RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Chris Marti:
Tim, you're going to need to start a new thread soon. These things get too long and then they don't load fast enough. 


can you do it for me, i don't know how to insert that nifty forwarding siddhi.? Now, even?
Please. Thank you.

(edit, p.s.) you know, sweetie--- the thing you do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=cDakhsaPTE0&feature=emb_logo
Welcome to the Bar!

Live in the nowhere that you came from, even though you

have an address here.
 
Rumi, in Coleman Barks's rendering

Welcome to the Bar(do) of Last Resort. It it is located in a bad neighborhood---the Dark Night category of DhO--- on purpose, because so much of my learning curve (just corrected a funny typo here: "my learning curse," lol, was tempted to leave it in (sic)) (did, lol) has come in the dukha nanas territory, and John of the Cross and Daniel Ingram's MCBT (1 and 2, going back to 2011) have been my best teachers and greatest helps. In that same vein, Rumi said, "Live in the nowhere that you can from, even though you have an address here." I think the practice logs are as close as the sangha of people living in the various linguistic variations on the nowhere we came from have on DhO to a local address, with the implicit invitation to welcome visitors, and, in my case, as a good red herring for cops arriving to serve warrants. So welcome to this thread, and to tell you the truth, Officer, it seems possible to me that some people just don't get my humor.
 
 If you have found your way here by accident, my advice is to run for the exit door, where you will be given a complimentary beverage of your choice for the wisdom of Not Starting.

If you have unfortunately Started, for whatever misguided reasons, then better by far to finish, and drinks are on the house until all sentient beings are saved, because as the obviously slowest sentient boat afloat, i am doomed to be the last one out of this bar, and will be tending bar at various points, or at least taking the occasional dishwashing and janitorial shifts throughout, and will be available to serve drinks at any time if i can figure out how to pour them into a receptable that doesn't leak too much, and also not poison the person through unskillful means. I personally recommend getting someone else to make your drinks, as any patron of the Bar of Last Resort is cleared to bartend, merely by being in the place, and a number of these people pour with a very slow four-count, if you know what i mean, and i think you do, wink-wink. If you don't know what i mean, i mean that some of the drinks these fuckers pour . . . well, let's just say a little dab will do ya.

Our present primary bartender is Ludwig Wittgenstein, so take your language games directly to him. 


If you have come here from a purely morbid or personally-skin-in-the-game interest in spiritual carnage and meditation-related difficulties, the free drinks are two for one.


If you have been invited here, that was irresponsible on my part, and I apologize. Have a drink. All exit doors remain wide open at all times, by order of the Fire Marshall.

If you have come here because we are in a giant fight on another thread and i have asked you to take it outside, please identify yourself to the doorman as you enter. He or she will give you as many free drinks as you are willing to drink before sending you out into the alley behind the bar, where i will continue to do my best to tear you a new asshole.

This is also my “literary” practice log, from 4/21/20--- i will note distinct practice log posts with a first line heading, for those who hate this other shit.

If you're here, really, for any reason at all, truly, God help you.

Namaste,
tim

thumbnail
Chris Marti, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 3751 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Thread split!
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 1/ 0:02:43/ end 4:02/ bbw/ end 4:02/ bbw 


Dukha-nanas dress rehearsal first sit of the day everything one could ask for from a sit: ridiculously short, early bailout from vague surge of
delusory energy, groggy, headachey, disoriented. 

Now this is more like it! 


Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 2/ 0:07:41/ end 5:09am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgift-o/ L-mudra

“The bride has entered
The sweet garden of her desire,
And she rests in delight,
Laying her neck
On the gentle arms of her beloved.”

 John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle, 22


 Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 3/ 0:07:42/ end 7:50am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgiftofbre-a


“Our bed is in flower,
bound round with linking dens of lions.
Hung with purple,
Built up in peace,
And crowned with a thousand shields of gold.” 

John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle, 24
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 4/0:07:43/end 10:16am/ bbw/ closkwise/ withthisgifto-f/ R-mudra
 
In the inner wine cellar
I drank of my Beloved, and, when I went abroad
Through all this valley
I no longer knew anything,
And lost the herd which I was following.”
 
John of the Crosss, Spiritual Canticle, 26
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 5/ 0:07:44/ end 10:59am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/wi-t. L-mudra
 
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 6/ 0:2:27/ end 12:47pm/ bbw/ medallion
 
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 7/ 0:07:44/ end 1:42pm/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgiftofbreathle-t/ L-mudra
 
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 8/ 0:07:44/ end 3:05am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftofbreathlet me fir-s/R-mudra
 
 
Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 18/ sit 9/ 0:07:45/ end 5:50pm/ counter clockwise/ withthisgiftofbreathletmefir-s/L-mudra
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon


end 1:09am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgif-t/ R-mudra 

Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 2/ 0:07:48/ end 2:48am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgiftofbreathletmefirs-t/ both mudras 

I must say, this morning’s coffee is exceptionally good. Caffeine for meditation awakeness in the wee hours goes back at least to the Chinese Ch’an monks banging back cups of high-octane tea. I have been using what i thought was the cheapest generic shit there was, until the other day at the store. Reaching for the cheap shit i know and love, i saw an old men, 80s at least, like seriously maybe 90s. He was reaching for a can of generic coffee with a purple label. I had noted the garish label long ago and knew that anything with that bright a label was probably selling the label as well as the coffee, which adds price. But he was so instantly lovable that i glanced over at the price on the purple, and saw to my astonishment that it was 60 cents cheaper than mine! I asked him, “Does that have caffeine?” and he grinned and said, “Oh, yeah. I’ve been drinking this stuff for years.” I put my oudated muted-red can back on the shelf, grabbed that bright purple, and haven’t looked back. And i must say, this purple coffee rocks. 

