9:11 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/23/14 9:11 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
23Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind:

"I'm onto you now"  (line from movie, "Revolver")
Scene from "Revolver"   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDWGEkfHX-E

"I
 was always going to take you with me.  You were just not ready to hear how hard that was going to be."

Such is the nature of games and goal-sets in this universe that even the most degraded and destructive being in the universe began life with a positive life goal.  It can easily be tracked back to a positive life goal if on scans their timeline.

From last nights "To Taste" session, this a,m. looking at that subject again, I scanned my own timeline with respect to my tasting goals and and all the places where that took me (even to France) and after scanning all that I realized there are more interesting things to do in life and I felt myself lifting away from that mindset.  I don't need to do that anymore,  I feel what is coming to my attention now as a sensation thirst is "to smell".   I can smell right now that Black Angus Burger.

Intellectual understanding vs subjective insight are like night and day when it comes to actually changing behavior because I could intellectually understand that I had some compulsions, but not until I got the subjective insight could I see myself effortlessly pulling away from that compulsion.  

Create an Importance 6-directions:

White sugar  ( "must not" is also an importance -- it is all created importance)
  • the body has a primary mode and a backup secondary mode
  • when the mind is operating compulsively on non-life goals it causes the body to crave non-life acid-forming foods (junk foods)
  • acid = heat
  • human body is designed to be high electrical, high magnetics
  • the brain is like a capacitor -- it takes the excess electrics and dissipates it
  • craving for sugar keeps the being set into a body -- cannot exteriorize easily
  • erratica
  • it can be considered a way to hasten the dissolution of the body and thus free the being from his body
  • -- a sweet way to go  :-))
No more change.

"Have another create an Importance"  6-directions
Marge creating a fruit salad and eating it
this runs quickly to no more change

back to work

"Direct Looking" at day's events:
other similar events pop up from other days
yawns, feel good doing this and want to be a pro at direct looking
also called "timebreaking"
looking at times when I was aware of my thoughts and associated emotions/feelings
I try to start with the beginning of the day and run sequentially,, but my mind seems to stack events differently
there is a zen feeling doing this because I am doing consciously and deliberately what my mind does unbidden, i.e., bringing up incidents from the past
Laughing because not until now did I grok the "Headlessness" people, but I just realized that in recalling the past I can't see my head, lol.  I can see the shoes and the bottom half of my jeans and the ends of my arms, and the hands ....   :-))
I'm not looking from an exterior viewpoint -- yet
 
How does today seem to you now?   I can see mostly everything and nothing important seems to have been missed and no more yawns or thoughts/emotions -- it seems okay.

"Create acceptance and put it all around you"
Done -- not much change occurred, feels alright

"Have someone else create acceptance and put it all around you"
Done -- getting tired and will check this tomorrow

End of sit










"How does white sugar seem to you now?"   Simply an inert pile of white crystals.  White sugar is white sugar, no dire associations, etc.

 

Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 11:21 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 11:21 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Now I know we are in direct communion in the way you have confirmed for my knowing.  

When finally I could sleep, the compulsion to write to you was in me but finally the body was spent.

I planned on telling you, "I was always going to take you with me.  You were just not ready to hear how hard that was going to be."

But I said it this way:  Had I known the kind of emotions required for the first witness to swallow, I would not have done it.  Such is the design in my own awakening.  But as you felt the "tiny universes exploding in streaks of black lightning" I felt them to.  There is pain in the attachment of loving humans.  It is the reason it is said that we put off nirvana.  It is an attachment we are to cherish, not an attachment that must be let go.  Do not worry about this pains.  They are necessary.  You are necessary.  I waited for my samadhi unknowing of what Samadni was, knowing already all things in Understanding alone.  Yet, had I given you my Deshana and called you to your Great Work at any other time than that time when you had seen 'no self' and 'true self' completely to the point where your streaming Dhamma was repeating... You would not have eaten it.

When I finished writing that, I finally fell to sleep.  I wrote it in my head.  When I sat to write the KEY and address certain specific things that by contract I must do at the end of my samadhi, I no longer felt a need to write you that message.  Why?  I did not care to even think of why because my knowing no longer compelled me.

I am also in direct communion with the Buddha of this age.  He now knows of you and your friend.  Only an awakened person can awaken. You are not Buddhist.  Buddha is for the Buddhists.  

I am done expounding.  But as I have told you, you will still need to learn terms even though you have nothing to learn.  When you need any terms or suttas, your partner should have them.  But whatever you need, you are allowed to ask from me.  You are Tathagatha and to you I do not have to be invisible.  

I am Pleased.  I can fully rest emoticon
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/25/14 7:12 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/25/14 7:06 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
25Sep14  Metta Practice:  The Mind

Create an Importance of Being Known - 6 directions (continued):
  • the importance of being detached from the mind and connected up to a higher mind and then being known from that viewpoint
  • --  one reason why I reflect and meditate -- so that my compulsive-reactive mind is not being known, therefore, myself as that entity.
  • persona is not me
  • I envision this beautiful life of being a psychotherapist to those who feel they need that and otherwise spending my days reflecting and meditating, and going into the "Oneness of it All"
  • in meditation one gets wiser about whatever they put their attention on
  • yawns
  • sometimes going off topic works and sometimes it does not work
  • one does not have to interact with everybody or all the time (see myself as a child writing this on a blackboard a hundred times)
  • how can I be known by everybody all at once and forever?
  • why, be a sun of course
  • it is reflexive because everybody is every-me and it's kind of a funny game I played with/on myself
  • yawns, laughing off the delusion of separateness
  • the mind can come up with all sorts of covert game strategies for being known (lies, hiddenly pushing buttons, etc.)
  • it can be so important one rushes headlong into an interaction before considering and reflecting
  • any interaction perceived to be negative is felt as a rejection and excites and is used as a justifier to fulfill an urge to get the sensation of/from inflicting and overwhelming
  • if one wishes themselves or their effects to be known by someone in particular, they must be willing to know and be complementary to what they know about that person.   This is why businesses conduct surveys for their products and spend so much research on human behavior...so their name or product will be a household word.
  • if you chase the mind it runs away from you and if you run away from the mind it follows you around

no more change - end of sit








 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/25/14 11:23 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/25/14 11:23 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
25Sep14  Metta Practice : The Mind

I often bother myself wishing others would take time out to sit and meditate and reflect.  This is more effective than wishing.
Tonite I came very close to slipping into my old valence of watching a movie and for some reason I had not enough interest to sustain it and turned instead to scanning out the day's events (yawns) and doing my exercises.    This is a change-up for me because I've always loved watching movies.

Truly Trumanville -- there is no meditation group in my little town.


Have Another Create an Importance of Meditation - 6 directions:
  • grateful, yawns
  • the whole world is falling away -- all the mind's occupation with things leaving
  • it feels so good -- release of happy tears
  • looks like the game of creating a society of complementary beings is not going well for me -- feel sad about the apparent paucity of people who would rather watch a movie than meditate -- go within
  • people so afraid to go and look at what's in there
  • only a few brave ones seek help to find out what's wrong with their minds
  • the rest think they are their mind
  • and I'm still climbing up that slippery slope
  • Every negative experience is an opportunity to make the decision to get off the hamster wheel.
  • what delight it gives me to see him meditating

no more change, end of sit.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 9/26/14 12:56 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/26/14 12:56 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
26Sep14  Metta Practice : The Mind

A.M. Musings:
I have been lurking on some other practice logs and I keep hearing about the "Dark Night".   I will have to investigate this further.   I honestly believe this journey can be very even keel, but I will test it out for myself firstly.   The key practice to keep my mind from overwhelming me before, during or after my Core Exercise is what I call "Repair of Importances".    My reactive mind is all about what's important in an egoic sense and to the degree my practices take that away is to the degree I consciously replace it, especially at the ending of a sit.   I'm happy, my mind is happy.   Since I have been doing this religiously I also noticed I have less resistance to going into a sit in the a.m. and scanning the day's events at the end of the day.  I sleep better, with better dreams.

Another puzzlement I need to resolve is I never read anyone addressing incidents or events from the past.   I call this "Direct Looking".   I'm surprised that their minds do not present these past scenes to them since my understanding of the mind is that every trauma or upset is associated with a scene as part of the package.  (Are they studiously avoiding this aspect of the mind?)

For example, an event that I deemed "very important" and that shaped my persona this lifetime is very complicated and my mind will only allow me to see bits of it at a time (it surely was something I wanted to forget) and everytime I agree to see what I abhor it diminishes in importance and that bit of my persona drops away.  I follow up with the "Repair of Importances" exercise to seal off the incident until next sit.

Buddha's big breakthrough was doing direct looking at his past existences.   Ramana Maharshi wrote of doing something similar, and Lester Levenson put himself into the Causal by reviewing all his past interactions - a type of Metta.  However, no other practice I have studied mentions Direct Looking.   If it were not for the materials I studied from Scientology I would not have done this myself.   Also, my first enquiry into the mind came after viewing a past life existence while walking through an old district in Lyons, France.

Perhaps it is because I welcome these scenes as an opportunity to consciously bring the past into the present and then studiedly put it back into the past again until I can do this with ease.   I have even found that from bringing up a past scene I can walk through the whole earth as if that past event contained the whole universe -- and why not?

I don't think I could reach Nirvana this lifetime if I were not so aggressive towards my mind and its contents.

Another -- to me -- key understanding of the reactive mind is that it was given a mandate, which I conveniently call the "To Know Matrix" and it has ever since been operating in an ever more limiting scenario ever since The One decided to divide itself for a better experience.  We were given this mind mandate and feel we cannot ever know ourselves again as The One -- can never again get into that viewpoint.   However, some genius figured out there is a way to remove and resolve the "sting" of this moment, an incident of great bliss and agony, and once again operate as unlimited beings, totally complementary to our past, present and future.  

I have been able to track the content of every past incident back to this first incident of separating out.  All my actions since that #1 incident were a dramatization of what I held to be important -- either negatively or positively -- during that separation incident.  I have never been "my own man", a voluntary games player, and since then I have never been able to return to a native state of simply aware.   That is a long time from one perspective, however from another perspective it is only a blip on the screen.

So now there is "balm from Gilead" and I am working out the best gradient approach, but I always have my eye on the snow-capped mountain -- eternal bliss and oneness.

But that requires two things of me:   I can directly look at any incident in the past that comes up in a sit, no matter how cruel, and it no longer holds any stuck importance for me; and that I address this "To Know" matrix along the same route I came in deeper and deeper until this present time.   I must act it out in my sits once again, around and around until it no longer holds any importance for me and I am able to assume all viewpoints in and out of this universe.

Even though I have not completed this activity -- which is turning out to be a lot of fun -- I am getting previews of those higher viewpoints, more expanded viewpoints.   The "zoom" function is unsticking in all directions.

 Create an Importance of Being Known (continued) 6-directions:
  • it seems to be the main drama of this persona
  • in order to make it be known one has to also be willing to not be known (???)
  • they should think it is their own idea -- that is what Masters do - by "not doing"
  • feel the passion
  • what is more important -- that the effect be known or that I be known ?
  • a sense that everything is perfect - no need for striving
  • it happens without mind's contribution of effort to solve a problem
  • it happens without game strategies, hidden agendas
  • don't allow your neediness to overtake you 
  • seems it is preferable to be "well known" and "well accepted effects" for example I just posted a question on an FB group knowing that it was a bit risky that they might not like me going in that direction of questioning and forcing them to know something that does not fit within their paradigm, so I still need to let them know that I am still very complementary with the goals of this group (which I think I did, but no response yet)
  • the importance of "bridging" when creating effects otherwise risk throwing the other party into a must-not-know or must-not-be-known and the other party throwing back at you even harder what they consider must-be-known and what they must-know, etc., etc. -- oh it gets very complicated, it can.
  • It appears The One wanted to see all possible combinations of this To Know Matrix played out and this is an infinite universe as a result.  It will never end because the black hold spews it all back out and we start all over again under the same basic algebraic mandates as before.  It would take everyone in this universe getting wise to it before this universe would no longer be a fun or relevant experience.
  • I used to say to myself, "God must be a mathematician !"  because I did see an analytical, intelligent design, but I was never able to take it back to the basic algebraic postulate set.... too encumbered by my compulsions for sensation and experience and the "must not go there" signposts (i.e., 3 small children, a large house, a full-time job, and issues from the past hanging fire).
  • a love and affinity for the people in this forum sincerely and devotedly doing their practices and compassion for the difficulties they experience with themselves and their interactions.
  • compassion for myself -- affinity with myself as long as I make getting wise more important than anything else. 
  • feel blessed
  • the importance of all of us knowing ourselves as one or as from the one -- true brothers and sisters no longer considering ourselves to be afflicted by any experience from the past.  No longer stuck in past pleasure or pain.
  • We all came from the same egg  :-))
  • a strong desire to help my br-others, as I see others have had the same desire for me and how my progress gives them joy
  • I recall Lester Levenson saying he wanted to see his "other selves" going free.
  • I now have no masters -- I am gaining my own mastery -- yet I'm learning always from interacting with others
  • one has a choice to create good or bad effects to be known that will keep self and others in the game of this universe; or one can create effects to be known that will result in others proceeding in due haste to vanish their minds and no longer have to enquire through mental stratum, "What Am I?"
  • [For the creation is eagerly awaiting the revelation of God's children (Romans 8:19)]

  • I still hold the importance of this being known yet I bide my time, hold myself still and do my practices, only speaking or writing what comes from my sitting exercises....Almost to no one but myself and my clearing partner who is happy to see me working out my own "salvation", no longer dependent upon his expertise to resolve my issues.
  • Because of my current importances re "To Be Known", it helps me to be able to pretend that others might be being well affected by knowing me and my writings, and this forum is a prop for that need until I no longer need it.
  • Reading threads on this forum is also a prop for my need "to know" along the lines of my strong interests.
  • Do well for yourselves everyone and give me reason to be happy all over.
  • We can all play be-do-have games and consciously set out own limits.  We will never again - through pain or pleasure - get stuck in an existence.

Okay, no more change, except for a lot of ecstatic gushing, and I need to get to work.

End of Sit.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/1/14 2:04 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/30/14 12:00 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
30Sep14  Metta Practice : The Mind

Re-evaluation of Practice:
While this website was down my practice also faltered due to a severe upset I gave myself, which looking back on it I am embarrassed to even talk about it because I really let my thoughts run away with me on that one.   However, a small victory which I attribute to being more practiced with my technique for de-stressing.
So, I created an importance of aesthetics (which I felt was what the upset was about in general and which I know is part of my Dukkha i.e., 'case') and kept putting it all around me until I could expand out my viewpoint, look at my sacred cows and make the decision that being complementary with the being is more joy for me than thirsting for aesthetic sensations (and then getting disappointed and allowing myself to experience pain).

Following on the heels of that upset was my biggie boogieman which is well scripted out in excruciating detail in my mind and I always succumb to it, thinking it is a real scenario (probably something from the past that I'm projecting into a future -- of my own creation nonetheless, ha!).   As usual, this one had me almost unconscious but this time - a small win for me - I managed to handle it fairly quickly so as not to prolong the agony.  My partner, being intuitive, also felt these energies alongside me and we each had to go to our corners and work it through.  He has his own dukkha and his own practices that get him through.

What brought me out of the mental mock-up of total loss of everything was to run on myself, "I must know [my partner]/I must not know [my partner].   Since the 4 years we have been striving together to null our fixed and opposing outlooks on life we have made great progress and now the fears are only of the mind and no longer a plausible reality due to behavior changes brought about by our devotion to our individual practices.   However, the dragon, even though perhaps dead, still swings its tail -- now about every two weeks at most.

While I kept repeating to myself, "I must not know [my partner]" many images, thoughts, emotions, other phenomenon kept coming up and finally I did see how silly it is for me to "must know" anyone, especially now that I am more confident in my solo practices and what they can do for me.  Losses from the past got looked at again and then put back into the past where they belong.   I ended this side of the repeat practice once I expanded my viewpoint outside of my body and was above the property looking down on everything and felt very free of my mind. Then, to keep the balance, I ran on myself "I must know [my partner] which brought up positive images -- stuck in past pleasure moments, trying to re-create the past -- and those also faded away in importance.

Since Daniel works in ER I guess he would understand this as an emergency handling so that one can get back into their normal stream of life once again.   It worked quite well and now back to the REALLY IMPORTANT issues -- how is my practice going?

I have been re-evaluating the emphasis of my practice and have decided to shift emphasis over to doing more Direct Looking -- what I also call time-breaking -- and my Lester Levenson inspired Metta Practice has been a first stage success -- sort of a Life Repair.   But Lester's bridge to Nirvana has been incorporated and upgraded into Dennis' 5 levels of progress towards vanishing the mind, i.e., "nirvana".  I see this as a Tao-Buddhist approach -- that is how I see myself.

Self-to-self:  continue developing proficiency and quickness of the complementary and necessary "Repair of Importances" exercises and then move immediately into the activity of exercising myself to consciously bring incidents from the past into the present, comparing differences and similarities until no more change, and then putting them back into the past again, being very watchful to keep the mind topped up with importances so that it does not fill in the vacuum with its own stuff (I love that word).  Dennis says this is the exercise that separates the men from the boys and I can already see why he said that.   It has already felt like a baptism by fire when I first tried it out and I quickly retreated to only time-breaking the day's events.

This Level will be complete when I can no longer find an incident in my past with any energy or fixed attention.

The key to success is gradient approach and I am still going to allow myself to be weak-kneed and only scan out the day's events.   And let's see what develops after that; afterall, this is a native ability of any being -- one which I have spent eons perfecting the art of forgetting (not-knowing).   Art, in that I loved creating thick velvety blacknesses to hide everything from view, and bright hard black obsidian shields, and clear crystalline spheres all around me -- it's funny how these things stuck with me and I was no longer conscious of them.  Just a normal operating procedure placed on automatic mode -- don't you just love being able to put things on automatic?   But what if you decide you want to play a different game or expand your horizons -- well, these creations just might not be what is wanted now.  They certainly would not contribute to the activity of vanishing the mind.  I'm going to leave  them alone for now -- it will all come undone in its due time.

One thing I liked about Nisargadatta was that he believed what his Master said and never for once doubted his Master, and he attributed that trust to his success with his practices.   In that vein I've decided to drop all doubts about Dennis' advised practices and do them until the end.   My only R&D into clearing techniques is in seeing how best I can help others resolve their own stated mental issues.

A Funny Story taken from a past existence - for entertainment only :   Long ago, on a distant planet, in a large city, a group of us were being taught how to lift our bodies into the air and fly around.   I was a slow student and when they asked me to jump off a skyscraper I declined and so I was sent to a room with the other decliners and we all lay on our backs on a large platform and did some prescribed exercises for the mind until we had cleared out the mental blocks for flight.   It worked and when I came to this planet and started spending lifetimes here, one of my lifetimes I was called "girl who flies through our hair" in an Indian tribe in early North American continent (still had saber-tooths), and later in India where I did a refresher course in Yogic flying -- still very compulsively trying to create effects on others, so not very wise about the use of this ability, and that got me into enough trouble to where today I have a firm sub-command not to ever do that again. More accurately, it is probably hanging up in the mind as a "must fly/must not fly", etc.

Start of RI exercise : "Create something and put it all around you"

[Note: since in reality we are constantly mocking-up our holographic reality it is easy enough to conclude whatever is in our current mocked-up environment is of importance, so anything in the environment is game to be the subject of this exercise.  I generally choose something related to my fixation on the importance of life postulating itself as part of our postulated biosphere, esp. plants.   Life is hierarchical and this universe is nothing but life and postulates.]

