Hello all.
You'll have to forgive me, I'm obviously new here, so if I've posted in the wrong place or otherwise missed something obvious feel free to move this or point me to the 'Newbies read this' thread or something like that as appropriate.
So, first a bit of my background: I'd consider myself pretty new to meditation, wouldn't claim any sort of attainments or anything like that. I'd describe myself as a spiritual seeker, I was raised evangelical Christian, and in college (about 10 years ago, now) I had an isolationist streak where I'd go off by myself to pray and contemplate and I had an experience of intense fervor that eventually ended with me feeling deeply disconnecting from the religion and really, humanity and God at large. For the longest time I've been under the working assumption that this was a combination of a 20 year old's ideologism and what probably undiagnosed depression. I spent a few years poking at various spiritual traditions and working in coffee shops and generally being a millenial stereotype. I eventually wound up spending a year as a student at Naropa (I assume ya'll are familiar with the place), but leaving having concluded I needed to work on my general 'stuff' before I was ready to get back on the mat. I read somewhere that before practing Kabbala traditionally you should be 40 and married. That is to say you should be established as a relatively stable functioning person before you start tinkering with the mysticism and what have you. I feel like there's a lot of wisdom to that. Anyway, I stopped practicing anything for four or five years now. Have a good job with lot's of time off, a great girlfriend, and generally feel like I fit the bill and am ready to take a crack at sitting in earnest.
Anywho, I started my practice again, when I stumbled on MCTB, and here we are. I've really only been sitting for 20-30 minutes at a time, but I'm getting that time up. The thing is I'm currently in Bumblefuck, Ukraine, and pretty much on my own, no teacher or community, at least not in English. The book hit me hard in the sense that I really appreciated Daniel's style (I'm a paramedic: I'm used to being told off by ER docs), and his description of the Dark Night of the Soul... well, sounds a hell of a lot like where I've been for the last decade.
So to my point: I feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of information, but the recommendation to go on a retreat sounds pretty solid to me. I'd like to swing a week or so in February, preferably in somewhere in Europe. I think the Muttodaya in Germany I've seen here would fit the bill. But like I said, I don't really have a tradition, or anyone to give me instruction. I'm vaguely more comfortable with Christianity, because I know most of the lingo, but my practice consists entirely of sitting and trying to keep attention on the breath and maybe some very chaotic noting. I've done one or two weekend retreats in a Zen school in Boulder and a Theraveda place in Thailand.
Does this, uh, sound right to you guys? I know I'm being vague here, but I feel a bit like I'm driving a very fast car with a blindfold on. Should I be working up to something, or just go for a retreat and see what comes up? I'm not even sure I'm asking the right questions at this point.
Um... thanks?