Practice log/April 30, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 3/ 7:07:49/ end 3:22am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftofbrea-t
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
“Fire” Kasina: LED light as meditation object/ first time/ during uncertain, spontaneous, minutes only/ ended 3:59 am
 
An astounding, mind-blowing experience. I was minding my own business, and saw the face of God. The sound was terrible--- we tried to talk, and it sounded like one of the voice-disguisers on a telephone, deep, underwatery, drawn out. managed only a few words of communication, in that hearing mode. I tried sign language for a while, mostly just heart, heart, heart, but God was steady, no chatter, just heart.
 
 But the visual! Such a beautiful face, totally unexpected and surprising. I mean, you can anticipate “Beauty,” all sorts of brain/mind references. But the living Face!!!!
 
I laughed, i smoked, i wept, i broke down and REALLY fucking wept, i prayed, i bowed low. The usual devotional shit, all of it as if no one had ever done any of that before.

And here’s the funny part, as i moved to embrace God, God broke off the connection! Apparently the Creator of the Universe had other business to attend to.
 
Sweet Sister Kerista, let me never forget this moment.
 
No fucking way to forget that moment. My heart is still thundering. One more like that and i can die as i always wanted, in blissful adoration of the One True Face of Love.
 
(edit/afterword, 4:13amemoticon No afterglow whatsoever. But some insights. I think part of the Taste, the Glimpse, was that abrupt cessation: there's a ton of work remaining to be done. I am stone cold sober, steady, determined to Not Fuck Up.
How anyone could have an experience of any kind and not come away from it with a renewed determination to pray is utterly beyond me. No offense, to anyone, but one Glimpse of Love's Face, and you will starting moving mountains of prayer, and mountains in real life, just for that Face and that Love. Sorry, to the rest of the fucking posers, who haven't gotten that. Keep denying, it won't last. Love is gonna getcha.
agnostic, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1218 Join Date: 2/26/19 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:

One more like that and i can die as i always wanted, in blissful adoration of the One True Face of Love.

That's probably why he broke off the connection, thankfully for us!

Sorry Tim, your work here on earth is not yet done :-)
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
agnostic:
Tim Farrington:

One more like that and i can die as i always wanted, in blissful adoration of the One True Face of Love.

That's probably why he broke off the connection, thankfully for us!

Sorry Tim, your work here on earth is not yet done :-)
I think i might just be getting started. Let's stick close and keep each other's back, eh, mate?
Tim Farrington, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 4/ 0:07:50/ end 4:40am/ bbw, counterclockwise/with-t/ L-mudra
 
One of the most misunderstand and yet straight-to-the-heart-of-it-all verses in the Bible is Psalm 37:11: But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. This is quoted by Jesus in the Beatitudes in Matthew, so it is one of those wonderful wormhole scriptures connecting both the Jewish Scriptures and their sectarian splinter group of Christianity.
 
The first thing here is that the Hebrew word translated as “meek,” in Psalm 37, is much much richer: 6035 עָנָו anav pl עֲנָוִ֣ים anawim, poor, afflicted, humble, meek. The plural, pl עֲנָוִ֣ים anawim, poor, afflicted, humble, is often used for the downtrodden children of God, the poor and exploited of the Hebrew nation. It is in many ways a political word--- what we would think of as a left-wing concern for the economically exploited and circumstantially crushed. In the personal sense, it occurs through the Bible in contexts of intense personal suffering: affliction, dukha.
 
It is also said, koan-ically, in Numbers 12:3, that Moses “was the meekest of men.” The most afflicted, the poorest, the most tormented. The most-dukha ridden.


 
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 7/ 0:07:53/ end 9:14am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthi-s/ R-mudra 

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 6/ 0:07:52/ end 10:24am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgiftof-b/L-mudra 

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 7/ 0:07:53/ end 1:39pm/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftofbreathle-t
thumbnail
Chris Marti, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 3751 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Every time I see your log notation I think of Star Trek:  "Captain's Log, Star Date...."
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
to boldly go, uh, well, again, then Captain's log, star date . . .
thumbnail
Chris Marti, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 3751 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Florida Gulf Coast beaches and a Grim Reaper - Redneck Riviera life is so much stranger than fiction:

https://twitter.com/DWUhlfelderLaw/status/1256281243500625929
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
Them's mah folks. Kind of.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 19/ sit 8/ 0:07:54/ end 10:06pm/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgiftof-b/ both 


Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 1/ 0:07:55/ end 3:29am/ bbw/ clockwise/ . . . andnot-i/R-mudra 

phone meditation shared with John X

John X's practice is kind of dzogchen, i think, with some martial arts stuff mixed in. He's too smart for me, basically, a much finer-grained and retentive-logico brain, and way the fuck too Tibetan-steeped. It’s been like this since the late 1980s with this fucker, starting with Herbert Guenther’s eccentric take on the eccentricities of Dzogchen, while climbing Mt. Shasta, right up the avalanche alley on loose rocks (easy route to find, just go to the warning signs forbidding entry, and proceed from there upward), looking for the place where the Lemurian flying saucers emerged from their underground base.

