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Violent flailing (with a smile)

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Violent flailing (with a smile)
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5/17/18 2:16 PM
Hello everyone,

this is my first post on this exceptionally informative and kind forum. Thus, I want to begin by saying thanks to the Daniel, the moderators and members 'endlessly' shedding light on dim matters. I also want to briefly introduce my story and the questions that have recently arisen.

End of 2014 to end of 2017 - I had suffered severe depression and PTSD. Took psilocybin mushrooms and experienced egolessness and unity/ love (Possibly A/P). Great lifestyle changes. Started meditating, but very plainly, not reading anything but simple instructions on mindfulness. In retrospect, I certainly cycle through dark night back and forth. I move more into psychedelics as I believe them to be my liberation. I experience fear and bliss.

Present day - I practice more often and experience blips of nothingness and apparent dark nights. Some things seem to change permanently in terms of my attachment to things especially. Eventually, after a trip I realize that all the states that I enter through the help of psychedelics are natural states available through meditation. This is something that had lingered for a long time but I suppressed the conscious hope that I could bypass hard work outside of the 'trips'. I ramp up my practice and start reading lots and lots of texts on Yogic and Buddhist traditions. Eventually, just a few weeks back I have a profound, terrifying and fantastically significant experience. I feel my energy rise slowly from the root, through all the chakras surfacing all kinds of traumas, emotions and realizations. It finally "blows the roof of" and I am no longer. There is this white void where nothing neither is or isn't. I come back to dual life, but I no longer perceive reality as before. There is no centerpoint and no opinions on seemingly anything. I walk weirdly. See through the illusions of life. This eventually fades in some hour. I feel that the insights of the first stage of enlightement stick with me.

Confident I have seen the ultimate, I relax and decide to focus on concentration practice for some time. Now, I have experienced some of the jhanas (at least 4th) during LSD trips before, but with my newfound understanding of the capabilities of the human mind I want to train myself properly without any 'tools'. I guess those experience have thwarted my view of how jhanas are a bit. Hence, why I turn to you blessed ones.

I have most certainly experienced real jhanas through rigorous practice (sitting for 6 hours a day some days), but only a couple of times for a second or two. There has been a huge rush of energy and bliss, resulting in happiness and a calm, collected mind afterwards. For the last couple of days however, I have not sat for very long because I noticed that I can at any time induce a weird state that I thought was jhana at first. 

I sit down, breath calmly. My head snaps back, followed by my back waving back and forth. After that my body slowly starts moving on its own, moving like a snake and eventually into an extreme flailing of my arms, twisting of my face although still smiling. All this with a vague sense of joy and pleasure, mostly overcome by the exhausting movement of the body.

What is this state? Is it in any way related to the jhanas? In case of no, should I completely disregard it? (

PS. I am sorry for the massive text. This is a first. And thank you again, you who takes of your precious time to share advice or own experiences to help me understand my journey.

RE: Violent flailing (with a smile)
Answer
5/17/18 7:13 PM as a reply to Alex.
I sit down, breath calmly. My head snaps back, followed by my back waving back and forth. After that my body slowly starts moving on its own, moving like a snake and eventually into an extreme flailing of my arms, twisting of my face although still smiling. All this with a vague sense of joy and pleasure, mostly overcome by the exhausting movement of the body.

Hey Alex, and welcome! I have been experiencing similar bodily sensations for months, they have intensified recently. These were initially a little unsettling when I first began my meditation practice, but I've grown used to them. I'm under the impression that they are Kundalini-related, I haven't been making too much of a fuss about them once I realized they were benign. Sometimes they will even happen when not doing a formal sit if I'm just hanging around the house in a relaxed state.  

Try to stay aware and rest in the present moment-to-moment reality of what's happening, there's a lot there to investigate. I find that Qigong and Hatha yoga can be supportive to this process and help smooth things out a bit.

RE: Violent flailing (with a smile)
Answer
5/18/18 12:17 AM as a reply to Zachary.
Zachary:
I sit down, breath calmly. My head snaps back, followed by my back waving back and forth. After that my body slowly starts moving on its own, moving like a snake and eventually into an extreme flailing of my arms, twisting of my face although still smiling. All this with a vague sense of joy and pleasure, mostly overcome by the exhausting movement of the body.

Hey Alex, and welcome! I have been experiencing similar bodily sensations for months, they have intensified recently. These were initially a little unsettling when I first began my meditation practice, but I've grown used to them. I'm under the impression that they are Kundalini-related, I haven't been making too much of a fuss about them once I realized they were benign. Sometimes they will even happen when not doing a formal sit if I'm just hanging around the house in a relaxed state.  

Try to stay aware and rest in the present moment-to-moment reality of what's happening, there's a lot there to investigate. I find that Qigong and Hatha yoga can be supportive to this process and help smooth things out a bit.
Thanks Zachary!

Yes, I agree. However, what is interesting is that I can fall into these movements more or less on demand. Are you able to do that? What I am trying to find out is if there is any benefit to this mad flailing at all.

Great idea to investigate. I will do that.

:-)