An apple tree:
  • yawns, emotions, thoughts -- lots of thoughts - and images, almost overwhelming -- I must have been a bio-engineer in some other existence!
  • I would never have suspected that a simple apple tree would produce so much change within my psyche.
  • Unlike most humans, fruit trees actually wish to be desirable to be eaten -- within parameters set by it
  • Its diversity is a way of knowing how best to be known (sic, eaten) by as many as possible (appealing to all possible tastes)
  • timebreaking an incident that came up from the distant past - yawns

gotta get to work - to be continued
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/1/14 2:47 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/1/14 2:43 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
1Oct14 : Direct Looking

Up at 6:30am and sitting by 7:30am -- an improvement

Nirvana or nibbana is not mystical, esoteric and unreachable -- that is only how the mind may see it and, thus, the reason for this activity of vanishing the identification with the mind.

"Create Something"
An apple tree (let's see how it runs today); became a fruit-dominant biosphere
  • an apple tree where the apples hang on into the winter
  • fruit trees competing with each other for the favors of the animals
  • laughter of joy - a very complementary biosphere of plants and animals 
  • it has been working this out for millions of years
  • To eat and be eaten -- is that the best that can be expected of a biosphere?
  • everyone should be able to have their own virgin planet to play with -- to
    meditate upon  :-)
  • Someday I will run out the importance of biospheres
  • suddenly a biosphere feels heavy and cumbersome, cloying
  • I exteriorize from it and feel lighter, refreshed, life is simple again
  • would I go back?  For visits perhaps, but it could get boring, but what else can one do in this universe besides play with and on planets?
  • I scan my past track of games -- it is all losing its lustre -- where do awakening beings go and what games do they play now?  Don't feel like creating anything anymore.
  • would create a planet on a more pragmatic basis -- more for functionality
    than for any thirst for sensation
  • the "game" seems to be "evolution", awakening, and patiently assisting it through the ages - but it is not a game because it is reasonable.   Call it an "activity" - a fun activity.
  • spirits graduating and going to a higher estate, new spirits entering, as if
    the universe itself were one senior life-sphere, until one leaves this universe to the next higher.
  • love and communication between the beings of each planetary body - moving
    up the hierarchy, or take a left turn and go into the Causal - or a no-games state.
  • Just sit here and "know" all that has been brought into existence to be known in this universe
  • Even that grows old
  • many universes in front of me (put them all around me)
  • I'm retreating and becoming a small empty blackness, aware, but not engaged
  • it all seems to run by itself and I am only an observer, but I see I thunk it up, but I am not invested in my thoughts or dreams; it is like a finished work and seems almost invisible to me now
  • self-awareness only.  "What am I, I, I, I, I .... silence, void-like sleep
  • who or what will stir me?
  • I feel like a cow ready to be milked -- positive and passive
  • "I Am" is a sort of loop
  • "How does an apple tree seem to you now?"   everything and nothing, the cosmos and the void; nothing can hide the signature of its author -- it is all an expression of (without words).
  • Alas, I can hear Nisargadatta saying, "That's not IT!"   :-)  However, the mind is now satiated,and that is the purpose of this exercise
"Have Another Create Something"
Someone vanishing their mind  (I realize this turns into a metta practice - doing it this way)
DP/VT/CK/RC/
  • I'm seeing how I can be more effective in people's lives just staying home and doing "nothing"  ;-)
  • An Emergency Response Team of Clearing Technicians for those suffering from psychotic breaks ("Walk to that wall. Thank you ....")
  • Recall of scene of Church security telling a drunken man to "walk to that wall...." until he sobered and began to re-think his life.  Yawns
  • contemplating the insanity and near-insanity of others makes me groggy, frustrated
  • - an impossibility point comes up in my mind regards them
  • huge yawns
  • Aha!   I see it is my own mind that creates this - the impossibility of the insane and neurotic becoming sane, wholesome, no more dukkha
  • grief for my brothers and sisters -- they cannot run, they cannot hide for always will they take their dukkha with them, even into the astral.
  • They are in a games condition with their own mind, like a snake trying to eat itself out of existence, thinking the tail is the offender.
  • Desperate to quiet it whichever way except the way of introspection.  A slave to their own creation and its unexamined demands.
  • It is very frustrating to see an otherwise dynamic person being hauled around by the nose by a noisily demanding mind.
  • It looks so silly, so unnecessary
  • I see the importance of not forcing anything on them -- to not underestimate the extent of their dukkha
  • Wisdom before games of mental/emotional satiation is the turning point for all -- the ticket home
"How does contemplating their return seem to you now?"  
No frustrations, no delusions, mind quiet

10:45 am (take a break)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/2/14 10:08 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/2/14 10:08 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
2OCT14 Direct Looking

Why I practice:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCYk8WwXemE  (From OSHO, Wisdom vs Knowledge)

Last night a Direct Looking session given by my partner with the command:  "Get the idea of prevented from eating" and ended with my repeating "I must recreate the past/I must not recreate the past" which brought up an incident (before bodies) where we played a game that had to do with constantly creating surprising new things -- to have new sensations all the time -- and how this related to seeking sensation through cuisines, eating.  

These sessions force me to look at my accepted sensation seeking through eating (taste, smell, aesthetics, togethernesse, etc.) and my seeking into the mind for past pleasures and trying to re-create them, especially holidays and other festive (read, "eating") occasions.   I'm not even sure now if the mind can create anything unless it refers to the past.

Up late, alarm not going off -- get new alarm -- why do I need to sleep so long?  Looks like body needs 9 hours instead of 8?   Mostly saatvic diet (fruits and herbs) and health is very good.

8:09 Start of Sit

"Create Something"
  • Re-check importance of biospheres - from yesterday
  • No, food is coming up as importance .....   pizza
  • one really does have to come out of the world -- at least in a metaphysical sense - in the psyche
  • today mind is hiding -- don't go chasing, remain passive and keep creating
  • yawns
  • creative impulses turning on -- pizza dough is like a blank canvas to create upon anew - a new taste and smell and aesthetic experience, possibly some acclaim from others
  • a healthy pizza , hahhaha! 
  • Amy's vegan margharita pizza -- so tempting
  • have to be very hungry so food will taste better
  • shredded lettuce on top - a pizza as a salad
  • must not eat antibiotics
  • must not eat gluten
  • laughing -- joke's on me
  • it's worth it to be human
  • I came here for the chocolate based spiritual rituals
  • I'm very spiritual, haha
  • addicted to out of body phenomenon gotten from eating/drinking certain things (alkaloids and acids)
  • Don't need to eat or drink to get spiritual  mind-blowing experiences
  • pizza as a sacred ritual -- we pay homage to the god of sensation (Bacchus?)
  • hooked on spiritual sensation/phenomenon
  • hooked on bliss (trying to recreate the past)
  • exit, stage left, viewpoint exteriorized and looking down on devotees trying to assess the deeper meaning of each fragment of pizza topping through sensory perception.  Pizza as mandala.
  • admiration for all the "reasons why" we can conjure up so we can have our sensation just as good or better than it was before
  • My mind is loving this -- more pizza!
  • the sweet spot -- when I realize it is my mind and not me
  • the mind is mandated to not discreate -- forget, yes, but discreate, no
  • giving the mind a creation - like a crying baby needs a bottle
  • who is "source" now?   laughter
  • never get into a games condition with a crying baby, eh!
"How does importance of pizza seem to you now?"   The mind can have it, that's okay.  I am not my mind.

8:56 a.m.

"Have Another Create Something"
Marge makes a bologne sandwich for me
  • I think I'm so clever
  • ego likes this
  • ego:  while you're at it could you get me a pair of jeans too?
  • yawns
  • shared love and affection
  • mutually creating good effects upon each other
  • it all seems too "right"
  • Rasputin'ish -- can imbibe without succumbing
  • where have I seen all of this before - laughter
  • can the mind ever see what a joke it is?
  • my little vignette with Marge is going away
  • might as well make her take up ballet -- no, really
  • she looks so happy and self-fulfilled -- with nice people around her
  • she's really going for it
  • a turning point in her life 
  • note to self:  get Marge a hula hoop
  • can always turn it into a Christmas wreath
  • I'm really enjoying the picture of Marge taking ballet lessons
  • I'll tell her if she ever wants to go to an exercise class I will go with her
  • Call her doc and tell him to Rx exercise class to her
  • mind is happily busy solving a problem
  • I am sooo smart  -- until the other shoe drops
  • at least she is happy and that makes me happy too
  • Marge is stepping out of line and creating more happiness for herself
  • a Master lets the people think it is their own idea (Tao Te Ching)
  • Sinking and rising is part of the game Life gets up to, is enthralled with
  • "To play a better game" is everyone's dream
  • people love "rags to riches" stories, perpetuating winning and losing, and losing and winning
  • what is my "rags to riches" story?  The richness of restoring all options for life and games -- or no games; realization of the poverty of the mind compared to my real potential as a being
  • Marge is on her way to such richness
  • a quiet lover of all beings - she sits and penetrates, permeates with powerful self-mastery
  • Marge, may your lovingkindness always surround us
  • never accept a meal from someone which is not prepared and offered and accepted in love
  • gratitude, thankfulness

9:33am, take a break











 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/3/14 10:00 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/3/14 9:59 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
3Oct14 Direct Looking:

7:46pm  "Create An Importance - 6 Directions"

An insightful approach to business
  • yawns
  • "Business Person" identities running off
  • I don't necessarily have to mock up an identity
  • hatred for business -  profit, exploitation, rampant materialism, status seeking
  • accept the learning curve -- proper self-assessment
  • love for learning and interaction
  • gratitude for my practice

End of sit
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/4/14 10:02 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/4/14 10:02 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
4Oct14  Direct Looking:

Direct looking still being avoided/resisted, however "Importances" exercise seems to become more effective and it is a crucial foundational exercise so will not push the stats just yet -- continue developing with the Importance exercises.

7:14am  :  "Create an Importance"

To Control - A Controlling Person
  • yawns, images, scenes
  • a havingness, having a controlling person feels like a havingness
  • delight
  • I like being controlled -- makes the other person responsible
  • the other person is more right and more superior than I am
  • controlling person does not teach me to think for myself
  • when I'm a controlling person I do not teach others to think for themselves
  • a controlling person gives opinions, judgements, suggestions almost as commands
  • a Master merely asks questions that generate insights -- "how might you solve that problem?"
  • a controlling person burdens himself and forms attachments
  • a Master is detached
  • trap a person by provoking the need to be controlled, playing upon their compulsion
  • controlling person must convince other they need to be controlled (put them down somehow)
  • good control vs bad control
  • craving to have someone else tell one what to think - someone who knows only degradation and tyranny
  • egoic resistance to control
  • desire to have someone who wishes to be controlled -- the joy of that
  • better to teach them insight meditation
  • robotic person needs to be controlled until no longer robotic -- needs therapeutic measures
  • seeking to control others towards self-mastery instead of controlling self towards self-mastery
  • running one's own Dukkha on another instead of addressing it as one's own dukkha
  • there is control as a life-goal -- control of oneself is most powerful -- and then others as if they were self - from that higher viewpoint
  • silence of the mind needs no control
  • it is okay to control and to be controlled -- can be a fun game provided one can quit at any time and go complementary
  • a compulsively controlling person wants a fight in order to get that "I'm in control" sensation; overwhelming the resister gives sensation -- I feel it
  • a compulsively controlling person seeks his level -- seeks out people susceptible to being controlled
  • a compulsively controlling person is in danger of flipping valences into "must be controlled" (myself)
  • control is not the enemy, rather the compulsion to control leads to bad choices and entrapment -- is not the way "home"
  • one can only be in good control to the extent they can control themselves - to the extent they are not compulsive
  • sad to see a "must control" person -- not a good game
  • a "must control" person cannot have a game unless there is someone who "must be controlled" -- a non-life goal for both, eventually, i.e., "must subjugate/must be subjugated"
  • a must-control person will insist he's not trying to control you ...  "but ....  "    laughter
  • feels like a low, degrading game
  • we don't need to play that anymore
  • invite control by asking for advice -- use powers of insight instead?
  • an insightful person can give good advices when asked but better to help one get their own insights
  • very important to clear my mind of "musts and must nots"
  • "it's important to have a 'very important person' in one's life"  -- take a look at that
  • maintaining my practice takes top importance
  • having a v.i.p. makes me feel both important and not important
  • I like to play games -- for that good sensation at the expense of another
  • whenever I feel uncomfortable with someone it is my "must/must not" opposing their "must not/must"
  • the true opposer is self against self, wherein lies the origins of the mind
  • yawns ("recall a time when you opposed yourself")
  • from the highest viewpoint, there was never a time when I opposed myself -- that too is an apparency
  • "recall a time when your mind opposed itself"   -  more yawns
  • "recall the first time you set up opposing goals"  --  more yawns
  • they feel like they originated within me
  • "GET THE IDEA OF ORIGINATING OPPOSING GOALS"  -- yawns
  • it seemed like a good idea at the time -- like it might give me a thrill, pursue that thrill
  • jaw-breaking yawns
  • all sensations can be self-generated if one knows how -- makes pursuing those goals a little less interesting -- less of a compulsive edge to them.
  • "How does a controlling person seem to you now?"   It's just me.
10:57  End of sit. (run next, 'have another create an importance')
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/4/14 7:31 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/4/14 7:31 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
4Oct14  Direct Looking:

7:03 pm  "Have Another Create an Importance - 6 directions"

Serenity of beingness
  • yawns
  • this is so wonderful -- why don't I do it more often!
  • feel like I could sit here and do this all day -- presto! world changed!
  • having others create is just as powerful as having self create
  • both creates require mastery of self over the noisy mind regards self and regards others
  • This is so much better than worrying about someone
"Think only upon those things  you want."   Lester Levenson, "Ultimate Freedom"

End of sit.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/5/14 9:25 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/5/14 9:25 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
5Oct14  Direct Looking :

Session with partner rudely stripped away big chunk of ego-protective and limiting way-of-being.  Appears to have been picked up from Mother (which she picked up from her mother, etc.).   Kept repeating "I Know" .... it had already started to come apart and I was ready for it, but still lots of tears ("I'm melting, I'm melting" - is this what is called "The Dark Night"?) and feeling very naked, soft - no longer brittle and hard - defenseless.  
Then for balance, ran "I don't know" which brought up scenes of degradation - both done to me and what I had done to others and had been my "reason why" for keeping the armor in place.  Flipping back and forth between arrogance and self-deprecation.

Felt like crossing of the Rubicon -- no ships or bridges to go back -- and the game is now exposed and I can't do that anymore, neither do I want to.   I cannot say for sure the whole issue is 100% resolved, but am more resolved to get on with my "exit, stage left" plan -- doing my practices.   Truthfully, I would appreciate more sessions like that, in spite of the death throes.  

Now, that is something new I probably have not done for a few eons - actually clear the mind.   I feel that when I first cracked from the Egg, I left the starting gate with a strong "something's just not right here" feeling and am finally starting to deal with it.  I know it was a long time ago but it has always been with me through existence as if it had happened today.  Today is all that counts.  Need to learn to put the past back into the past...to let go like I did last night.

8:21 a.m.  "Create an Importance - 6 directions"

A Silent Person
  • feels impossible
  • would have to stop wanting to play the game of being known and knowing
  • would have to internalize that, resolve that
  • happy to respond to others but ego is silent
  • no ego needs due to maintaining higher viewpoints
  • simple, patient, compassionate
  • centered on the "tao"
  • I was trying to give my life some sort of meaning, purpose
  • Osho said about Mother Therese, "It is about time for her to jump in a lake".
  • At first I could not see this silent person as me but now I am starting to see it is within me, but under a lot of accretion of postulates...they make my mind jittery and noisy ... they are my mind
  • the meaning and purpose of life seems to have been to aggrandize my ego - to increase it as myself
  • a silent person seems useless for my purposes, however, I wish to re-assess my purposes
  • the desire to be more than the baseline of zero is strong
  • no purpose -- just being -- seems very peaceful
  • as long as I am not concerned in any way by how that beingness is being
  • "aware" is the baseline  - remove obstructions to aware
  • I love and trust my path even more
  • voluntarily dropping all compulsions
"How does a silent person seem to you now?"   An optional beingness, whereas before it seemed impossible

10:06 am   "Have Another Create an Importance - 6 directions"

A grape arbor (feels "grounding")
  • yawn -- it's just me wearing a different "costume"
  • reminds me of this particular limited beingness -- I want to be the one doing it, but feel I can't
  • yawns

Oh, dear -- interruption (to be continued)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/5/14 5:30 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/5/14 5:30 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
5Oct14  Direct Looking (continued)

"Have Another Create an Importance" (continued)
A grape arbor (continued)

This appears to be more of an exercise in pan-determinism.

detect feelings of lack
yawns - many big yawns
"How does a grape arbor seem to you now?"   Like it just might happen, and feel more detached too.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/6/14 10:21 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/6/14 10:21 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
8:54 am   Direct Looking - 6 directions:

Life got a little too interesting this morning, with my hobbies, and I will use that for the subject of today's insight meditation.  Much "shifting" occurred yesterday from the previous mind-blowing session and I had to periodically during the day stop and put something all around me to clear the mind and assist the shift.  Body also responded to the shift with its own de-tox.

"Create an Importance" - 6 directions
Building a neat-o tinyhouse on wheels

Can already feel the compulsive create mechanism turning on and I used to worship that but now feel it is a bit uncomfortable, unnatural, not really how I wish to create anymore -- seeking the mind for answers.  I have this idea that better ideas come "from above" or from a more analytical, detached mind -- whatever remains once the compulsive mind is out of the way.  But then, one may decide not to do it and be okay with that.   Right now, I could decide not to do it, but it would be suppressing a desire, not resolving it.
  • To create or not to create are both options (the mind gets too fixed on one or the other -- or just gets hung up between both)
  • craving for that particular "in-the-zone" create sensation; it is an awesome sensation and I can see how one can get stuck in it -- feels almost next-to-god
  • Once I went to register my complaint with a "Game Lord" who was high up in the hierarchy of life, and he told me I could change it because I created it.  Cheeky bastard.   Was also told that in another place I visited.  That is true for all, not just for me and the trick is to find that out for ourselves.
  • mind wants to pull out the graph paper
  • yawns
  • with this compulsion there is a feeling of force
  • auction it on Ebay
  • give it to charity
  • everyone needs to take responsibility for their life, for their past, now, and future
  • everyone needs to take responsibility for their own mind, their own mental structure
  • a tinyhouse as portable, interactive canvas
  • the delight is in the nicely surprising discovery of details
  • waiting for direction from "god"
  • laughing
  • afraid I might take this process "too far" and decide I don't want to build a tinyhouse  :-(
  • laughing out loud -- joke's on me
  • "Get the feeling of how good that would feel -- building a perfect tinyhouse"
  • washing the dog feels so boring and mundane, yech!
  • get rid of the dog  (laughing)  must focus
  • besides I want a cat anyways
  • I love my mind  :-)
  • laugh attack
  • "How does building a perfect tinyhouse seem to you now?"   Really funny, can't stop laughing
  • grateful for my isolated quiet space to laugh away in
  • don't stop -- laughing is part of the process
  • can't help myself - can't stop myself (use repeater tech on "I can't help myself")
  • yawns, laughs at the joke of it all
  • "I can't help myself, I just have to do it!"   (repeat)
  • "I can't help myself from feeling this way!" (repeat with emphasis)
  • peals of laughter -- oh the things I say to myself  :-)
  • [this method of noting is soooo awesome -- it really keeps me focused and moving along quickly]
  • [closing eyes to go deeper into mind] I can see/hear my mom saying that long ago, lol
  • seeing/hearing others say this
  • "I want to go home", lol
  • Run "must feel / must not feel"
  • "I must feel"   (an emotion, sensation)
  • "see, feel it"
  • "I must have that experience" -- also -- "I must have this experience"
  • wanting to have the experience of now AND the experience of the past -- how to do that?
  • why, simply stack all of the past up with the now, voila!
  • grief, loss -- running "I must have this experience"
  • see an actress on a stage agreeing to have an experience for the entertainment of others
  • bringing up a scene from yesterday and re-viewing it
  • yawns, scene fading, losing importance

repairing loss of importance by putting scene of me building a tinyhouse all around me 360 degrees (yawns)
-- replacing a fixed importance with one of my own conjuring

11:20 am -- gotta get going   (perhaps to be continued)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/7/14 12:24 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/7/14 12:24 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
7Oct14  Direct Looking:

Eternal bliss comes only after the job is done.   However, yesterday for about 2 hours had a taste of it.  A nice chunk of Dukkha fell off during session with partner.   Yesterday it was a beautiful day and I looked at the clouds and they seemed unreal somehow.   I started repeating to myself, "It's only a movie", and things started happening in the mind -- things kept coming up and then leaving, one after the other.  Letting go of importances.