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 2/ 0:07:56/ end 4:30am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgifto-f/
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

end 8:30am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftofb-r/ R-mudra 

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 6/ 0:07:56/ end 2:15pm/bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthi-s/both 

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 8/ 0:05:28/end 3:44pm/ bbw/sleepy
 
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 4/ 0:02:33/ end 6:09am/ bbw/counterclockwise/medallion
 
phone sit with John X
 
out early from very agitated energy; he went the full 7:55.
 
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 5/ 0:07:55/ end 8:30am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftofb-r/ R-mudra
 
Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 6/ 0:07:56/ end 2:15pm/bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthi-s/both
 
Practice log/May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 20/ sit 8/ 0:05:28/ end 3:44pm/ bbw/sleepy 

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 1/ 0:07:58/ end 2:28am/ bbw/ clockwise/ withthisgiftof brea-t/R-mudra 

Routine experience of deep dark night doo-doo-ka in pre-coffee first sit, the dukha nana dress rehearsal sit of the day, maximum sludge, minimum support. 
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 2/ 0:07:59/ end 3:50am/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgif-t/L-mudra 

Krishna Das, blending an old Christian hymn from his youth with the mature mastery of his bakhti chanting:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWGRr4D6JUc
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Practice log/ May 1, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 3/ 0:08:00/ end 5:06am/ bbw/ counterclockwise (oops)/ medallion
 
running through a taste of the Spandas-karikas this morning, one of the sacred scriptural texts in the Kashmir Shaivite tradition beloved by the guy who first shakti-patted my ass, Swami Muktananda:
 
roughly translated from the commentary in the Sanskrit:
 
the sponda vibrational level that leads to individual incarnation is to be heard, once embodied, in the first, muladhara chakra of males, who are assholes, and in the second chakra, in the womb area, for females, who give birth to all assholes.
thumbnail
Chris Marti, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 3751 Join Date: 1/26/13 Recent Posts
Tim, I have some coffee here - want some?

I got up and drove to a local drive-thru this morning and spent $10 on coffee for me, wife and my son. I gave the attendant a twenty and made them keep the rest. This is the first non-home-made coffee I've had in weeks. It tastes funny now.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Chris, no coffee before the first sit is a consciously chosen bit of asceticism designed to create DN-like conditions, as much as possible, during this Very Good Mood. I have plenty of coffee, and would rather run out of oxygen, frankly. But thank you!! Feel free to drop by with a to-go cup any time!
thumbnail
Smiling Stone, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 177 Join Date: 5/10/16 Recent Posts
Hey loner in your tin

I thought I'd come and say hi, maybe have a drink.
I've been thinking about you, and over-analyzing, as I'm prone to it. I hope you don't mind if I ***ing share...
A cave-out before I start: obviously there's a part of you that has seen it all already a million times. It come to the surface in the guise of wise advice to many on this board, so there is absolutely no need to say what I'm going to say (nevertheless, 'cause it's fun)...

You appeared to us in your building-up mania super creative self a few weeks ago (for this incarnation). We were quite a few to take a strong liking to you, and entered your dance... I would venture this creative outpour is one way to trigger something around A&P or dissolution (depending how you read maps). I read somewhere recently that the dark night was defined by the fact that we are loosing it, that we cannot note while we are in it. When we can note again, we are in reobs. So you, unborn genius, you carry around this colored rosace with a fluorescent map of tempered insanity on the other side, for those days when you loose it big time. You've been through this, my dear friend, a few times.
Then you come back from the purgatory in your biblical outfit, we could hear Robert Mitchum in the Night of the Hunter, as much if not more loveable from this newly acquired "seriousness" (You are arguing with Olivier, you crazy American.. I'm still trying to figure out that "spanda" quote, it brings the musical debate to some new height, the movement of the inmovable).
The point I want to make is, this evangelist bend, it seems to come with the reobservation... and I would venture it gives you the perfect framework to cycle endlessly in these dukkha ñanas... the passion of Christ... the cruelty of God (in the old testament you are so found of). You revel in the ideas of sacrifice and useless passion for ignorant souls. Well, if you wanted to stick to your Boddhisatva ideal, you would not do otherwise (or maybe become a Goenka practitioner, it is the only path on par). I wonder if you have a persona that would perch you in equanimity and have you rest there for a while! Holidays for Tim F.
That was my question...

A PTBG por favor, with the bush of thorns stuck in the middle!
Love, always
smiling stone
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

well, shit, what can i say? every word true, as far as i can see! I love you, stone of Ages.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon


Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 4/ 0:08:01/ end 6:18am/ bbw/ clockwise/ w-i. r-mudra 

Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 5/0:08:02/ end 2:00pm/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgif-t/ l-mudra 

Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 6/0:08:03/ end
8:26pm/ bbw/ clockwise/ wut-h


I am going to begin tomorrow morning on a more intensive retreat form. "Sesshin" is something i now see as more of a radical lifestyle change, setting a new normal. So this will be a genuine intensification, a retreat within the new norm of "seeshin."
My idea is to combine the new sesshin format of as many as possible short-short sits (current state of the art is 0:08:04) with seeing what happens if i go back tio my old regimen of having three major sits to start the start, when the time were something like 1:12, 59 minutes, and 43 minutes. I've give it a few days to start to get a sense of a new equilibrium. 

