Sam's Practice Log 2

Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
This is a continuation of my first practice log, in which I hope to apply what I've learned so far.

HISTORY
A lot of my practice history both pre-DhO and DhO learning about noting can be found here. I talk about nothing happening for 7 years. Most of it was Tibetan under Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. Since I joined DhO and switched back to Vipassana, mainly at-loud Mahasi style noing and the addition of my teacher, I entered the path at Dukka Nana 9 Desire for Deliverance, passed through Reobservation and now am in Low-EQ.

MY DAILY PRACTICE
My daily practice consists of one hour in the AM (20 minutes concentration/jhana and 40 minutes Mashai Noting) and 30 minutes (15 minutes concentration/15 minutes noting). 

MY INSPIRATIONS

Thank you for reading and feel free to offer your comments.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)


Another case of not sleepy or dull, maybe that only happens in retreat. Started out with good energy, then went into Concentration and begin thinking of coffee instead of the breath emoticon but recognized and came back, Then it was into noting and the good energy continued. Lots of movement in the feet (going to talk to Psych at 1PM if I have developed TD). Anyway, no boredom, no issues, maybe even a little calm.

BODY Foot pain, itching, legs movement, sore & achy arms, tension & tightness lower back, very tight back of the neck
VISUAL FIELD: Pulsating white light -> gone
SOUND landscaping equipment, dog barking -> gone, large AC outside
THOUGHTS Dr. Kycia (Psyc) Thoughts, Future planning thoughts, Desire for coffee, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts
EMOTIONS/FEELING TONES Mostly calm and was pleasent 

GENERAL FEELINGS Pretty near perfect but could use some insights once in a while 


Sam Gentile, modified 4 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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40 min PM Noting Sit #2

I am going to remember this sit. I had more caffeine so when I started the sit, I was really turbo-charged and noting at 3x/sec. There I was gliding along for at least 10 minutes with few thoughts. The only hinderance self-produced by the caffeine was some restlessness which applied relaxation to. Then I found myself getting pretty relaxed and hit Equanamity. I was all balanced out, having equanmous thougjts. That lasted the whole rest of the sit.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 Min PM Sit (15 min Jhana Practice, 15 min Noting)

I was full of energy for this one. The concentration practice was filled with thoughts of this new practice log and whether people would like it. On the other hand, the Noting practice was so fast that I had hardly any thoughts at all.

BODY I don't remember the order of things but I had three different instances of small headache like sensations. I had a heavingness on the top of the head that I applied gone to when it ceased. I had a throbbing at the back of the skull -> gone, and I also had some throbbing at the forehead -> gone. My arms felt energetic and energy traveled very fast between the fingers generating so many sensations (3-4x/sec). There was tightness and tension in both the shoulders abd back of the neck. Ankle pain was present as well as itching.
SOUND There was a lot of gurgling sounds, as well as notcicing the hot water heater turned on.
THOUGHTS Many of the already mentioned log during concentration then the occasional thought during noting.
EMOTIONS/FEELING TONE Things were pretty unemotional except an urgency to note faster which was neutral.

GENERAL FEELINGS This was another good one. Energy instead of calm.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)

OFF CUSHIONI should note that I was diagnosed yesterday with Tardive Diskensia (TD) which causes involuntary muscle movements like my mouth, arms, and the legs. To the amount that this affected my meditation remains to be seen and discussed with Abre as the leg movements of what we thought as Dukkha Nana Desire for Deliverance might have been TD.I stayed up late last night and boy did I just pay for it in my meditation. It started out with sensations of fullness, heavingness, and pressure. Then I went into Concentration. It seemed like thoughts quieted down in the thoughts but it it was more than I was off somewhere and less mindful. Then went back into noting, and I immediately noticed strong tiredness, dullness, boredom and even some bits of sleepiness. I tried to apply Abre's method to energize myself out of the tiredness but I must have not been doing it correctly.
BODY There was a lot of tension in the legs area. In addition to the legs moving around, i had ankle pain and shin pain. In the upper body, there was tension and tightness in the back of the neck and in the lower back. Other sensations included sensitive and achy arms as well as itching and watery eyes.
SOUND There was a bunch of people out in the hallway. I also heard the loud AC units outside and the sound of the fridge.
THOUGHTS There were thoughts on the whole TD thing,  Logging Thoughts, DhO thoughts, Abre thoughts, Dr. Kycia thoughts
EMOTIONS, FEELING STATE The emotions of dullness, tiredness, and boredom were prominent and were most definetly unpleasent.
GENERAL FEELINGS Could have been better but its ok, its practice

Could I ask a favor? Any of you readers care to comment on the new format of the new log and whether it makes things easier to read and understand?
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Siavash, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Could I ask a favor? Any of you readers care to comment on the new format of the new log and whether it makes things easier to read and understand?


