Not much activity on Reddit and I want to progress further, so I'm posting again. Thanks to all those who chimed in before.

(if you are interested - https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/14mbrdd/comment/jq6qhf1/?context=3) 

Angelo replied and advised working with sense fields. One of the blogs linked by another poster mentioned the same. I've been continuing my practice, with the goal of resuming self inquiry (since it caused kensho) after I am more settled.

Existence has changed, I don't identify with the mind anymore. Now "I" am everything, or abundant love. I still can get caught up in the thought stream. There are periods of just "I am" 

When doing sensation work, strange things happen. I experience an "in-betweenness" when I'm not the object or me, but somewhere in-between. I feel like I want to go deeper into that. Never read about this anywhere and I read a lot. 

Intellectually and in my heart, I somehow know everything I've read about this - the world is illusion etc is true. I can sort of "feel" my consciousness inhabiting everything sometimes. But it doesn't feel deeply embodied, it feels like the mind is trying to sometimes construct an idea of what it is before it gets there - which is of course illusion.

It's been kind of weird at times so I'm grateful to people here for keeping me grounded. A lot of these experiences are kind of out-there, even though I've had many spiritual experiences before.

Nice. Yes, the odd thing about sensations is they seem to be something external, something internal, or "my identity" depending on the way the mind frames it. So an itch on the arm can be "that itch over there on my arm that I'm observing from over here", or it can be "that itch that is within my body,", or it can be that sense of "I am itchy". Is it in my arm, my mind, or somewhere in between... or nowhere in particular?

So even the most simple thing can reveal interesting things about the nature of mind/body and self/other. Traditionally "meditating on the sensation of breathing" was support for this kind of practice. The breath becomes very interesting when investigating how the sensations appear. And the nice thing is the sensations of breathing is always right here and it is always changing.

By the way, this sort of practice is potentially very powerful. It has a way of loosening  the standard way we percieve the world, body, mind, self. It can create all the standard kind of spiritual insights, but also all the standard spiritual freakouts and damages. So if you explore this way, you also have to be responsibe and be careful. It can be good to find a community or spiritual friends that you can go to BEFORE things get wierd. 

I'm not saying they will get wierd, but there is a significant risk with these practices. 

An excerpt from 35. How the Maps Help – MCTB.org below"

"Imagine that there is a medication called Damnital that is used to treat some form of suffering (perhaps it’s a pain medicine or an antidepressant). However, in a subset of patients its long-term use is known to cause pronounced anxiety, paranoia, depression, apathy, micro-psychotic episodes, a pervasive sense of primal frustration, pronounced lack of perspective on relationships, reduced libido, feelings of dissatisfaction with worldly affairs, and exacerbation of personality disorders, all of which can lead to markedly reduced social and occupational functioning. Imagine that these side effects are known to persist sometimes months and even years after someone stops taking the medication, with occasional flare-ups and relapses, with the only effective treatment being to restart the meds, perhaps increase the dose, add supportive care and counseling, and hope that these side effects pass quickly with little damage.

Now, imagine that you are living in the dark days of paternalistic medicine during which doctors prescribe these practices without fully disclosing the potential side effects despite being fully aware of them. Imagine that drug companies are not required to disclose known side effects. Does anything in this scenario make you even a bit uncomfortable? I should hope so!

Let’s say for the sake of argument that I am a fanatic who is blowing this way out of proportion. Let’s assume that Damnital only causes these effects in one out of every ten thousand patients. Would you have these side effects included on the little piece of paper that comes in the bottle? Let’s say it’s one in a hundred? At what point does it become absurd that those doctors and drug companies are being allowed to get away with this? Unfortunately, I must admit that I do not know the exact odds of these side effects happening to you. I do know firsthand that they happen and that if you cross the A&P you are likely to run into at least some of them.

These side effects are no fantasy. When they show up they are as real and powerful as if some dangerous drug had seriously skewed your neurochemistry, and I often wonder if that might be something like what happens. Thus, it seems only fair to have the same standards that we apply with such pronounced zeal and fervent litigation to drug companies and doctors also apply to meditation teachers and dharma books. For reasons unknown to me, this book is the first one I know of to spell out all of these things explicitly in language that everyone should be able to understand so that you can go into meditation having been fully informed of the risks and benefits and thus make informed decisions about your own practice. In the spirit of professionalism, I call on others who promote the dharma to immediately adopt a similarly high standard of open disclosure of risks, benefits, and alternatives for their own work."

I have read through all that before. It doesn't correspond with anything that I have been experiencing.

Do I still continue with sensation and non-inquiry? 

i don't know

Keep doing what you were doing practice wise or do something different, such as formal meditation paired with leaning into your new experiences of mind.

When meditative shifts occurs they can sometimes feel like sea-changes that demand a whole new direction in practice, but with ongoing experience and integration often we can successfully just pick up where we left off.

​​​​​​​Appreciate what you've learned and apply that to practice going foreward, but no need to radically alter your direction.

Also, more info on what you were doing before and how your shift in experience has affected that might be helpful as far as giving you more specific ideas for practice.

I just had (a half hour ago) another huge shift which was similar to my initial kensho. I experienced myself as not attached to myself, just part of everything. When I say "I" now the "I" becomes that, I understand the "I" of ego and mind is limited. 

This came about through self-inquiry. A powerful force took hold of me and I felt that we went through together, to become something new. 

It feels kind of freaky and I decided to hold off anything for now, just be and let the new "I" settle. 

Still meditating, treating myself gently and letting the experience integrate more fully, like with the kensho. Observing, letting go, letting the mind be mind. 

Well great, sounds like you're going in the right direction / whatever you're doing is working for you!