Meanwhile, my posting here will be much reduced. I feel myself cycling already into the DN, dissolution, fear, and rage (not an insight stage, but a grief stage, the one after fear, and so to me woven implicitly through the DN, which it is as possible to see as a straightfoward (haha) human grief process as it is to see it as some privileged rarity for the spiritual elite.

Som eof the dates in my last few days of logging are off, but i haven't got the energy to go back and fix anything. Future Pepes, my apologies. I plead depression.

namaste

(edit) i will no longer be doing my first sit without coffee beforehand, as there is no need to do a dress rehearsal for dark night conditions. It's show time.
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
emoticon


Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 4/ 0:08:01/ end 6:18am/ bbw/ clockwise/ w-i. r-mudra 

Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 5/0:08:02/ end 2:00pm/ bbw/ counterclockwise/ withthisgif-t/ l-mudra 

Practice log/ May 3, 2020/5780 /sesshin day 21/ sit 6/0:08:03/ end
8:26pm/ bbw/ clockwise/ wut-h


I am going to begin tomorrow morning on a more intensive retreat form. "Sesshin" is something i now see as more of a radical lifestyle change, setting a new normal. So this will be a genuine intensification, a retreat within the new norm of "seeshin."
My idea is to combine the new sesshin format of as many as possible short-short sits (current state of the art is 0:08:04) with seeing what happens if i go back tio my old regimen of having three major sits to start the start, when the time were something like 1:12, 59 minutes, and 43 minutes. I've give it a few days to start to get a sense of a new equilibrium. 

Meanwhile, my posting here will be much reduced. I feel myself cycling already into the DN, dissolution, fear, and rage (not an insight stage, but a grief stage, the one after fear, and so to me woven implicitly through the DN, which it is as possible to see as a straightfoward (haha) human grief process as it is to see it as some privileged rarity for the spiritual elite.

Som eof the dates in my last few days of logging are off, but i haven't got the energy to go back and fix anything. Future Pepes, my apologies. I plead depression.

namaste

(edit) i will no longer be doing my first sit without coffee beforehand, as there is no need to do a dress rehearsal for dark night conditions. It's show time.



Wish you great success with new format, and keep us informed please emoticon .
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon




Wish you great success with new format, and keep us informed please emoticon .

Siavash, this first practice log of this retreat intensive is dedicated to you, you fucking idiot!

Practice log/ May 4, 20205780/ retreat day 1, sesshin day 23/ sit
1/ 0:12:53/ end 12:33am/ bbw/ clockwise/ one decade 

Practice log/ May 4, 2020/5780/ retreat 1, sesshin day 23/ sit 2/ 0:30:00/ end 1:27am/ tonglen 

So, half an hour of tonglen. Linda introduced me to Lama Lena, whom i want to ravage, after love at first sight: a tough, dry, funny, vastly
intelligent bird with an encyclopedic knowledge of her Dzogchen lineage. Her talks have been a revelation. 

As far as i can tell, tonglen, breathing in dukha and breathing out metta, is the bottom line absolute beginner’s starting point in this lineage. This is good, as that is what i am, a bottom-feeding beginner. 

What i discovered, so intensely that i could barely keep from leaping up and knocking on the door of every RV in the park to tell them the good news at 1:30 in the morning (managed to refrain, since i am so depressed now), was that i have been doing tonglen for years now. It’s like the guy learning that he had been writing prose since he first picked up a pencil for the ABCs. 

I can do this shit until hell is empty, not just standing on my head, but dancing on my hands.
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Thanks man. May the fruits of your practice embrace all beings.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
Siavash, what a great comedy team we make! We are the Laurel and Hardy of meditation! You pick which one you want to be first, and I'll choose accrdingly from what is left.

so: to work. emoticon

Practice log/ May 4, 2020/5780/ retreat 1, sesshin day 23/ sit 3/ 0:30:01/ end 4:06am/ tonglen/counterclockwise
 
This is a technique so simple that it is easy to scorn it as nothing. Which it is, done properly. The in-breath happens on its own.
 
I’m using the rosary as it was originally designed, as a mala, without differentiation from bead to bead, just the horrific effort of reaching for the next bead on the inbreath, under the weight of all the suffering in the world, and letting it go from the sheer relief of being properly crushed, around and around without end, meaninglessly and mindlessly.
 
In tonglen, you become, functionally speaking, the equivalent of a breath-powered Tibetan prayer wheel, spinning and spinning, probably useless, probably superstitiously. But that spinning is the best game in town.
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
emoticon
Siavash, what a great comedy team we make! We are the Laurel and Hardy of meditation! You pick which one you want to be first, and I'll choose accrdingly from what is left.