Hey Sam.
I like this new format more than the previous one, mainly because of its fonts, its classic. Although I am not sure it makes it easier to read or not. I think if you like it you should do it, who cares about the readers! ;)
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Yes I like that new format as introduced by Niels. I see some other members are also using the same format. It does make things easier to follow. I would also use it if Im more disciplined, but being me, very raw and immediate, I just spill out into my log all that comes to mind in the moment and wish good luck to those unfortunate who might read it emoticon 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 min PM Sit (15 min Jhana Practice, 15 min Noting)

Lots of energy, opposite of this morning. The Concentration practice was so there - I thought to myself "wow, I'm going to get access concentration" but oh so close. High speed noting (4x/sec) that sometimes overwhelmed me. 
BODY New was muscle jerks sometimes the whole body. There was trembling as well. An itch on the right shoulder I was able to catch the ceasing with gone. There was a lot of tingling. I had both shin and foot pain. There was heat in a small spot of my right wrist, strange because the whole rest of the body was cold with the AC. Tension and tightness in both the lower back and back of the neck. I had "Enegetic arms" and energy traveling between the fingers causing many notings.
SOUND A strong thunderstorm was heard as well as the AC
EMOTIONS, FEELING TONE A strong sense of energy 

GENERAL FEELINGS Energy instead of calm but great
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhana Practice, 40 min Noting)

Went to bed too late again last night and suffered again. Both the concentration practice and the noting were just filled with tired & sleepiness, dullness & boredom.

BODY Everything was pretty flat with dullness but I had foot pain, ankle pain, eyes watering, itching, tension & tightness in the back and in the back of my neck while the arms were sore & achy.
SOUND My louad upstairs neighbor was up to her usual tricks running her very loud washer. I also heard some sea gulls. THOUGHTS I hate shaving thoughts, Future planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts
EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES The main emotion was tiredness along with dullness and boredom which were unpleasent.

GENERAL FEELINGS Not my best sitting. 
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sam Gentile:
60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhana Practice, 40 min Noting)

Went to bed too late again last night and suffered again. Both the concentration practice and the noting were just filled with tired & sleepiness, dullness & boredom.

BODY Everything was pretty flat with dullness but I had foot pain, ankle pain, eyes watering, itching, tension & tightness in the back and in the back of my neck while the arms were sore & achy.
SOUND My louad upstairs neighbor was up to her usual tricks running her very loud washer. I also heard some sea gulls. THOUGHTS I hate shaving thoughts, Future planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts
EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES The main emotion was tiredness along with dullness and boredom which were unpleasent.

GENERAL FEELINGS Not my best sitting. 

Indeed emoticon again and again Dukkha shows it self in form of some sense of "me" not liking this and prefering something else instead. However Anicca also shows itself in form of passing away of that "not so best sit" and arising in form of a "my great feeling sit" and then back to "oh, gawd what a crap sit" etc ... That clinging is the source of suffering. Its ok. We are sitting to realise that. Just simple noting and accepting all weather its pleasant, neutral or unpleasant. We learn to know that these couds, dark or bright arise and pass just to arise and pass again and again. So its not about us trying to stop this unfolding. If not that then what are we doing? We are allowing the realisation to mature, that all these clouds of experience with their feeling tones do what they do as we are not in control of them anyway. The "me" having this experience is just an idea, a very glue like sticky knee-jerk idea that claims any given experience, solidifying it into a concept of "my experience".

We cant really think our selves into this realisation. What we can do is observe this unfolding and accept it all no matter how nice or bad it feels and keep our daily sits going as this momentum is what does the damage to this "selfing idea". There is an itch, there is unpleasant, there is aversion, there is hearing, knowing its a neighbours loundry machine, there is aversion, there is agony, there is Acceptance, there is vibration in fingers and feet, its pleasant etc  ...

