Fox wetting its tail again?

Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/6/23 2:53 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? Smiling Stone 7/6/23 4:49 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/7/23 2:01 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/8/23 3:20 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/18/23 1:28 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 7/28/23 11:18 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 7/28/23 11:19 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 7/28/23 11:25 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/31/23 4:19 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 7/31/23 4:21 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 7/31/23 5:05 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/1/23 4:29 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/2/23 1:49 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/2/23 2:38 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/4/23 3:02 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? Alexandra F. 8/4/23 6:46 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/8/23 1:31 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/5/23 3:52 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/7/23 3:10 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/8/23 1:27 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/14/23 7:33 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/15/23 7:59 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? Alexandra F. 8/24/23 12:20 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/24/23 10:25 PM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/25/23 12:32 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/25/23 1:43 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/25/23 2:42 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/25/23 2:53 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/25/23 2:58 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? kettu 8/25/23 3:00 AM
RE: Fox wetting its tail again? terry 8/15/23 12:37 PM
kettu, modified 7 Months ago at 7/6/23 2:53 PM
Created 7 Months ago at 7/6/23 2:53 PM

Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Hi stranger, oddly familiar. 

You are about to dwell into logging from a rather fragile practice that grows from the need to revisit old unfinished business in the realm of inner work. 

Question - am i able to produce an inner quality through formal practice (that i by choice let go approx in 2017 after 11 years of daily sitting) that would 1) make me more bearable person especially for my spouse and 2) deepen understanding. 

Aiming first to find out if some formal constant practice is possible in my current cirvumstances, and to share this effort with a possibly open reader here. Other things may unfold from this. Expect posts with report and possible background later. Thank you. (English aint my primary language.)
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Smiling Stone, modified 7 Months ago at 7/6/23 4:49 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 336 Join Date: 5/10/16 Recent Posts
Hello Kettu (Fox?)
These are lofty goals, all the best with your revived practice!
Sounds like brahmavihara ?
metta
​​​​​​​smiling stone
​​​
kettu, modified 7 Months ago at 7/7/23 2:01 AM
Created 7 Months ago at 7/7/23 2:01 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Hi, thank you smiling stone!<br /><br /><br /><br />As brahmavihara was not familiar concept, i looked it up and found a two page table in the sacrd book of google search<br /><br />There it was introduced in a way that connects to what i need, why not.&nbsp;<br /><br />In particular - becoming less vulnerable for negative bias others may have towards me would make it more possible to act and live more joyfully. Less irritation, more integrity. In family and otherwise.&nbsp;<br /><br />Fear of being seen, and fear of being seen as an asshole.&nbsp;<br /><br />Also here in this log - agitated excitement from initial rush to make a new movement turned - after glimpsing the negative attitude a possible closed reader might have - into wish to delete and disconnect the whole thread. But I’ll give this a try nevertheless.&nbsp;<br /><br />Seeing (a habit of emotional tension, etc) is like opening a little space between glenched teeth.&nbsp;<br /><br /><br />Tactics of the quest: simply sitting with what ever comes. Sensing feeling thinking &amp; the other impulses. Relaxing and remembering why.&nbsp;<br /><br />Would be nice to have sense of inner terrain transforming like an i ching hexagram does. But maybe thats too much of a partiture for a trip to unknown.&nbsp;<br /><br />I will not report the duration, and also will look for other ways to diminish the comparison to others/ideals. Im not sitting to be good choir girl or to compete with anyone. This much i will give leash for the (partly paranoid partly reasonable ) wish to not be involved in this somewhat public form of inner life.&nbsp;<br /><br />​​​​​​​Imperfect total moment.&nbsp;
kettu, modified 7 Months ago at 7/8/23 3:20 AM
Created 7 Months ago at 7/8/23 3:20 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
 Brr Brr...
The motorcycle emptiness of an eager seeker?
Or the broom to clean the floors in the house?

Sitting after a long break gives a good view into the problems of past practice: the body resists, has a bad memory of at least some things in the past, and reacts with an organic fear or suspicious towards the idea to sit straight and still for a longer time. But it is possible to adjust the relations between that idea and the body. Learning happens! Its easiest to learn when there's at least something fun in it. Seriousness actually is different than it seems.

Usefulness of this log is still suspected, too. Let's see. But as a tool to mark a new beginning this works fine. That work is done, so other uses need to be found or the log will end soon.

