Hello everyone: I’d like to invite people to take a look at my new blog, which includes reflections on Buddhist teachings woven through my autobiography. Eventually I will bring myself up to the present, my practice, and its fruits. Please feel free to comment and, even better, follow. Thanks! 

The blog is at https://lightgettingin-wp.com/

Such a lovely read! Your warmth, kindness and detailed nature shines through. I can't find the subscribe button though!

Thanks for the kind words. There’s a bar with the Wordpress symbol and Follow, underneath the archives but above the recent posts, on the right side of the screen. 

Good, honest writing. Thanks for sharing! 

Bookmarked! Thanks for the link. 

Good writing! Unfortunately more examples of domestic violence. This clinging thing is a problem.

Thanks for the kind words! Yes, domestic violence is in my past, clinging and all that it entails. 

That doesn't work Laurel. It asked me to login.  You may want to try this: www.wpbeginner.com/wp.../how-to-add-email-subscriptions-for-your-wordpress-blog/

I guess a Wordpress site requires followers to have their own WP site. I’ll have to investigate further. In the meantime, your link doesn’t work for me either. It seems to be referring to a page on the old platform. Or maybe it’s my iPad acting up. It’s been balking lately. On a possibly related note, are other people seeing lavender pages on here? 

There is a People configuration option in WP that lets you add (invite) followers using just their email addresses. Haven't tested it, though.

The link was contructed incorrectly, thanks to the DhO, it seems. Here's the proper link:

https://www.wpbeginner.com/wp.../how-to-add-email-subscriptions-for-your-wordpress-blog

New posts. https://lightgettingin-wp.com/

A lovely read. I appreciate your candor and clear writing style.

Thank you, dear! I seem to need to let things simmer in my mind for awhile, and then what comes out is what needs to come out. I had a vague idea about what I was going to say in this most recent post, but what actually got said was a surprise. That’s the way most of them are. 

Yes, the career thing is tricky. As you point out in the post, we can see it through different lenses. We recently had our house painted. A 60-year-old member of the crew climbed to the very peak of our two-storey house on a huge ladder, carrying a can of black paint in one hand, and then climbed on top of the chimney to paint the cap. He was on his hands and knees in this precarious position on the very top of the freaking chimney. I thought, God, I have it so easy. I sit there with my Mac and make money--and a lot more than this guy. And then you have the poor schleps out there trying to sell, sell, sell, impose their will on others and extract moolah from them in order to obtain status and security, including job security. I'm so thankful sometimes that I don't have to live like that. I never feel that I'm facing the threat of replacement. So I guess that's the lens of appreciation. But then there's that other lens that's all about complaint, seeing through the limitations of your vocation, comparing what's going on in your life to idealized versions and so forth. It's quite a mirror. To this day I'm still not sure how much energy to devote to my career. I default to just getting by and trying to appreciate and invest in other things--meditation, playing music, exercise, relationships, etc.--but my sense is that my relative lack of engagement when it comes to career stuff could end up being a pretty big regret eventually. I'm still not exactly sure.  

My latest post, on the Divine Abidings. https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/06/23/the-four-divine-abidings/

Very important practice and hard to do in this society.

Great post--especially the elucidation of the challenges a person can expect to face. 

A bit of autobiography, describing my first encounter with MCTB, Kenneth Folk, and Buddhist Geeks. It amazes me to recall just how exotic everything seemed at the time (November or December 2010). Now I feel as if we’re all old friends. I was also intimidated as hell. Anyone else feel that way?

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/07/06/twitter-distraction-and-geeky-buddhists/

Hi Laurel,
thanks for sharing. I just read most of your blog. You really have a gift for writing. Sad to read about the domestic violence and the trembling bow arm

These are the cracks that led to the light getting in. If everything had been peachy, I would never have been motivated to practice. 

Glad and you are enjoying the blog. It’s taking me awhile to get a rhythm going, but things are picking up. 

Glad you found it worthwhile. 

Another new post. I’m sure many people are curious about what prompts people to start practicing. This post describes the very moment for me. Enjoy . . . 

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/07/07/turning-point/

To be honest, I'm not sure if that's true. Reading between the lines, it seems that you always had some interest in mysticism and that the only thing that prevented you from diving into meditation was the lack of opportunity and knowledge.

I often have the impression that people readily develop stockholm syndrome to their own suffering. Maybe it's just too hard to say "Suffering simply sucks and is basically unnecessary and would even have been preventable, too", so we rationalize it away by saying "suffering was necessary to become more fully human".