Yeah, right emoticon
I always forget their names, which one is which, but since I am the idiot, so I'll be the skinny one emoticon emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
Laurel and Hardy were a comedy duo act during the early Classical Hollywood era of American cinema. The team was composed of Englishman Stan Laurel (1890–1965) and American Oliver Hardy (1892–1957). They became well known during the late 1920s to the mid-1940s for their slapstick comedy, with Laurel playing the clumsy and childlike friend of the pompous bully Hardy.[1][2] The duo's signature tune is known variously as "The Cuckoo Song", "Ku-Ku", or "The Dance of the Cuckoos". It was played over the opening credits of their films and has become as emblematic of the duo as their bowler hats.


Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy,

so the skinny one, clumsy and child-like, is Stan Laurel= You, Shiavash.

I choose to be . . .  Oliver Hardy, the fat one, 
the pompous bully .

and we must begin at once practicing The Dance of the Cuckoos, accompanied by Papa Che on something piccolo-like thing, or something:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snnCKVFzjHE










love, tim
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Okay, I'll add it to the end of Todo-list that I have from 15 years ago emoticon
so the skinny one, clumsy and child-like, is Stan Laurel= You, Shiavash.

Since the pronunciation of my name is difficult, even here for some old people and little kids, sometimes kids say it exactly like what you said above emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Mr. Laurel, i do not understand this "Srowsh." Please explain, if you would be so kind.
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Mr. Laurel, i do not understand this "Srowsh." Please explain, if you would be so kind.

Yeah.
To be serious again(!), my grandfather couldn't say my name, and instead would call me Srowsh. Well he was already 90 years old when I was born! He died around the age of 110 as we think.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Mr. Laurel, i do not understand this "Srowsh." Please explain, if you would be so kind.

Yeah.
To be serious again(!), my grandfather couldn't say my name, and instead would call me Srowsh. Well he was already 90 years old when I was born! He died around the age of 110 as we think.

Fucking fantastic, Srowsh! Your grandfather is my new role model, since i happen to be 110 years old myself and may die any minute! I'm dark nighting like there's no tomorrow!
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Mr. Laurel, i do not understand this "Srowsh." Please explain, if you would be so kind.

Yeah.
To be serious again(!), my grandfather couldn't say my name, and instead would call me Srowsh. Well he was already 90 years old when I was born! He died around the age of 110 as we think.

Fucking fantastic, Srowsh! Your grandfather is my new role model, since i happen to be 110 years old myself and may die any minute! I'm dark nighting like there's no tomorrow!


Since there's no tomorrow, let's add some more practice time to today emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
Siavash:
Tim Farrington:
emoticon

who did we say the fucking idiot was, again?


Are you talking about Srowsh (according to my grandfather)? ;)
Mr. Laurel, i do not understand this "Srowsh." Please explain, if you would be so kind.

Yeah.
To be serious again(!), my grandfather couldn't say my name, and instead would call me Srowsh. Well he was already 90 years old when I was born! He died around the age of 110 as we think.

Fucking fantastic, Srowsh! Your grandfather is my new role model, since i happen to be 110 years old myself and may die any minute! I'm dark nighting like there's no tomorrow!


Going back to the question at the heart of this context-context-context reply-all thing, No, Srowsh, not you, you fucking idiot! I meant to say by ever so clever implication that OBVIOUSLY I was the fucking idiot. But this misunderstanding between us has led to such sweet fruits! Let's fuck up our communication some more!
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Anyone reading these post, will see that we are both fucking idiots, no worries about that emoticon
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon
nobody reads this thread, Srowsh, we're safe as safe can be here. We are the hidden diamonds in the river of diarrhea-like verbiage that is the Bar(do) of Last Resort 2. No one wants to pan through this shit looking for us.
thumbnail
Siavash, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1074 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Ok then!
Going back to do some practice, you keep the Bar open and I'll note some damn sensations!
God bless all the Bars and all the sensations!

...

But Thanks.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon Thanks for hanging through my graveyard shift, Mr. Laurel!


Practice log/ May 4, 2020/5780/ retreat 1, sesshin day 23/ sit 4/
0:30:02/ end 6:45/ tonglen/clockwise

 https://www.amazon.com/Love-Every-Breath-Meditation-Transforming-ebook/dp/B07QZTSFK9/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=love+on+every+breath&qid=1588581596&s=digital-text&sr=1-1 


the somewhat unerving realization that each breath is both as
meaningless and as all-important as the one before and the one after. If that
chain breaks anywhere, even on the most trivial moment’s breath, you have
failed in your mission again. And failure is guaranteed.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Practice log/ May 4, 2020/5780/ retreat 1, sesshin day 23/ sit 5/ 0:30:03/ end 7:52am/ tonglen/ clockwise (oops)
 
for tonglen, paradoxically, the “shittier” (technical term from the Tibetan, cf. Guenther on “rShddr”) the sit, the easier tonglen gets. All the usual measures are out the window is degree of suffering in the in-breath is the prima materia you are using to breathe out that beam of golden love: murky, sludgy, exhausted, hurting physically, sleepy, stupid, ugly in my own eyes: pre-gold shit! It’s like cocaine, man, pure pure shit, and you snort what you can handle on any given in-breath and then trip motherfucker through the long release of God/dess’s grace.
 
good shit, man. love that shit. turns out i got tons of that shit, too, and tons to burn. It’s a burners’ market.
 
using a very gentle and ancient mantra with this tonglen: “oh” on the in-breath, the weight-bearing cry; and “God” on the outbreath, pouring out Her grace.
 
