This is my first time posting on here and could use some help on determining what I'm feeling is. I'm not sure if this is the right space for it as I'm not sure what I believe in yet (so not officially Buddhist) but I just know my personal research these past 7 months is screaming one large truth at me... there's more. Anyways, this is what i'm currently experiencing (slightly high right now btw but i utilize the effects to control and dive deeper since i'm not at that point in standard state yet. This helps build my insight journal that I constantly edit and update to then help guide my standard self through change to realizing larger truths.): It feels as though my awareness is connected to another tether or position in space. Like it's slowed down and because of that, awareness grows to capture more data around. I'm studying how I got here and how to manipulate this transferrence and refine vehicle to go beyond self. To not touch data that impacts the senses as much and if you do, to do it under whichever religion's rules establishes (virtues for christianity, noble path for buddhism, limbs of raja yoga, instrucitons in tao te ching, etc.). You constantly stay aware of what's around you in the present. You can manipulate position of awareness within Time, which is just another variable of components within the cycle. By this manipulation you can break down what's in the now (present), make predictions of the future based on data known, and travel backwards. 

It feels as though my perspective of what's ahead will still stay slightly shifted after high wares off because of the analysis I have done on effects. Is this shift on perception of reality an A&P event? Or is this not really anything and I'm just experiencing delusion?

 Hi Troy,

I'm not "officially a buddhist" either. I'm sure a lot of people in here don't think of themselves as "officially buddhist" either. It's more about the practice and about insight, than believing in something. Rigid beliefs can be pretty detrimental to what we're trying to do in here.

"slightly high right now btw but i utilize the effects to control and dive deeper since i'm not at that point in standard state yet."
- I'm not sure if being high is a help in any way, or simply just a hindrance. Perhaps it has elements of both, not sure. I know that one can easily be fooled into thinking that its all good with that dank, but I've never seen anything to back it up in terms of lasting insight.

I myself have had some pretty mind blowing experiences while high, but none of them have had any lasting effect. One obvious danger with combining meditation and substances (weed?) is that you start thinking that your high state is what you need to hold on too. From personal experience I know that this is very tempting, but obviously a trap! And as Dhamma theory 101 goes, holding on to any kind of stuff/state is the opposite direction of the one we're trying to go.

It seems you may be trapped since you say you're not "at that point in standard state yet". - Dude, thinking that you're trying to get to a permanently high state (or any state) is definitely a big trap and a misconception! The consequences of believing this could be utterly detrimental to your path and the lulling effect of the substances could so easily cloud your judgement.

Remember this: Insight is what you want. If you only seem to have the insight when you're high - do you have insight then, or are you just high?

About where you're at...I think we'd like to know what you've been doing practice-wise. What's your practice like now and for the last 7 months? (And what's your weed consumption been like?) Was there a clear event where this shift in your perception happened?

With information like that it becomes easier to try and say what may or may not have happened.
Also, it doesn't really matter. Practice should be the same whether or not you've hit an AP event

Cheers
 

Hello Emil,

I understand the controversy, doubt in benefits, and concerns regarding the marijuana use. I'm mindful that it is only a temporary state and that state is not what should be sought. I'll try to describe how it all started, what I've been doing, how I utilize the altered state of consciousness through mairjuana consumption, etc. but apologies if I fail to transmit the knowledge as I haven't really talked with anyone in depth before about this journey I'm on. 

How it started: I hit a barrier on developing a physical skill and transmitting what I learned to utilizing that in the present (esports). I had a belief that my focus was what was lacking. I spent around a year performing introspection and manipulation of awareness/perception to try and find what was wrong. Towards the end of that year is when marijuana became legal in my state and so I started using for the first time. While within this altered state I studied awareness manipulation from a different angle to see what answers would be produced. I then compared what I had to the new content and attempted to find a merger that logically made sense at the time. Then in July of last year I had a question pop into my head which was "How would you create consciousness?" This question essentially took me down a rabbit hole that I won't be able to come back from since I know there has to be more to this life and whenever I grow weary of sensual desire (happening more and more frequently as I travel this path) I always come back to trying to figure it all out. 

