Thank you all for your replies and suggestions.
Florian:
I have a practice of repeating a simple meditation word (...).
Then there is the "seat of naivete" between the hara and sex center (...).
I will remember these two in the future.
Florian:
As for Jhana - why not enjoy it on its own terms?
Essentially because I find a PCE much more interesting, and was never very successful at jhana anyway, so it might take long to get good at it, and then I won't live forever, heck I might die soon, so I would rather get it done sooner rather than spend time learning jhana if I can avoid it

Furthermore, I have the impression that bliss works by somehow masking, rather than resolving, the various blockages. A bit like putting more lubricant rather than removing the sand.
It's not bad for your teeth or anything, you know. No need to be all uptight and protestant about it, that's not very felicitous, after all. Also note that you can just cultivate serenity without the hyper-focus and freaky psychic stuff of Jhana.
Having to maintain serenity on a daily basis: well, I wash every day, too. Sometimes I think it's a nuisance, but for the time being, this is far superior to not showering at all. Same goes for restful mental states. Maybe I won't have to do daily maintenance of that at one point, but for the time being, this is far better than the clouded-over reactive jittery states which predominate if I don't do anything.
Ha ha

Maybe we should do jhana in the shower solving both in one fell swoop?
Trent .:
Bruno Loff:
But most of the time, I find, there doesn't seem to be a reason. Whichever changes are happening in my nervous system, they most often manifest themselves as causeless points of tension, blockages, if you will, which are rather painful and uncomfortable. If I am not happy and harmless at a given time, and ask why it is so, most often the reason will appear to be such a blockage, pain, or discomfort.
do you feel an aversion to being attentive of those painful sensations?
I have a bit the opposite, the sensations will draw my focus somewhat obsessively, even when I try to focus somewhere else, such as the breath.
Trent.:
do you notice ‘gaps’ in your awareness of the body? for example, does it feel like there is a void between your shoulder blades, or in your throat/neck, or wherever the pain is?
Funny, I have noticed that precisely in the back around heart-height (between the shoulder blades) there is pronouncedly less vibratory activity than in other places in my back and spine.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
And these have no episodical cause that I can refer to: there is no story, there is no particular event happening around me to which I have responded with this pain and discomfort, as they are just there, for no apparent reason.
Specifically, I can point to: (1) three nagging points of tension/pain, in the back of my head/neck, in my solar plexus, and in the middle of my spine; there always seems to be tension there, which every three days or so develops into pain; when there is pain, I can't focus or do anything all that well (is this dark night?) (2) a general sense of discomfort and restlessness, which is pretty much always there, except that every week or two I get one or two days of "vacations" when it becomes very faint; this discomfort and restlessness manifest in difficulty in sitting still and in mental proliferation.
for how long has this pain been present? do you notice it intensifying over time?
It started september/october last year in the middle of the brain. It had various developments, typically it comes and goes. In september/october I did vipassana very intensely, the pain got intolerably worst; then I stopped and did swimming and jacuzzi to relax, it got better and I think I got a path moment of some kind in late november, after which the pain moved into the back of the head and neck. It's been there since January, coming and going every few days. It always intensifies if I smoke weed and sometimes with coffee also.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
In the periods when they are not there, I will slip into a PCE or EE just by gazing at things I like (typically nature, but also the nice building here in amsterdam do the trick, or a potted plant or cactus is fine also; sometimes a contrasting bit of plastic does the trick, etc). But this never lasts very long, because, I find, I am at least noticeably discomfortable or in pain most of the time.
is the tension/pain gone while in the pce?
When I have a genuine EE/PCE, yes ("sunny day, tree-gazing for hours, not cold,..."). Although it doesn't disappear because of the PCE, it's more like the fact its not there allows for the PCE to happen. But sometimes the pain actually causes my visual field to become more PCE-like, although not in the same way --- while it is visually cleaner, colors are more contrasting, shapes are sharper, I somehow can't see it properly.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
In general my mood improved, in the past six months I only had a couple of days of unhappiness, and only a few episodes of self victimization or worry about the future and so on. But while I'm "OK", and "just fine," 95% of the time, and I am often "very good," and that is a great development, I am finding it hard to make the jump to being "very good" or even "excellent" most of the time. And when I query why it is so, I once again return to this generalized discomfort, pain, etc.
are you having an episode of self victimization or worry about the generalized discomfort, pain, etc?