this comes from one of my favorite psalm , #63:
 
{A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.} O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; 2 To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. 3 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. 4 Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. 5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: 6 When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches. 7 Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. 8 My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
 
“Oh God, Thou art my God,” was, if i recall correctly, my first Judeo-Christian mantra, when i was switching over from the old ashram mantras circa 1990, getting into Centering Prayer, doing a retreat with Thomas Keating and a bunch of gays and old nuns, and old gay nuns, in the Old St. Mary’s Church in Chinatown, SF. He was a VERY tall man, and looked awesome in his order’s visiting team uniform of black and white.
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
emoticon

Practice log/ May 4, 2020/5780/ retreat 1, sesshin day 23/ sit 6/ 0:21:59/ end 2:23am/ tonglen/ counterclockwise

this tonglen practice is so powerful. I think tonglen is at the root of a story like this:
 
 







It is interesting to me that in some way I don't understand, this technique is too much for me right now. I have stretched every aspect of my life to the limit in recent days, driven by something close to rage, and i feel the vast silence around me now, scorched earth in every direction.

I'll go back next sit to the One that brung me, my God old prayer of body-breath-Word. I think it has the best chance right now stabilizing before i do any real damage. At this point, at worst, I have pissed most everyone near and dear to me off, or am pissed off at them, or both. Anger is the second stage of grief. Time to move on from that.


love, tim
thumbnail
Smiling Stone, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 177 Join Date: 5/10/16 Recent Posts
Gotcha, you two interstellar idiots!

Hello hello Tim of the tin,
I was thrilled to see that you switched to longer sits and another technique... But which technique? I was shocked: the tonglen seems to be the most powerful Boddhistava stuff around: Take in all the shit in the world, and exhale pure gold. You need to have the old still of your alchemical playschool running full time inside/outside, fire burning day and night... it's not for the fainthearted... or for the serial dark nighter. I suspect you have this little being inside, that thrives on suffering, getting stronger the more you feed him with it...
Tonglen, the ultimate sacrifice, first time I heard about it was in Ken Wilber's One taste (his most entertaining to my taste!) where he did just that with his dying wife. He had a beautiful page about the seriousness (well, the tragic) of it, what happens if you actually take what you wish you take...
It is not a question to you, I know you are ready... but... What about a practice where you would breathe in all the love and beauty of the world and breathe out your darkest suffering? Or inhale God, exhale the sinner (it won't go anywhere).
Lentong! To reverse your christian bend.
Of course, I wish you the best with any thing you'll come up with!

Yep, bartender, two lentong, por favor, one for me and one for you!
smiling

PS : I love that magic feather story... No mercy in hell!
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Smiling Stone:
Gotcha, you two interstellar idiots!


Srowsh, i have no idea who he's talking to, do you?
Hello hello Tim of the tin,
I was thrilled to see that you switched to longer sits and another technique... But which technique? I was shocked: the tonglen seems to be the most powerful Boddhistava stuff around: Take in all the shit in the world, and exhale pure gold. You need to have the old still of your alchemical playschool running full time inside/outside, fire burning day and night... it's not for the fainthearted... or for the serial dark nighter. I suspect you have this little being inside, that thrives on suffering, getting stronger the more you feed him with it... 
lol. well, uhm.
Tonglen, the ultimate sacrifice, first time I heard about it was in Ken Wilber's One taste (his most entertaining to my taste!) where he did just that with his dying wife. He had a beautiful page about the seriousness (well, the tragic) of it, what happens if you actually take what you wish you take...
yeah, i found out--- just about fried every circuit in all my relationship systems. There's smoke everywhere.
It is not a question to you, I know you are ready... but... What about a practice where you would breathe in all the love and beauty of the world and breathe out your darkest suffering? Or inhale God, exhale the sinner (it won't go anywhere).
Lentong! To reverse your christian bend.
Get thee behind me, Satan, you motherfucker.
Of course, I wish you the best with any thing you'll come up with!

I'm going back to the One who got me this far. I think my basic body-breath-Word prayer is so integrated, within and without, that it will get back to square one of right pace (no hurry). It's bad enough for a Bodhisattva to ever get caught up in hurry, but for the designated bar-closer in hell, really, what's the fucking rush?

Yep, bartender, two lentong, por favor, one for me and one for you!
smiling
on that house, ancient friend ever new.

PS : I love that magic feather story... No mercy in hell!
me too. it's from somewhere in Joseph Campbell, but every few years i page through all those fucking doorstopper myth books, and have never found it again. But it obviously made a big impression on me. Made me drop my feather in awe.

Thanks, man. You are water in the desert here, the sip that keeps a guy crawling right along.

love, tim
thumbnail
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 5293 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
Tim Farrington:

It is not a question to you, I know you are ready... but... What about a practice where you would breathe in all the love and beauty of the world and breathe out your darkest suffering? Or inhale God, exhale the sinner (it won't go anywhere).
Lentong! To reverse your christian bend.
Get thee behind me, Satan, you motherfucker.

It might be worth pondering whether there is a difference between inside and outside.

