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Dharma Diagnostic Clinic, aka "What was that?"

Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.

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I do everyday meditation for a month. I use techniques from Culadasa "The Mind Illuminated" book. In terms of a progress I'm a complete novice. But my strange experience I had once is not relaited to my meditation sessions. It was 6 years ago. If I have it now I would definitely believe that it is due to my meditation and it is some kind of insight or awakening or something other. But when I had it 6 years ago I was not into meditation at all. That's why it is so strange. Here it is.

I was in charge of a huge project at work. It was very responsible and stressful work. I remember how I was walking down the aisle in a hurry. My head was full of thought about how much of things I had to complete. And then, out of nowhere everything around me has changed. Everything became much clearer and brighter. I suddenly felt like the whole my previous life I lived was in kind of a space suite and watched kind of blured reality. But after that small wake up I felt so much energy and motivation to complite all my tasks. And all my emotions went away and I was able to do my work in "beast" mode. This "mode" of my existance had lasted for two month and the it had faded away. I have done so much things for my work, for my personal live, for my home. I was able to keep doing tasks for hours without break.

The experience that I had was a huge surprise for me. And it was so perfect! Each day when I laid down to sleep at night I was affraid that next day I would wake up it would disapear. Eventually, it has. No matter what I tried after it had faded out it all havent' worked out. I was kind of unhappy with it. First I decided that I have some form of ADHD because after that bright and clear experiance now I see how little will and motivation I had before and after that experience. Then I decided that I have bi-polar disorder and that experience was hypomaniac phase of my bi-polarity. But now I read your reports on your awakening and It looks very familiar with what I had. The only difference is I had it without any kind of meditation. That's why it is so strange.

Does it make any since for you, or I missing something and it is not an insight at all?

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/26/16 8:07 AM as a reply to Siberian.
Everything became much clearer and brighter. I suddenly felt like the whole my previous life I lived was in kind of a space suite and watched kind of blured reality. But after that small wake up I felt so much energy and motivation to complite all my tasks. And all my emotions went away and I was able to do my work in "beast" mode. This "mode" of my existance had lasted for two month and the it had faded away. I have done so much things for my work, for my personal live, for my home. I was able to keep doing tasks for hours without break.

Spontaneous Arising & Passing Away event. It is not surprising that it happened without meditation really, it is pretty common. What is more surprising is that it lasted a couple of months.


Each day when I laid down to sleep at night I was affraid that next day I would wake up it would disapear.
It cannot last forever.



No matter what I tried after it had faded out it all havent' worked out. I was kind of unhappy with it. First I decided that I have some form of ADHD because after that bright and clear experiance now I see how little will and motivation I had before and after that experience. Then I decided that I have bi-polar disorder and that experience was hypomaniac phase of my bi-polarity.
Dark night.

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/26/16 11:59 AM as a reply to Siberian.
Siberian:


The only difference is I had it without any kind of meditation. That's why it is so strange.

Does it make any since for you, or I missing something and it is not an insight at all?

This is how it seems to be for many. Out of the Blue the beingness is suddenly revealed to itself but then the character solidifies again and there seems to be a gradual progression to that awakeness and its "abidance". Which usually includes some kind of a spiritual practice etc. but not necessarily. And after that complete reveal it takes years and years usually for the seeking to die down and That to remain shining as it is. Not that it ever wasn't that awakeness, it always is. Only the personal dream/trance seems to cover its nature in one's experience.

edit

Umm... It is possible that it was some kind of a mania too though. Can't say for sure. If the sense of personal self with rigid boundaries within the body was absent, or if there was the sense of witnessing the body and its movements as freely happening in spaciousness without the sense of personal doership, then that would be an indication of it having been an awakening. But I don't know if it matters that much in the end. Something seems to be oriented towards truth, otherwise you wouldn't be asking about it in a forum like this.

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/27/16 6:19 AM as a reply to neko.
But I don't feel like being in a Dark Night at all. My live before the event and after not changed much. The only difference now is that I know that everything around me can be seeing clearer and brighter and I possibly have more conentration and will power. I'm a little not happy to that that beautiful period has faded out but I'm not even close to be depressed in a clynical sense.

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/27/16 6:26 AM as a reply to Robert.
 If the sense of personal self with rigid boundaries within the body was absent, or if there was the sense of witnessing the body and its movements as freely happening in spaciousness without the sense of personal doership, then that would be an indication of it having been an awakening.

I'm not sure if I understand what you've written. But from my recollections, It wasn't like feeling of absent of self. It was rather seeing myself as a real me. It was like I was under layers of dust and then someone have blew away all the dust from me.

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/27/16 7:15 AM as a reply to Siberian.
Experiences that appear outside of a regular meditation practice are very hard to map. When there is a regular practice and regular reporting, then it's usually possible to figure out the trends and the stumbling blocks and the desires and translate that to a stage in the progress of insight. But even with all that information it can be difficult.

I don't quite know how to map your experience, but it seems to be very common. Some people have "big" spiritual experiences with lots of energetic phenominon that turns them into spiritual seekers. Some people have very plain, open, present experiences that hint at the way things could be and that turns them into spiritual seekers. We always hear about the former because they make better stories, but the latter is somewhat common too.  

For what it's worth, I did a short retreat with an therevandian abbot who said that he felt like adolescent experience of peace were behind what he sought as a practioner. I kinda feel the same way. If I remember right, when the buddha was working on his enlightenment, he also recalled peaceful experiences in childhood, when he would simply sit in the shade and watch his father work in the field (not sure I'm remembering correctly?). 

Hope this helps!

RE: Had Experience of Clarity 6 years before starting meditation.
Answer
3/27/16 7:44 AM as a reply to Siberian.
After first path, had similar experience and I cycled for a few months.
First it was 2 weeks and at the end of 2 weeks just needed
relooking to see how there is no I experiencing, or feeling.
Then it went for an entire month before stopping.

The way it happens is first I'd inquire into all contractive sensations
which could be described as "this is where it's hurting". Then after
realizing I couldn't be them due to seeing them thoughts would
be examined and seeing no thinker a one single involutional I-Thought
would rise and entire thing would be seen as a happening without
a controller and the old relief would be back.

My guess would be that it's Rigpa(Dzogchen) and I AM feeling (Advaita).
Since I've seen this described
on some Dzogchen forums. What happened during my state
was that emotions wouldn't be lingering Anger would arise for 5 minutes
and the body would be like reformatted after a pretty short amount of time.
Sleep was insanely good. You would wake up and it would be like this world
including your own nervous system was created anew. I remember during
these times writing in my diary that I couldn't possibly suffer. Then I realized
that it was much more important than any intensely blissful experience.
Also if it helps diagnosing this the jhanas would be piece of cake and I would
feel like a huge sky when meditating. 

Whether it can be made permanent I really have no idea.