I must confess that I'm not entirely sure about this, since older and probably wiser folks than myself often talk (though usually in vague terms) about the lessons than intense suffering taught them. Also, insight into suffering seems to be crucial in meditation. On the other hand, the 5-year old in me with the child's view of "you adults are mad. suffering is clearly bad and nothing more. Finally stop deluding yourselves!" seems strangely compelling.

You make an excellent point, really, and I guess I’d say that for a lot of us, embarking on a course that leads to direct insight into anatta is a pretty hard sell. I remember reading MCTB for the first time, and thinking, I’d be satisfied to get to Equanimity on the Progress of Insight path; that seems good enough. Except it isn’t stable! But I was attached to my life as it was and still thought I could just work on my difficulties without radical transformation, which was scary. So for me, coming to terms with suffering was necessary, and I had to reach a point of desperation before I’d try it.

It’s not true for everyone, though. And yes, I have been a real drama queen over the years with my suffering . Not recommended.

This is just my opinion, of course, but working with suffering is not optional if anything is to be obtained from a meditation practice. Working with suffering very often the reason we get started, very often the reason we don't keep going and almost always the reason we get something out of practice.

It’s not optional once we get started, I agree, but not everyone starts a practice because of suffering. Some people are curious, others idealistic, others . . . and so on. In my case, suffering was a big part of my self-image and identity for years. I wouldn’t want to see everyone deal with life that way!

There is a baseline dukkha that we all experience, but many or most people don’t recognize it as such. Especially if a person has a satisfying life, it’s easy to overlook that grinding dissatisfaction under the surface. Even working with life’s bitterness can shield us from the reality, if we think we can be okay if we just get rid of a problem. 

What we're describing is the difference between ignorance and wisdom  

My latest, on pragmatic dharma: https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/07/10/pragmatic-dharma/

Another one, on the precepts

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/07/14/the-three-trainings-morality/

Latest blog post, about beginning my practice: https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/08/01/i-get-my-feet-wet/

My first retreat, back in 2011. Feels like aeons ago! 

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/08/27/my-first-retreat/

Hi Laurel,

I really enjoy your blog!

In your latest post, you mention that the fundamental terror of annihilation and death underlies the agitation felt during retreat.  In your opinion, is the fear of annihilation different from the fear of death?  If so, do you have any suggestions on how one might provoke it so it can be more easily seen?

I recently read "Butterflies are Free to Fly," which is an interesting non-buddhist take on awakening.  The author says that the fear of annihilation is more fundamental than the fear of death, and was something he had to face.  This is of interest to me since my fear of death seems to have vanished a couple of years ago, and I'm wondering if there's something deeper I'm just not aware of.

Thanks

Thanks, Dave, glad you enjoy it!

It’s possible to imagine death without annihilation—e.g., belief in an afterlife or rebirth. It’s also possible to imagine annihilation without death—coma or dementia. I guess either or both together is threatening to the ego. Belief in an afterlife doesn’t necessarily mean that that the ego survives in a recognizable form; nor does dementia seem like a fate to imagine with equanimity even if the person is still there in some sense. So that’s what I’d say in answer to your first question. 

I think any of us could be visited by existential terror in the event of separation from whatever gives our life its meaning. I felt a black hole swallow me temporarily while on retreat, staying in a single cabin. I was removed from the people who knew me deeply, and in that cabin, all other people, at least temporarily. So there was a thrill of terror when I felt as if I no longer existed. I took action by going to the main retreat building where there were other people around. There are times when it makes sense not to push too far against one’s edge. 

Addiction has the effect of shielding a person from that fear by repeating an event or ingesting a substance that gives comfort. The next time you want to do something for the purpose of staving off boredom, try refraining. Boredom is a form of aversion that masks fear. I play with it but still have to face it completely. 

My latest, on the miserable experience of disposing of my parents’ things:

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/09/02/stuff/

A new one, on the Default Mode Network 

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2018/09/04/the-default-mode/

Very nice. Love the Baudelaire poem. 

Same here. From my college French class, 46 years ago. Amazing that I remember it so well. The original, for those of you who know some French, is exquisite. 

I haven’t posted in so long that I’ve even forgotten what’s in my blog; however, yesterday I gave a dharma talk at my local sangha, and I’ve decided to post it here. The subject is the Three Characteristics. I hope you enjoy it!

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2019/01/07/update-and-dharma-talk/

Thanks for sharing. Lovely article, and Daniel's kazoo analogy is so spot on! 

Anna, thanks for commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m posting a new one, about my current situation from a Buddhist perspective:

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2019/02/16/on-sadness-for-loved-ones/

A post on boredom:

https://lightgettingin-wp.com/2019/03/01/on-boredom/