Hi folks -
I would welcome some advice.

I’ve been taking 20 MG of Lexapro for about 4 years. I started taking it for help with general anxiety and obsessive compulsive/addictive behavior. It really has done a good job of quieting my mind, making me less emotional and was a big help in quitting drinking.

With that said, I’ve been considering going off it for about the last year or so. I tried about a year ago and chickened out. I had not taken any for several days, while on the phone with someone I started getting angry. It got so intense I seriously felt like I could run through a brick wall. I have never felt that powerful a surge of energy; it was incredible and very frightening. My mind and body were absolutely freaking out. I tried again about 4 months ago, this time slowly going off it when some similar but not as intense feelings overtook me and I went back on it vowing that it’s just that the time wasn’t right with some intense work stuff going on.

Which brings me to today and my practice of AF, which is about 3 weeks old. I’ve made some decent insights and want to continue to deepen my practice, which could include going off the Lexapro (for good this time). On one hand the medication helps me to mentally focus and definitely blunts strong feelings and makes others almost or entirely undetectable. While this might seem good for practice, I’m speculating this masking of feelings won’t ever allow me to really eliminate the power them. That I have to feel them, in full strength and make continuous conscious decisions to not allow them to rule “me” in order to stop them and become VF and then AF. I could be mistaken and maybe this is wrong. Perhaps others have had the opposite or somewhat different experience?

This thought keeps popping up while I’m searching for feelings/emotions I can’t help but wonder if I’m not feeling anything or only slightly feeling something because it’s being blocked/reduced by the medication. It makes me feel like I’m cheating in a way that ultimately will only hinder my progress. I also wonder if this might reduce the chance of having a PCE? While I’m new at this, I do look forward to eventually having one and wonder if the mediation could have an effect on that either way.

I looked at my work schedule today and setup a plan that includes reducing then quitting over the next few weeks. However, at the last minute I thought I’d throw this out there in case anyone has an experience with this as my searches on here and the AF site yielded nothing on the subject.

Thanks.
Ed

although i do not know for sure (having not been on anti-depressants any time during the process toward an actual freedom), i do not suspect the effect of an anti-depressant to cause a hindrance to one's progress (though believing so might). the best way to find out would be to test it for yourself ... and seeing as how it sounds like you already want to quit, here are my recommendations for doing so. this is a slightly modified version of a strategy a friend of mine used to quit a similar anti-depressant.

try dosing down very, very gradually. for instance, lessen the dose by only 1/10th or even 1/20th of the original dose every two weeks. if you dose down and come to notice that you're struggling, return to where you were previously and give it another two weeks. then just repeat those steps until you've quit entirely. continue to apply the actualism method the best you can during this time (as i assume you are doing already), and give specific attention to the beliefs and feelings and so forth that seem to surround the issue.

it may seem like it could take a while using this approach ... and it might, but the gradual nature of it will make the transition much more comfortable, manageable, and likely for success. the hardest part might actually be figuring out how to only take 19/20ths of an already-tiny pill.

[edit] i forgot to mention that the gradual approach will also protect against a common reason why people tend to find it tough to quit an anti-depressant after being on it for a long time. namely, it will help keep you from returning to the full dose after having a bad day ... dosing down in such seemingly inconsequential amounts makes it hard to soberly blame an emotional outburst on a change of dose since the psychological impact of dosing down each time should be relatively small.

trent