You are doing great as long you are doing the practice. After the storm comes the Sun, then storm then Sun again ... Anicca  emoticon 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)

Father Buddha gave me the day off yesterday emoticon

Well, I am getting in a real rut. Yesterday, I couldn't even get myself to practice and today, although I completed the meditation I was filled with tiredness, sleepiness, dullness and boredom. I don't even know how to get myself out of it. My body doesn't even want to meditate anymore and I can't drink coffee anymore because of its effects on my gut. So today, I practically slept through the meditation.
BODY Too dull to note much but I had back pain,  foot pain, shin pain, feet moving around, eye pain & watering, itching & scratching
SOUND Car horn and sound of outdoor AC
THOUGHTS Fustration thoughts, Abre thoughts, planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts

GENERAL FEELINGS Good thing I have an appointment with Abre today
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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"Father Buddha gave me the day off yesterday"

You did deserve it emoticon it's ok to let go sometimes. Once back you see it with fresh eyes so to speak. At times meditation can get rather mechanical which is not good. It needs to have that fresh organic feel to it, that noting attention "touching" gently each sensation and that accepting curiosity of the unfolding of experiential Thisness. 

Indeed, it's so good to have a teacher in such situations. I'm very grateful for the teacher I've had. 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Meeting with Abre

So imagine a conversation like

"How are you doing?"
"Awful. I feel totally sleepy and want to stop meditating"
"Excellent! A change. Things are moving"

She proceeded to discuss with me that Nana 10 Knowledge of Reoberservation is totally characterized by drowziness and sleepiness. 

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/mahasi/progress.html#ch6.10
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Good news emoticon I like your teacher!

Now all you need is bring Acceptance to the fore and keep it in mind as Re-observation stuff comes in. "Its ugly" yes it is, I accept it, "its unpleasant" yes it is I accept it all, "its myserable" yes it is I accept it, "its disgusting" yes it is, I accept it all no matter how unpleasant it is ... "feels like my whole world is falling apart and is utterly unpleasant" yes it is and I accept it all, one by one as they arise and pass away, and even if bombarded by the same stuborn object/sensation/mind state/feeling again and again I take all those hits and I accept it all ... you will feel so much better after such a sit if accepntance was there throughout emoticon 

Yogi Sam, I salute you! emoticon 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 Minute PM Sit (15 min Jhanic Practice, 15 min Noting)

I have absoluetly no idea what Abre did to me! I had sleepiness all day and I wasn't even going to do a PM sit. She did a few tricks during our meeting, maybe she pit a spell on me emoticon but I had no coffee and yet here I was all energized! I felt energetic and wide awake. The concentration was average with pesky thoughts. The nothing was amazing. Fast noting (3x/sec). It's like Nana 10 went hiding in a closet.

BODY Restless feet, foot pain, itching, tender & sore arms, tender & sore shoulders, tension and tightness in the lower back
VISUAL FIELD I saw a yellow ball then gone
SOUND I heard people walking outside and in other apartments of this building.
THOUGHTS Abre thoughts, remebering thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts 
EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES I had the emotions of energetic which was pleasent followed by relaxation and calm.

GENERAL FEELINGS This was the best meditation in a week
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Siavash, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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I have absoluetly no idea what Abre did to me! I had sleepiness all day and I wasn't even going to do a PM sit. She did a few tricks during our meeting, maybe she pit a spell on me emoticon

Probably, talking to her:
It was a reminder for you that a) you are not alone b) there is hope.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Siavash:
I have absoluetly no idea what Abre did to me! I had sleepiness all day and I wasn't even going to do a PM sit. She did a few tricks during our meeting, maybe she pit a spell on me emoticon

Probably, talking to her:
It was a reminder for you that a) you are not alone b) there is hope.
Thanks Siavash! 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
60 min AM Sit (20 min  Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)

Well, if there was a spell it sure has worn off. I had one of the most hellish sits. Abre did worn me I was in Nana 10 range with drowziness and sleepiness could be part of my sits for weeks. I had complete heavingness, tiredness, sleepiness, dullness and boredom. Dullness was so bad that I didn't note for chuncks of the meditation but hung in this state of just everything being flat. Paradoxically, at around 40 minutes in, I started having the desire for coffee, which when I decided to do that, I "woke up" out of this state. I don't understand. Anyway, the last 20  minutes, I had sufficient energy to note well.

BODY Tension and tightness at the lower back, itching, scratching, hands tender and sore, foot pain, legs movement, eyes watering, abdominal pressure
SOUND I heard three car horns and the large AC units outside
THOUGHTS I don't want to meditate anymore (Dukkha Nana 9), Future planning thoughts, Logging thoughts, DhO
EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES  I really felt that it was almost overwhelming. I felt heavingness, sleepiness, tirredness, dullness and boredom, all of which was percieved as unpleasent

GENERAL FEELINGS There are no bad sits. Good practice for the place in which I am in
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Afternoon Activities

