I apologize for my recent behaviour. I responded in weird ways.

That's because I am weird. 4 years ago I could have said this:

"I apologize for my recent behaviour. I responded in insane ways.

That's because I am insane.".

4 years ago I was at the mercy of my screwed up mind and barely survived. That hit me hard.

I'm over it, generally speaking. But it does flare up and makes me do weird things, like recently.

I can't help this. It's a fault in my brain I was born with.

But still, I apologize.

I went as far as giving my personal details. Please don't use them. And please point me out any location where I still left some of it undeleted. And also, please delete or edit any of your posts where my personal details are mentioned.

Have you ever walked by a psychiatric hospital and looked at the people?

I used to be in one. For a long time.

Please help me out here and help me delete my personal info. I'm sane now and probably will stay that way, but it being in my genes, stuff comes out from time to time. The meds help though.

In essence I have a really good case against AF, but I find it difficult to express without getting caught up in leftover symptons.

You guys are great people. Thanks.

hey simon, you might have noticed that you followed a similar pattern in your last string of posts at the DhO, highly energetic confrontational stuff, then apologetic and depressed stuff, then feeling that you had moved on permanently. this is a pattern i recognize very well, and one that i am still very much subject to, i would say i am currently in the "feeling i am past it stage." i suggest that rather than assuming you are really, really past it all, or accepting it as a given in life, you start up a serious, organized, practice and try to move on, and you might avoid more subtle and gross "weird" behavior causing suffering in yourself and in others.

the stuff we are born with flares up in gross and subtle ways, the subtle ways being basically constant and the gross ways being more rare and intense, meditation can get us past this stuff. anyway, that's just my suggestion, take it or leave it, i wont try and convince you of anything ;)

You are right.

In fact, this whole AF thing isn't good for me. I still disagree with it based on some real observations, but it really isn't good for me.

I've had a look through your last few threads and posts, I can't find any of your personal information listed anymore.

As for apologies, no need for them.
Just do what's right for you and whatever makes you happiest.

Peace.
Tommy

Hi Tommy,

I just posted some questions on your attainment in another thread. As for my other threads, it's ok, you can leave them as they are. Except when you find one where I foolishly gave out personal info, I'd appreciate it if that got deleted.

I love the way you guys are forgiving over here. I have not been a very good influence.

I, for myself, blame it on the way I was born. I was born with mental illness, which I'm fighting very hard to overcome. And I'm making progress.

But, I do not expect anyone to know my illness, nor do I expect them to share my position that I am not to blame.

Fact is, I sometimes post ridiculous stuff, because the impulses tell me to do so. I hate it.

But there's one thing I would like to share. Once someone honestly says "sorry" to me, I forgive them fully. And that's what I get from here, forgiveness. I guess it's because you guys see the human condition as being the problem, or maybe not, but forgiveness is something very common here.

Did you know that in ancient Hawaiian society, the time of Huna, not accepting an apology was a BIG social no?

I'm not expecting the same here, but it reminds me of it.

So all, please forgive me my bouts of insanity.

In that case, I accept your apology and appreciate your honesty, and your willingness to be so upfront. I wasn't disregarding your apology in the first place, I genuinely mean it when I say that there is nothing to apologize for and I would prefer if you could forgive yourself for these outburst. Acknowledging them and accepting them for what they are is part of the process, we all fuck up and we can either learn from it or repeat the cycle over and over again. It's up to you, either way take care of yourself and go get some help if you're finding it difficult.

By the way, I've dealt with mental illness for a long time too but I can vouch for how effective a solid meditation practice, not even "AF" or anything, can be in helping to cope better and live more skilfully with it.

Thanks!

Nowadays mindfulness is accepted as a good help with certain mental illnesses. It has been proved scientificly.

Science tends to be a bit behind on these matters though. Self hypnosis, meditation and mindfulness would be proven more effective if examined, I suspect.

Do you know the story of the Iceman? It was in the news a while ago, over here. It's this guy who can endure extreme levels of cold. Science looked into it. Their conclusion: what he does is impossible. He seemed to be able to control parts of his physiology that people were not supposed to be able to control, according to science.

They did measure him doing it though. And tests are going on right now.

His explanation? He did a certain type of meditation. According to him, if he lost the state while being in the cold, he would die just like anyone else.

This is known as "tummo", it's seriously interesting stuff and there's a thread over on Kenneth Folk Dharma where one of the yogis discusses it in detail. It's amazing what can be done with this mind/body interface!

For sure!