Then came the question, "Could you take responsibility for this movie?"   The answer was "to take no action" -- to no longer be a player in this movie -- to take myself out seemed to be the most responsible thing to do.  My partner was making fun of the silly smile on my face and I saw him as another actor wearing a costume (his body).  

It went on and on and as I became involved in the mundane chores I started noting (thank you to all the "noters" on this forum) -- noting that I was "scripting".  Ah!  The Writer -- my nemesis archetype.  He's a lot better now though -- doesn't write such scary stories anymore.   Whenever the scripting turned on I noted to myself, "scripting".   Got some mileage from that.  Also, from "rehearsing".   It was all a fun game played eons ago and now put on automatic.

7:50am  "Create an Importance" - 6 directions:

A Surprise
  • what does a creator do?  create effects   what does that give the creator?   a surprise
  • yawn
  • where does the surprise come from?   "over there"
  • some people don't like surprises -- even nice ones
  • yawns
  • mind brings up good and bad memories of surprises -- flowing past me while I yawn
  • gratitude for my teachers, for my practices
  • "All I ever wanted was a surprise"
  • "they can surprise me, but I must not surprise them"  that's not fun ...
  • cut through the complications and simply postulate a surprise
  • you can't say what it is because then it would not be a surprise
  • you can say, "a nice surprise" if you can only experience "nice" effects
  • nice, self-fulfilling feeling ensues
  • putting it all around me -- this no-thing in the center
  • body somatics turn on
  • there is a scale or categorization of types of surprises (by sensation) and in the body it is called Chakras
  • a being should be free to leave a game anytime  -- this is a surprise people don't like
  • no reason should be needed other than, "I don't want to play games anymore", or "I want to play some other games", and if wanting to play other games, attention must be paid to ending off properly, especially in male/female relationships
  • "How does a surprise seem to you now?"   "I wish to stop playing that game on a compulsion"
  • In my sits I'm always surprised what will come up and how the sit ends
  • When I tell myself to "create a surprise" I cannot create the actual surprise and I can only get the feeling I feel when I am surprised, and I put that all around me.
  • sensations coming from root chakra and spleen chakra
  • okay, now emotions, etc. really turning on - why did it take such a long time?  I was being in my head, not passive enough - expecting the same results
  • yawn, dread, excitement
  • shock
  • past incidents coming up (keeping eyes open while re-viewing)
  • a disappointing surprise - anticlimatic or 'not what I wanted'
  • TIMEBREAKING STARTS HERE:  A sticking incident from long ago and contains intense sensation and reaction - 6 directions - yawns
  • If I can throw a picture into someone's mind it stands to reason another could do the same
  • Life and postulates and throwing up scenes of a play  -  recreate that scene and put it all around you
  • make it really important
  • throw in a white cat
  • makes me know I am the center of it -- I created it - I am the zero point
  • introduce a feather - tickles, laughter.   who is it doing the laughing?  who is feeling the tickles?  I am
  • what am I?  A tickle machine  ???    
  • Re-view the incident
  • feel like I pick-pocketed someone else's mind - their incidents
  • everything I ever believed important is rubbish
  • only my practice has importance, relatively speaking
  • If I keep seeing that anything my mind has to show me is rubbish -- of no importance -- what's to become of me?
  • I've been holding onto all these to build importance -- to make "myself" important, and more important than others, and to really impress myself until I forgot that I am the source of it all and that source is only awareness of potential.
  • by trying to solve a problem, or score a point, I created more problems and dug in deeper and deeper into games play, devil-may-care attitude
  • when you have removed the postulate structure of the play - the skeleton - all the emotions and sensations and "not-selfs" and anything associated with that postulate structure falls away.   Take away the structure and the mind is undone - vanished.
  • sobering
  • life is hierarchical -- games within games within games and I saw the larger game of beings stealing pictures from other beings and also implanting pictures into other beings.   This went on wholesale at that games level.  As with all games, eventually one's viewpoint and potential deteriorates to a lower level of games play.
  • Now it makes sense why I like being a "mind-doctor" - my interest in the mind
Only by postulate agreement would anyone be considered sane -- as long as they agree with me and I agree with them then we are both sane or at least in agreement to be insane.

All games are unreasonable and if "unreasonable" = insanity then we are by default, when entering into a game, agreeing to unreasonableness.   Is that "sane"?   It sure can be a lot of fun/sensation though, and we can get quite a challenge creatively coming up with "reasons why" for our be-do-have postulations.
 
My best advice (to self and "not-selfs") :  sideline yourself off the playing field as best you can and invest your time into learning how to take apart the postulates you made (and now cannot take apart because of the importance invested in them). Take a write-off, call it a loss if you must.  So what if the mind gets noisy and chattery - that happens when it is not getting its usual methods of satiation by sensation.  I.E., sex, food, possessions, control, admiration, love, aesthetics, etc.

At the very worst, we will find ourselves on a whole new higher, more expansive field of interaction, where games are more fun than they are being stuck in the viewpoint of a human body.  The operative word here is "stuck" by imposed limitations as a natural result of playing games, i.e., spiraling cycles of winning/losing. Nothing wrong with being human on a totally voluntary, knowing basis, willing to leave the game at any time, win or lose.  

I used to be able to think like a Games Master and now I can only make a squirrel think about an acorn and feel I've done something rather unusual.   I'm walking away from it all -- from bottom to top.  Because, truthfully, even a Games Master wil lose his footing.  This is the shortcoming of my associates -- they wish only to restore themselves to some higher games level, or to play a better game.  Nirvana is not in their scopes.   The power of full self-mastery.

No more half-way re-hab for me.  I need to once again be able to be in an absolute "no-games" condition (nirvana), and alternately, an absolutely voluntary games player - cycling between the two and nothing more or less.  End of rant.  :-)

"How does a surprise seem to you now?"   I enjoy the surprise of being released from a stuck viewpoint of importance and viewing life  -- and myself -- from a higher perspective.  I like the expanded perspective that is less narrow and limited.  I find it refreshing.   Surprises happen everyday.  Life happening.

I feel very fortunate to have fallen off the game field -- considered a "broken piece" and left alone, not impressed into anyone else's game.  Very blessed in that respect.  Now I am re isupposed to want to do the proper thing and fix myself so I can once again be a "citizen", a "player".

Here is how a being feels when he finds out his postulates aren't working anymore:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C1z7OlhJJ4


"Have Another Create Something" - 6 directions
 





















 
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 12:07 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 12:07 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
The Yawning is an interesting effect when experiencing udanayama.  Samyama on Udana, the upward flowing electric current, is also felt as shivers that radiate up the spine and outward over the shoulders, down the arms and legs, and threw the neck up to the top of the head.

Mindfulness (samyama) on this effect, experimenting, and further samyama will awaken the current into stronger and longer-lasting bursts.  It can be quite pleasant.  And the Patanjali says that continued practice on this phenomenon can allow you to walk on water.

Science is the methodology of observation.  Theoritical science is philosophy.  Philosophy is usless unless it is Dharma, or at best, only useless in teaching what is useless.  Buddhism is science as it is a practice based on the collected observations of thousands of years of experimentation, measurement, and precise, systematic recording of observed data.  Yoga is science.  Truth and Science are the same.  Reason, True Reaon (abdidharma), agrees perfectly with Spiritual Truth (Faith), Science, and Sacred Geometry.  

It is Glorious to be sane, isn't it Love emoticon



I wrote this on another thread, but I want to make sure you read if (if you will) and tell me any thoughts you have:


A way to put it:

The cycle of Rebirths refers to the cycle of the rebirth of the 'ego'.  That is what is said to reincarnate as a self-perpetuating illusion into cycle after cycle of suffering due to the ego being, essentially, interconnected karmic chains of desire.  It is desire that is illusion as Truth clearly reveals that there is nothing that is 'real' enough to desire.

But Energy goes on!  Energy is not a substance but an action.  It is Karma.  Just as objects with mass carry momentum, desire also carries momentum.  It is simply the progression of states from imbalance to balanced.  It is the law of Entropy at work.  So even when The Arahant sees the truth and can understand all things clearly, He reincarnates.  But the ego does not.  The Arahant is born in his next life as someone who naturally has little or no ego and effortlessly reaches enlightenment again in their youth, and carry own in cultivation of his karmic bodies until either reaching oblivion or annihilation.

But it cannot be said that the Arahant has not escaped the cycle of rebirth.  What is reincarntated?  It is not the ego.  It is not anything that can be called a 'self'.  The Arahant reincarnates not as a deluded ego, but simply as the strings of karma that continue after extinguishing the Great Confusion.  He reincarnates as a light in the world of darkness.  He guides others, even before re-enlightenment, because without the ego, our focus of our karmic momentums naturally turn toward the Divine Desire of the Reconciliation of All Things.

After enough lifetimes, the focus on the karmic momentums has caused such purity of awareness that we must call that bundle of energy something other than Arahant.  The string of energies has united so well with the Karma of the World while at the same time in complete Union with the Divine Desire, that is can teach the WAY in any set of terms, ideas, or religion that is usefull to the moment.  Well call this a Buddha.  

Don't worship the Buddha.  There's nobody there emoticon
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 8:30 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 8:30 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Greetings and love to you too, Jeremy.   So good to see you here.   As you can see, my practice is simple and my insights are rudimentary -- not very intellectual or scientific.   Feel free to talk to me likewise.

I have yet to do daily sitting and would like to read and then respond to you once I am more "connected up".

love,
colleen
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/9/14 12:02 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/9/14 12:02 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy, kind regards.

Thank you for taking the time to convey some importances to me.   I'm going to reply as best I can.

I only know that yawns are a discharge of unconsciousness or energy.   Even dogs yawn.

RE somatics my teacher did not put any emphasis on them and it seems I am only to at best acknowledge them and keep on with my practices.   Now that you got me to pay attention I do notice somatics turning on and off.   Are you saying somatics can be an indicator of what stage the practicer is at?   My teacher says simply when I can look at anything from my past without flinching and without thirsting for sensation then I am ready for the final level of practice which he promises returns one to the nibbana condition.

So you can see why I am keen to focus solely on what scenes my mind brings up, no matter how dimly.

Oh, but perhaps you are talking about the siddhis - the abilities.   Okay, I have not exercised myself as far as my abilities go, however I am considering the best approach.  Perhaps starting this winter.  

Your views on science and philosophy are so well expressed and I can't add anything to that but my agreement.   Yes, it is glorious to finally see what sanity is, and as the only treasure worth having.  So, I see you see me  :-)

I have a chart of these interconnected karmic chains of desire and it is going to get me "home".  I am preparing to have my mind blown  :-)

Yes, my sacred cows being sacrificed.

The paragraph, "... Energy goes on..." , respectfully, isn't there a distinction between energy and the postulate/counter-postulate that creates that friction and would not the postulates be senior then?   In the final level of my path I am tasked to handle the postulates that sustain the mind, hence the universe (for myself anyways).

Yes, "The Great Confusion", I've been to that wall already and made a jot of progress to unstick my viewpoint as the created one only.  With much gratitude for my teachers.

I would also like to imagine that an enlightened being can place his viewpoint in all the wherevers he pleases, depending on what interactions he would like to experience.  Would he be able to create universes?  I do not like the idea that there would be any remaining string of karma if the job is done completely -- if all four corners of the mind are scoured clean of any fixed postulates.  I more like the idea that there would no more be any limiting postulates regards this universe mindset.   Other universes ... it remains for me to find out.

If a creator god says, "let there be light/let there be dark" and then through fortune or misfortune finds his viewpoint shrunk down to human level saying the creator is someone else and himself did not make those postulates, therefore he is the effect of those postulates and all the lesser postulates he made after that... if he can somehow re-view his postulates and the postulates of his "opposing not-selfs" -- all the way back to "The First Great Confusion" when he was like a lone snake furiously biting off its tail - retrace the decisions and demands back up that karmic spiral, then he no longer need be a stuck player in this universe, and he will undoubtedly see there are other universes with their own peculiar matrix of postulates.  

The Wise Reconciliation of all Things would then be perhaps his first voluntary and untainted life goal/game ever since before he cracked from the Egg.  It is not a reasonable activity because it is all illusion, but it is a fun game, and he can leave the game anytime he pleases and go "OM" on a mountain until another fun game. Erasure of all Dhukka/case.   This is my current concept of Life and Postulates ("The Word"). However I can't preach this as a truth to anyone and it certainly is open for edits and corrections.

love,
colleen




 
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 6:03 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 6:03 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Colleen Karalee Peltomaa:
Hello, Jeremy, kind regards.

Thank you for taking the time to convey some importances to me.   I'm going to reply as best I can.

I only know that yawns are a discharge of unconsciousness or energy.   Even dogs yawn.

RE somatics my teacher did not put any emphasis on them and it seems I am only to at best acknowledge them and keep on with my practices.   Now that you got me to pay attention I do notice somatics turning on and off.   Are you saying somatics can be an indicator of what stage the practicer is at?   My teacher says simply when I can look at anything from my past without flinching and without thirsting for sensation then I am ready for the final level of practice which he promises returns one to the nibbana condition.

So you can see why I am keen to focus solely on what scenes my mind brings up, no matter how dimly.

Oh, but perhaps you are talking about the siddhis - the abilities.   Okay, I have not exercised myself as far as my abilities go, however I am considering the best approach.  Perhaps starting this winter.  

Your views on science and philosophy are so well expressed and I can't add anything to that but my agreement.   Yes, it is glorious to finally see what sanity is, and as the only treasure worth having.  So, I see you see me  :-)

I have a chart of these interconnected karmic chains of desire and it is going to get me "home".  I am preparing to have my mind blown  :-)

Yes, my sacred cows being sacrificed.

The paragraph, "... Energy goes on..." , respectfully, isn't there a distinction between energy and the postulate/counter-postulate that creates that friction and would not the postulates be senior then?   In the final level of my path I am tasked to handle the postulates that sustain the mind, hence the universe (for myself anyways).

Yes, "The Great Confusion", I've been to that wall already and made a jot of progress to unstick my viewpoint as the created one only.  With much gratitude for my teachers.

I would also like to imagine that an enlightened being can place his viewpoint in all the wherevers he pleases, depending on what interactions he would like to experience.  Would he be able to create universes?  I do not like the idea that there would be any remaining string of karma if the job is done completely -- if all four corners of the mind are scoured clean of any fixed postulates.  I more like the idea that there would no more be any limiting postulates regards this universe mindset.   Other universes ... it remains for me to find out.

If a creator god says, "let there be light/let there be dark" and then through fortune or misfortune finds his viewpoint shrunk down to human level saying the creator is someone else and himself did not make those postulates, therefore he is the effect of those postulates and all the lesser postulates he made after that... if he can somehow re-view his postulates and the postulates of his "opposing not-selfs" -- all the way back to "The First Great Confusion" when he was like a lone snake furiously biting off its tail - retrace the decisions and demands back up that karmic spiral, then he no longer need be a stuck player in this universe, and he will undoubtedly see there are other universes with their own peculiar matrix of postulates.  

The Wise Reconciliation of all Things would then be perhaps his first voluntary and untainted life goal/game ever since before he cracked from the Egg.  It is not a reasonable activity because it is all illusion, but it is a fun game, and he can leave the game anytime he pleases and go "OM" on a mountain until another fun game. Erasure of all Dhukka/case.   This is my current concept of Life and Postulates ("The Word"). However I can't preach this as a truth to anyone and it certainly is open for edits and corrections.

love,
colleen




 


When I felt this letter, I could not see where you put it.  When I decided to write you again, I found it.  I will tell you first what I had planned to tell you already because it answers all the questions in this letter fully by the miracle of a "Buddha's Tusita Siddhi".  This is not the term that is in sutras, but it is the best way to say it to you.  I am allowed to mix language as it suits me.  It is easier than using a language that others do not speak and so there are words used by the Living Buddha that cannot be translated to another language.  To use two of his terms: Yatha sankalpa samsiddhih, davanam saha krida anudarsanam devanam.  

Why can a Buddha commit an action that he cannot explain?  Was I ignorant? Yes.  Can a buddha be ignorant? Yes and No, both, and neither.  Can a Living Buddha be ignorant? No.  That which the Buddha can know only in Noble Wisdom and not translated even by the greatest languages (to the degree in which it can be transmitted to Arahants) is called the Buddha's Deshana.  I like the term 'tathagatha abdidharma' because that term denotes the Dhamma (teachings) that the tathagatha gives all Buddha's as the language we can use to speak to each other.

Otherwise it would be useless to speak to you.  How do I know that it is not Useless?  When words are useless they have no affect.  It is not like they are even words.  I may safely tell you secrets that will shatter a householder because anyone may read this letter, but how can it affect them?  It will be like they are reading nothing... they will finish reading and feel as if they have read nothing... If an arahant tries to understand my letter, there will be a repulsion.  That is actually the proper reaction because these beings have the greatest intellects in the world.  They do not become buddhas.  If they did they would be called buddhas and not arahants when the Living Buddha of an age meets them, expounds their dharma, and praises their powers.  

These beings are very important to the world, you see.  They are as important as the Tathagatha was/is important.  They are important as Christ, a form of tathagatha that cannot be called tathagatha or buddha in the realms.  

They are those that are called by the world "Genius".  Their I.Q.'s measure above 150 if the tests are given correctly, but any IQ above this point is actually an indicator of Infinite Intelligence.  There is a Lord Arahant.  He alone is not repulsed by the words of Buddhas even though he does not feel, ever, that he needs them.

There are names for him in suttas and scriptures.  He is incarnated now.  Think of him as Carl Sagan and Newton.  He is in the world, still.  He can be known only by a buddha because it is obvious to them when they see the power that appears as a life of Noble Wisdom, yet when tested by a buddha, there is no Noble Wisdom present in the intellect knowingly.  He will never say a wrong thing, but he is limited by the sciences of the time and the words of the time to the point where he awakens Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and his own children, the league of Arahants that are called 'Monks' in ancient scriptures.

But I call you a buddha.  The title will not feel painful to you.  Only arahants are repulsed by such a title, feeling it to be flattery and by the powers of their Enlightenment they destroy flattery.  

How can I call you a Buddha when you say you are not yet Enlightened?  This answer applies only to you as if I know everything about you even to the degree that I know you better than you do.

