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Is this Equanimity?
Answer
5/31/18 8:52 AM
Hello. I'm new at the DhO. I think I might be in Equanimity, and I'd like your help to confirm if this is true. I'd also like to get help on what to do from now on.

Last sunday I was reading aroung the Stages of Insight chapter of MCTB like I occasionally do and when I got to the Equanimity part it "locked in", so to speak. I realized I had been there many times before but it always went away because of a sense of not deserving it. This time, though, the description was so vivid that the acknowledgement arised, "This might be where I'm at".

Since then it hasn't left me, and it's been 4 days. I had clinical depression diagnosed a couple years ago in what felt much like a Dark Night. What bugs me is that I don't remember having an A&P Event, although I might have had it and just dismissed it as just another weird meditation thing. I never had a solid regular practice because it was often unpleasant and I always did it all by myself, without much of a clue of what was going on. I can remember a time when meditating was great and very pleasurable though, and that might fit the A&P stage because it was right before this whole depression thing.

What I'm experiencing right now is:
- Being mindful of the present moment is very easy, much more clear, and not unpleasant anymore.
- I can quickly notice when I get distracted and where the mind was.
- Pleasant things are better, unpleasant things are less bad.
- I can notice vibrations with just a little effort, sometimes even spontaneously.
- I understand the Three Characteristics much better.
- I understand the concept of formations to some extent (at least I feel like I do).
- Sometimes I feel separated from reality, like I'm observing reality from within a giant robot, especially when observing vibrations.
- Sometimes I have "peaks" of clarity and insight, when I feel I'm just at the threshold of some big revelation.

I've been using Shinzen Young-style noting for a weeks now, since I started having long daily bus trips to my university. I've also been trying to be mindful in everyday life as much as I can.

English is not my best language, so my apologies if this isn't clear enough.

RE: Is this Equanimity?
Answer
6/1/18 3:17 PM as a reply to Igor.
Hi Igor only my opinion, maybe Im wrong, other can also share they point of view, but I dont think you are in Equanimity, maybe you are more equanimus and what is clear is that you are improving in your practice and that is really good! 

Be carefull with the Dark Night concept, people use to missunderstood.

Clinical depression is clinical depression. 
Life traumas and unhealed wounds are life traumas and unhealed wounds.
Dark Night is Dark Night and it comes when you are doing solid insight practice and you "achived" other stages, like mind&matter, 3c and A&P. Its a process, like a wave.

So just keep practing, if you keep doing solid insight pratice every day, probably at some point you will have a very powerfull expierence, really penetrating in a sensation and seeing the 3c on it or wathever and then in a few time you will feel like shit and this you write will be reversed: "Pleasant things are better, unpleasant things are less bad." Unpleasent will be high and very big an defined and pleasant will be less and hard to find. But this is not bad, its really good and a clear sign of progress, so when this happen be aware of that and just keep noting and investigate the 3c of this shitty sensations or thoughts or whatever arrise !

Look also at this book , is very helpfull emoticon

Good reading and good insight practice!

RE: Is this Equanimity?
Answer
6/1/18 5:51 PM as a reply to Igor.
Dear Igor,

Reading your post motivated me to register again to this fantastic forum. I wrote a few posts some years ago using the pseudonym Plume.

I would not exclude equanimity.
A&P could have been done a long time ago, no matter with that. Things feel much better now, after a difficult period. The transition is not so much impressive (in the sense that you do not describe high energetic levels or a mystical experience), which would exclude 3C -> A&P. A&P could provide some taste of equanimity, but I think we can exclude it.

I do not make so much distinction between equanimity and the honeymoon following SE if we only consider the reactivity level when facing phenomena. One can attend everything without rejecting or being catched by phenomena. Of course, the vibration quality is different, and SE provides a better access to jhanas, and naturally leads to reproduce cycles that you do not seem to explicitly report. You write that you see better the Three Characteristics, because of your detachment, but you do not describe a particular event, so I suppose you haven't reached SE.

So, if you are really covering the equanimity territory, you need to sit and meditate. Generally, everything gets easy, and we are not motivated to investigate more in this state, or make any effort. But this state is impermanent. Don't miss the opportunity to get SE now ! You just need to meditate and investigate. Nothing special to do, just investigate. 30 minutes can be enough. It is harder to move (or be moved thanks to acceptance and releasing) from the DN to equanimity for the first cycle. The job is almost done. Just meditate and investigate, nothing to induce, just be curious.

You can also consider the following useful map provided by Kenneth Folk http://kennethfolkdharma.com/2016/03/the-idiots-guide-to-dharma-diagnosis/

Best Wishes,