1) What exactly is your definition of kensho?
2) Where did you get this definition?
3) What is the difference between your first kensho vs second kensho?

My initial guess is that you are experiencing the A&P, and that is showing some great things!
Good luck,
​​​​​​​~D

My understanding of kensho is from my study of Zen, "seeing the temperament" Upon more reading, I am realizing that different people define it differently. I currently understand it to be the initial direct insight into the nature of reality. A beginning, not the end.

I first read about it in Three Pillars of Zen.

The difference is that the colors and sensations were different. They deal with different parts of "I" and the mind. It felt "out of mind" though. 

I have read more about the A&P. Since the definitions within are so broad, I realize that I have been experiencing elements of the A&P and glimpses of non-self throughout my whole life. As the maps say, they are no hard and fast rules, so while useful to a degree, I take the Maps of Insight and the AtR guides with some salt (it's not usually a linear progression, they both admit so)

So you had kensho. What is your direct insight into the direct nature of reality? You should be able to at least approximate this experience using words.

1) What exactly is your definition of kensho?
Did you have this experience of 'direct insight into the nature of reality'? If so what is the nature of reality?

2) Where did you get this definition?
Ok, cool.

3) What is the difference between your first kensho vs second kensho?
What colors and how were the colors different from before the 1st experience of kensho, after the first experience, after second experience?
What sensations and how were the sensations different from before the 1st experience of kensho, after the first experience, after second experience?

Colors and sensations deal with what parts of "I"? Elaborate the before, after 1st kensho, after second kensho?
Colors and sensations deal with what parts of "the mind"?  Elaborate the before, after 1st kensho, after second kensho?
What is 'It felt "out of mind" though.' Are we still talking about colors and sensations? Elaborate this "out of mind", the before, after 1st kensho, after second kensho?


What is this non-self that you have glimpsed?
I could say I saw a non-flower....that makes no sense at all. Were you looking in the mirror? At your body?

That's not my experience and you are overstating it. There are rules, just not absolute ones that always applies to everyone. In general they do usually apply but most people are lazy and don't bother to look at their meditation to examine whether it is true or not. They lack the meta level to notice the meditation because they are so focused on what they are busy with in the meditation.
Same goes for "not usually a linear progression" but you read it and understand it that way so it must be true for you. I hope your understanding works well for you about those 2 aspects.
I would love to give you more input if you would just explain exactly what happened in your own words and then explain what you mean by those words.
I think we are almost there though, so I do hope you will break it down.
​​​​​​​~D

Things just are, there is no I.

I understand intellectually that everything is empty, but my mind is still attached to senses of being and phenomena.

​​​​​​​That's as far as I have now.

​​

I'm writing this on my phone so and after a long walk so it will be a bit disjointed. 

The nature of reality is being filtered by the mind. The initial insight is that I am not the mind.

​​​​​i will try to be specific about the experiences.

In the first, a blue white void appeared to me. I felt something beckon to me. I've previously seen these colors and associated them with what I know to be God. There was a sense of stepping through.

The part that was no mind was that after I stepped through, reality had changed. I didn't experience myself as the same I. I could sense that I was not the mind.

The second experience was that a blue green energy surrounded me in strands. Again something beckoned me, more forcefully but gentle.

There was a sense of fear and that I would not be pushed. I accepted and I felt something pull me through.

​​​​​​​After that I experienced I as a sense of everything. There was a moment in which the sense of I faded completely, there was just existence.

That's as far as I have with no mind, because it's hard to put into words. By definition a thought can be explicated in words 

The first time I felt no self was at the climax of the shooting game ikaruga, a game which is about the dharma. I was 15 I can remember it clearly.

I was aware of just everything happening, there was no I. It was only for a moment. The words in the screen, bodily sensations, everything was the same.



​​​​​​​

I'm here to learn and progress I don't know everything. I'm only relating what I have experienced. If the maps work for you great. My experiences are similar to some parts, not others.

​​​​​​​I greatly appreciate all help. I wish to awaken to aid all living beings and all that good stuff.

Ahhh, Wonderful!!!
This explanation and break down gives me what I needed to possibly comment with some accuracy.

You have had A&P events that have permanently changed your frame of mind...I consider these A&P events this strong and life changing to be the first of many awakenings.

The theme  is very similar to my second grand A&P event that started me on my journey -
​​​​​​​
It is a standard unitive experience where the "I/Mind/Me" drops away or the 'differentiating selfing processes' take a break but then boot back up later. While it is happening you feel united with everything happening around you and it all seems so calm and perfect and amazingly clear.

I did not get any fireworks or colors like you did and didn't attribute it to a deity of my choice. So that is different.

Like you I had a permanent shift - "I understand intellectually that everything is empty, but my mind is still attached to senses of being and phenomena." When my Mind/Me/I/Self rebooted the memory of the experience was still so very transformative. I could talk about deep levels of mystic understanding and when I read about this type of stuff in books I had a frame of reference.

The effect was permanent mentally and did it's job but the intensity of the memory faded and I couldn't get back to that amazing unitive state and live life there.
Fast forward over 20 years later, I took up meditation and have been letting go of selfing processes, permanently, one by one, and getting closer to that state. I'm not done yet but can kinda see the light at the end of the tunnel (If it isn't a train coming).
I hope that my comments have in some way helped,
Good Luck,
~D

Well they helped in the sense they convinced me I am not crazy haha. I'm looking to progress onwards on the path though. 

Are you doing any vipassana practices?
Sensations won't notice themselves if you don't do vipassana

Sorry for being OT but you finished Ikaruga? Wow. Don't think I ever got past Lv.3.