wanna pass the dark night again, 7 years on

asaf bar, modified 5 Years ago at 7/9/17 3:06 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 7/9/17 3:06 PM

wanna pass the dark night again, 7 years on

Posts: 2 Join Date: 7/9/17 Recent Posts
Well, hello again, after about 7 years emoticon
my first post was this:

tl;dr - 
some very deep insight, after which was very cut off from the practice. I felt really bad.

what happened since - 
eventually i also developed digetive issues and allergies, who lead me up to today. felt very lonely the past few years for "not being able to make it", and not being able to retract my initial "wow" times with the dharma. all was very dry for a long time, no matter how hard i tried.
4 months ago, i did my first aya  ceremony (interesting if there were any threads on it here.). And she gave me the push i needed to get out if some of my fears and loneliness. I am now working with a half-shaman coach, who has some attainmant.

Any way, my connection with her is very deep. And she even told me just today that i have great potential, and am making a great path.
But the more i feel connected, the more i feel confused... I feel like my experience several years ago, has almost been traumatic to some extent, maybe i am a little exaggerating, confused. Sometimes i imagine that my physical pains are something to "get through", and when ill get a path they might go away, and sometimes i think this is rough imagination. nothing i tried really helped my physical condition, so i am always tired, i can live, but it isn't easy.

past few days i am feeling i am getting closed for some opening. And my physical symptoms are somewhat stronger, and possibly more in the neck.

Any advice?

on another note, it is hard for me to post here, as i have a tendency to feel inadequte that i didn't make it yet.. please be gentle. emoticon
wasn't for a long time this place was down?
streamsurfer, modified 5 Years ago at 7/9/17 3:59 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 7/9/17 3:58 PM

RE: wanna pass the dark night again, 7 years on

Posts: 97 Join Date: 1/19/16 Recent Posts
You probably get the typical MTCB answer around here: Do the practice. See it for yourself.
Which is also mine emoticon
Thinking about practice can be helpful but also a hindrance. The thirst for freedom and tiredness of suffering can be your motivation.
Also see MCTB chapter about Dark Night regarding confusion, anxiety and such.
tom moylan, modified 5 Years ago at 7/10/17 8:08 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 7/10/17 8:08 AM

RE: wanna pass the dark night again, 7 years on

Posts: 896 Join Date: 3/7/11 Recent Posts

you are showing a lot of fear about the possible outcomes of hard practice.  this is real. these practices can be destabilizing.  for some people , no problem, for others, hard times, for most..just minor bumps.

you have experienced some hard times so you have a good idea how hard practice affects you already.  there are lots of ways to develop and you are doing work with ayahuasca apparently whic for me would be way too risky FOR ME.  so we all have our comfort zones and its good to know the edges of those.

if you are desirous of theravada type development you may want to look toward Culadasa's methods as opposed to Daniel's.  I found that they mirrored my experience a little more closely and the emphasis is a little less intense.

in my experience pushing the envelope hard can push you forward but you may get some windburn.  slowing down will concomitantly reduce your speed of progress but will reduce the risk of accidents and the stress of driving fast.

but even the bad shit is all in your head in the end so if youre feeling brave or lucky...step on the gas!