Studied Module 1 of Tibetan Three Yanas Course


30 Min PM Sit (15 min Jhanic Practice, 15 min Noting)


What a difference coffee makes! I hate ping ponging like this on the logs and in general but I write what happens. Anyway, Concentration practice was good but still having to put my attention back on the breath. Noting was totally energetic rather than calm which is great. I noted a lot more with the coffee and the rate was more 3x/sec.
BODY There was a minute or two of cheek discomfort which I dismissed with Gone on its disolution. Same thing with a short lived headache over the left eye (in the eyebrow). The itching was actually pretty intense and unpleasent. Abre said itching was a big issue in this yana. I had both foot and shin pain. The legs were again in motion. I had a stiff and tight neck. There was tension and tightness in the lower back. VISUAL FIELD There was some strobing white light for about a minute. SOUND The typical outside AC units THOUGHTS Thoughts were few (less than 10?) in the Noting practice EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES I don't know if acceptance is an emotion but that's what I felt and it was quite pleasent.

GENERAL FEELINGS Very satisfying
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sit #3 Waking Up app Daily Meditation 20 minutes

Sam Harris directed us to focus and concentrate onn sound which I did pretty well. Then he asked me to look if there was a Center or Self that was listening. I directed my awareness to where I feel my Self is, behind my eyes, but of course no such self could be found. SOUNDS Sam Harris, large AC units outside, AC indoors
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhana Practice, 40 min Noting)

I had a bit of the same tiredness, dullness, and boredom but it did not dominate the sit. I would say that sound dominated the sit. BODY Foot pain, legs movement, itching/scratching, lower back tension and tightness, stiff and tight neck, arms tender and sore SOUND There were the sounds of the landscaping equipment, my loud upstairs neighbor using her loud washer and workers yelling to each other THOUGHTS Food shopping thoughts, future planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES As mentioned there were the emotions of tiredness, dulllness and boredom all unpleasent

GENERAL FEELINGS Just more practice
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 min PM Sit (15 min Jhanic Practice, 15 min Noting)

Plenty of energy. Concentration practice was pretty good. Am wondering how my OCD effects frequency of discursive thoughts? For the noting practice, on the other hand, the noting was so fast and the mindfulness so good that I can remember 3 thoughts. 

BODY Slight headache in forhead, strange sensation in upper left chest -> gone, right underarm pain  -> gone, urinary tension, foot pain, shin pain, tension & tightness in the lower back, strong tenderness & soreness in arms, high speed sensations in the fingers, stiff & tight neck, lots of itching & scratching SOUND Plane overhead -> gone, sound of outside AC units VISUAL FIELD Pale yellow sun short lived 

GENERAL FEELINGS Very good meditation with increased body awareness
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Pratice, 40 min Noting)

I didn't get my customary sleepiness and even had a little energy I just started getting a little bored after the 40 minute mark but it was ok. Concentration practice was reasonable.

BODY Fullness, heavingness, pressure, foot pain, knee pain, legs moving, arms tender and sore, tension & tightness in the lower and mid back. stiff and tight neck, watery eyes, left ear pain SOUND I got so fustrated because my noisy upstairs neighbor did laundry again the very loud washer. I should not get fustrated but you should hear how loud it is. Here it goes again! I also heard the outside AC units THOUGHTS Staci thoughts, Desire for coffee, Future  planning thoughts, Logging thoughts, DhO thoughts, Remembering thoughts 

GENERAL FELINGS Pleased I had energy 

Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 min PM Sit (no Concentration, All Noting)

For this sit, I was feeling stressed and anxious, so I decided to focus on my noting. The notice was fast (1-3x/sec) and I had a host of body sensations for whatever is going on. Mindfulness was great.

BODY eyelids hurt, urinary tension, neck really tight, trembling, sensations in right ear, a strange sensation in left shoulder that was like a cross between numbing and tingling, pain  in my right thumb, slight headache in forhead, numbness in right hand, back pain, neck pain, itching at tip of nose THOUGHTS The stress, anxiety, fear and worry produced some thoughts but the speed of the noting kept the thoughts down SOUND Just the large AC units outside EMOTIONS, FEELING TONE Emotions were the prodiminant sensation. I am going through something. I felt stress, and anxiety and fear about the stress. Worries about the day were also felt.