Journey since start: What I've been doing for the past 7 months is basically playing with ideas like they are geometrical shapes and trying to see how the puzzle pieces fit together. I've been sifting through, pulling from, and attempting to merge data from the most poulous religions while comparing to my own hypothesis. Through introspection, I utilize logic to see if the merger aligns or if not, I go back to the drawing board. This has started culminating into a larger and larger view of everything around me. When I "feel" I hit a barrier and can't find an answer to form a new hypothesis I utilize an edible/marijuana to look at the question from a different angle. I will say I wouldn't be where I am currently if it weren't for the use of edibles so I believe others can utilize it for benefit to some degree as long as they're mindful of the overall goal and not create attachment to the state. I haven't practiced meditation in a routine pattern and have instead been more "living" within the realm of ideas. One of the main parts of my Ego/Self is I feel the need to discover the truths for myself and so before I believe one way is the right way I felt as though I had to create my own meditation method merging various ideas. It has more or less aligned with the Buddhist jhana practice. 

Present: After putting together the ideas I notated last night and this morning I don't believe I experienced an A&P event but if you think otherwise, I would be interested in knowing so. I now have a strong sense of what needs done next (development of the not-self while remaining mindful). I plan on putting together a full cultivation model for moment to moment practice and will use kasina meditation or breath awareness for jhana practice.

Thank you for reading and helping!

Sounds like a pretty interesting approach. Let us know how you get on!

Hey Troy,

Yeah that does sound interesting :p Could it be said that your path is leaning a bit towards something about intellectualizing what's going on?
It would be interesting to see what starts happening if you started an insight meditation practice. I think there should be a good balance between the intellectualizing and the seeing part.

As for weed - I agree that there is one benefit to using it. For me it made meditation interesting and fascinating at some points on my journey where I had forgotten about that interesting/magical part of it. So without it I might not have practiced at all. But I'm also so very aware of the fact that it can be dangerous because I used to equate that high state - feeling free, equanimous, happy, in a flow - with being closer to enlightenment. Now I'm happy to say that I do not believe this anymore, and feel free from this compelling belief. And also, feel no temptation to use it so that's also nice

About the A&P event... I think you'll find, like I did, that diagnosing exactly what goes on is always suuuper difficult. In that case I would practice not worrying about it, as it can be frustrating and hard to try and figure out where you are in the maps. Did you read Daniel's stuff on the A&P, like this:

https://www.dharmaoverground.org/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/The+Arising+and+Passing+Away

or this:

https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/4-the-arising-and-passing-away/

Could be helpful.

By the way, what you're describing reminds myself of what I believe must have been my first 3 insights of mind and body, cause and effect and the three characteristics. Without that A&P event, which seems to often times be very memorable (has been for me too), it would propably be difficult to conclude that's what happened with you. But again, I really don't know anything :p So just take this with a huuuge dash of salt.

So how bout it? Gonna start some insight practices?

Hi Troy, and welcome to DhO! 

Emil's response, and your reponse to that, both seem right on to me, especially in light of you initially wondering if this is the right place at all for you at this point in your life. A lot of us here have used drugs in varying degrees of entwinement with the spiritual path, and for many that was an early taste of that "one large truth" that's been screaming "there is more" to you for the last seven months. It sounds like you're paying attention to that scream, lol. 

Are you having an A&P event? The Knowledge of the Arising and Passing Away, can take a lot of forms, but a common feature is A Giant Taste of Way More, and a common after-effect is a deep and passionate commitment to learning more about that More. If it sets you on fire, it is probably an A&P, in my book, and if it motivates you to start doing the disciplined work and study and practice it take to become a fire-ologist, then it is a fruitful one.

I now have a strong sense of what needs done next (development of the not-self while remaining mindful). I plan on putting together a full cultivation model for moment to moment practice and will use kasina meditation or breath awareness for jhana practice.

Sounds great! DhO is very practice oriented, will a pretty amazing range of practices and paths, and I hope you will find us a good community in support of your journey. I look forward to hearing how this goes! Best wishes.

Thank you for the welcome and assistance everyone. I feel like I now have a place to share my thoughts and go in depths over my journey. I've only tried sharing what I've been doing a couple times before on the bare surface level and it was met negatively which then led me to keeping it all within. 

Emil, thank you for the links. It pretty much aligns with the self diagnosis the day after of it not being an A&P event.

I'm considering starting a series of posts like a practice journal/progress on path, but not sure. Yesterday, I essentially reached the end of my search for the truth I've been seeking as it all fits together now seamlessly and now just need experience of de-tangling. Once I refine my technique for continuous practice I have a hunch change will come quickly based on who I am today and how I already act.

Yes, man! I find this place is remarkably good at welcoming, assisting and supporting. Let's keep that going.
Do not be afraid to be met with negativity in here. The harshest thing that can happen is a constructive argument.

I'd find it exciting if you posted a log in here. You may get some useful feedback!