The sense of practicing with others? For that this online form of logging might not be exactly the best or even helpful. This I could not have seen evry well by thinking beforehand. It's clear that this site has been a real community for a lot of people - I've read a lot here, so I'm kind of part of that. But participating? In what? Only this, here and now, individual process of life. How such a world emerged that I reflect upon the life in this strange mode of semi-communication?
kettu, modified 7 Months ago at 7/18/23 1:28 PM
Created 7 Months ago at 7/18/23 1:28 PM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Well.&nbsp;<br /><br />A kind of consistency of sitting daily has developed. Durations rather short. Usefulness at least ok. As a preparation for observations in actual life situations and as a means to ease some of the burden of the more difficult days.&nbsp;<br /><br />Aggression in thoughts and nightmareish imagination in social and close relation is a clear and unnecessary energy consumpting conplex of habits. Another one is lack of trust or rememberance towards the path that shines through all material and spiritual life, whether I make mistakes and lose opportunities or succeed and make right moves. Mistake and succes are many times masked, turn to each other. ... Consciously changing paranoia into pronoia would be one of my little exercises. How does it feel? To be? To disappear, become, regenerate as a psyche? (Clumsy English... yes please...)<br /><br />A wish to get into a flow of magnetic mythic adventure in life where every meeting shines the all pervasive yearning of being to unwind. And a wish to disappear in the yawning sauce of chaos in between the core of matter and durational existence as such, before and after any being, becoming and change.&nbsp;<br /><br />Words fail and separate, many people say. Real emotional words only connect: I’m sorry, Thank You, You are welcome...&nbsp;<br /><br />So thank you for reading. Sorry for not being able to convey the imperfect total moment! You are welcome to ask or comment - understandably it’s perhaps not what you need to, though.&nbsp;<br /><br />And
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 7/28/23 11:18 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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kettu<br /><br />lack of trust or rememberance towards the path that shines through all material and spiritual life, whether I make mistakes and lose opportunities or succeed and make right moves. Mistake and succes are many times masked, turn to each other. ... Consciously changing paranoia into pronoia would be one of my little exercises. How does it feel? To be? To disappear, become, regenerate as a psyche?<br /><br />A wish to get into a flow of magnetic mythic adventure in life where every meeting shines the all pervasive yearning of being to unwind. And a wish to disappear in the yawning sauce of chaos in between the core of matter and durational existence as such, before and after any being, becoming and change.<br /><br />Words fail and separate, many people say. Real emotional words only connect: I’m sorry, Thank You, You are welcome...<br /><br />So thank you for reading. Sorry for not being able to convey the imperfect total moment! You are welcome to ask or comment - understandably it’s perhaps not what you need to, though.<br /><br />unquote<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br /><br /><br />aloha fox,<br /><br />Nice to see you getting your tail wet. Thin ice, n'est-ce pas?<br /><br />Paranois, pronoia, metanoia... don't let them annoy ya.<br /><br />Your english is quite elegant.<br /><br />As for magnetic mythic adventure &amp; mad mystic hammering, well...<br /><br /><br />I'm your huckleberry...<br /><br /><br />terry<br /><br />ps how does it feel?&nbsp; &nbsp;like a rolling stone...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />from richard wilhelm's commentary on the I ching:<br /><br /><br />&nbsp;The conditions are difficult. &nbsp;The task is great and full of responsibility. &nbsp;It is<br />&nbsp; nothing less than that of leading the world out of confusion back to order.<br />&nbsp; But it is a task that promises success, because there is a goal that can unite the<br />&nbsp; forces now tending in different directions. &nbsp;At first, however, one must move<br />&nbsp; warily, like an old fox walking over ice. &nbsp;The caution of a fox walking over ice<br />&nbsp; is proverbial in China. &nbsp;His ears are constantly alert to the cracking of the ice,<br />&nbsp; as he carefully and circumspectly searches out the safest spots. &nbsp;A young fox<br />&nbsp; who as yet has not acquired this caution goes ahead boldly, and it may happen<br />&nbsp; that he falls in and gets his tail wet when he is almost across the water. Then<br />&nbsp; of course his effort has been all in vain. &nbsp;Accordingly, in times "before<br />&nbsp; completion," deliberation and caution are the prerequisites of success.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> 
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 7/28/23 11:19 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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software so buggy hardly worth posting...
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 7/28/23 11:25 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
kettu

lack of trust or rememberance towards the path that shines through all material and spiritual life, whether I make mistakes and lose opportunities or succeed and make right moves. Mistake and succes are many times masked, turn to each other. ... Consciously changing paranoia into pronoia would be one of my little exercises. How does it feel? To be? To disappear, become, regenerate as a psyche?

