Jasinski:
Hi, I'm from Poland and I'm a travel enthusiast who is currently staying in Sri Lanka for a few months. In 2019, I was in India for a couple of months with my friends and we met a monk-like figure in a village. People bring this person food and he just sits under a tree. I thought he was some kind of a con artist because he just eats people's food and does nothing besides that. We talked to this guy because my friend was interested and he talked about a lot of stuff. He was a very pleasant person and he spoke English well and I even argued with this person about various topics (religion, Jesus, etc) because at that time I wanted to feel superior and I tried to prove him that I know more than him and I'm a better person. I now understand that it was very ignorant of me.
Then he was like if you want to see God, do this, and told us to be aware of every sensation that arises in our body and thoughts and told to repeat this process every day. At that time, for me it seemed like some kind of occult practice but after a few days, I tried it because I was very curious. I didn't even tell my friend because I acted like I didn't care. I did this for like a day and I went to crazy hyper awareness state which I can't even describe. I couldn't even sleep. The strange thing was I started to see some flashlight-like effects when I try to sleep and the next day I started feeling like electricity passing through me. My head and whole body were feeling ecstatic. All of these sensations were pleasent but I stopped the thing because I was scared and this lasted for like a week. After a few months passed, I started feeling very miserable and I still feel miserable. I don't have faith in Jesus anymore and I don't even go to church. I don't go out much now and I want to go back to my old life but I can't because I'm curious about what happened. I strongly believe that this has something to do with that incidence. I started Googling about the sensations I had then found this forum with threads of very similar experiences. What's all of this? Any advice would be appreciated.
aloha jas,
Meeting a Real Person can make your whole life seem like the sham it really is. Conventional wisdom, conventional religion are just more shams. The activities of humans are absurd. The practice of actually being present - as opposed to diverting oneself as people normally do - leads to the accumulation of energy and the consequent need to apply that energy in a non-absurd manner.
You are on your own, bra. Aka the existential predicament. No one is going to die for you, you will do that alone. Living, too, requires self-motivation. A busload of faith. Take your stand and be your self, come what may. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Grow into your character, trust your essential good nature and natural ability to cope and make sense. Find that core within your heart, the Heart's Desire, and make it your energy source. The Religion of Love, fueled by longing.
Your fear is the stumbling block. You faced the red pill/blue pill moment and bailed. You're stuck between conventional reality and wonderland, still wondering how deep the rabbit hole goes. Pray to jesus for help, or make the buddha your servant.
Your sincerity, innocence and spontaneity are your strengths, trust them.
terry
LET THE BEAUTY WE LOVE BE WHAT WE DO:
Selections from the Poems of Jelalludin Rumi
Edited by
Ric Amante,
Mio Cohen & Ray Soulard, Jr.
LOVE DOGS
One night a man was crying,
Allah! Allah!His lips grew sweet with the praising,
until a cynic said,
“So! I have heard you
calling out, but have you ever
gotten any response?”
The man had no answer to that.
He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.
He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
in a thick, green foliage.
"Why did you stop praising?"
“Because I’ve never heard anything back.”
"This longing
you express is the return message.”
The grief you cry out from
draws you toward union.
Your pure sadness
that wants help
is the secret cup.
Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
That whining is the connection.
There are love dogs
no one knows the names of.
Give your life
to be one of them.
from the rubaiyat of omar khayyam
trans fitzgerald
LXXIII
Ah, Love! could thou and I with Fate conspire
To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire,
Would not we shatter it to bits—and then
Re-mould it nearer to the Heart's Desire!