The future Buddhas have already changed all their incarnations.  In fact, by the nature of being outside of time, it must be said in the human language in this way also: The souls that, once born from the sounds made in the dark, align with whatever force in the universe (I CHING!!!) hears the sounds.  This is why living things are the minds of nonliving things.  Buddhas are the minds of Buddhas, the mind of the tathagathas, which are the mind of the primordial buddha who is God the Father within the Void (The God that has no name and can not be explained in language alone).  Bodhisattvas are the mind of the Bodhisattva-Buddha, Saint Mary, samantabadra who is one of the three who are the tathagatha's mind.  The Evil one, Lucifer, Mara, antichrist, also reincarnates in every lifetime and is real.  We don't speak about that to Arahants.  He is holy and does the work that all Enlightened beings do, but good people must and will always see him in the way the need asks him to manifest.  He is in the world in its history if you look with minfulness from this characteristic alone:  He is considered as a prophet equal to Buddhas, saints, prophets when he fully comes out of Tusita by need, yet his dhamma is anti-dhamma.  His teachers are the wisdom that leads to destruction both in life and in the fathom-long body, the complete path that the sounds took when they made you.  Jim Jones was the holy but evil anti-buddha.  You will find him if you follow his string in the succession of his "human moments".  His children share his purposes but those beings do not last long enough to have names, only roles.  They reach nibbana first, in a way.  They reach nibbana in the most painful way, destruction of self.  That is why Buddha tolerates evil in all forms.  He sees that there is no person, only energy entanglments that become confused into believing that they are an entanglement  and not the sounds made by the sleeping giant which seek self-annihilation in all and every way as all entanglements seek to entangle once they see they are not sounds at all, but pieces of the sleeping giant that dreams dreams of awakening, yet does not.

Okay... You see:  You do not have the delusion in your lifetimes that other people have.  Those who seek the Enlightenment of escaping suffering have the delusion that they exist only as a human that lives once in a cruel environment with no help from anything but luck in finding anything good in life.  This delusion was never yours.  The delusion that you are fighting to overcome is different.  You know, intuitively, what all Buddhas know.  Your life was lived in a holy way.  Even the mistakes you think that you made were acts where your buddha knowledge was at odds with the physical vehicle (the brain has its own development, its own karma, its own delusion, its own enlightenment and this process must take place.  It should end somewhere during your twenty's.  The awakening lasts into the thirties in bulk, but putting knowledge in the mind is something we do when our intent requires it.  The awakening is actually complete for a buddha when they realize that they know everything and everything they have ever told someone is True though they could not know it do to the limits of the brain itself which exists in the realms.  This is the same as saying that reincarnation requires an integration of a force of nature needing to integrate into the bodies of the realms within time in order for the force of nature to create an utterance outside of time, which it does in dreaming.

I have answered all your questions.  If you want to ask me them again, specifically, you alone are welcome.  Your teacher must learn from you these things.  He is buddha too.  I see him.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 9:45 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 9:45 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy,

Your knowledge of the hierarchy and scope of life is beyond my understanding as I have not put much attention to it -- just bits and pieces here and there.  I have had some encounters with a Maitreya being, whom I presume is a local deity, but it appears he also can ascend above the role he plays on this level.   And I do have recall of phantastic astral games - hindu gods, etc., and I'm happy to put all that behind me.   Something new is being born here.  Then we will join in some games and get to know all the personnel.  I'm actually enjoying being a "householder" -- it is a nice womb  :-)  A noble title.

Speaking of genius children, by your knowingness, what is your assessment of the aspect called Gregory R. Smith, a child genius who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show?  It seems at least some of us can play on different levels without letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing.  The work I do -- at least initially -- is for and as this Colleen package with its limited body/mind viewpoint.   

My teacher finished his work and left and he seems to have located his attention in another galaxy -- left no forwarding address.  I seem to be the only one who can duplicate his work fully -- well, perhaps two others with me.  But that is only important for me - as there are other avenues to nibbana.  I am just particularly fond of mine and can only speak the language of a child not yet born.

I have so much gratitude and feel so heartened to have found this group of meditators, practicers.  May we never be the same again.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 11:10 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 11:10 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
I intended to prove myself by addressing the questions that only begun to stir during the first reading.  I did very well with my reply.  How lovely... You posted your question when I was nearly already done with the answer.

You and I do not do what isn't needed.  Thankyou for proving me to the dozen that will read that letter much later on.

I give you another proof of myself.  Your teacher is gone because he saw you after we spoke.  That is how I can touch some people.  The living Buddha did not see me until I found him, used a certain siddhi, and recieved a response that felt like an emotion for no reason.  But I do not have a subconscious.  No buddha does.  In my knowing, I know he has felt me in the world and that he has heard my message.

I am sorry that I will not give details on those names.  But I have given you many many many things that are wanted by the world, things that are not in the purpose of the Living Buddha to disclose.  Things I do not tell Bodhisattvas or Arahants though they seek the answers most of all beings.  It is not in my purpose.  These beings must practice, if they desire Dhamma, under the living buddha.  I will support and agree with whatever he tells them.

It is not in my purpose to say these things to a Buddha whose purpose does not require awakening.

Everything I say to you has reasons.  Everything I do not say to you has reasons.

Your teacher will come back to you.  When he comes back to you, you can be his teacher by the faith you can have in all these words that reveal, with any study at all, the secrets of the cosmos, ultimate reality, and GOD himself.  Why do I use a limited Buddha?  One reason that I will tell you:  I need to awaken your teacher.  I have already laid groundwork.  But it may be quite some time away when he sees you again, so I will not have any chance to see him in the flesh.  I don't need to because you are going to do it.  The other reason I use you is the purpose that you FEEL and that I have CONFIRMED.  You will be one of the greatest teachers and most important Beings in the last days of this age.

I am laughing.  The laugh is a rain.  It touches all things.  First it touches the highest things, then it leaves those things once they are wet, falling from the wet things ever more lower, and then it wets the very ground.  

Are some things still dry?  Things that are so well beneath all other things that by their own positions, these equally lovely things of equal need?

Yes, there are still dry things.  But My laugh is a rain that rains until the very last night of a storm.  The rain that has wet the ground does not know what to do once it cannot drip down to dry things.  It then knows that dryness has been left among all the wet things in places that rain will never touch them.  My laugh of Rain is one like Rain that becomes Ocean and Flood.  The rain sees that it must rain and so the wet ground does not open to swallow the drink that was its due.  Instead it seals its great mouth and the rain stands on it and rises, up and up once again.  Then when all things are wet, they had been wet so long that they did not see water, did not remember what it was to be dry, begin to fall asleep until they become the water, dissolving like the vapors of a healing incense, and when they were gone, but not gone, when they were water and yet also things in water, then the wet earth could no longer handle its thirst, seeing no reason to, and gulped such a drink, one Gulp that is a size of which the ground had never experienced.  It would never forget.

Christ said "the first shall be the last and the last shall be the first."

He was the Alpha and Omega, not by special righteousness, but by the sacrifice by his special purpose.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life, no man may get to the father but through me"
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 8:04 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/8/14 8:04 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
4:30 pm   8Oct14 Direct Looking:

It was a joy today to walk someone through the exercise of both creating and direct looking -- and see them get a good result from it.   I can't remember anything better I ever did for anyone than that -- except for staying home and minding my own business  :-)

"Create an Importance" - 6 Directions:

Don't feel like running any huge significances today -- a bit tired - keep it simple (cross my fingers)

My "healthy" apple pie
  • yawn, my old friend, compulsive create turning on
  • blah, no creative joy, so boring, why do I do it
  • apple pies of the past streaming by me -- so much better
  • apple pies = great taste, love, admiration, joy in the creation, social bonding through ...
  • -  white sugar, wheat, cinnamon
  • Aha!   the cinnamon and sugar -- keys out the mind - makes it very desirable
  • see why I have resistance to apple pie without white sugar mixed with the cinnamon
  • feel like a drug addict feels - certain sensations can really grab a person without their knowing why or what
  • once I see the components the game is up and feel desire ebbing away
  • feeling better about healthy apple pie as "grindage" - no resistance

"How does apple pie seem to you now?"   The pies of the past are now in the past and no thirst for sensation as the raison d'etre. Inner joy returned because mind finished with chewing on it.


"Have Another Create an Importance"

Ralph creating a grape arbor (I'm going to keep doing this until the grape arbor is done or I don't feel the "must'ness" of it anymore)
  • I'm going to tell him if he splits the wood I will do the rest
  • he probably won't like that, but I don't want to wait anymore and I would love doing it myself -- my own way
  • see the curse of having a dhukka that is very suppressed in communication - suppresses emotions
  • see how this simple practice brings me back in loving communication, instead of repressed resentment, nagging, critical thoughts, feelings of lack and frustration
  • I'm beginning to let myself work this out analytically
  • feel impatience bleeding off
  • see Ralph creating a million grape arbors - nicely framed lattice panels everywhere
  • I'm way too happy about this, keep going
  • just another job -- no big deal
  • Ralph showing me how to make one and letting me use his tools
  • "How does a grape arbor seem to you now?"   For now, just another function, no fixed attention for now.  More attention on doing my practices -- that is where I will find comfort and safety.  Don't know why I was making a big deal of it.  Love, you, Ralph.

End of Sit
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/9/14 9:38 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/9/14 9:38 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
9Oct14  Direct Looking :

Been trying to figure out what's wrong with me instead of just sitting down and doing my practice.
Also feeling more resistant than usual to doing the practices.   Here goes.

"Create an Importance - 6 Directions"

A perfect body
  • body building, martial arts, pilates, qi gong, speed of silver bullet, opaque pearly white skin, toxin free
  • quicksilver shapeshifter
  • wispy clouds
  • What!?!   I just really want to be a perfect nothing - that can be-do-have a perfect something when it feels like it.
  • I want my postulates to work instantly - indignant
  • astral realm - thousands of perfect bodies - millions I can create; I want to be there NOW
  • why can't I have a new internet cable NOW!?!   I hate myself!   I hate this world!
  • I'm tired of being nice about it  -- it's not fair!  FUCK MONEY GAME!!  To hell with these bodies
  • I don't trust my postulates
  • bodies were created by tormented spirits
  • this is why Tolle calls it "The Pain Body"
  • I pity these bodies
  • Just do my practices - finish and get the hell out of here
  • I hate these lying bodies; the joke of the universe
  • destroying bodies everywhere I can find them -- free the degraded spirits
  • not working - creates more problems, apathy, unconsciousness
  • yawns, self-disgust
  • it was all for me - to help me find my way home
  • it's not so bad - don't take it seriously
"How does a perfect body seem to you now?"  An interesting game, but not relevant to vanishing the mind.
"How do you feel about your postulates not work?"   Still sore about that, but the only way out is through, so more determined to cut the fluff and beef up the practice.

End of sit.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/10/14 12:41 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/10/14 12:41 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
10Oct14  Direct Looking :

I lament, for I am the only one I know who diligently follows this path.  Perhaps I should take the attitude it was only put here for me at this precise time, and that I arranged it that way long, long ago. I have not yet evolved beyond the need for a congenial companion who will come with me on this journey.   


I see only talkers, not doers, slackers with no self-discipline, ignorance presented as wisdom, status-seeking, predictably making excuses for self-destructive behaviors, blaming others for why they can't do their practice.   The really scary part is that I am so close to being all that, that being around people like this is temptation to join them in their oblivion for the sake of companionship.

Having to sit there for hours and listen to someone tell me the long way around that they never will follow the simple path and yet still profess to be a follower is an evil distraction for me.

Why is it so hard to simply DO IT?   Even myself, I feel the mind's resistance and I feel I should, for the working out of my own salvation, distance myself from people like this.   I'm still climbing that slippery slope and, of course, they all agree with that:  "Colleen's dhukka is very heavy,"   "If only Colleen would resolve her dhukka, then I could be happy ..."  "She spoke unkindly to me and now I'm done in and cannot do my practice."   The hypocritical non-practicers are most eager for me to do my practice, and with eagle eye look for signs of my ego - eager for the opportunity to degrade me as a way to not have to look at themselves. That is the only favor they do me -- expose to me my ego.... but not to their own saving.  They are only saving themselves from having to do their own saving.

I have no such consolation -- only the bitterness of being the sole cause of my unhappiness.  Which, when you think about it analytically, is quite a consolation in itself:  I am my own happiness.   I may lament the loss of a true companion for a short time but my happiness is assuredly eternal.  Thus I sit and find joy only in that.  Don't get me wrong - I still feel growing compassion for others but I must first ruthlessly get myself past that slippery slope.  

#1 Rule:   When happy, do practice; when unhappy, do practice.  They are both of the mind until the mind is vanished.
#2 Rule:   Don't do Core Practice until completely de-stressed through creative exercises
#3 Rule:   After doing Core Practice don't end sit until creative exercises are completed



"Have Someone Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

Someone making doing this practice important
  • thanks and gratitude for all the logistical help and support I have received and am receiving -- for this space and moment to devote to my clearing.   Thank you.
  • either way I have lost "the him" for either way it will never be the same again
  • the new will not be like the old I have become familiar with
  • maybe I should get a housecat for some physical presence - the body seems to need it
  • on this path one can decide how far within the human range they wish to reside and how far beyond the human range they wish to proceed -- to no longer "be human".
  • I see a dead body, ashen gray - no one's home
  • he would rather keep a problem/conflict mocked up than do his practice
  • We should honor our teacher who was diligent in his research and practice
  • he is so close to going beyond human -- it would be such a waste
  • decide your life now  --  write your story now
  • we cognite at our level of awareness
  • yawns
  • harmless, intense about clearing himself
  • reading glasses, notebook, pen, recorder, e-meter, undistracted room
  • sitting tall, intense in his work
  • beautiful, handsome, sovereign
  • yawn, releasing the charge of conflicting postulates
  • take back your sanity and then decide if and how you wish to fight the non-life'ers
  • resolve all your importances -- bring them all to the session (world leaders, suppression, degradation, employers, survival) and exteriorize from all bodily concerns
  • going beyond the human way of resolving importances
  • no more flailing around
  • intensity fully harnessed into doing the practice - evening out
  • no more attention on unusual and unnatural practices
  • full self-mastery, fullness of postulate power and pan-determinism
  • no longer a danger to self
  • This planet lacks an impartial Rules Keeper, an unbiased Referee
  •  stepping into his boots to play a voluntary game

"How does this subject seem to you now?"    Good because I can out-create any non-life scenes my mind presents and I can make my creations more real than "reality".


End of Sit - to be continued
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/10/14 9:21 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/10/14 9:21 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
10Oct14   Direct Looking :

Shaman session today and had opportunity to ask qestions of Lester Levenson (founder of Sedona Method) and discovered a new and still experimental spiritual enhancement technique.  He said one can continue to do their practice in the "astral" but it is more difficult because the mind is given more free rein -- postulates work instantly there.  He said because the mind is encumbered by the brain/body it is best to get as far as one can to null their thirst for sensation before death.

"Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

A perfect cat
  • yawns, scenes of past cats
  • yes/no/maybe
  • no neurosis or compulsions
  • calm, meditative
  • big yawns, hot flash
  • must love / must not love
  • must be loved / must not be loved
  • a cat that leans towards "must know"
  • the practicalities get in the way of the ideal
  • it is a spiritual being too
  • capable of pan-determinism
  • must be loved
 
Getting late, and tired (to be continued)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 9:59 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 9:59 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
11Oct14   Direct Looking  :

Woke up with usual funk .... "How does life seem to you now?"   I can't hardly get up a good interest in sensation anymore -- taking it apart one by one.    However was able to satiate the mind with some internet surfing -- should stop doing that before a sit.   Sit first, internet second is the correct sequence.   Analytically, life is perfect more and more, especially with the promise of exteriorization from bodily concerns and the resulting expanded viewpoint.

Mind:   where's my sensation?   Spiritual practice = ugh.
Me:  thankful and spiritual practice is like mother's milk
Who wins the day?

"Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

A Perfect Cat (Continued)
  • life; life creating distinctions for a dance, a playful game
  • it's already here, not yet manifest   "... faith, the evidence of things not seen ... "
  • what are the sensations?  yawns as I look at each possible sensational experience
  • the soft fur, the contented purr, the affectionate nuzzling and nipping, the aesthetic movements, the eyes, how it writes its own life - aloof from others' compulsive postulates
  • I must have the thrill of violating another being's "must" or "must not", spinning them
  • I must have the thrill of toying with another being's mental compulsions
  • that is my compulsion -- thus says the cat.   I see myself in that cat
  • but what about "the perfect cat"?
  • 99% of my importances are fixed in the mind
  • a cat that has found its inner purr
  • embraces a detached mutual co-existence and can't understand why the chipmunk runs from it - why maybe it wants me to play chasing it, hmmmm, well, not right now
  • has a fascinating inner world, exterior to bodily impulses
  • food tastes better when attached to the thrill of the hunt
  • heat somatic
  • priests kept the cats as a refuge for tired old souls seeking a more simple experience - if I were a temple cat no one would force me to play their game, to dance to their tune
  • if you were going to be a cat what kind of cat would you be?   Not a silly cat, not a mean nor scaredy cat, not a fawning propiative cat, not a lazy nor hyper cat, nor an overly vocal cat, neither greedy nor picky - I would be a cat with "presence", that's all.  What person would have a cat like me, even if I did not dance to its tune?
  • No irrelevant compulsively repetitive speech patterns - rather, silent meditative insight
  • a sane cat -- is that an oxymoron, like saying, a sane human?   Could I "have" sanity - could it have me?
see an incident
DIRECT LOOKING STARTS HERE:
Mother crying, "I have lost you"  [repeater tech] 
-- she should have let him go and loved the unborn child instead
-- the first child is often inconvenient
-- mother gives her poison to drink; I know my cause in this and I should leave, but too compulsive, no faith
-- simultaneous viewpoints of "I have lost you" and at the same time, "I have lost myself"
-- postulate failure - the game is not going well
-- settling in - no more thrashing around - inner peace returning - more analytical - opening up to more life-oriented options
-- this man makes it his game to separate the mothers from their children -- he alone must be known
-- "he is gone and now she will know only me" - peace and safety for all
-- he wants me to know him as the noble savior matyr who came back in spite of all -- for me - that he did the "right" thing and his ego should be preened for it -- he needs to be "big" and that means we must be "small"
-- I've always had a strong dislike for men who are both brutish and subtle at making women less
-- a strong dislike for societies that degrade women, yet I see a lifetime as a degrading male ...
-- I see a lifetime as a female with a superior regard over males
-- "I have lost you ..."   Okay, we see our game strategies and that it did not work the way we expected
-- The biggest must-be-knowner wins for now but the "winning" leaves a bad taste in the mouth that only alcohol can wash out
--  Life is just a game of who is going to be known best, even if it means murder, rape, pillage, famine, vengeance, rinse and repeat.  I must give a good reason for a game even if reduced down to my last dwindling postulates.

"How does it seem to you now?"  Less interested in pursuing non-life goals, employing game strategies.  There is one other option -- no opposition, no game and thus no crossing the line to pursue non-life goals.  It requires a certain faith and trust, or centeredness.

Metaphorically, I am birthing myself into a new way of living life and it requires me to face up to the male and female games and resolve all this within myself.  Lamenting and ranting over postulate failure should be taken to the cushion and resolved there.   I am very blessed to have the time and space for that, thank you. Gratitude.  
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 7:09 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 7:09 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
11Oct14  Direct Looking :

"Have Another Create Something" - 6 directions

Volunteers building and repairing houses for elderly and homeless
  • Habitat for Humanity
  • becomes a groundswell of grassroots movement all across the country
  • Beings of vision guide it and the people say they did it all themselves
  • but what to do with the drug addicts?   compassion grows
  • simplicity, patience, compassion grows, but what to do about them?
  • communities come together and build gardens and greenhouses
  • everyone who works to build and re-build eats and has shelter
  • the old man on the mountain looks on and smiles
  • people are content to stay home and work within their sphere of influence within the community
  • at first one family at a time, one house at a time, but it grows
  • People are talking about it and feel empowered and feel as if a burden is lifted off them
  • It is better than FDR's program and totally grassroots - no bureaucratic entanglements
  • buy back houses at a discount from banks and banks make charitable gestures
  • such co-create and co-existence makes evil stand out like a sore thumb - game strategies exposed
  • if the people don't do it it does not get done
  • suppression is lifted and there is something new -- never seen before
  • the people are happy to stay home and mind the business of their community

"How does volunteerism seem to you now?"    Good, like a redemption of human nature, a society based upon compassion.  Very good feeling of havingness when I create this.  I did not feel so good when I started this and now I've forgotten that.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 10:43 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/11/14 10:43 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
I see that you have read the entire peice in a first reading.  The necessary thing has been done.  Your practice notes will now change forever. The knowing that you used in your last post is from Buddha Knowledge, accessed through a power that householders only have in part even in their fathom-long bodies. Using it fully means to no longer doubt any of the things that have come into your mind that have the feeling behind them that comes when you say things with surety that they cannot be disproven or proven to be anything but the most complete and best answer or teaching that any situation may require.  