Hmm, this happens sometimes (getting sad or whatever because of the pain itself), although I try not to do it and mostly succeed. There is also a correlation between my tendency for worry and victimization about
other stuff, and whether the pain&discomfort are present, so I am more reactive in its presence. It only takes me an instant of reflexion to understand that it isn't
this or that thing that is causing me to react, but rather the discomfort itself.
I have also done the following: I have decided not to be unhappy, as much as I can, even when under pain and discomfort. That has made my mood better, but the discomfort did not subside, including the crippling mental side-effects.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
Now my practice has been: I try to slip into a PCE, if the pain and discomfort don't seem to allow it, I will either (a) focus on them vipassana-style, or (b) practice counting my breaths.
have you tried applying unrestrained attentiveness to all what is experienced-- noticing everything “inside” and here/now at once? if not, give it a try. if so, what kept you from staying that way?
No I haven't. I'll give it a try.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
(a) usually leads to the pain and tension increasing dramatically; I persist for a few days, but sooner or later it gets unbearable and I give it up [1]. Sometimes I will feel some tension dissolve, but in general the progress has been so slow that I wonder if I'm doing the best I can with my time.
when the pain increases, consider the possibility that you are suppressing something … if one were to suppress a psychosomatic pain, for instance, one would create a feedback loop that would result in such an affect. related to that, make sure you have not renamed or ‘unnamed’ a feeling—perhaps the texture of a feeling changed enough so as to be unrecognizable by its old name (and yet its implications would remain the same). look at the causality of what the sensations imply … what is one compelled or impelled to do?
Hmm I will keep the suppressing possibility in mind, although if that is the case then it is happening totally behind the scenes. I did have a very unpleasant time when kundalini was raging up and down my spine, and at the time I did everything I could to improve the situation - grounding exercises, quiet lifestyle, etc. I don't think I've suppressed it, but how can I be sure? And if I did, what could I do?
The pain compels me to distraction, irritability and restlessness (can't keep quiet).
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
So while I have no interest in bliss or any jhanic state, I am considering putting AF practice aside for a while, and taking up a committed samatha practice, just for the sake of getting some of that bodily comfort. Do you think this will work? Will samatha practice eventually eliminate this sense of unrest in my daily life? [2] Is this the way to go? Is there anything else I could try?
if you were at one time adept with the first four, it might not be a bad idea. if that is not the case, I suspect it would be difficult to find any benefit given the situation as you describe it … the breath counting you mentioned would not a bad alternative.
I was never any good at jhana, but after Florian mentioning I thought I would try mantra meditation again.
Trent.:
Bruno Loff:
[1] At one point I did this for a few months, and the pain and tension became so hard to manage that they jeopardized my ability to do even the simplest work-related tasks (such as reading a paragraph). After that, I only progressed further by turning physical relaxation into a practice; I would go to the pool, sauna, etc, which I still do nowadays.
have you been trying to or ever tried to intuit your own lack of ‘being’ and found yourself a wellspring of dread and/or terror? if so, what did you do in the face of that and/or in the aftermath days following, if anything?
Now that you mention it, yes, it happened three times. The first time was long ago, I got a bit of a scare rush, but nothing special.
The second time was when I realized that AF was the way this seemed to be going, but I was not at all happy about it then. I got a panic attack, called a friend of mine on the phone, and said "it's all becoming so perfect that there is no longer a place for me," though I don't know how much of that was actually my perception and how much was just deduction from the things I had been reading.
In any case, I flew over to the city he was in, and I spent the next few days having sensory overloads --- my senses got so intense I got headaches, and panic attacks. I flew over to be with my family, and had many panic attacks over the following week (1, sometimes 2 a day). Eventually I decided that if fear was all that my emotions had to say in their own defense, in the eminent threat of their own demise, then good riddance. This calmed things down a bit. I proceeded practicing vipassana as usual, and got (what I guess was) second path a few months later in mid-August.
Then, in the end of August I had another sequence of panic attacks after cleaning rat feces, and reading on the internet it could give a fatal disease. I took blood tests and everything. Eventually this passed (healthy as an ox). In September-October the headaches started.
Trent.:
does your mind ever feel "cramped?"
trent
Indeed, there is something similar between the pain I get in the back of the head and the sensation of a cramp. When I focus on it, it does seem exactly like
a painful, involuntary contraction caused by strain or fatigue. (
cramp:
a painful, involuntary contraction of a muscle or muscles, typically caused by fatigue or strain).
Any specific tips, ideas, suggestions?
Bruno