A wish to get into a flow of magnetic mythic adventure in life where every meeting shines the all pervasive yearning of being to unwind. And a wish to disappear in the yawning sauce of chaos in between the core of matter and durational existence as such, before and after any being, becoming and change. Words fail and separate, many people say. Real emotional words only connect: I’m sorry, Thank You, You are welcome...

So thank you for reading. Sorry for not being able to convey the imperfect total moment! You are welcome to ask or comment - understandably it’s perhaps not what you need to, though.

unquote


​​​​​​​
aloha fox,

Nice to see you getting your tail wet. Thin ice, n'est-ce pas?

Paranois, pronoia, metanoia... don't let them annoy ya.

Your english is quite elegant.

As for magnetic mythic adventure & mad mystic hammering, well...


I'm your huckleberry...

terry

ps how does it feel? like a rolling stone...




rom richard wilhelm's commentary on the I ching:


The conditions are difficult. The task is great and full of responsibility. &nbsp;It is nothing less than that of leading the world out of confusion back to order. But it is a task that promises success, because there is a goal that can unite the forces now tending in different directions. At first, however, one must move  warily, like an old fox walking over ice. The caution of a fox walking over ice is proverbial in China. His ears are constantly alert to the cracking of the ice, as he carefully and circumspectly searches out the safest spots. A young fox who as yet has not acquired this caution goes ahead boldly, and it may happen that he falls in and gets his tail wet when he is almost across the water. Then of course his effort has been all in vain. Accordingly, in times "before completion," deliberation and caution are the prerequisites of success.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 7/31/23 4:19 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 7/31/23 4:19 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Thank you, terry, for your enthusiasm and response. And special thanks for getting through the frustration of the forums chaotic formatting of your first response!<br /><br />You wrote, "Thin ice, n'est-ce pas?"<br /><br />Yes, treading carefully... when I can! Your quote from Wilhelms I ching commentary is a gem, thank you. I've always known I belong to old age, but the unfitting younger years seem a prerequisite for those.<br /><br />Also, your remark, "Paranois, pronoia, metanoia... don't let them annoy ya.", is greatly helpful in piercing through the illusion of attitudes. Maybe they just don't matter - even the better attitudes. Perhaps an attitude is just a being born in one of the known and unknown realms, and the background where the realms bubble or hang, is the right course to take, the safest spot for the paw.<br /><br />Now, what keeps an effort fresh, effortless and clear? Routine is not an option now, as it collapses in the daily necessities of this life, which is quite fine and ok. Retreat from daily life is also not an option atm. So, alert ears and sore yet strong steps. A meditation? A sitting? Brief moment of sigh. Maybe few moments, inner smile, and trying to remember the purpose, the path, one step and one lamppost at a time.<br /><br />How does it feel? It feels through the atmosphere, the skin, breath and big bones. It feels like everything, painful, burning, dull, exciting, friendly, kind, funny, hurting, arguing, struggling, wriggling, letting go, patient, trusting and impatiently expecting.<br /><br />The thing in life and in tales - how to let all things come and pass at their own pace, in their own time? Which leads to a something outside time. Connection before meeting, connection between disconnections, abyss of integration... Some would like to have a phenomenologically accurate description of mindstates and their changes. That is a luxury like a reatreat is, I might not have those at my disposal right now. Warm wind above the plain hill. Clouds gathering, friendly clouds of expressive thunder. Fox digging a nest under a great rock by the hillside. A rock, gently put on place by a gigantic wave of ice, thousands of years ago.<br /><br /><br /> 
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 7/31/23 4:21 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 7/31/23 4:21 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
(trying - yes, trying - to clean the formatting of a reply to terry down below...)

Thank you, terry, for your enthusiasm and response. And special thanks for getting through the frustration of the forums chaotic formatting of your first response!

You wrote, "Thin ice, n'est-ce pas?"

Yes, treading carefully... when I can! Your quote from Wilhelms I ching commentary is a gem, thank you. I've always known I belong to old age, but the unfitting younger years seem a prerequisite for those.<br /><br />Also, your remark, "Paranois, pronoia, metanoia... don't let them annoy ya.", is greatly helpful in piercing through the illusion of attitudes. Maybe they just don't matter - even the better attitudes. Perhaps an attitude is just a being born in one of the known and unknown realms, and the background where the realms bubble or hang, is the right course to take, the safest spot for the paw.