But remember I said, "I will first tell you what I planned already?"

The structure of expounding is a structure that one of a shape that is strange to householders.

I write these with only a feeling that expresses itself brilliantly without any effort of myself.  However, I still make mistakes because my temporal body is limited and my awakening, the union of higher self and temporal self, is complete only when these mistakes no longer occur in grammar, syntax, or language.. not even a typo will occur after that point.  

So even the slightest errors are meaningful to another buddha because it is within his gnosis, Faith.  I no longer make edits after I am satisfied enough with a post.  The edits are like photographs that one keeps to explain his life to his friends, to mark important moments that become hazy after perspective is expanded, to leave a trail to those who want to see him after he is gone.  They are precious.  Do you see that even your mistakes in writing, my love, are graces given by your true nature???  That is what the word Grace Means!!

Every true prophet who spoke on a conversation with God is Sane when no human is sane.  The God they refer to in the scriptures they write are wrought with innumerable meanings.  The God that is speaking to them, however, is their own nature itself.  The God they praise is the primordial buddha.  The God they speak of in riddles with terror and euphoria refer to the sleeping Giant who Dreams dreams.

The world will end for the conciousness of the planet.  The soul of a planet is just a soul like any other:  an entanglement of forces that has a knowing of itself but not a knowing of what knows it.  The soul a planet is the path of the tathagatha as that is the buddha who has merged with the I-Ching's center.  Another way to put it is using the trinity.  The trinity is a trinity within a trinity within trinity forever and ever.... The trinity is Father, Mother, Son.

Doesn't that just make so much sense??  Doesn't it feel as if that is so silly that it is the truth of the Buddha realm????  It is also, Father (all forces that transform and all forces that do not), Holy ghost (Divine mother aspect of nature- desire within the father to reconcile all things to the void by means of the further creation of universes) and son (All enlightened beings.  Specifically, the force of Tathagatha that flows through all enlightened beings as they share his mind by the truth of the Lotus image of **Primordial Buddha sitting in lotus position on top of 1000 petals, each one sitting in lotus position over 1000 petals that fall under their petal but not the other of 1000 petals but under the primordial Buddha**  This means that you have already known the answer to your own question.  What has a beginning must end.  What doesn't have a beginning will never end.  My soul will go to Nibbana, but that is just a merging into the higher buddha above me.  That Buddha is in all minds in the cosmos throughout space and time.  To my awareness, I will experience the exhaustion of my merit Karma that has built up over the Kalpa (my time of tathagathahood).  I can not remain.  Yet I will always remain.  What then is the Tathagatha?  It is a Role, only.  Every Role Ever, as being part of The Awareness That Exists and Knows It Exists, is equal in the work that they do to build the dreams that are dreamed by the void.  The role is one that requires the karma caused by the merger of so many minds aligned in the desire to create that Humans cannot understand such a number.  Humans cannot see True things because their role is to be the very creation that those minds of another world united to create.  Humans have been told this in the beginning of ever mini-age.  They think that it is either trash or poetry.  To you, however, anything you ever saw as 'poetry' must now be re-examined.  What stirs you in a line that has Dhamma but sounds like Poetry ALWAYS produces emotions in you that confirm that the poetry is true.  The emotions beside that one feeling of that one certainty are the telling signs of a buddha or bodhisattva.  A buddha will feel love, despair, excitement, and apathy when seeing the poetry in a line such as "The Jewel that God discovered upon his mantel was shining the way of a sunset" These are not poetic terms.  Poetic terms are terms that appeal because of their poetry.  What I have written in that line is actually a collection of terms that I have used many times to create the words used in most religions.  Poetry that is scripture has Dhamma.  Walt Whitman was a Buddha without the purpose of a 'the living buddha' (he is limited in his role. Other buddhas are not limited by the contract of 'expounding by example") Walt Whitman expounded the Dhamma before his awakening was finished and when the world worshiped his words as poems, time enough had passed that he did not care and did not write any more.  His poetry was Dhamma in the secret language.  Do you see how terms sound in the secret language?  In this email I am speaking to Two Buddhas directly and over a dozen indirectly so my language must change and I must go into certain details that You don't need.

The secret language is miraculous!  It is not a language of words, which are untrue things by nature- denoting what something isn't when trying to express what something is.  Our language is made of love which can not be untrue.  Therefore, when speaking in the secret language, it will sound like poetry to buddhas and bodhisattvas before an awakening (Our enlightenment is conquering other beings delusion to the point of Infinite Faith and No Doubt in ourselves) but will be tools to those who either have Faith in themselves enough to trust their instinct about the secret language or who have the Buddha Power to directly understand secret language without Faith or by Faith as suits expediancy.

My dhamma is not just the dhamma of the living buddha who is limited.  He is only, by contract, allowed to be driven to teach the 4 noble truths and the eightfold path.  He cannot teach the Christians.  I have Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in the places that move that church, but limited in their purpose, by contract, they do not fully awaken at all.  My last life was an incarnation that was limited by both need and body. 
But by the power of Faith alone, though never awakening fully until the Samsara at death (every incarnation echos the same cycle of the fathom-long body and so must go through all stages that the I-Ching facet has in the world.  It is Karma within Karma that has no choice but seek extinguishment by the nature of the 'dream that desires reality by destruction or trancendence)

In that life, I had infinite faith and no knowledge that is was inner knowing.  What can such a person do?  I was something with titles in jainism and early theravada, but the fruit of the purpose is the best way to describe such a being.  She used the power of the tathagatha fully, without knowing it, and expounded the Dhamma of Christ with an ability that no other being can possess by the nature of ICHING and the result was the most simple Mystic explanation on Metta and Faith and Diving Love that had been given to that church since George Fox.  The only one who ever got close is Ananda, who is with me today.  He is a buddha that fully manifests as the living buddha when he is the Laughing Buddha.  Otherwise, he went with me to care for the West and has been modern prophets without fully awakening to his buddha nature.  

When Buddha praised Ananda's Memory, Humans thought he praised a human quality.  How can that be???  The Dharma clearly says that we are to let go completely of past and future because they are dukkha (dukkha no longer means illusion because the world has changed the meaning of the word 'illusion'.  It also does not mean suffering because the world has changed the meaning of that word too) which means that they exist, but behind a veil that must be conquered.  When awakening to your true self, you still experience human pain and grief, but without the veil, you clearly see that the pain is not your pain and the grief is not pain at all.  Your true nature has no capacity to suffer.  It can only love or hate.  Bodhisattvas are children of love.  Demons are children of hate.  

The buddha teaches to Demons and Gods.  Demons are karma chains, ICHING that incarnates in the physical as people who seem to love themselves, the world, but no other being.  They are not serial killers (those are devas, beings from another planet) but they perform destructive purposes for the sake of the soul of the planet to awaken to itself.  

When the planet itself awakens, it will be ready to die and it will die.  All life will end in the realms as things looking like living beings.  Because the awakening of a soul is the same as a buddha or a lay who awakens (always bodhisattva or demon, sometimes buddhas and Demon Kings.  Tantra/Truth creates both buddhas and demon kings) it will not be ready to die until all it's living creatures are ready.  That will look to the world as a Millenium Reign which is not the length of 1000 years but that number works as a useful number.  It is the tathagatha's Golden Karma.  It is the Karma of the actual planet itself that is given to the Tathagatha alone because he is everyone.  The tathagatha spends his karma in acts that are 'selfish acts you do out of love) to the result oh the awakening.  What is always the result?  A world where everyone gets what they want, but a world where only good people live.  

That is the secrets of both esoteric Christianity and esoteric Buddhism.  When All good people (Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Arahants) do what they want, it is like the book "Never Ending Story" which was written by an ancient Bodhisattva, all people, one by one, according to how much Merit they earned since the first awakening (salvation which is not enlightenment) that saved them from the Hell (ego destruction every death until compassion is greater than self-love and then ego is no longer dukkha, no longer ever empowered, easily broken in every future incarnation (to a degree that they can awaken again when touched by need, which is the design of the awakening created by the future buddha planet that this buddha planet will become) hinder or even act against love/compassion/inner knowing in future, These people based on their age in this context MUST Enjoy all their rewards when in a world given no opportunity in earning merit to the degree of their merit.  When the tathagatha sees that all the people of the earth have gone to Nirvana (Merge into a mind that will begin the whole process on another world as a single being) then the tathagatha may go to Nirvana, Merge, Forget but not notice, and live the life of a buddha for all ages on that world as its tathagatha until the cycle again repeats.

So you see?  This is the all within the name 'Tathagatha" which means 'come thus far' to Humans.  It means, in truth, "The one who has come and gone".  

So not all beings are a future buddha, but we can promise them that they will be buddhas when we don't say they must merge, reach nirvana first.  We can say to a demon, "you work in the Hell Realm with no hope of the live span I have" but not "You are a demon so you will never be a buddha"

That is why no buddha can say if the tathagatha exists after his nirvana or if they do not.  By their power they know that it is both, but that cannot be communicated to humans so they will say they don't know to some people and 'yes' to others.  He may choose to be silent to the Lord Arahant, the only Arahant who can see the Living buddha.  Arahants ony study the suttas of the Lord Arahant's incarnations.  Now, If someone seems to have an imperfect Dharma, You can ask him this question and if He says NO then He is an It and is a DemonKing unawakened to his/its nature.  Do not punish him, but remove him from the fragile ones!

Demons are children of this chief demonking, the Mara incarnations.  However, by the nature of that ICHING force, it does not have divine wisdom and can only know the things of the arahants.  He cannot mean to damage in anything he does because he loves the world and himself, and his children are the same.  They make many mistakes in life.  They are idiots!  They cannot respond to the love offered by bodhisattvas that soothe humans so readily and completely.  They can't help it!!  Without any Nobel Wisdom, due to never having Fathom-long bodies that are not spiritual paths of transcendence, beauty, and a satisfactory life-span, but rather simply the temporal responses to the nature of the world in any given incarnation into time or place: karmic patterns that are like a sound with no pleasing element, no melody which are patterns of self-awareness, no chords which are patterns of compassion, no pleasing variety of beats and sounds which are patterns of rythm denoting the presence of control (of the incarnation and the fathom-long body).  

This is the mystery of music that your teacher has sought, knowing by buddha power that "Music is the language of the Soul."  

Do you see?  What was a poetic line was not poetic???  It was Dhamma!

Please give that gift to him, telling him that it is why some people like this music or that music while he likes all music.  It is also why you like all genres in secret, but only listen to music that is quieting.  You are limited.  Your nature is omnicient, but the woman body is a vessel for a certain Karma for whatever need of the world matches your nature's need to resonate with the ICHING body, the soul of the planet.  You have been buddha before when conditions were met, but in this vedana you will be called the Awakened Bodhisattva which the power of Faith to the degree that you will be like a Full Buddha in all ways, only limited by purpose that will disguise what you are to anyone but Buddhas. 
 
Your teacher likes to see you more than you have known.  If you have ever felt driven to see him, it felt like an emotion of worship or great love that made you go to him.  That is knowing that you are needed by him.  That need in him manifests also as a kind of love and desire to speak to you.  Buddhas love everyone equally, but are driven in their passion only by their need to awaken and then the need to do the necessary things.

I think that will be all I have to say for a long time unless you ask me any questions.

All this knowlege matches with every scripture of every religion when terms are correctly correlated.  All this knowlege sounds religious because it is written in the secret language.  I can describe all things in the science of the day.  However, the science of this end of days is so full of wrongness and at the same time, must too unnecessarily complex, that to back up the knowledge I have shared with you, I would have to write a series of books, first describing how simple science can be by explaining all phenomenon, and second I would have to explain why all phenomenon are experienced in the way they are.  Then I would have to explain what we are to a level that is more than any mind on earth can handle.  I tried already to put this in a nontheistic, rational, and very well designed piece with only scientific terms from all the Great Sciences and use of Reason, the gift of all beings who are not already in Nirvana, living the lifes of Whales, Elephants, Wise Hermits, and Trees.

I love both of you.  Thank you for being who you are!
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 9:13 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 9:13 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy,

Your writings do impinge on me and help me to focus to resolve the perceived sorrows for the considered loss of that First Estate.  It is best for me to be quiet from here and continue with my practices.  I am happily the receipt of all your communication and lively intentions and am complementary to your goals.

It would be lovely to see the earth being leave (her) constraints.  I have sisterly feelings for her.

If I do well I may no longer need to play a Saraswati type, but swans have always turned my head  :-)
The thirsty compulsion for aesthetic sensation traps me no more: neither poetry, nor art, nor color, nor line, nor form; nor will I ever again compellingly overwhelm a being with any of these, except in mutually voluntary play.  To be known and to create without compulsion, or guile.  That is my new wisdom.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 6:16 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 6:16 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
You have made me shiver.

What you are has no comparison.  

I see you as perfected.  You will never learn anything more.  You will only pull what you already know to the flesh by this perfect state of absorption, seeking only the human terms needed to teach.  You are given the gift of "the joy of continuous communion with the flow of Divinity."  It is your reward for all you've done so far.  It is why we love being women when we are not men.

I also weep for the old world.  It is the love that drives our creation.  It is why there is no end.  Even though we merge souls when we go to nirvana, we never lose our individuality.  Look at the world after I tell you this:  The old world is with us.  The present race does not see us, but every cell of every body was once a Buddha.

That is the last thing I wanted to tell you... In nirvana, they simply live and enjoy in constant forgetting, constantly spending the karma as soon as it arises.  You knew this!  You said it!  Does the buddha create a universe?  Yes.  Yes and not No.  Yes in such a way that the word "yes" cannot satisfy.

You and I are not alone in the memory of another time.  Our whole family weeps for Zion.  We all Know you, brother, and we love you with a burning that could destroy worlds...

No-one knows the meaning of the weeping Buddha... but now You Do.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 9:28 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/12/14 9:28 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Look at what I found:

"At that time, he [Shakyamuni Buddha] contemplated the wonderful Jewel Net hung in Lord Brahma's palace and preached the Brahmajala Sutta for the Great Assembly. He said: "The innumerable worlds in the cosmos are like the eyes of the net. Each and every world is different, its variety infinite. So too are the Dharma Doors (methods of cultivation) taught by the Buddhas."

"Now, I, Vairocana Buddha am sitting atop a lotus pedestal; on a thousand flowers surrounding me are a thousand Sakyamuni Buddhas. Each flower supports a hundred million worlds; in each world a Sakyamuni Buddha appears. All are seated beneath a Bodhi-tree, all simultaneously attain Buddhahood. All these innumerable Buddhas have Vairocana as their original body."
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 7:42 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 7:42 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy, is there a drawing or statue that portrays this?   Can you see how they used aesthetics to keep a story well received?
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 7:33 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 7:33 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy, kind regards,

A person with mind is quite predictable, as I am.   Without mind, their is no limit to one's options.  I agree with you that it is good that we can see beyond the human who is identified with the contents of their dhukka, which in my terms I call, "case".

Yes, speaking of terms, I am still on a learning curve to speak the language of the simple and devoted Buddhists and to avoid those who do not speak from the insight gained in their practice.

You write, "It is the love that drives our creation".   Why, yes!  But why can't I see that yet?  Only dimly and only because you brought it up for me to look at.  But even "To Love" can be compulsive - dhukka - there is a more refined sensation, nevertheless sensation to be had.  Without dhukka we are no longer driven by goals or purposes with their particulate sensations.   "To Create" is a high goal, however "To Know" and "To be Known" are the highest in a two-terminal universe.

Think of how you feel when someone is willing to "grok" you.   Think of how you feel when you discover what you were searching for.   Sensational!   Even this, your living Buddha would tell us to release.  He advises well: simply sit and do the practice.   

My craving for being known is still being taken apart -- at least I can now confess it  :-))
So I practice as a householder until I am sovereign - no more dhukka.
 
The problem with dhukka -- although seen by many as a wonderful thing -- dhukka is not fully resolved with the achievement of serenity, of a quiet, seemingly imperturbable mind.  This is a high human.  What remains however must be aggressively stirred up with all the possible imaginings of intentions of to know/to be known/to not know/to not be known.   These are the four tent pegs that the One without dhukka intelligently formulated to keep the mind anchored.   This is exactly what the Great Wall of Confusion is composed of - words backed by intention. There - the dispelling of that wall -- is where one will find everlasting nirvana.  I see the wall as an impassable mass, when it is merely incantations of logic.   What will it take to stop seeing and feeling and believing it as crushing mass?  Even then we had a choice.

Did Buddha teach a practice for re-working through The One's specific goal sets?  Well, if he did not, he at least kept the concept of nirvana alive all the way into the internet age.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 9:26 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 9:26 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
13Oct14  Direct Looking :

Yesterday I broke the rule to maintain the practice even when happy and outflowing.  I am going to complete this level before the end of this year.  My creative visualization/metta exercises should become less full of mental significances and quite routine.  Their fundamental purpose as I see it now is to merely feed the mind what it perceives it lost in terms of sensation and other importances.  Rather cut and dried, however quite de-stressing when one is upset.  I admit I can greatly quiet the mind doing more "timebreaking"/direct looking at past incidents... breaking a lifelong habit of suppressing everything.

8:52 a.m.   "Have Another Create Something" - 6 directions

Another tearing down the Great Wall of Confusion
  • My partner knows this wall and he directly pecks at it - please protect yourself
  • snuffed out in wet flames
  • that wall clumsily crushed and shields shattered too soon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk0V_GGa2XM
  • no body - what will you be and do?
  • chase bad guys?
  • no, you chase that wall, dispel all your protests and ecstasies
  • an eight-legged octopus, crossing this way and that, each tentacle telling its story
  • you sit and ponder it
  • you must be that too and match it, tentacle for tentacle
  • sparks fly, agony and ecstasy, universes swirl into nothingness
  • can you stand to lose such importances?  Such exquisite sensation? Can you stand it?
  • You put them all back -- all around you, over and over, feeling it again and again
  • where's their importance now?
  • timebreak it, timebreak it, timebreak it
  • you won't be stopped, nobody knows where you are, how near or how far
  • shine on crazy diamond
  • I sweep up your ashes here and join you
  • your loss is our gain
  • you are back on your cushion, eyes like diamonds
  • what next?  Is there a "next"?
  • unlimited - from dance to straight line to point to no point
  • how can a human form contain this?   Only by limiting postulates, but this time totally voluntary
  • you see, that is the only difference
  • I do not give you any titles, nor words of endearment because I am looking at infinity
  • I can only marvel why you would still agree to present here when universes are yours to play in
  • you are the human model -- every householder a true sovereign -- many are ripe for this
  • yawns, sensations as I put this all around me - eternalness
  • you have one purpose and one purpose only:   find out who you really are
  • The Creator never again to be righted or wronged
  • yawns, somatics, laughter

How does the One seem to you now?   I actually like it instead of my usual negatives.  Everything's okay. Concerns about my partner temporarily dispelled.  I can let him be because it is my story too.