GENERAL FEELINGS I was able to sit through the fear.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Well done Sam! DN Nanas can be mild to full on horrible in feeling tone. Just remind yourself that acceptance of it all, in no matter what shape or form it seems to present itself, is the way through it. This is especially important in the re-observation as most of the DN Nanas can arise in the same wave. As with all waves, they do the same thing emoticon they pass away. Hold onto Acceptance and matter of fact noting/noticing for the duration of the sit emoticon I know, as many here do, that these mind states and feelings suck big time, but it feels so good if you let it all wash over you without resistance emoticon and yes, noting does chops up these unpleasant arisings so it's in a way easier staring straight into their eyes , so to speak emoticon 

You ARE doing great! 
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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FULL DISCLOSURE I did not meditate the last 2 days at all because I fell into this pattern of not wanting to do it with all the sleepiness

60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 minute Noting)

What a suprisee! No tiredness or dullness or boredom, actually energetic!  I started out with fullness/heavingness and pressure but did not  get sleepy from them. Then I went into concentration. The concentration practice was pretty good. Then it was back into noting. The energy levels stayed up. The noting wasn't ultra fast like when I have had coffee but I averaged abou 1x/sec. I had my usual places of body sensations - I'm getting old emoticon

BODY As mentioned, started out with heavingness, fullness, pressure. As noting progressed, I had tightness and tension in myy lower back and upper back, stiff and tight neck, itching/scratching, tingling, foot pain, knee pain and a fair amount of leg movement VISUAL FIELD I saw crimson red surrounding the circular area and then cover the whole visual area. I also the whole VF covered in white light SOUND There were the usual sounds of the large AC units outside THOUGHTS I had less thoughts during noting but they were still there. Staci thoughts, future planning thoughts, no logging or DhO thoughts however EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES This was a pretty even keeled sitting. I can't remember any real emotions

GENERAL FEELINGS A really great sit that was really needed
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 min PM Sit (All Noting)

Lots of energy for this one (well it was coffee fueled emoticon). Noting was fast (3x/sec).  BODY Sensations in both ears, buzzing feeling in head, bicep soreness & tenderness, unshaven beard itchiness, muscle jerk (just one), urinary tension, shin tenderness, feelings of foot sinking down into carpet, trembling, foot pain. itching & scratching, tension & tightness at the waist, neck tension & tightness SOUND For the billionith time, my upstairs neighbor running her loud washer, sound of large AC units outside VISUAL FIELD Saw concentric circles of white THOUGHTS Staci thoughts Logging thoughts, DhO thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES Anger and aversion at my neighbor running her loud washer again! She runs like 6 loads every day and sometimes in the middle of the night

General Feelings Another good one

Questions
  • How do most effectively deal with the anger that is coming up with my neighbor's ecessive washing?
  • My noting is humming along but I'm not generating any insights? Do I need to wait until things calm down out of Dukka Nana stage of Reobservation and I got back into Equanamity or is there something more I oculd be doing
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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30 min PM Sit (only Noting)

Finally my stomach issues settled down so I could meditate. A very energetic sit with fast noting (3x/sec). A lot was going on in my body, not so much in my mind.

BODY lips pulsating under nose, heavingness in head -> gone, coolness, itch on right knee -> gone, urinary tension, itch on left shoulder -> gone, shoulder pain, trembling, small "micro pains" in fingers, pressure in the forehead over the eyes, slight headache, muscle jerks (i think 2), tingling, jaw tension, itching & scratching, arms aching and sore VISUAL FIELD patterns of white light SOUND the large AC units outside THOUGHTS far and few between but some planning, logging and DhO thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES not really present as I was focused on fast noting

GENERAL FEELINGS A good one for sure with a high degree of noticing/noting
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Note To Readers

If there are any of you out there, I have only managed to meditate 2x in over 5 days and only for 30 minutes. It seems like I've lost my motivation for meditation. If you have anything to encourage my motivation, please say it!

Sit #1 30 min (Noting Only)

I finally managed to sit if only for 30 minutes with the support of coffee. I still felt a little tired even with the coffee. The rate of Noting fluncuated (1-3x/sec).
BODY Left underarm pain, head buzzing, shoulders heavy, tingling in right arm, right shoulder tender + tight, slight headache, trembling, foot pain, ankle pain, shin tenderness, tension & tightness around waist VISUAL FIELD Concentric orange circles SOUND large AC units outside THOUGHTS few and far between but included future planning, logging, and DhO thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES no real emotions, kind of flat

GENERAL FEELING  Just glad to get one in there

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Olivier, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Hey Sam,

Brute force advice, loss of interest for meditation could mean equanimity is settling in. It seems to happen qite a bit that people who lose the "dukkha" insentive to meditate kind of stop, and then cycle back down, and go through a kind of DN->EQ loop with difficulty moving past that until they're sick of it and decide to go through with it no matter what emoticonemoticonemoticon

Well, it also happens that one loses interest sometimes emoticon. I also have trouble meditating these days.

