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Three Schools of Buddhism

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Three Schools of Buddhism
Answer
2/17/09 9:32 AM
Forum: Practical Dharma

got this from Leigh Brasington's site: http://www.leighb.com/3schools.htm

just want to share the humor. i find it funny but true.

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The 3 School of Buddhism

There are three schools of Buddhism that flourish today.
Their principle teachings could be described as follows:

1. Zen

Go down to the corner to the bus stop. Have a seat. When a bus comes along with a destination of Enlightenment, get on it.

2. Tibetan

Get all your friends together and buy a bus. Paint it gaudy colors and get lots of horns. Drive off together towards Enlightenment.

3. Theravadan

Go to the garage. Jump on your old bike. Start pedaling toward Enlightenment.

RE: Three Schools of Buddhism
Answer
2/17/09 1:24 PM as a reply to C4 Chaos.
This guy goes to a Buddhist monastery and says he wants to sign up. The abbot says, "You won't like it. It's very austere and you only get to say two words, once a year."

"That's OK," says the guy. "Gimme a robe."

After the first year, the guy goes to the abbot and says, "Food's bad." Then he goes and meditates some more.

After the second year, the guy goes to the abbot and says, "Bed's hard." Then he goes and meditates for another year.

After the third year, the guy goes to the abbot and says, "I quit."

The abbot turns to his assistant and says, "I'm not surprised. He's done nothing but complain the whole time he's been here."

RE: Three Schools of Buddhism
Answer
2/18/09 8:57 AM as a reply to C4 Chaos.
three monks decided they would all do a week-long silent retreat together, where they would be totally silent. so they started practising, but then on the first evening, a gust of wind swept into the meditation hall and blew out their candle.

as the three of them sat there in pitch darkness, the first monk said, 'hey, should we re-light the candle?'

the second monk said, 'yeah that's a good idea.'

the third monk said, 'you guys, we're not supposed to be talking, remember?'

then the fourth monk said, 'who are you?'

RE: Three Schools of Buddhism
Answer
2/18/09 1:50 PM as a reply to C4 Chaos.
This guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate and starts showing him around.

"You see," says St. Peter, "everyone has their own room here. In here are the Catholics, over there is the Muslim room, and there you see the Jews."

"What's that room over there in the corner, with the door closed?" the guy asks.

"Shhhhh!" says St. Peter. "That's the Buddhists. They think they're the only ones up here."

RE: Three Schools of Buddhism
Answer
2/18/09 10:10 PM as a reply to C4 Chaos.
if you're sick enough to do insight practice you probably deserve to be enlightened.