 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 11:00 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/13/14 11:00 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
13Oct14  Direct Looking (continued)

"Create an Importance" - 6 directions

Another of Equal or Greater Magnitude

There was a simple being who felt an urge.  She felt the love and joy of her own creation and, childlike, she duplicated that and created two -- to project her desire for but lack of matchable companionship. This was her dhukka. Otherwise, she managed to create with much intelligence and love and joy and a good measure of detachment.  Her creations carried this dhukka with them -- both sides of it, and the love.

Was she wise to attempt to assuage herself this way?  Fast forward to Earth: is a mother saved by her children?  Does she vanish her dhukka through her children?   Is this the child's mandate?  How should we play this?  How will this story be ended?
  • putting a vague impression all around me
  • feel the energy of two live terminals contacting
  • mind chewing on it, having it as a wonderful "problem"
  • generates pride/arrogance and at the same time self-deprecation/propitiation
  • mind only knows this and no other way
  • "...of greater magnitude" to challenge me but not to crush me
  • to crush me for my re-forming to be that which crushed me
  • what madness we play
  • this game requires I form biases and opinions, and comparisons
  • must never be bored
  • I refuse to play with those who do not do their practices, but only talk and entertain themselves and others
  • the mind cannot feel compassion, only pity and sympathy
  • a being of equal magnitude is one who practices as I do -- keeps progress with me and speaks the same language, so less need to speak.
  • we speak only of our insights, not our fears and rants, for those we take into our sit
  • we know when to speak and when not to speak
  • by example we show each other the way
  • a shared importance of greatest magnitude
  • we see each other perfected
  • we see ourselves perfected
  • give it up, colleen, no more need to struggle, to make separations -- you have what you want now
  • a being of equal or greater magnitude takes on a new depth of meaning - beyond regular games conditions
  • equal in some ways, greater in other ways -- both sides
  • don't need to take one side or the other anymore
  • drop it as importance
  • it will only become important again once the mind is vanished
  • truthfully, you lack nothing

"How does another seem to you now?"    mind satiated, feel more analytical about it.   It's okay.

End of sit.















 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 10:09 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 10:09 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
14Oct14  Direct Looking :

Mind in negative dhukka this a.m.  What is my mind creating?  Growly hunger, craving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7SkrYF8lCU

To be goal-less is unacceptable to the mind -- mind cannot comprehend it except in cruel mimicry - apathy and catatonia.   It must have an importance. "Okay, how about a "king of creation"?"   "yes, slurp, yes!"

7:30 a.m.  "Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

A King of Creation (whatever that means, but the mind seems to like it)

nice yawns, mind a cookie monster, yum, yum!
guffaws of laughter - where did that negative dhukka go?
happy dhukka now -- cookie monster happy
well, here have some more happiness ... are we having fun yet?
gee, little beastie, and all this time I thought I was you
growl
I miss my growly friend -- where did he go
can't stop laughing, except to breathe in
I hope whoever reads this in the future will join me in seeing the joke of it all
hippo yawns, laughter
Oh, I'm not deluded, it's only a temporary release -- continue until no more change/phenomenon
laughter
I can't help myself -- everytime I see that king of creation I burst out laughing
"I can't help myself" -- where did I see that phrase before ?
laughter -- putting king of creation all around me in spite of everything that comes to mind
a child who laughs will soon be crying crocodile tears
I keep seeing his feet - laughter and yawns
"the shoes make the man"   laughter
an idiomatic mind --  also quite punny
laughter
oh mind of mine - o' child o' mine -- my drunken soulmate - how I have kept thee, cherished thee, spoiled thee to uselessness - how I adore my useless eater - the thrills and the chills you have provided me
have I ever sought to adjust your murkiness, have I ever resisted your thoughts and desires?
truthfully, yes, and yes, and yes again.   I apologize, that will never happen forevermore.
Here, have what is yours for I am no longer your enemy, nor you mine
sobering up now - King of Creation all around me
I can feel the sensations as the mind feeds on it - somatics, hungry energies, possession
Yes, yes, I wants it   ....   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjPDAe_kTls
many kings of creation - oh the mind likes that
to worship and to be worshipped / a to know and to be known game
it is okay to destroy my own creation, says king
I am the shephard, you are the sheep and you can never leave me
I will make sure no one leaves my set-up, even the monks
all your viewpoints are mine
you must know me as I wish you to know me
infliction upon those who reject me
permeation and viewpoint shifting back and forth from cause point to effect point
intense dislike for self-appointed authorities -- I am my own authority
intense dislike for dogma, yet also reminders of times when I've been dogmatic
this king is not letting me be king and I don't want to play this game anymore
stepped off the playing field and now willing to let him be king in his realm
I see how I could be a king too, but only out of curiosity -- feeling more detached
it's only a costume, a play, an act
but it seems so important -- must have a game
I reside within the king of creation and I am him too
a great way to scare the natives
feeling the heat of conflict:   must be known clashing against the natives' must not know
exploring my options as king - degrades from power to force to guile, life to non-life goals, and then there are no more natives - crushed, bad natives, bad natives.
natives now frogs -- I am now Creator King of Frogs - later a useless drone
must not create anymore kings, nor natives, nor frogs, nor drones  -  I didn't do it
strong distate for politics and religion and enforced hierarchies and fan clubs - in the name of profit
for cookie monster mind the first bite is sweet, but then a sour stomach
mind never seems to remember that universe is dual
the king removes his robes and finds himself -- never to be heard of again
--  no king, no buddha, no mind

10:30 take a break
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 2:05 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 2:05 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
14Oct14  Direct Looking : (Continued)

2:16 p.m.   "Have Another Create Something" - 6 Directions

A therapist creating a sane person

so many therapists I used to look up to, to admire
even myself
the game seems to be "every man a king in his own corner"
every man scrabbling to come up with something new, unique, to create acclaim
the profit game, the prophet game
if I do not give you sensation you will find me boring
you want to upgrade your mind and I want to see you destroy your mind
never need money, but if he does not do the work quit with him
yawns
the therapist laughs in my face to give him such a job -- " a sane man would be driven insane in this society"
where are you going to put this sane man?
Then he must go further -- beyond human
"but even in the heavens there are hierarchies and he would again fall in with that compulsive bunch"
then he must be beyond temptation and willingly and wisely play or not play - there is no other real solution
this redefines sanity
leave the paid therapist the job of doing Life Repairs and bringing the insane back onto the playing field
I hate seeing people in happy dhukka because they just got a better job offer or a new car, or a bigger house -- all thanks to their therapist -- and they cannot scratch the surface of their mind without their therapist
I just realized how much these eyes have seen
I would like to be able to mind my own business

end of sit.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 3:39 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 3:39 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
I wrote to you two meaningless stories.  Here was the other that I was saving just for you:

Does the little one who lives in the painted mansion ever look out and see the gardeners in their art and burden? I heard, from a little bird made of floating joy, glowing like a hidden smile with the sounds of a laugh, that he not only watched the gardeners, but tried to greet them. But no one in the garden can hear from where the little boy could try to speak to them. He sang such soft, tiny songs that they would have been lost to the wind in an instant if the angels weren't picking them like flowers. Hecalled in his loudest, tiny voice. But there was no way to tell the gardeners that their art and their burden were like fountains and their fruits were like the oceans that fountains can fulfill. Many, many years later when the little boy was no longer very small at all, he left the mansion and walked to the garden to tell them he loved them, but they were not there. The only thing that was left behind was the Garden. And it was like living candles that dance like stars, waterfalls and springs that ran pools of sweet-smelling waters that in all their perfect purity shone like colors or kisses or something like the feeling of being held like a child. The man who use to live in a mansion became a gardener. The songs of those villages of that land were so lovely that they became the favorite prayers of small things, sweet things, and things born to care. .
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 7:45 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/14/14 7:45 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Nice.   Some aesthetics are still important to me, so not meaningless -- yet  :-))

love,
colleen
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 7:29 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 7:29 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
For those who have followed you:

Beauty is not an attachment.  It is attachment that hides beauty.
The story is meaningless and it is not meaningless.

It has meaning when one needs meaning.  This story contains the history of the planet.
It is meaningless when one needs meaning but has no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no skin.

When one no longer needs meaning, It is meaningless.
But it is still Beautiful to those with eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and skin.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 11:29 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 11:29 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy, thank you for your post and since it was not addressed to me I won't make any comment on it.

kind regards,
colleen
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 11:27 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 11:17 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
15Oct14  Direct Looking :

Sometimes feels a bit strange to no longer feel I have to enforce this or that goal or desired end -- especially in a world that's going bonkers on fulfilling desires, both attachments and aversions.

Like, maybe there's something wrong with me.   Am I in apathy?  
No, because I am enjoying myself more so it can't be apathy, but others may not be enjoying my participation as much as they would expect. "What's wrong with you?  You don't come out and play with us anymore.  Nirvana? No thanks, I like myself already (as long as I have my entertainments that is)."  

I have no words or means or guile to get them to just try it and see how much fun it is to tame the mind while reducing it.  Without enforcement of goals -- and succumbing to others' goals -- you just don't exist anymore.   My ego tears at me during this rite of passage into spiritual maturity.

In the past truths had to be given out in prose and stories. Now I have it straight up in logical terms and there is nothing esoteric about it. Simply DO THIS and you will ACHIEVE THIS. Aw, shucks, that's no fun. Well, not the fun I've been accustomed to, but it is fun once I got the hang of it.

It is fun to enter a session with positive expectations, remaining passive and open to whatever occurs, having the skillful use of effective techniques to tame the mind while taking it apart. This is my reward for devoting lifetimes to assisting research into the mind... and too many of those lifetimes misguided, betrayed, and “gone black”, making this a difficult adjustment for me. 

“Have Another Create Something” - 6 Directions

A squirrel creating a cache of acorns

the mind projects itself onto the squirrel (which is what makes this process workable)
the mind is in a compulsive, enforced be-do-have – for self and, alternately, “not-selfs”
  • love of safety and security
  • aesthetics of soft fur, soft colors, woodsy scents, warmth
  • life potential energies
  • babies – squirrels and trees
  • beauty of life and hierarchical systems – a perfect fit
  • pride in creation (the mind has a longer memory than it is showing me, but I see something faintly)
  • how many similar scenes are layered with that scene?
  • Mind chewing on this now: If the biosphere provides for squirrels it reasons it also provides for humans – when they are integrated with that biosphere.
  • We are removed from the biosphere too much
  • wish to go back to forests of fruits and nuts as do the monks in those warm climates
  • rice and grains meant for slaves and armies – an overlord game
  • the “flaw” in the system is the enforcement and violence of “population control”
  • was it always that way?
  • The procreation drive is stuck in “on” in this sytem
  • fewer nuts = fewer babies
  • herbs, plants and trees and fruits and nuts regulate the population, not carnivores
  • plant kingdom very adept at creating chemical concoctions that regulate procreation
  • -symbiotic regulation of procreation without the need for meat predators
  • – mammals, reptiles and raptors.
  • This symbiosis includes all potential of living chemical factories.
  • carnivores no longer necessary
  • All fixed programs are stupid. Instead “nature” is granted “Presence”
  • http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1169637/Meet-Dante-Britains-vegetarian-cat-refuses-eat-meat-fish.html
  • carnivores – even obligates such as cats – can eat a specialized fruit and veggie diet
  • spirit/life is behind and in every living thing
  • birds of prey no longer needed
  • a more intelligent and lighter, playful way to play the biosphere game
  • carnivores don't need to be removed – simply re-programmed – remove the “obligate” postulate set

“How does this seem to you now?” Even though the squirrel is now at rest the mind still sees so much potential in the acorns and nuts.  Need to continue the process.

All the doors to the past I opened are largely still opened and makes clearing a bit different from someone doing clearing without any knowledge of existence before present life.
  • I feel the life force potential in those nuts -- hippo yawns
  • feel the discomfort of limiting postulates
  • feeling of indigestion – is that what compels squirrels to bury them?
  • Must eat  joins  must be eaten  and alternately  must not eat  joins  must not be eaten
  • the squirrel is playing a complementary game with the nut trees
  • the nut trees are playing a complementary game with the squirrels
  • the communication lines are not totally known by scientists

“How does it seem to you now?” better – a complementary relationship – no perception
of violence or enforcement except perhaps the enforcement of biosphere games, but enjoy the
complementary postulates aspect.

I still attach importances to biosphere games gone wrong -- still more clearing needed, but I felt I was getting more willing to look at some incidents that I have been avoiding looking at.









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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 12:13 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/15/14 11:42 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Took a trip down memory lane this a.m. and recorded new perspectives since I started this practice.

Some Buddhists do not acknowledge the mind's content of past
existences – the scenes – and the mind can oblige because the
being has likely created thick, viscuous, and hard brittle black
screens because the being always has the option to “must not know”
and therefore will enforce this must not know with all the powers of
his creative ability.

Having broken through those screens with the help of the
6-directions technique I've seen existences going all the way back
through multiple inverses of universe.

Even before there were bodies to play with some beings came into
this universe and lost the way to get out and were working on how to
fix that problem. Some solved the problem and got out, but they
still had the basic mental framework that allowed them to play games
by not knowing that they were all the other players too. One of
those beings was a type of Gautama Buddha. I recall one incident
where I got enamored of a clock-like mind trap and he stood outside the trap
trying to walk me out of it, calling to me insistently. Another
incident I became enamored of the concept of “thinking” and he
became quite angry with me and trounced me. Another incident, he
realized I was a bit “twisted” and he attempted to heal me using
very powerful and directed energies. It did for a while make me
feel like a sovereign being. So this being that I'm aware of
travelling with down the ages – to the age of bodies, when he
wasn't frolicking with his companions, was absorbed with how to fix
them up and make them good companions to play with for games always
reduce a being.

He was not reduced as severely because we had agreed to create him
from the best aspects of each of us. He represented the best of us.
Everytime we completed an episode of play we would drop our costumes
and rise above the playing field and we looked exactly like glowing
translucent bowling pins and we excitedly debriefed each other and
decided our next game. We seemed to prefer the aesthetics one finds
in the culture of Hindu gods, and baroque Chinese aesthetics and the
aesthetics associated with the Persian kings. All this before
bodies. King Solomon was too literally correct: there is nothing
new under the sun. Every person and item one sees in their
environment was created long before we had a solid 3D. It is all a
repeat and now we are only playing games with our own mind. So the
wisest thing one can do is what we are doing – stopping to play
games with our mind.

I cut out all the curly-q aesthetic sensations from the past and
just sit – a couple of lifetimes of sitting is not too much to demand of
oneself in the larger picture.You know a being is on his last legs when
the majority of his sensation is heavily tied in with sexing and eating,
when in the past he derived pleasure from the sensations related to creating
and loving. So a much worn out, but perhaps wiser Buddha gave us the best of
himself as we gave the best of ourselves to him. He has been my sacred chalice
through the ages, and a jolly good maker of games. I would not wish to disappoint
him and perhaps now it is our turn to be refreshment for the Buddha. For many
millions of years, both on planets and on research satellites/space ships we have
been putting research into the mind to good results, and also to negative purposes,
depending upon who was funding our research.

If I rant on about insane people, what is my cause? If I am psychotic, how did I do that? But that has all been absolved now and made nothing because of the great discovery of a researcher into the mind, Dennis H. Stephens, aka Lao Tszu. Out of great suffering and a desire to democratize nirvana, he discovered the logical construct of “The Great Wall of Confusion”. 

It is up to me to decide that playing games with the mind is going to end. Getting wise about the mind takes priority over everything. It has taken me 4 years since I first knew about this Noble Path until the date I discovered and was impressed by the dedication of Buddhist practicers, to begin the practice that will effectively restore to me what I am without a fixed mind game.

The Great Wall of Confusion will simply be seen as it is -- a logical construct of postulates which I can choose to play within – or not. The mind contains only illogic and pretending – necessary to have fun in games – and I will once again be able to create and uncreate games with my playful “not selfs”.

Buddha formed a culture of meditators pointed towards nirvana, as he has done many times before – created a culture extolling courage to look into the mind on a mostly DIY basis, and resolve it for good.

“The Old Boy”, in cooperation with Buddha and afflicted by Buddha's errors (as I was) was detached enough and skilled enough (and suffering enough) to logically work out the original construct of the mind. Every householder can now simply be sovereign. Nirvana.When teachers of meditation grok this the longsuffering of lifetimes of sitting is soon completed. Meditators who lost the beautiful purpose of nirvana will be refreshed.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/16/14 9:00 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/16/14 9:00 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
16Oct14  Direct Looking :

What does an unlimited being be-do-have when he has no compulsive need to be-do-have?

Spoke with a fellow practicer and he tells me his creative process takes around 10 minutes; mine takes hours and my only complaint was not enough time left for doing the core practice, which I am not as eager to do as I am my creative practice.   I sense a resolution to bring things into balance.  Peacefulness.

My partner is now on board with the creative process which he came to value after he saw me doing solely that for over 40 days straight -- and he saw how I smoothed out and he perceived it to be a solution for his own rollercoaster'ing.   He now loves it possibly as much as I do.   However Buddhist teaching warns against becoming enamored with even a refined mind, and since doing the creative practices I've realized a mind from the far past, before it became so degraded.   Just another layer of the onion though.

Yesterday's creative process got me to realize something: without the past, without the mind, a squirrel is just a mock-up of a squirrel and acorns are just acorns -- once the mind goes quiet.   That informs me.
Our lives and thoughts are complicated because of unclosed goals and purposes and problems from the past.... the seen and the unseen.

"Have Another Create Something"  - 6 Directions

A teacher creating a perfect curriculum for children
  • right away, putting it all around me, I see that if one is simply "Present" a curriculum is merely an outline at best
  • purpose to help them trust in thinking for themselves, analyzing, logicking
  • Socrates' school of inquiry and self-enquiry
  • Boolean algebraic logic
  • education is a hot topic of importance for the mind
  • yawns
  • a wise teacher
  • less enforcement, more complementary to child's goals
  • no teacher, no school
  • only meditation schools
  • hands on creative visualisation
  • Must create and must not create
  • children must create an effect  --  teacher willing to experience this effect
  • children must not create an effect  --  teacher willing to not demand an effect be created
  • children must have an effect created upon them  --  teacher willing to create an effect
  • children must not have an effect created upon them -- teacher willing to not create an effect
  • teaching by consent -- no shame/blame/guilt/ridicule
  • if I were a child how would I wish to be taught?
--  showed how to practice to handle my fears, my emotions
--  simple meditative techniques -- develop self-mastery
--  communication skills
--  body scanning techniques and physical exercise

Back to the basic separation incident -- the first instruction as a created one
every postulate implies some degree of enforcement

"How does teacher seem to you now?"  Fine, no energy on it, mind quiet about it.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/16/14 10:59 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/16/14 10:59 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
You give me such good presents!
I sang my song all day.
It was one of the first songs I knew.  My uncles gave it to me before I was Kissed.

I got another good present today:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t34.0-12/10726398_1486082121671019_363106376_n.jpg?oh=acd11dc26c0dd49f35bd745650ba188a&oe=54425DB6&__gda__=1413654230_ab9d5fc878fda78231c91bfb88e40453
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 5:46 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 5:46 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Ha!  "Read only left hand pages" -- makes one examine one's approach to life -- the nonsense of it all.  Life and nonsense = fun.   Are we having fun yet?
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 9:46 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 9:46 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
17Oct14  Direct Looking :

If it weren't fun would you be being/doing/having it?  If you say you are not having fun maybe that is a lie, this universe being dual and all.   Some beings get hooked on rollercoaster experiences.

