Kelly Gordon Weeks:
First time poster here.
For the past couple of weeks, I've noticed that my perception of time has changed from what I would consider "normal." The days, hours, and minutes pass at an excruciatingly slow pace. I also experienced this a couple of months ago as well.
I think that this is path related as it seems to coincide with Equanimity, but it could be that I've become more aware of my thoughts. Presently, off-the-cushion I have been feeling a kind of "tug-of-war" between my thoughts and awareness/presence in the Tolle sense.
I appreciate your feedback and wisdom.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
aloha kelly,
I sit for 45 mintes a day, and just setting a particular time for the duration of the sit can focus the mind on "how long" this time is and when it will end and allow us to return to activity. That this time elapsing is painful for you indicates that you are paying too much attention to "time" in its measured sense of minutes and hours. Time attended to in this way passes slowly, tick, tick, tick. Boring, yes. "Excruciating" - imagine how slowly time would go if you were literally crucifed, hanging on a cross, waiting to die of dehydration in a few days, instead of just waiting for a boring meditation period to end in a few minutes.
The thought of time passing is just another thought. You are feeding it energy, and so it hangs around, bothering you. What I do when this thought arises - which it does often, not every session but sometimes a number of times in one session - it should be put aside, or alllowed to run its course and then dropped. This can be like, "don't think of an elephant," but with practice - what else do you have to do? - you can move on to less excruciating intrusive thoughts and deal with them. If you don't think of time passing you won't be bored. So don't think of tie passing; that is what meditation is for, finding that timeless place of peace and love.
This becomes routine and after a while and pretty much automatic. Thoughts of time passing slowly and excruciating boredom are the ego asserting its desire to take central stage and complain. Treat eliminating these thoughts as a kind of trash removal. Much of my sit involves identifying and removing extraneous thoughts, and returning to silence.
If your problem is mostly in the last fifteen minutes of your hour sit you might try cutting back to forty-five minutes. Or stop for a day or two and realize how much you miss it.
You should enjoy sitting, generally. It isn't a painful exercise, it is restful and restorative. Don't work too hard at it. Stick with it and stay focused on emptiness.
Good luck with your practice.
terry