Now, what keeps an effort fresh, effortless and clear? Routine is not an option now, as it collapses in the daily necessities of this life, which is quite fine and ok. Retreat from daily life is also not an option atm. So, alert ears and sore yet strong steps. A meditation? A sitting? Brief moment of sigh. Maybe few moments, inner smile, and trying to remember the purpose, the path, one step and one lamppost at a time.

How does it feel? It feels through the atmosphere, the skin, breath and big bones. It feels like everything, painful, burning, dull, exciting, friendly, kind, funny, hurting, arguing, struggling, wriggling, letting go, patient, trusting and impatiently expecting.

The thing in life and in tales - how to let all things come and pass at their own pace, in their own time? Which leads to a something outside time. Connection before meeting, connection between disconnections, abyss of integration... Some would like to have a phenomenologically accurate description of mindstates and their changes. That is a luxury like a reatreat is, I might not have those at my disposal right now. Warm wind above the plain hill. Clouds gathering, friendly clouds of expressive thunder. Fox digging a nest under a great rock by the hillside. A rock, gently put on place by a gigantic wave of ice, thousands of years ago.
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 7/31/23 5:05 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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(trying - yes, trying - to clean the formatting of a reply to terry down below...)

Thank you, terry, for your enthusiasm and response. And special thanks for getting through the frustration of the forums chaotic formatting of your first response!

You wrote, "Thin ice, n'est-ce pas?"


===========================

“When hoarfrost is underfoot, solid ice is not far off.” 

Wilhelm further comments: "In life it is the same.  After certain scarcely noticeable signs of decay have
  appeared, they go on increasing until final dissolution comes.  But in life
  precautions can be taken by heeding the first signs of decay and checking them
  in time."

   How does one “check decay” “in time”? 

   By realizing the unborn.

(simple, eh?)



  
========================



Yes, treading carefully... when I can! Your quote from Wilhelms I ching commentary is a gem, thank you. I've always known I belong to old age, but the unfitting younger years seem a prerequisite for those.

Also, your remark, "Paranois, pronoia, metanoia... don't let them annoy ya.", is greatly helpful in piercing through the illusion of attitudes. Maybe they just don't matter - even the better attitudes. Perhaps an attitude is just a being born in one of the known and unknown realms, and the background where the realms bubble or hang, is the right course to take, the safest spot for the paw.


=================


Attitudes are phenomenological realities, lenses through which we color and texture experience. Choose your attitudes wisely. Heraclitus recommends hot and dry attitudes, as opposed to cold and wet ones.

====================



Now, what keeps an effort fresh, effortless and clear? 


===========


love! and enthusiasm…

=============


Routine is not an option now, as it collapses in the daily necessities of this life, which is quite fine and ok. Retreat from daily life is also not an option atm. So, alert ears and sore yet strong steps. A meditation? A sitting? Brief moment of sigh. Maybe few moments, inner smile, and trying to remember the purpose, the path, one step and one lamppost at a time.


====================

Meditation, keeping still. Wilhelm says:

 "While Buddhism strives for rest through an ebbing away of all movement in  nirvana, the Book of Changes holds that rest is merely a state of polarity that always posits movement as its complement. "

   Meditation is the practice of just being mindful and pursing no other object than mindfulness itself. Its a non dual practice and so paradoxical but in practice it works. The mind empties and one feels peace. With enough practice one realizes that this peace is the essential bedrock of consciousness, of existence; the screen upon which all experience is enacted. Floods and fires do not wet or burn the screen, and we are essentially unaffected by the ups and downs distinguished by consciousness. 

   Dogen says, “practice is enlightenment.” This is non dual truth. Dogen’s personal koan was to resolve the paradox, “if buddha nature is always present, why do we have to practice?” Buddha nature is consciousness, existence, mindfulness itself. This realization is enlightenment. Practicing mindfulness is enlightenment. The trick is to practice always. There is no escape from consciousness, that is, no conscious escape. Wherever you may hide, god is with you, closer than your own neck vein.

   The heart sutra says (conze):

"There is no ignorance, no extinction of ignorance, and so forth, until we come to : There is no decay and death, no extinction of decay and death. There is no suffering, no origination, no stopping, no path.

There is no cognition, no attainment and no non-attainment."


There is no old age, no death. A candle is lit, a candle burns out. Fire itself is unaffected.

Sitting for a half hour once or twice a day reminds us that all of life is just a sit. Practice and living a conscious life are the same thing. 