Good luck with you motivation, you can make formal resolutions from time to time. The summer is here, but the winter will return, right ?

Cheers emoticon
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Thank you for your reso\ponse. Abre said I was knocking on the door of equanimity.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Actually, Abre just skyped me and said its not equanimity because if it was I woulldn't want to meditate because everything is so good rather than my case where things aren't. She's says I'm being a Drama Queen emoticon. She says I've made this commitment, now do it. Continue and push through it. There will be lots of days where motivation will not be there. Don't wait for th emuse. What else am I going to do all day? Develop the habit. What is the big drama? Practice is not when you feel like it but always. Don't take it so seriously - no drama.

That's why I really like her. She's tough when she has to be.
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SushiK, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Like T DC said in another thread.

The chicks Sam - do it for the chicks.  ;)
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sit #2 30 Minutes Noting

I managed to get myself to meditate for a 2nd time. The big story here was itching. It was like I was ttacked by itching and some of it was actually sharp, more like a prick. I managed to catch, through mindfulness, the vanishings of some of them using Shinzen Young's Gone technique.

BODY itch on right eyebrow -> gone, itch on top of my head -> gone, itch on the back of my head -> gone, itch on front of my head -> intensifying -> itch of the century -> resisting -> give in and scratch, slight headache, foot movement, really tight neck and shoulders, shaky, trembling, urinary tension, underarm pain , foot pain, arms achy & sore, coolness SOUND the usual large AC units outside THOUGHTS Abre thoughts, future planning thoughts, logging and DhO thoughts

GENERAL FEELINGS  Happy that I got a 2nd sit in
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
60 min AM Sit (20 min Concentration, 40 min Noting)

First time back to 60 minute sits in 6 days. I'm tempted to say "what a disaster" because there are no bad sits but I was so tired/sleepy and dull/bored that I was fighting off sleep the whole time. I had long stretches where I didn't even note and I was daydreaming and having wandering thoughts. I am happy I was able to fight through it. 

BODY From what little I noted, I had pulsations at the bottom of my left foot, tingling, foot pain, tension & tightness around the waist, abdominal pressure, intense yawning, watery eyes and runny node, knees shaking violently SOUND I don't remember any THOUGHTS Lots of random mind wandering and daydreams. I remember some Abre thoughts, future planning thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES Powerfull emotion of dullness - didn't feel like doing anything, Boredom, Tiredness, Sleepiness

GENERAL FEELINGS Hope for a better one tonight after coffee
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Afternoon Dharma
Studying in Module 1 of Minyur Rinpoche's The Three Yanas course


30 min PM Sit (All Noting)

Much better than this morning. Lots of energy to notice and fast note (3x/sec) a lot of sensations. Like last night's sit, I was bombarded with itching. 

BODY Lots of noticing and noting. Itch on left shoulder -> gone, Restless feet, tremor in my hands, arms heavy, neck stiff & rigid, knee pain, foot pain, shin tenderness, urinary tension, underarm pain, itch on forehead -> gone, knee pain, clicking sound in jaw as I noted outloud, upper back pain, shaky, trembling SOUND heavy upstairs neighbor stomping around, large AC units outside THOUGHTS few and far between except the thought on writing this sentence

GENERAL FEELINGS Completly satisified
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)

I skipped another day yesterday and took a nap. I was going to do it again today but got a sudden burst of energy. It was enough to keep me awake for the site but not alert. I had a pretty significant amount of tiredness, yawning, dullness and boredom. Noting sufffered because of my dull state.

BODY kness shaking, shin pain, feet moving, pain in the middle back, coolness, foot pain, ankle pain, slight headache, tightness & tension at the back of the head, heavingness in arms, diminished amount of itching & scratching SOUND high pitched tone in left ear for about 10 seconds, large AC units outside THOUGHTS lots of random discursive thoughts 

GENERAL IMPRESSIONS kind of normal for where I'm at right now but unpleasent
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
60 min AM Sit (20 min Jhanic Practice, 40 min Noting)

Haven't meditated for 3 days because of my medical diagnosis (I'll write about in different topic). Nothing has changed. Still very tired, dull and bored. Reduced noting because of the dullness. Still don't really want to meditate even after Abre's pep talk - glad I have an appointment with her today.

BODY lower back tension & tightness, mid back pain, foot pain, legs moving, itching (not as much), heavingness in arms, abdominal pressure SOUND lots of landscaping equipment, AC THOUGHTS Abre thoughts, coffee desires, future planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts EMOTIONS, FEELING TONES emotions of Dullness and Boredom

GENERAL FEELINGS Glad I got this one in
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Sit #2 22 min Abre Guided Relaxation Meditation

Because of my disease and all my stress Abre guided me in a relaxation (breath) meditation smiling at all the bdy parts and taking deep breaths. I feel quite relaxed.

