Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Michal, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 9:49 AM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 9:47 AM

Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 33 Join Date: 6/9/20 Recent Posts
So this is not the first time I thought I have SE (the other times have been likely near miss in equanimity or something that would be a more complicated discussion) but now I have perceived how cycle reset looks in relation to kasina visuals. I also have quite a few interesting kasina stories to tell.

I have been practicing 1 - 10 hours of kasina a day.

Some weeks / days 6 - 10 hours, now 3 - 4 hours, sometimes only 1 hour.

Here is something I wrote elsewhere for advice.
Yesterday I got to the unbeatable tiredness that does not feel like it has anything to do with me being tired again  and then something interesting happened during a 1.5h kasina sit that was supposed to be longer.The sit went like this:"Quick A&P -> uncomfortable part that wasn't bad or long because I am pretty concentrated -> unbeatable tiredness -> what seemed like skipped time, I checked the clock afterwards and it didn't make any sense that so little time would pass"Today I have been the most manic in a long time or except maybe few days ago when something similiar happened. Doing non doing / thinking not thinking. So it might truly be new A&P, more intense than the last time.

Is the unbeatable tiredness common? Is the reason why cessation happens the fact that you try to maintain awareness while in unawareness?

From these experiences I think that the reason for the pleasant changes in consciousness afterwards has something to do with the fact that a new, stronger A&P cycle has started.

​​​​​​​Reading other descriptions on DHO seems like this truly is it.I still have some desire to always stay in A&P even though during some kasina sessions I see how unfullfilling and ordinary the short A&P is.But I see how it comes down to clinging. Maybe the cycling will stop once I stop clinging?

I have also noticed a new kind of dreams that are not dreams but staying in concentration without dreams.  So probably sleeping in equanamity. But only brief. It is not all night awareness. I have had about 500 - 1000 astral projections / LDs before, so I know this is from a different stage of mind.
A few days something similiar happened that had something to do with the relation of subject and object (no self). I dont know which door the one from today could be. But the A&P afterwards was of the same taste.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 12:19 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 12:19 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 59 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
In my experience, cessations have been unequivocal. There wasn't any doubt or questioning about it. I had moments such as you describe, the tiredness and then lost time during meditation, and entering a hypnogogic state where weird experiences happen. Those are just sleep, and weird experiences. Not cessation.  But don't be discouraged, it's better to assume you didn't have a cessation than to be mistaken that you had one when you didn't. emoticon
More importantly, who or what cares that you had a cessation?
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 12:50 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 12:50 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 59 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Also, remember that I am completely full of shit! The only person that will ever really know, is YOU! But not you. Ha ha emoticon
Michal, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 1:17 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 1:17 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 33 Join Date: 6/9/20 Recent Posts
Robert L. In my experience, cessations have been unequivocal. There wasn't any doubt or questioning about it. I had moments such as you describe, the tiredness and then lost time during meditation, and entering a hypnogogic state where weird experiences happen. Those are just sleep, and weird experiences. Not cessation.  But don't be discouraged, it's better to assume you didn't have a cessation than to be mistaken that you had one when you didn't. emoticon More importantly, who or what cares that you had a cessation?
Thanks for the input.
What were the changes in experience days and weeks following your cessation?
Michal, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 1:59 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 1:59 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 33 Join Date: 6/9/20 Recent Posts
Robert L.
More importantly, who or what cares that you had a cessation?
The thing that can be described? But yeah, that might be the key to getting it if I have not.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 3:18 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/12/23 3:18 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 59 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
Nothing initially. It felt like a reverse gunshot to the head. I saw an image of my "hand" reaching for a computer screen, a few stutter steps in reality, and then BAM reality came back. The moment of cessation felt like I was wiped out of existence. No memory of that moment. I felt like I died, and the first moment was just awareness, and then everything else just came rushing back explosively. I've had cessations after that. None where everything came back so violently though.
After that cessation, I realized it wasn't my first cessation ;).
I became aware of awareness, and the "I" that I thought I was...wasn't. I stopped caring about maps, and the path of insight, and trying to conceptualize everything. There are other "differences" but it's also kind of the same. emoticon
Michal, modified 1 Year ago at 1/14/23 2:01 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/14/23 1:54 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 33 Join Date: 6/9/20 Recent Posts
Nothing initially. It felt like a reverse gunshot to the head. I saw an image of my "hand" reaching for a computer screen, a few stutter steps in reality, and then BAM reality came back. The moment of cessation felt like I was wiped out of existence. No memory of that moment. I felt like I died, and the first moment was just awareness, and then everything else just came rushing back explosively. I've had cessations after that. None where everything came back so violently though.
After that cessation, I realized it wasn't my first cessation ;).
I became aware of awareness, and the "I" that I thought I was...wasn't. I stopped caring about maps, and the path of insight, and trying to conceptualize everything. There are other "differences" but it's also kind of the same. emoticon
Whatever it is I am experiencing goes like this: 

I notice "selfing" - meaning the inability to seperate subject and object, which is what I think causes suffering - if I intent in that direction I notice that I have lost attention and that the act of paying attention is not in my control either. It is when I am able to be mindful again when I think something (not)happened.
Sometimes it causes the day after or hours after or whatever to be pretty crazy, sometimes nope.
The tiredness might have been just a sideffect of spending a day of sitting with too much back support and then switching to no back support again. Like reverse of the wakefulness that my practice usually creates.
I still have to try to do that again and again until I am completely sure if it is what is happening.
The "this is not my first time" was one of the think that I suspect I realized too.
Robert L, modified 1 Year ago at 1/14/23 4:07 PM
Created 1 Year ago at 1/14/23 4:07 PM

RE: Stream entry? 1 month of heavy kasina practice.

Posts: 59 Join Date: 2/10/19 Recent Posts
There is no separation of subject and object. There is no boundary between outside and inside. The ego creates the illusion of separation which leads to suffering.

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