Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Mark L, modified 14 Years ago at 6/30/08 7:50 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 6/30/08 7:50 AM

Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 90 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
Forum: Dharma Overground Discussion Forum

My mindfulness/not-forgetting-what-I'm-doing/paying-attention-to-paying-attention is fairly strong at this point, and I've started placing bare, conscious attention on whatever my attention rests on. Something I've noticed is that, no matter how hard I concentrate, my sense of self, remembrance, what I'm supposed to doing, blinks in and out. I pick things up immediately when I come back, without missing a beat, but I feel like some quality might be lost in my absence even though things seem to be carrying on by themselves. These blinks happen for probably less than a second. Am I on the right track? Should I keep doing what I'm doing? Should I increase my concentration more? Is this insight into no-self or impermanence? I'm starting to notice "instant-replay"--just passed feelings, thoughts, sounds, etc., linger precisely in the present, otherwise I wouldn't be able to use them in cognition, etc.

In any case, how should I relate to this blinking in and out? Again, everything in the gross world remains except for "me and what I'm supposed to be doing."

I hope that was somewhat coherent.

-Mark
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Vincent Horn, modified 14 Years ago at 6/30/08 2:58 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 6/30/08 2:58 PM

RE: Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 211 Join Date: 4/20/09 Recent Posts
Great question and great description! I'll throw in my 2 cents, though I'm sure others will have helpful perspectives on this. emoticon

When you say that "no matter how hard I concentrate, my sense of self, remembrance, what I'm supposed to doing, blinks in and out" that definitely sounds like insight. Anytime things are blinking in and out (impermanence), the felt sense of self is coming and going (no-self), or the unsatisfactory nature of these changes are being noticed etc. there is definitely insight into the 3 characteristics happening. In particular, and as you mention at the end of your post, you seem to be describing insight into the impermanent and selfless nature of phenomenal reality.

If you're aim is to wake up, then it definitely sounds like you are on the right track. And personally, I wouldn't worry too much about the concentration, as it sounds like you are practicing just fine.

Best,

-Vince H.
Mark L, modified 14 Years ago at 7/1/08 1:57 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/1/08 1:57 PM

RE: Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 90 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
Thanks for the reply, Vince. It's nice to know it seems like I'm on the right track. I took a moment to ask myself *why* I asked the question above. I think I was curious as to whether what I'm experiencing is transient or if aspects of it will follow me to the very end. Blinking in and out is a little disconcerting. And so it begins. ;-)
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Vincent Horn, modified 14 Years ago at 7/1/08 2:13 PM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/1/08 2:13 PM

RE: Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 211 Join Date: 4/20/09 Recent Posts
Yep, and the disconcerting part that you mention is the suffering aspect of experience. Tuning into that, seeing how it feels, where it's located, how it changes, etc. is also solid insight practice. :-D

Please do keep us up-to-date on how things go.
Greg G, modified 14 Years ago at 7/2/08 6:22 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/2/08 6:22 AM

RE: Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 5 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
Mark,

I'll throw in my thoughts on the blinking out, if its irrelevant please throw it out. It involves treating it and noting it on the gross level as just sensations or states.

I been hammered so many times by my teacher that i'm like an FBI investigator.

I think Westerners, myself included, have a tendency to investigate and overanalyze. What is this? What does it mean, etc. It has been my experience with these type of things, that as soon as I notice some pattern and think, this will always be like this, or if I think I have discovered something, it changes. All i have to do is notice what's in the present moment on a very base level, no matter what it is. Once something goes from seeing, to thinking, to analyzing, to speculating, its like a free radical causing chaos.

With this process of blinking in and out, you might try seeing if you can catch the transitions. See if you can notice something that happens right before you blink out and then possibly what happens right before you blink in. See if you can catch whatever it is in the transition and simply note it as whatever it is, or just "changing". If it happens so fast that you can't catch it in progress, but you find you are remembering it, then note what's happening in the present moment. That is "remembering","disliking", "analyzing", "worrying" etc. Or if you aren't noting anymore, maybe the same thing with awareness.

G
Mark L, modified 14 Years ago at 7/2/08 7:57 AM
Created 14 Years ago at 7/2/08 7:57 AM

RE: Am i here or not here? Shifting in and out during meditation.

Posts: 90 Join Date: 8/22/09 Recent Posts
Thanks--not over-analyzing, and paying attention to edges or noting remembrance are all helpful advice.

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