Given my diagnosis and difficulty getting to the meditation cushion whe wants me to forget about 60 minute noting meditation, stream entry, dharma overground and relax myself from my condition and my stress and do this relaxation meditation. Readers: Are you even going to want to read about daily relaxation meditations on DhO or is too boring.
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Siavash, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1237 Join Date: 5/5/19 Recent Posts
Hi Sam,
This is your life journey, why should it be boring?
Please do whatever that is helpful for you. I see in myself that most of my health problems are because I am not relaxed enough. If your teacher wants you to be relaxed and you trust her, then that is what is impotant at this point.

I wish you a healthy body and a peaceful mind.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Only do logging if its pleasing/inspiering to you to do so. If its a chore and taking too much effort and focus from the practice/calming/relaxation then stop logging for now and use the log for questions and updates as they come. 

I do follow your log even when I dont log or write on the forum.
Sam Gentile, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sit #3 PM Sit Abre Guided Relaxation Meditation

Using the Buddha Inner Smile to smile at body parts while taking deep breaths. I am completly calm and relaxed.
Sam Gentile, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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22 min AM Abre Relax Meditation
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sam Gentile:
22 min AM Abre Relax Meditation

How was the feeling tone of this sit ? emoticon Is mind interested and engaged in smiling to the body parts? 
I guess you can give us a few details emoticon gimme som readn' boyo emoticon emoticon ;) 
Sam Gentile, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Papa Che Dusko:
Sam Gentile:
22 min AM Abre Relax Meditation

How was the feeling tone of this sit ? emoticon Is mind interested and engaged in smiling to the body parts? 
I guess you can give us a few details emoticon gimme som readn' boyo emoticonemoticon ;) 

I was afraid about trying to write about this type of meditation. I'm not sure mind understands this concept of the buddha inner smile to the head. I just trying my best to do a buddha smile in the direction of the body part. The feeling tone is pleasent.

22 min PM Abre Guided Relax Meditation
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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I'm sure it's something that needs a bit of getting used to just like anything else. 

I used to do hands-on self-Reiki back in 2008 which is similar to what you do (instead of smile sending healing energy to the body parts) . Placing palms of my hands from top of the head and all the way down to the feet. Would take me around 20-30 minutes to get through all the position. It's sending Ki energy to that part of the body, one feels the heat of the palms against the body. It's a good practice. I think Kenneth Folk suggests hands on body when teaching Direct Path. Maybe Abre knows more about it. It certainly can be a helping tool. 
Sam Gentile, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Update

Sorry I haven't been online for a few days. I'm still trying to process the diagnosis of Atypical Parkionism. I just mope around the apartment and haven't even done Abre's 20 min Relaxation meditation. On top of it, I've had some stomach problems. I want to ask a very strange question. When I do meditations like Abre's that involve a lot of deep breathing, I generate a lot of air in my colon from the deep breaths which causes a lot of gas afterwards. I know this sounds strange but does anyone experience anythinng like this?
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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Sounds perfectly natural to me Sam! When I get the lower belly going either through deep breathing, or just going for walks or even runs I will generally fart a lot! Farting is healthy in my opinion! Also gives new oportunities to be NOTED emoticon the sense of smelling is being involved emoticon note it, note it emoticon 

In case you feel like going back to noting (Im not saying you should , but only in case you start feeling the need), try and focus only on the body sensations and relaxing the body (while noting you can scan the body for tension and rellax it). You can stay away from the mind states and feeling tones if they are too disturbing. You simply lock onto coolness in the nostrils and belly rising and falling, expanding belly touching the shirt (this I find usually is very pleasant). Body really is always good to return back to when stuff gets too heavy emotinaly.

Im saying this as you might feel bad about this sudden transition from full on practice going on and suddenly you are off the hourse so to speak. Its almost like a "cultural shock" some people have when moving countries (Ive moved alot) or when people get fired from a job they liked. Transition can be felt as loss. 

I think breathing relaxation (calm abiding) is a very good practice and can lead the one practicing all the way. Im know personally it can lead all the way to EQ (4th Jhana) and if you dont freak out (like I did) when you totally loose the breathing (as if you are not breathing at all) then you might even continue further. Back then I didnt know about this happening in 4th Jhana (breathing stops, but its harmless, no reason to panic, as I did emoticon  )

So, once again, I think its a great practice, this breath relaxation and there is no need for you to feel as if you are downgrading your practice. Tibetans dont offer Shamatha (calm-abiding relaxation) without a good reason emoticon 

In case you feel too overwhelmed with this illness then maybe talking to a therapist can help. Talking about our stuff always helps.