(I'm not supposed to exercise my throat chakra today but I am supposed to take the possibility to make the world a better place, and I think this might be it, because this is important.)
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö:
Tim Farrington:

It is not a question to you, I know you are ready... but... What about a practice where you would breathe in all the love and beauty of the world and breathe out your darkest suffering? Or inhale God, exhale the sinner (it won't go anywhere).
Lentong! To reverse your christian bend.
Get thee behind me, Satan, you motherfucker.

It might be worth pondering whether there is a difference between inside and outside.

(I'm not supposed to exercise my throat chakra today but I am supposed to take the possibility to make the world a better place, and I think this might be it, because this is important.)
 
Linda
It might be worth pondering whether there is a difference between inside and outside.
Could you give me a little more to work with here? If I am anywhere in the ballpark of what you're getting at, it just means that tonglen is all very well, but at best it's just moving the balance of suffering and love around in any case: breathe in 99.99% suffering, breathe out 99.98999999999999% suffering and call it love? Because yeah, it hurts all over, the pain loops enmesh enough that my friend Mr. Brown's uncle-in-law dying a couple days ago in New York hurts me enough to make the whole inside/outside thing meaningless. Certainly "inside" doesn't seem like a particularly antiseptic place to cook up love for delivery like a pizza. The whole thing is a trick of the mind for a clear-cut purpose and the illusion of effectiveness. But I suspect you mean more than that, and I would be grateful if you elaborated.

Or wait until your retreat is over, before exercising you splendid throat chakra any more. emoticon

love, tim
thumbnail
Linda ”Polly Ester” Ö, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 5293 Join Date: 12/8/18 Recent Posts
Let me put it like this, briefly for now: you aren't separate from the world. The way you treat the world, you also treat yourself - and the way you treat yourself, you also treat the world. 
thumbnail
Smiling Stone, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 177 Join Date: 5/10/16 Recent Posts
Hey Hi to you both!
Linda, what I am pointing at is that Tim treats himself like shit (pardon my language) whereas he treats the world in quite a beautiful manner, according to what we can witness many times a day on this forum.
I am intuiting that it is partly because his role model is a god who was a guy who got tortured (more or less on purpose, I won't get into that debate here) for the sake of all sinners... of all future christian sinners (and let's slaughter the infidel! Or the protestant by the catholic and the other way round...). Or John of the cross, gasp... Where does equanimity stand in this worldview? I would say, either it is not worth a dime (the fuel of christian faith is passion with a big P), or it is where you meet God, in one of those absorptions which are godified in every tradition but the Buddha's, who showed the steep way out to us who don't want to listen... Even the Buddhists themselves, in several later traditions, put this "going out" of the fire of existence into the closet, replacing it with more radiant realities.
So I agree with you, Linda, that we project our inner constructions in every perception of the world outside, and that this same inner stuff is just a product, a consequence of the environment we always lived in (the inner world is constructed through our development with the bricks of the outside brought home by our five senses -the sixth is the cement to hold it together).
I am pretty sure Tim knows all that more deeply than I do, though...

Tim, I believe that all you need to let go of for the whole of you to dwell in equanimity and beyond is to get rid of this ingrained belief that suffering is GOOD. You thrive on the vertigo you get at plunging your gaze into the abyss... And you said some deep stuff about the fate of the american writer, he's not meant to be happy, is he? Hemingway... Hunter S. Thomson... David Foster Wallace... John Kennedy Toole... Richard Brautigan... Virginia Woolf... We don't want you on that list! And I am sure we can count on that part of you who is already in equanimity or beyond, looking at your ordeal with a wicked sense of humor.

Oups, I let myself give lectures to my friends once more, standing on a table, quite inebriated, hoping they'll forgive me... in the morning...
Anyway, goodnight, my friend (and to Linda as well), I'm really impressed with your practice!
metta to you all, dwellers of this late joint
smiling stone
thumbnail
Papa Che Dusko, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 1570 Join Date: 3/1/20 Recent Posts
Knock, knock! ... (peaks throught the door) Do you still serve drinks? Ok thank you I'll have a pint of Guinness cheers!
Sits beside the crowd at the bar and joins the conversation; 


My father before me, and his father before him, and his father before him told me that all are constructs but I like to think that some, like this Buddha-Dharma is a wholsome construct and some other constructs might be unwholsome. Some lead to suffering and others to the cessation of suffering. Some are good for humans, devals and all others beings and some are detrimental.

In drinking this pint there is only the drinketh, refering back to no one! Cheers!

Swim you fools, swim up the stream not to get washed down the eternal labyrinths of forgiveness! emoticon 


Excuse my rumbbling emoticon just wanted to say hi and ; Tim I am reading you but not replying much as I dont have much to say as you can read from this post of mine emoticon 
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Papa Che Dusko:
Knock, knock! ... (peaks throught the door) Do you still serve drinks? Ok thank you I'll have a pint of Guinness cheers!
Sits beside the crowd at the bar and joins the conversation; 


"JAYZUS, it’s fooking Papa Che in the house! Drinks for all, a round for all the damned! Put it on Tim’s tab!"

[Voice: "Tim's credit ain't worth shit here." ]

"Exactly!"
My father before me, and his father before him, and his father before him told me that all are constructs but I like to think that some, like this Buddha-Dharma is a wholesome construct and some other constructs might be unwholesome. Some lead to suffering and others to the cessation of suffering. Some are good for humans, devals and all others beings and some are detrimental.