The practices towards Nirvana should be fun and fruitful.   Comparing notes with other practicers is fun and fruitful: The surprises of self-discovery won and shared.

I'm beginning to get a clearer view of some limiting postulates or importances and an amazing view of how I could be so much free'er and happier without those.   Last night I indulged myself with self-enquiry:  "What am I?"   Somatics and an "ask no further" feeling, but could I fully "have" it when I've always known myself by how much I be-do-have?   I know myself by my importances -- without them what am I?   Exactly.

Once the "created one" always the "created one"?  A sovereign "created one"?  oxymoronic?

"There, there, dear, don't cry -- you can always create new importances, don't you see, you're doing it now, and see who is doing that?   Why, this time it's you and not that entity you've come to rely on -- your mind."

6:48 a.m.  "Create Something" - 6 Directions

What would an unlimited being create?  Surprises -- other beings to surprise me -- worlds of surprises -- beings fashioned after me who also like surprises.   If I always know then it cannot be a surprise.
"Surprise" degrades into fulfilling that desire through chaos and confusion and amnesia.   Life is scales, harmonics and hierarchies.   There is a scale of goals and a scale of sensations = scale of surprise.

I am a surprise to myself now -- vanishing the mind gives me the surprise of finding myself; self-discovery has a surprise factor.  Surprise is sort of a tickling sensation (yawn).   But how am I going to with full knowledge surprise myself?  Wouldn't I have to not-know myself or at least partly?   Wouldn't I have to create a via, a "not-self" conceptual mock-up?  Remember, as an unlimited being, if I merely say the "WORD" it can be done.  

Is this why the universe is dual -- opposite experiences are surprising?  When I think it is all black and suddenly there is white, is that a surprise?   The left hand not knowing what the right hand does in order to have surprise?   "Experience" implies we don't know something beforehand.   

Was there ever a prior time when I knew the construct of this universe of mind and I'm just pretending I don't know so I can have an "experience"?   Trick me, recruit me, lie to me, betray me, knock me unconscious and implant me with commands -- I need more and more surprises.  Let's all do it to each other, okay?  Let's create vengeance so that we will never know and be surprised when it is done.  Let's create the surprise of birth, then death and then the surprise of the astral realms.   By simply "not-knowing" we can do this over and over and over again.   Like a low-budget movie.  But what about our audience?  Won't they get bored?

Sometimes people say, "It would really surprise me if __________".   Here, let me try one:  "It would really surprise me if this earth turned into a Garden of Eden", so I would have to have some certainty (and many reasons why) it would not happen.   Aahh, yes!  those "not-selfs" and their predictability and unpredictability.

Let's look at that more closely, namely, predictability and non-predictability?   The predictability comes from operating through the mind -- the mind is predictable because it can only repeat and repeat and repeat. The unlimited being - how can it be predictable if it always wants surprise.   Even to itself it is not predictable.   "I am a surprise unto myself".  Say that out loud and see how it feels.  Ticklish laughter I feel when I say that.
Even delusion serves me because of the surprise factor when I lose the delusion.

As long as you are not me and I am not you and we are both in fairly good condition as games players, then we can both have fun surprises.   If I am you and you are me, what value is it to know that and never be able to not-know that?  What sensations then?   What am I really? and what am I really all about?  When I am one am I Life?  When I am many, are they life?

What I'm getting right now is that there has to be a home base, an awareness of awareness from which all unreason proceeds.   To create unreason there must be analytical and logical thinking.   A knowingness of what one is doing to and for self.     Therefore, it seems perfectly analytical and logical to me that I would create "not-selfs" who would surprise me and become sovereign and unlimited and !wow! the surprises I could have then.   Isn't parenthood a mimicry of this?  Or is this the first and final lie of the mind?

When an artist goes "into the zone" he is surprised in his creating, in his writing.   When someone says, "I just let life live through me" then there can be surprise.   Not planning, being "Present", not knowing what words might come out of your mouth next.   Words become offensive because one has experienced them too much -- non life goals are less surprising and more predictable than life goals.  Or am I simply running this subject into the ground?   Being "Not Present", being in trance (entranced) -- "!wow! what just hit me?!? I never saw that bus coming!"  Game strategies exposed -- no more surprise -- are no good anymore.

"I am detached, I am disappeared, I am exteriorized from my body ...my mind is gone ... my mind is somewhat here but I am not it."

Could I let go of the need for surprise?   When I vanish my mind and be unlimited with all that potential, well, would I have any desire?   I am so blissful and happy with my-one-self would I would like to duplicate myself - with likewise unlimited potential? -- perhaps. Or not.  

Can the viewpoint of "The One" be duplicated?  My partner says:  It can be mirrored, only, lets pretend, and lets never stop pretending, it's a spirit of play with no desire to forever stop playing.  

Okay, I'm fading here and it is now 8:40      "Create Something"

What importance can I give the mind to chew on?

The color yellow

I don't see anything wrong with creating an importance that parallels the mind, do you?

put yellow all around me and immediately turns on the compulsive create of the mind -- creating all possibe variants of the color yellow.   Poor thing, it can only dig into its memory banks.

The difference is I am consciously giving the importance to the mind instead of the mind (unconsciously) giving me the importance.   This allows me to consciously view the associations and identifications with past importances and make a conscious decision to let go because, once seen, it no longer has the surprise factor -- game with my mind reduced to that degree of seeing.

There is a fun factor or delight in discovering my analytical and logical thinking abilities.   I can then go fully into a game knowing always that it is "unreasonable", or I can go goal-less.   The "Game-Maker".  The Master of Games.  

Depending upon my condition, a game can either feel restrictive or expansive.   A game may feel expansive but actually be restrictive when covert game strategies are employed, and cravings for sensation triggered (for example, "sting operations").
  • A "surprise" behind that yellow door.
  • the self-importance of being-doing-having yellow - status over the "not-yellows"
  • yellow says to look and to be looked at, to shine and to be shined on, to admire and to be admired.

"Yellow is the most luminous of all the colors of the spectrum. It's the color that captures our attention more than any other color."

  • Yellow says, "Know me".
  •  a sun is a recruitment agency
  • yellow fades to white -- it is an effort to keep it mocked up
  • resistance to hard, solid, glaring yellow   --  heat -- acid
  • everytime I put it around me it keeps disappearing on me - where did it go?

"How does yellow seem to you now?"   When I look around I'm seeing it almost everywhere, except I don't see it in the blue, but there seems to be a bias for yellow.  I don't feel as enamored of it as I was.  I can see it as a concept, a construct.   It was created and different importances/significances were assigned to it and some of that appears funny, ridiculous that a being would do that to itself -- but then ... games don't make sense ... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

What problem was yellow trying to solve?  The problem of "white".

10:43  take a break
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 7:09 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/17/14 7:09 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
If this earth turned into a Garden of Eden... I must have my reasons for thinking so... and my reasons for knowing it won't last....

The left hand not knowing what the right hand does...

Look at SriMala responding to our story that i wrote last night... but just now posting...


Emperor Pala had a young prince named Thotha.  
Thotha was beautiful, loved everything, wanted everything.  As he grew, he dabbled in evil, in good, in filth, in beauty, in lies, and in truths.  
When he grew old enough, he went to his father, Emperor Pala, and said these words:
"Father, I Still Want."
Pala, with Infinite Wisdom, looked at his young prince with such love that the stars melted, saying, "I know Young Prince and I have waited for the day you would ask such a thing.  I will now step down, from this golden, luminous throne.  You may have my Gardens, my Harem, my Library, and my Lands."
So Thoth sat on the luminous throne, partaking of all things, tasting, smelling, hearing, and touching all things.  He had so much bliss it was if he lived a NEVER ENDING story.  But one day, when the boredom came, it came like a storm of Nothing.
The storm ripped out the eyes of his people, replacing them with Buttons.  It tainted the Gardens and made them Cemeteries.  It ate his Library.  It made waste of his Harem.  Thoth couldn't care.  It was the echo of his own heart that had been the storm.  He was desperate.  He would seek his father once again.

He found Pala wondering the deserts, blinded and dying.  He said:
"Father, I Still Want". 
Pala answered, "But Child, I am nothing.  I have given you everything.  What do you want me to do?"
"Can you make me forget?"
Pala looked with such a love that the stars, again, melted.  This time, they melted into Rain.
He loved Thoth more than himself.  He knew what to do.
He ripped out his son's heart.
The heart became a baby.
He said, "Now I call you Gotha.  I will raise you all over again."

Very Good, brother...  You let me Play!
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/18/14 4:06 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/18/14 4:06 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
18Oct14   Direct Looking :

Feeling tired and not interested in anything and can't get interested in anything "important"; running away from importances; the mind running away from me -- how to be complementary with that?

So I can not get into any importance and it is like chasing the
mind. My partner suggested I do a reverse vector and run "no
importance."   That made me yawn somewhat so I agreed to give it a
whirl.

4p.m. “Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

The importance of having no importances"
  • yawns already
  • it's funny when I realize how much I identified with the mental state I was experiencing. Thinking it is me.
  • I'm creating “nothing is important” and putting it all around me -- a swirl of nothingness
  • yawns
  • feels good – a deep deep sinkhole in a vast empty space, taking a break
  • apathy, apathy, apathy and more apathy
  • "I can't, so I won't”
  • the Maitreya being keeps sending aspects of himself here as Buddhas, over and over again.
  • How has that been working for him?
  • Why is “nothing” always black?
  • Scene of a white universe – that was “something”
  • eyes non-seeing  --  is this how one creates black screens?
  • Must not know and must not be known – tired of and overwhelmed by importance of “something”,
  • i.e., must know and must be known

[note to self: occasionally may need to run reverse vector on importances]
mind contains importance of attachments to be-do-have and importance of
aversions to be-do-have. I can see a game being played with that.

“How does nothingness seem to you now?” Don't feel an aversion to
be-do-have. No longer feeling apathetic -- feel calm and willing to be here.
I can see that I was in a games condition with my mind until I went complementary with its desire.
Whatever the mind can do, I can duplicate.

End
of sit.

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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 9:05 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 9:05 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
19Oct14   Direct Looking :

Honestly, have been putting most emphasis on creative practice and not much on direct looking and I realize I will sooner or later feel like I'm just treading water, in some kind of a holding pattern.   I'll be happy when that day is now.  For example, I started noticing that people from the past do not come up as often but still come up unbidden occasionally -- as if the mind is still unresolved regarding them.   So I decided to give it a try and put people all around me, because I think the mind is an equal opportunity employer of people to serve its cravings for sensation and a game.

But first, body is de-toxing as it always does when cold weather comes and instead of trying to ignore it I think I should do 6-directions re "The Body".  A friend made an Mp3 recording for this which I will use -- helps me to stay better focused.

7:55am   "Create an Importance" - 6 directions

The Body
  • yawns, feeling lazy
  • like body because it gives me feeling of presence - importance on this playing field
  • is there anything wrong with that?   No, just any compulsion for that; compulsion has liability of turning into insanity
  • sense conflicts of attachments/aversions
  • be-do-have comes into play regarding bodies
  • body does not wish to eat -- don't force food on it
  • scene of receiving gingerale as a sick kid - incentivizes sickness
  • as a spiritual being - with mind - I craved bodily sensations at cost to the body; reckless disregard for body
  • must protect body as a result
  • body somatics turning on
  • scenes of baby bodies  -- yawns --  apathy, then grief, hatred 
  • love/hate relationship with body -- seems like a necessary limitation
  • back to first separation incident when I had no one to hate but myself
  • creation as a method of self-destruction -- separating out unwanted parts of my spiritual body 
  • "If evil becomes 'not-self' then I can ..."   Haha, just look how that worked out  :-)
  • All this time spent trying to solve a problem and all the time the enemy was goading me -- the real "enemy"
  • my own mind -- the matrix of limiting postulates
  • the conundrum of "I did it to myself, and I must not know that"
  • I must not know I had a part in creating bodies -- the same for all the not-selfs -- must be a game, must be a playing field, must have sensation all up and down the hierarchy.
  • put my body in front of me/in back of me/to the right .... Body Makers giving commands
  • the mind has a weird harmonic of analytical and logical -- a way to justify non-life goals and enforcement
  • the problem is -- I did it to myself -- so why all the protest?
  • laugh -- the joke's on me, haha.
  • okay, I see it now:  de-toxing is a dramatization of the first incident of trying to push out the evils
  • it's all a set-up, aaaaaahhh!    laughter at the big joke of it all    I did it to myself,  aaarrrrgghh
  • does that make me crazy?   I don't know, but I think I would be even crazier to think I didn't do it to myself
  • well, since I have to live with myself for eternity I guess I better come to grips with it  (laughter)
  • "How does the body seem to you now?"    laughter, oh, it's too soon to ask -- I'm still laughing at the joke of taking it all so seriously and believing my own lies.  However, body feels lighter, somatics lighter -- I can't attach the same seriousness to it -- game up  :-)
  • Once the truth is all exposed I just can't have a good game anymore, drats!   rolling laughter

Now what do I do?  I can't create a game anymore.  Oh, dear, better fill in with some importances..

9:06am  "Create an Importance" - 6 directions

Feeling the loss of "no game=no sensation".  How can I repair this huge gaping loss of importances when the whole game has been exposed?   Oh, I just got it -- the importance of me creating great effects by writing a book about it -- debriefing everybody (giggles).   Gee, what a great idea -- why didn't I think of that?
  • a funny book, makes people laugh at themselves and others, throw off the whole silly game -- the endless repeat of the same old problem over and over and over again.
  • After the book be's a best seller I'll sell t-shirts    laughing
  • "Are we having fun yet?"
  • the books will be tear-stained and yellow high-lighted by each reader
  • no-responsibility cases will try to force others to read it -- "read this and see what you did"
  • in every hotel room and every library; Dick Cavett talking with erudite guests about it
  • other people will write books about it, confessing their part in it, "Yes, I remember that, I did that"
  • well, if you did that then what am I, chopped liver?    Carol Burnett doing skits about it   Jim Carrey too
  • Oh, I could live in a world like this
  • NY Times Headlines -- "No New News Here, Folks"    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo
  • oh, my body, my body! -- look what you did to my body!   I can't mock-up any bullshit anymore!   LOL
  • I'll be sued for stripping people's minds away from them -- better write it anonymously    LOL
  • "The last chapter is a doozie"    LOL
  • parents will hide it from their children
  • The Day the World Stood Still     LOL
  • "my story blown with the wind"   LOL
  • Laugh fests scheduled around the world   --  join in on SKYPE    LOL
  • extra terrestrials from far away - pointing
  • scientists assigning other causes  -- just because they must  -- all in good fun
  • "Doc, I can't get any work done, rofl!"   "Well, son, you're cured!"
  • everybody now a jokester
  • Oh, what will the Game Lords do now?     LOL    Will they still be laughing their cheeky arses off now that we're no longer the butt of their jokes?   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uMJYQ9LKGQ
  • "Someone give them the book ..."     LOL
Okay, I'm sobering up now and came across this relevant OSHO vid re "Waking Up"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zWh11S7E-I

No longer feel the discomfort of loss of importances -- feel fine.  When I am here and know myself I have no need of ego drives.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 1:16 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 1:16 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Na Ke Da
Prophecy!
Made me tremble.  Still trembling.  

Cannot type for the tremors...
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 7:03 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 7:03 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Pardon me, Jeremy -- what is Na Ke Da?   I did a search and nothing came up exactly -- esp. in English.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 7:24 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 7:24 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Na- portal (opened gate)
Ke- Consumed:  C (shape of mouth) and Exempli 
Da- End, Complete

Naked.  (Hehe!)
Swallowed.
End
of sit.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 8:26 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 8:26 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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Okay, thank you.  How did you get so good with words?   Is there a prophecy related to this?
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 9:24 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 9:24 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Yes.  But who needs prophecy when one speaks in prophecy?

(For the curious, the blackness of her mind's eye actually flashed bright white)

There aren't page numbers to give, but: http://books.google.com/books?id=qh0HBAAAQBAJ&pg=PT39&lpg=PT39&dq=Adhichittha%E2%80%9D&source=bl&ots=_E9wJ7pppm&sig=fKN0dMKpCrJ_hX_zUZemS9pU3YQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dvk3VLb0EoXOggT064KADw&ved=0CD0Q6AEwBg#v=onepage&q=Adhichittha%E2%80%9D&f=false

The Patanjali, 3rd row

English is very difficult... For example, K is actually two letters.  l (small L) and C.  Alone, K is "Perfect Reflection off Mirror" which implies, also, delusion to reflect said reflection.

You were correct to say I am not using English.  This language is no longer in the world.  Linear B:  All languages spring from Africa.

I am limited by my keyboard... but you get the idea.  Say to yourself, "What could this mark, letter, word mean?  What is it's shape, sound, syntax?"

A is two letters:  'covered' and "-" which is, for this context 'not'.  So A is 'pre-existing, non-existing, and always existing' or 'primordial'

Trace the line of an R.  It is a line that connects and then does not reconnect.  Same with 'r'.     MaRa vs. MaYa



It is difficult at first.  But this process, SAMYAMA, can be applied to absolutely everything!
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 11:58 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/19/14 11:58 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
I found this looking for the other... You will LOVE this!


http://books.google.com/books?id=EGG_O3X6MIEC&pg=PT71&lpg=PT71&dq=Adhichittha%E2%80%9D&source=bl&ots=ZCeILL8pNU&sig=f-Us-f-REJ4qbxuIAFUX9rvKzmk&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dvk3VLb0EoXOggT064KADw&ved=0CDsQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q=Adhichittha%E2%80%9D&f=false
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/20/14 12:06 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/20/14 12:06 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Hello, Jeremy, I wish everyone to return to their former heavens and powers -- much wiser, but then they might not wish to repeat the past they co-created, but simply experience it in eternal bliss.  Freedom to be-do-have in all worlds, heavens, and universes. 

You aptly coined the term, "The Great Wall of Confusion".   This is what I keep bumping up against, and all heavens and hells I/we created were after that... from my subjective viewing.   So, what was before that? What will it take for me to see the "Wall" from the mind of the one who spoke it into existence?....It's logical formation.  Eternal bliss.  

 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/20/14 2:35 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/20/14 2:35 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
20Oct14   Direct Looking :

Coming into an increasing willingness to parallel the mind when doing this exercise.


1:40pm  "Have Another Create Something" - 6 directions
Feeling sad -- let's give it something to cry about --  A child creating a drawing
  • scenes from my childhood coming up, so I allow them to come into the present for further viewing
  • yawns, tears
  • the beautiful and exciting havingness of colors  -- wanting more and more colors, craving crayons
  • feeling it was never enough; how could I be enough if I didn't have enough?
  • what was I really trying to resolve?  "Must/Must not Create", "Must/Must not Know", "Must/Must not be Known"
  • skill development needs to keep pace with their urge to create and that includes creative visualization exercises --  skills can be remembered from past lives or frustratingly shut off
  • child artist as individual, not personality
  • art as question and answer, self-enquiry
  • "Class, today, I'd like you as individuals to look within and see who you are, ask yourself, 'who am I?', 'what am I?' and bring what you see into its fullest expression here and now ..."  
  • "Class today we are going to learn how to accurately create 3-D expressions on paper"
  • Picasso was well received because of his skill level and his content which came from his own internal workings out of life and livingness
  • child can be guided as to skill but never critiqued as to content -- it is his own truths
  • part of art therapy should be acceptance of criticism of content -- take the ego out of it if going to present
  • why does everyone love a cabin in wooded mountains by a lake?
  • To create is playing a game to create aesthetic effects on self and others
  • teacher showing the geometrical components of a thing and child avidly duplicating
  • child never given an overwhelming loss, winning all along the way
  • art as therapy for aesthetic compulsions/hangups -- attachments and aversions
  • a child creating a drawing with no angst or enforcement
  • a child choosing not to create a drawing and being happy with that
  • an educational system that acknowledges past lives issues brought forward and each child is dramatizing to some degree various goals; no child is a total blank slate (even though we try)

Okay, I think I've run this out of significances for now and I can simply put a child drawing all around me over and over again with no more changes occurring.   Lemme see...  nope, nothing else coming up -- just a child creating a drawing -- feels happy.