I really wish you all the best Sam! 
Sam Gentile, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Update

I don't know when I meditated last. With the symptoms and diagnosis of Parkinsons and dealing with the tremors and involutary body movement, I sank into despair and stopped meditating. I had to let go of Abre for financial reasons. I just sat around feeling how terrible everythinng was. Today, I decided to try to meditate just for a half hour which I did. I don't know if I can sustain a regular practice at this point. I' m down to my last $1000 and don't even know how I'll live and buy food.

30 Min PM Noting Sit


I did it! I was energetic so the noting was consistent and fast.
BODY I had to deal with the Parkinsons tremors and involuntary body movements. I was somewhat restless. I had fullness, heavingness, andd pressure from taking a medicine all day. I noticed some sharp pains in the muscle which connects the underarm to the chest. I had foot pain, runny nose, headache also. SOUND I noticed a motorcycle and some birds THOUGHTS Worry thoughts, future planning thoughts, logging thoughts, DhO thoughts EMOTIONS I had strong emotions of fear, anxiety and worry

GENERAL FEELING At least I did it. I don't know if I'm back, I will try.
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Papa Che Dusko, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

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So good to see you back Sam emoticon emoticon emoticon show must go on emoticon You did it! 

I agree, sitting around and just feeling how everything is terrible is certainly not helping at all emoticon We need to learn to disembed from such thinking patterns and meditation sure can do that as well as bring some tranquility into our life. 

How was that Smiling Buddha meditation for you? Any good? Can you think of doing it again or is it too artificial feeling? Im asking as it would be good to have one short sit that is based on one pointed calming meditation and then do the noting later maybe or before, as it suits you. 

You could aslo try and create an object for one pointed part of your noting meditation. I do open eyes focus on a kasina object (can be anything and matters little if its just a dirt spot on the wall or floor infront of you). If this is not good for your eyes then maybe holding something between your fingers, an object of your choosing. This would be your one pointed object that you return to very often during noting. Ingram I think used raise and fall of the abdomen as the primary one pointed object in his sittings and noting all other stuff but returning to it again and again. It doesnt work that well for me hence I use eye focus on an object and of course my own voice (in noting aloud) as well as the in ear frequency when it pops up (the nada sound). 

Having this one pointed object in your noting practice can introduce tranquility, calm and of course concentration (absorption joy, rapture, bliss and open spacious awareness).  Try and think what would be the best one pointed object for you. Chris Marti prefers the preassure of his buttocks against the cushion apparently emoticon 

Great to see you again! 
Sam Gentile, modified 7 Months ago.

RE: Sam's Practice Log 2

Posts: 1072 Join Date: 5/4/20 Recent Posts
Papa Che Dusko:
So good to see you back Sam emoticonemoticonemoticon show must go on emoticon You did it! 

I agree, sitting around and just feeling how everything is terrible is certainly not helping at all emoticon We need to learn to disembed from such thinking patterns and meditation sure can do that as well as bring some tranquility into our life. 

How was that Smiling Buddha meditation for you? Any good? Can you think of doing it again or is it too artificial feeling? Im asking as it would be good to have one short sit that is based on one pointed calming meditation and then do the noting later maybe or before, as it suits you. 

You could aslo try and create an object for one pointed part of your noting meditation. I do open eyes focus on a kasina object (can be anything and matters little if its just a dirt spot on the wall or floor infront of you). If this is not good for your eyes then maybe holding something between your fingers, an object of your choosing. This would be your one pointed object that you return to very often during noting. Ingram I think used raise and fall of the abdomen as the primary one pointed object in his sittings and noting all other stuff but returning to it again and again. It doesnt work that well for me hence I use eye focus on an object and of course my own voice (in noting aloud) as well as the in ear frequency when it pops up (the nada sound). 

Having this one pointed object in your noting practice can introduce tranquility, calm and of course concentration (absorption joy, rapture, bliss and open spacious awareness).  Try and think what would be the best one pointed object for you. Chris Marti prefers the preassure of his buttocks against the cushion apparently emoticon 

Great to see you again! 

Thanks for the welcome back and suggestions. I think I am just tryiing to keep it simple right now, seeing if I can even do do it on a regular basis. The Smiling Buddha Relaxation meditation is the one Abre left me to deal with the Parkinsons but it has a lot of deep breathing, which causes gas which causes bathroom trips!

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