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Dpac's Log
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12/15/17 6:04 AM
Hi everyone.
So I've been thinking for a while that maybe I should start a thread here and log my meditation experiences primarily as an external motivation to commit to my meditation journey. The fact is,to my own detriment, I rarely commit to things over the long run. Quite simply I am a lazy person and I quickly move on to other things once the novelty of things wear off. I realize this is a terrible habit so I'm hoping not to commit the same mistake with this endeavor. Maybe making my daily pratice public will bind me to my commitment when things get difficult.

I've only recently decided to practice meditation even though it is something that has been around me a lot since childhood since I grew up in Nepal. I've been reading Daniel's MCTB and I've decided to pratice meditation as a daily routine.

My goal for the last three days has been to concentrate on my breathe and try not to get lost in the thoughts. Incredibly difficult as you all know. I'm suprised that even beginners speak of practicing meditation for half an hour to an hour. Over the last three sessions, I've only been able to meditate for 5-6 mintues until it gets too difficult. Of those 5 minutes, I cannot even concentrate fully on one single breath. Somewhere in the first breath, a thought or some physical sensation will interrupt. I try to note it as just another physical or mental sensation and go back to the breath but it doesn't seem to work most of the time. I'm sure it will improve if I keep on with the effort.

I was walking to work today and I tried to observe all the sensations I was feeling. It's very interesting how sensations are always coming sequentially. They move from the sensation in my toes, to the sound of the cars to the wind in my face, some thought then another sensation and so on. Again, I was only able to focus on observing this for a short while until things got very difficult.
I've found that feelings like frustations tend to be the most powerful of the sensations in their ability to distract and break concentration while it's must easier to just observe other sensations like touch or sound without letting them distract.

So the goal for now is to just be able to concentrate on a single breath cycle and be alert on the emotional feeling sensations.
Thanks for reading guys.

RE: Dpac's Log
Answer
12/15/17 7:39 AM as a reply to dpac k t.
Welcome! 

Keep going... What I would do in the beginning is to congratulate myself on noticing any form of distractions, be they thoughts or emotions like frustrations. Simply being able to do so means you have transcended from being a 'sleeping' being who doesn't know he is angry or lost in thoughts to one who has awakened to knowing. Keep at it. Highly recommended.

Wishing you a smooth insight-filled journey! emoticon

RE: Dpac's Log
Answer
12/15/17 7:41 AM as a reply to dpac k t.
Hey!

Try, on your own way, to make meditation something you like to do.

Makes it easier to adhere and mantain a meditation routine long term.

RE: Dpac's Log
Answer
12/18/17 4:32 AM as a reply to dpac k t.
Thanks guys for the words of encouragement and advice.

I would like to make meditation something I like to do but that seems very hard at the moment. I think it's because meditation by its very nature has such a high learning curve. Nevertheless, I have faith from reading all the accounts here. I have every intention of making it a part of my lifestyle.

One thing I've started doing is being more mindful of the present throughout the day. While walking to and from work, at the train, while eating etc. It seems to have a calming effect.

I've been wondering if it is better as a beginner  to concentrate on one single object like the breath or to let the mind wander to different sensations and just observe them. Right now I've just been letting the mind go wherever it wants and I try to just observe them as best as I can. I think maybe overtime I should direct my concentration on just the breath and keep it there with some mental force if needed.

Also a problem I've found is I feel drowsy and my concentration is gone when I do sitting meditation at night. I've found it better to do meditation immediately after I come home from work when there is still energy in the body. If I do it later in the night, my body is already too relaxed and comfortable so closing my eyes for while tends to make me sleepy. I don't want to make my body associate meditation with sleep.

RE: Dpac's Log
Answer
12/18/17 6:03 AM as a reply to dpac k t.
try the fire kasina, is working good with me on improving concentration.

and it´s kind of fun.

RE: Dpac's Log
Answer
1/5/18 5:40 AM as a reply to dpac k t.
So it's been about three weeks since I started doing meditation. Concentration has improved a little bit. I'm able to do concentration meditation around 15 minutes on a good day. Alguidar you mentioned fire kasina. I think for now I will just focus on the breath. I would like to stick with one method and see where it leads. In the end, I guess every technique or object has its own pros and cons. 

I'm happy that the overall length of my meditation has improved from 4-5 to 15 minutes but I'm more concerned with the quality of those minutes. Concentration seems to be better the longer I am into the sesson. Especially physical sensations become a lot less distracting. Although I'm not so sure about the mental sensations. I find myself getting very impatient. I wonder if I should still be focused on the breath when this feeling arises. Maybe the impatience will grow weaker over time.

Anyways for now the goal is simple. Don't overcomplicate and just focus on making the mind still on the breath.