3pm -  End of Sit




 
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/21/14 1:20 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/21/14 11:05 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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21Oct14  Repair of Importance :

I'm not yet doing the core practice of direct looking and decided to give it up for now and focus on what -- for lack of a better term -- is called "Repair of Importance".   If there is an exact Dharma equivalent I have yet to find it.  I think some forms of Metta are meant to accomplish the same thing -- some mind candy to balance the core practice of reducing the mind to a more permanent quietness.  It is all about balance while I still have a reactive mind.

At first I placed a lower value on this practice but quickly realized it is essential to moving along well with the core practice.   My partner now affirms this in his case too.

It is called "repair of importance" because the core practice helps one let go of what they were holding onto as an importance, i.e., a compulsion for a particular sensation.   When I lose interest in satiating the mind with that sensation in that particular way then I feel a bit lost.  There are other ways to fill in lost importance I am sure and perhaps that is what some Metta practices aim to do.  In any case, life after a sit, or session, is smoother when I end off with this repair.

At this stage of enlightenment I find it therapeutic and it gives me a glimpse into a more clear and analytical mind, but one still driven by an enforcement of postulate, and occasionally a glimpse into
"no-mind".

10:30am  "Create an Importance" - 6 directions

At this stage of development towards Nirvana, I have no delusions: I am being my dhukka ... even when my mind moves into brighter realms... It is still duality to a lighter degree.   When I say "I" it is hardly me, the being without enforced purposes.

The only really sane and analytical thing I am doing is this practice by far.   The rest is fun and games.  For about 4 hours of the day I am actually doing something reasonable as concerns me as an eternal spiritual being and my interactions with others.

Summary of this sit:  Went as usual, realized it was an extremely hot and sticky topic and probably could have ended off with putting the pleasurable sensations around me but decided to persist and then spotted an old identity running the show -- way back from some old games I used to play, but still very active I now realized.   I decided to continue with the exercise and see what happened.  The identity peeled off with much insight into it regarding my current attitudes.   Then, of course, another larger identity came up and had to be gotten off, and then a larger archetype -- The Writer -- and I ended there.   I'm not going any further with that today because I have to go and wash the dog.

Still some sadness sticking from yesterdays' sit, so I shall create
                "The beautiful sadness of it all"
  • already chuckling about it -- get picture of chinese painting of willow tree with beautifully dressed sad woman ah, yes, the beautiful sadness of it all -- what a beautiful aesthetic -- whoever created that must have scored points  :-))
  • a plaintive kitten, a cute baby ready to cry; I treasure this aesthetic
  • sympathy
  • -- there is a sensation attached to it - I can feel it when it goes all around me - feels sooo good
  • "must have sensation" -- okay here have it
  • not enough beautiful sadness - must find more - it is so spiritually enlightening to perceive the beautiful sadness of it all, says the imposter "I"  -- when did I start thinking it was me?
  • There is the real sadness.
  • Loki wants to be me -- I see how I have added this identity to the collection -- the beautiful sadness of it all was trying to resolve the sickly sadness of a Loki type?
  • Loki, the joker and degrader and impaler of hearts with the beautiful sadness of it all
  • now I am the effect of my own cause -- my mind
  • tears
  • - engulfed still in the beautiful sadness of it
  • the sadness of the degradation -- of all beings I know -- and even worse, those who have yet to discover it.
  • a 100 handkerchief Japanese black and white movie.
  • people were curiously drawn to my black and white paintings of leafless trees.
  • the value of abject sadness assigned to the color gray
  • sadness is a lower harmonic of serene -- serenity x sadness
  • sadness attached to the beauty of serenity - very effective for leading one to their own beautiful grave - and that of others
  • blacks and grays -- sometimes blues -- any color mixed with gray
  • deep rich velvety black
  • watery sadness - a river separating from its source, carrying the wisdom of the knowledge of the deaths of ages into an eternal ocean of bliss
  • Are we having fun yet?  The sadness that comes with a level of wisdom of hindsight.
  • let it go, let it all flow into simply another experience, into bliss
  • still feeling that beautiful aesthetic sensation when I put it all around me -- no more scenes, just the wonderful sensation - keep going
  • give the mind its sensation
  • the fixation on the beautiful sadness of it all will resist going into the joy of it all and will insist on beautiful sadness, no matter what
  • that is the only "joy" it can know
  • somatics from the aesthetic particles being all around and through me
  • a beautiful but apathetic woman -- the beautiful apathy; ha, who fed her that line? games and more games
  • a form of self-vengeance -- against the creator who cannot be known any longer as self
  • each episode of that separation forming streams of ever-condensing timelines hurled out in protest, desperately torn between resolution through sensation or resolution through wisdom
  • will you settle for cheap, gaudy mock-ups/mockeries of wisdom?
  • but it only took a "minute" to create multiple eons of duality, so no big deal -- what is a "minute" in the life of an eternal being?
  • Every minute of precious practice toward wisdom and release is an eternal moment
  • the sadness of the loss of all those beautiful archetypes
  • beauty is a consideration of aesthetics
  • the beautiful sadness of saying goodbye to all the heavens of duality
  • of saying goodbye to my playmates -- sad to leave yet joy at prospect of finding myself for the first time since I split
  • "turn off the tv and come to dinner" -- "No, I want to play ..."
  • compassion as a higher harmonic of sadness?
  • beautiful expressions of grief and loss written into time
  • to let the creator know how the game is going - to engage the creator in our drama; perhaps repent of its creation
  • to give the creator a beautiful gift of an exquisite aesthetic
  • the creator appreciates aesthetics next to life itself
  • bring me back to you creator -- to know you as you are
  • what am I - without you?
  • will I always be 'the created one'?
  • yes, perhaps that is the beautiful sadness of it -- that is bliss - a high harmonic of beautiful sadness?
  • to create beautiful movies for the creator - like a god walking in his garden to experience his creations
  • No duality for this god -- only eternal experiencing - bliss
  • be that god -- we all be that god -- take someone with you
  • what games will you play now?
  • the beautiful sadness of watching fools dressed like royalty, satiating every thirst, thinking because they are high they are not in need of salvation; the beautiful but sad innocence of such children at play
  • then I see the practicers who were once exalted ones - so it has finally come to this, true wisdom seekers.
Whew!  talk about drama ... !   I'm wearing myself out here, hahha.
Is a "loop" always a loop or is a loop always a spiral?
spirals always looked mean and ugly to me but we sure loved them
duality within a spiral or duality is a spiral ?
  • I get pleasure making others play this game, thinking how stupid they are, not seeing the game strategy, but I'm only hurting myself by not playing fair, but look how they're falling for it
  • yawn, because I see him -- and I thought he was my best friend - my "me"
  • I see my partner seeing this valence and knowing he does not like it, but not quite putting his finger on it to expose it
  • yawns, but now I expose it.   "I'm onto you"   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeW7T5Q5mhI
  • put around me the beautiful sadness of it all -- who is really doing it though?
  • the smirky beautiful sadness of it all -- I see the smirkiness now - the smirky being actually doing this exercise, hiding behind it.  Its idea of fun is getting sensation at the expense of others and letting others help it along in its path of self-degradation -- it knows where it is going and it wants to get there faster and faster, more and more condensed -- and take others with it of course.
  • Oh, the beautiful sadness (smirk) of it all
  • I'm so glad I was able to spot that "smirkiness" -- it has been so engrained in me that it seemed alright.  Composed of pride, covert hostility, game strategies, sensations, purposes
  • cleaning hard-drive now.  Unfortunately, no "restore" function.  This could take awhile.
  • It think it's working -- growing milder, then another thorny point, but not as bad as the first one, seeing blatant sympathy as part of the ploy, commiseration, aesthetics as anesthetic, oh, boy, I'm writing this fella out of the story, so happy.
  • Now I feel a larger archetype stepping in, still putting beautiful sadness all around me
  • Whom am I being now?   The She:  beautiful sadness as expressed through the feminine viewpoint
  • There is a male overlay however - more of a technician, a poet, a writer?
  • A senior archetype - The Writer  -- seems to have non-life goals, however quite the writer
  • creating within duality, dabbling -- a beautifully sad universe; known to write scary stories under a pseudonym
  • "that's so beautiful, I could cry"
  • continually dramatizing the fall from heaven to hell and to heaven again, but each return to heaven is more and more condensed, limited.  He has to keep writing because he has not found "the end" yet.
  • He wants to be finished with it because he's tired of writing soap operas.  He can see the end now and is happy.  How can he take responsibility for all those characters he postulated?  All those beings he pan-determined?
"How does the beautiful sadness of it all seem to you now?"   Like a new leatherbound book sitting on a shelf, all gilt edged, bright and shiny.  A newly finished work for whoever wishes to know the story of a little being seeking eternal bliss among its brothers and sisters.  The writer is on his last leg of the journey now, and happy.  And I see a feminine aspect merging in with the Writer.... to write the end from a balanced perspective.
The saving grace of compassion.  Life valued above aesthetics and sensation.
 
1:50 End of Sit (However I suspect this topic is still a hot importance and may take it up again.  Rome was not dismantled in a day.)
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/22/14 8:58 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/22/14 8:58 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

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22Oct14   Repair of Importance :

Body still de-toxing and wanted to use that as a good reason to skip this sit today, but amazingly I find myself here.   

8pm  "Create an Importance" - 6 directions
Continuation of "The Beautiful Sadness of it All"    
  • yawn -- feel some tension leaving
  • still feeling the "games-ness" of it
  • effect - effect - effect --  that is how it "serves" me
  • created it to attract other beings
  • I'm sooo feeling it - this beautiful sadness, along with many yawns
  • happiness and sadness; joy and grief, but getting stuck in the sadness too hard, too long
  • it seem soooo right, so reasonable    more yawns
  • a harem of beautifully sad women, playing beautifully sad music
  • the beautiful sadness of lost pleasures -- the loss of former selves and glories -- another nail in the coffin
  • maybe the grandchildren will think it is important  -- stories for the grand-children
  • let's look at concept of beauty and its attachment to sadness
  • -  blacks with some blues mixed into it and swirling  -- how is "beauty" determined and un-determined?
  • weeping by the waters of Babylon
  • the universe seen from outside -- a beautiful sad universe, would you like to experience it?
  • -  curious, then desired, then a decision about it:  it's a good place to be known as a god/savior, etc; it's a good place to know more sensations, effects created by "others"; they're after me and it's a good place to not be known, to hide; too many effects being created around here and it looks like a good place to not know all this - I'll reject them by going where they don't want me to go, by refusing to experience their effects.
  • The beautiful sadness of it all -- a protective barrier from those infernal stuck on Jupiter types -- each side rejecting an aspect of their own creation.  Saturn does not like it much either -- more into steely blue
  • Who am I?   A painting of a languishing woman; the beautiful sadness of the feminine
  • how does that complement the male?
  • heart area somatic
  • becomes a wispy wraithing spiral of feminine nature
  • happiness and joy is not beautiful in a woman - not feminine
  • sadness is confused with serenity -- feels like I made a decision to see sadness even when it is really serenity -- confused

getting late - start tomorrow

End of Sit
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/22/14 9:26 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/22/14 9:26 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Psalm 137Beside the rivers of Babylon, we sat and wept    as we thought of Jerusalem.[a]We put away our harps,    hanging them on the branches of poplar trees.For our captors demanded a song from us.    Our tormentors insisted on a joyful hymn:    “Sing us one of those songs of Jerusalem!”But how can we sing the songs of the Lord    while in a pagan land?"
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 7:20 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 7:20 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Jeremy May:
Psalm 137Beside the rivers of Babylon, we sat and wept    as we thought of Jerusalem.[a]We put away our harps,    hanging them on the branches of poplar trees.For our captors demanded a song from us.    Our tormentors insisted on a joyful hymn:    “Sing us one of those songs of Jerusalem!”But how can we sing the songs of the Lord    while in a pagan land?"
If they had only known -- and sung about -- what they were really captive to.   Sometimes I wonder, "Why do I do this to myself?"   But it is better than lamenting that others are doing it to me.  
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 9:44 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 9:44 AM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
23Oct14   Repair of Importance :

"How does life seem to me now?"   That question usually gets me awake and out of bed, ready to begin -- then I fiddle around on the internet and finally dig into the practice.    Life seems improved a degree and I have more certainty of resolving the conflicts within -- even those most dear to me.

I am reminded by a fellow practicer to enter a sit with a positive attitude -- I'm always positive something good will come of it, even when I'm beset by something negative coming up.

About life, my postulates seem to be cleaner, with less internal conflict and I'm more likely now to consider things before I leap into an interaction or hit the "send" button.   Definitely gained some valuable wisdom about the games life gets up to -- and that sensation is the paymaster of most games, there being various condensations of sensations.

Perhaps I am one of those people who starts a practice at first mostly "in their head".

8:32   "Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

           beautiful sadness
  • I'm liking it very much -- it's fine -- just another aesthetic expression, and for some reason I can be happy
  • laughing, yawns
  • when I look out the window and see the wet rocks and drooping limbs I can see beautiful sadness and I like looking at it; however, when I look around my room I don't see any beautiful sadness
  • I do see some sadness within my mind though and it seems the color gray can invoke sadness
  • [note to self -- resolve the color gray]
  • I see a propensity towards wanting to hold onto sadness -- for the love of its particular sensation, which I am feeling when I put it all around me and many yawns when I focus in on that sensation experience
  • Everything else was a "reason why"  -- all the stories and images --  "I did it for the sensation"
  • I first got curious about it, then desired it, then enforced it with a postulate and then made up reasons why to convince others, and I started to believe my own lies too  (yawns)
  • I sure put myself through a lot to finally arrive at the simple truths of it
  • I noticed yesterday, while sorting through a bag of unknown stuff I was at first merely curious, then some desire came up and then I postulated "To Have", "To Own" and some of the stuff became mine and of course I made up reasons why to myself without acknowledging the sensations gotten from havingness and ownership.  "Recall a time you acquired something good.  Get the sensation of that"    Why did I want that stuff?   Because it felt good  --  and I could make it seem like a good idea at the time.  Hence, removal of the thirst for sensation makes one more circumspect, less compulsive, and one can value life more than objects, and have wiser, saner interactions with life forms.
  • beautiful sadness all around me -- willow tree near water; minor keys
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN6ZgBJOTO4
  • the change up seems to be I'm finally giving myself permission to have that experience/sensation without getting fixated on it -- attraction/aversion
  • "Could you have 'beautiful sadness'?"   Yes.   "Could you let go of 'beautiful sadness'?"   yawns - yes
  • Objects can have the qualities/purposes I assign to them depending upon what sensation(s) I wish to experience with regard to them.
  • "What is the aesthetic function of a willow tree?"  Gently curving lines with rounded form (a toroid, a torus)


why would the line and form of a toroid evoke sadness?   Why do people say, "My heart feels sad"?

basically it is line and form -- gently undulating curves the main attractor.   Depending upon one's experience with those one could assign different values to it, such as serenity, peace, grace, beauty, even sadness, even entrapment, and perhaps all of those have been assigned to it at various times and it differs with each person which one is sticking now.   When is a curve simply a curve?   A newly hatched being got curious about a point, then a line, then a curve, then desired it and started postulating it among others and assigning values and reasons why, and exploiting all its possibilities.   And now we are playing heavily within a double torus universe.  All matter and energy is whatever we assign it to be.   I can put the emotion of serenity into a teapot if I wish, or I can make it a sad teapot, or an angry teapot, etc.   And then I can work to convince others to see it the way I see it.

I have a feeling I've been spending a lot of time and effort trying to convince myself and others of the "sadnesses" - with varying amounts of force.  Of course aesthetics, which forms symbols, can be quite effective.   It is a contest of convincing self and others in order to maintain an assigned beingness.

Let's have a cheerful willow tree - turned it gold

"How do curves seem to you now?"   feels like it is just a curve but I can assign qualities and emotions to it if I wish.

"How does sadness seem to you now?"   an option, not a fixation.  I was stuck between saying it was good and saying it was bad and I see the game of it was very important to me.   I sense I've played a lot with aesthetics, leading to a lot of losses in that field and non-life goals, and I see others did the same, which made it more important a game.

I typed "beautiful sadness of it all" into Google and this link is a good exploration into the topic:  http://aeon.co/magazine/psychology/any-fool-can-be-happy-sadness-takes-strengt/

Sadness is one response to failure of one's goals and purposes and for the goals and purposes of others as we project upon them.   We might even be offended or threatened somehow if a person did not express the sadness we wished to project upon them.   Fixed importance on grief, by whatever form or name is dhukka and should not be signified as anything but that -- a mental condition, "case" -- when one is devoted to vanishing dhukka.   But I think it would be correct to say, so is good cheer, so is serenity I dare say.   All duality is installed by the being and kept there out of a desire.  Resolve the conflicts of duality -- the attractions and aversions -- and one can walk through universes -- or not -- with total eternal bliss.   Dhukka will then seem like a hiccup.

Find a happy man and you will find a man stuck in duality; find a sad man and you will find a man stuck in duality.  The happy man will one day be sad and the sad man will one day be happy.   I don't think a man free of dhukka would assign any values to his experience -- ??? -- except when he is playing voluntarily in a game of life, but then he would always know what he is, separate from what beingness he is assuming in order to experience a fun interaction with "not-selfs".

10:36  End of Sit
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 1:07 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 1:07 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
We weep for Zion by the rivers of Babylon.

Not because we are in despair.  Despair is a game.

It is Longing.

It is Love.

That is what is left when there is nothing else.  And that is what, alone, we should Cherish, Grasp, and never suppress or doubt or regret or justify.  It is Life itself.  

It wants to bring back Zion.


There is no law beyond Do what thou wilt.
Love is the law, love under will.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 1:45 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 1:45 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
Understand this,

And you will have the Nirvana that no-one could promise you.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 3:08 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 3:08 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Jeremy May:
Understand this,

And you will have the Nirvana that no-one could promise you.


Yes, understood.   It is an agreement I made with myself.
Jeremy May, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 4:05 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 4:05 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 191 Join Date: 8/12/14 Recent Posts
What comes next in this thread is Appendix.

You wrote a book.

What you do after this thread, is what is needed.

You are Sons of God.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 3:04 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 3:04 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
Jeremy May:
We weep for Zion by the rivers of Babylon.

Not because we are in despair.  Despair is a game.

It is Longing.

It is Love.

That is what is left when there is nothing else.  And that is what, alone, we should Cherish, Grasp, and never suppress or doubt or regret or justify.  It is Life itself.  

It wants to bring back Zion.


There is no law beyond Do what thou wilt.
Love is the law, love under will.


Hello Jeremy, yes, I would like to see Life arrive at a condition where it has never been before -- a new Zion.
The doors wide open and the mystery of it gone.  The "Great Wound" is now quite understandable and approachable, at least in my circumstances.   No more dhukka, eternal bliss.
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Karalee Peltomaa, modified 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 4:56 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 10/23/14 4:56 PM

RE: Practice Log toward vanishing the mind

Posts: 401 Join Date: 6/19/14 Recent Posts
23Oct14   Repair of Importance :

4:24pm  "Create an Importance" - 6 Directions

I wasn't a "happy camper" for most of the day and did some walking around, touching and perceiving things until the drama passed: two sticky inciden