ahh - sitting on and off for ~19 yrs, most of which didnt count because I couldnt keep it consistent, mostly only did a half hour in a day and did no retreats. Just 'tried to be here'
5 years ago started sitting every day rain or shine, have slowly ramped up, average is now 1-2 hours over the last year and now 2hrs per day in the last month, hoping to keep it that way. Have done about 40 total days of retreat over the last 5 years, but in small chunks, like 3 days here or there. Now doing 3 days every 2 months.
Have done alot of breath following, open awareness type practices, with some noting of mind level stuff thrown in, until finding KFD and DHO recently. Have had a difficult time with the noting but have now settled on the noting as my main practice, even using it as a shamatha technique now sometimes when I feel I need to stabilize before I note all over the place. In the last year my ability to concentrate has gone from ten breaths max to a whole hour without missing a breath although I still lack the continuity to attain jhana - which is OK. I have crossed A&P(more times than I can remember, sometimes spontaneously and in pretty wild ways) and I *think* I am in reobservation, now with more noting popping into low EQ and then falling back down starting another cycle - I get this contraction/energy that starts in the hara and works its way up to the crown, causing all sorts of crazy emotions and mental stuff, which thankfully I have been noting and becoming more and more OK with (slowly). The cycle seems to be speeding up but to what end I dont know. I'm becoming more OK with the idea that I suffer through it and learn something because of what seems to be on the other side. I'm not sure if I am in real low EQ or just some sort of equaniminous phase before another cycle of reob - its happened a number of times now (maybe 5-10?) since I started noting a month or so ago. The highs and lows are a bit nuts but I'm starting to see that just noting them and not pushing or pulling is the way to go.