[general rapt nodding in the bar. Applause, a few derisive shouts. Farrington goes to tear a new asshole in the derisive ones, then realizes that this is hell, for fook’s sake, there’s always gonna be haters in hell, til hell is cleared. It’s hust a bad crowd, bad to the bone.]
In drinking this pint there is only the drinketh, refering back to no one!

[fights break out everywhere. Not a single flying chair hits Papa Che. The denizens take this to mean that God thinks Pops is correct.]
Cheers!

[the thunder of the Bar’s reply says: Datta, dayadhvam, damyata, as in the days of old in the fable of the meaning of Thunder in the Brihadarankaya Upanishad. (A translation may be found in Deussen’s Sechzig Upanishads des Veda, p. 489. See Olivier for further questions.)]
Swim you fools, swim up the stream not to get washed down the eternal labyrinths of forgiveness! emoticon 
Too late, Papaji, I did not observe “swimming” arising, and i done got swept away.
Excuse my rumbbling emoticon 

we love rumbbling here: cf above, and--- https://tseliotsthewasteland.fandom.com/wiki/V._What_the_Thunder_Said
 just wanted to say hi and ; Tim I am reading you but not replying muchemoticon

emoticon Copy that, Papa Che Actual I read you 5 x5 and clear. over.
as I dont have much to say as you can read from this post of mine  emoticon 
you old blarney man. Your every syllable and smiley is treasured.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, out.

love, tim
Tim Farrington, modified 9 Months ago.

RE: The Second Bar(do) of Last Resort

Posts: 2381 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
Smiling Stone:
Hey Hi to you both!
Linda, what I am pointing at is that Tim treats himself like shit (pardon my language) whereas he treats the world in quite a beautiful manner, according to what we can witness many times a day on this forum.
I am intuiting that it is partly because his role model is a god who was a guy who got tortured (more or less on purpose, I won't get into that debate here) for the sake of all sinners... of all future christian sinners (and let's slaughter the infidel! Or the protestant by the catholic and the other way round...). Or John of the cross, gasp... Where does equanimity stand in this worldview? I would say, either it is not worth a dime (the fuel of christian faith is passion with a big P), or it is where you meet God, in one of those absorptions which are godified in every tradition but the Buddha's, who showed the steep way out to us who don't want to listen... Even the Buddhists themselves, in several later traditions, put this "going out" of the fire of existence into the closet, replacing it with more radiant realities.
So I agree with you, Linda, that we project our inner constructions in every perception of the world outside, and that this same inner stuff is just a product, a consequence of the environment we always lived in (the inner world is constructed through our development with the bricks of the outside brought home by our five senses -the sixth is the cement to hold it together).
I am pretty sure Tim knows all that more deeply than I do, though...

Tim, I believe that all you need to let go of for the whole of you to dwell in equanimity and beyond is to get rid of this ingrained belief that suffering is GOOD. 
I’m sorry, amigo, but you ain’t my momma, as we say in the redneck South. And frankly, even if you wuz my momma, i’d drive on. God knows my momma knew that too, and it broke her heart, God help her. Which just broke the pieces of my own broken heart more, a kind of grinding effect, as in Psalm 51:
 
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
 
“Broken” here, in the Masoretic Hebrew, is
7665 שָׁבַרshabar, as in Ex 12:46 (bone of paschal lamb), 32:19 (what Moses did to the first tablets he brought down from the darkness at the top of Sinai, when he saw the tribe worshiping the golden idol); Ps 29:5 (what the Voice of Lord does  to the cedars); 34:18 (again, the heart, where the Lord is “Nigh unto them” whose heart is), and so 147:3 (in which He heals the heart He broke); Isaiah 61:1 (again, hearts, in one of the foremost vrabbit-hole texts--- an old rabbinic term, that--- that pops up, among other places, in Lk 4:18, where the new testament Koine Greek has it τοὺς συντετριμμένους τὴν καρδίαν·   =Lk 4:18, 4937); and, notably, in 66:9, where it is taken in its deeper sense of “breaching,” and thus, “bringing to birth,” as when the Lord says here: Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD.

Meaning, as i take it in one of the 72 possible readings of this verse, per the rabbis of old, that if The Lord set it in motion, the Lord gonna get in done, sure as shit.
You thrive on the vertigo you get at plunging your gaze into the abyss... And you said some deep stuff about the fate of the american writer, he's not meant to be happy, is he? Hemingway... Hunter S. Thomson... David Foster Wallace... John Kennedy Toole... Richard Brautigan... Virginia Woolf... We don't want you on that list! And I am sure we can count on that part of you who is already in equanimity or beyond, looking at your ordeal with a wicked sense of humor.
well, i am still here. it’s not for lack of opportunity to be otherwise.
Oups, I let myself give lectures to my friends once more, standing on a table, quite inebriated, hoping they'll forgive me... in the morning... 
Anyway, goodnight, my friend (and to Linda as well), I'm really impressed with your practice!
metta to you all, dwellers of this late joint
smiling stone
 
 always good to have to drop by, that chair has you name on it, from that night you got real drunk and started carving an exegesis of the Smilingstonedharmakayayana on it with a screwdriver, verse by fucking verse.

love, tim
 

Breadcrumb