"Know thyself." "The unexamined life is not worth living." Sure these are phenomenological realities. Look, see!

​​​​​​​En-joy.

 

============



How does it feel? It feels through the atmosphere, the skin, breath and big bones. It feels like everything, painful, burning, dull, exciting, friendly, kind, funny, hurting, arguing, struggling, wriggling, letting go, patient, trusting and impatiently expecting.

The thing in life and in tales - how to let all things come and pass at their own pace, in their own time? Which leads to a something outside time. Connection before meeting, connection between disconnections, abyss of integration... Some would like to have a phenomenologically accurate description of mindstates and their changes. That is a luxury like a reatreat is, I might not have those at my disposal right now. Warm wind above the plain hill. Clouds gathering, friendly clouds of expressive thunder. Fox digging a nest under a great rock by the hillside. A rock, gently put on place by a gigantic wave of ice, thousands of years ago.


==================


Things come and go at their own pace and in their own time regardless. Letting be is grace. When we see things exist in their own time we are outside of time/ existing in our own time. Time is as relative as space. Dogen says the past and future exist in the present, that all times exist in all times. We have all met many times. I am your mother, your father, your child many times over. The average monkey troop has more genetic diversity than the entire human race, we are all so close as to be nearly identical.

Clouds, yes; no rain but it will be coming down hard soon enough. Like the individual person, the human race will come to an end, the planet will end, the sun will end. New stars will be unborn.

The erratic only protects us for so long. All things turn into their opposites.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/1/23 4:29 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Terry wrote: "Dogen says, “practice is enlightenment.” This is non dual truth. Dogen’s personal koan was to resolve the paradox, “if buddha nature is always present, why do we have to practice?” Buddha nature is consciousness, existence, mindfulness itself. This realization is enlightenment. Practicing mindfulness is enlightenment. The trick is to practice always." This is useful. When I quit all formal practices back in 2017 or so, practice in life was the essential goal. As I'm revisiting a little bit of formal practice now, strenghtening the practice in daily situations - with family, with children, with work, with what ever comes - is the essential goal. A little bit of formal sitting gives a good mirror for many other moments. A greater dose of formal practice might do something more, or quicker, but a clever use of simple tools may be just what is needed now. To see how life actually is, comes, goes. When seeing is enhanced, details emerge. For a fox to catch the details, a preparation is asked for: right timing, openess, strength, and perhaps some tactile knowledge of the unborn...

We all love to be heard. Perhaps the first voice was given out when the listener became attentive.
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/2/23 1:49 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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james legge:


​​​​​​​The present is embodied in Hexagram 61 - Chung Fu (Inner Truth): Inner truth moves even pigs and fish, and leads to good fortune. There will be advantage in crossing the great stream. There will be advantage in being firm and correct.

The second line, undivided, shows the crane crying out in her hidden retirement, and her young ones responding to her. It is as if it were said, "I have a cup of good spirits", and the response were, "I will partake of it with you".
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/2/23 2:38 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Yes, we cry to the inner family, to the outer family, and here in the webs we cry also to the unknown subconsciousnesses visiting our glowing marks of exhausted lights of OLED, LCD and other screens of consciousness... How wonderful it is when an inner crane has found good spirits and shares them with the young ones - attitude and reality of what is come a little closer. And if I can drink that good spirit, I may cry to my little one, and he might partake it with me.
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/4/23 3:02 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Intoxicated by the Wine of Love.
From each a mystic silence Love demands.
What do all seek so earnestly? 'Tis Love.
What do they whisper to each other? Love.
Love is the subject of their inmost thoughts.
In Love no longer 'thou' and 'I' exist,
For Self has passed away in the Beloved.
Now will I draw aside the veil from Love,
And in the temple of mine inmost soul,
Behold the Friend; Incomparable Love.
He who would know the secret of both worlds,
Will find the secret of them both, is Love.

~  Farid ud Din Attar 




cry only for more wine!!!!!

the more intoxicated the more silent but poetry is closer to silence than absence of speech
Alexandra F, modified 6 Months ago at 8/4/23 6:46 PM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Goodness Gracious you write such beautiful prose!!  Inspiring stuff  ^___^
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/5/23 3:52 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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aloha alexandra
​​​​​​​

mahalo for the kind words

kettu does write exceedingly well....


I can only write in dialogs
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/7/23 3:10 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Wine is best shared!

Though a lot of times I just drink coffee.

I try to come back here some other day, too busy to report or anything now.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/8/23 1:27 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Had an annoying night. Woke up many times for outer and inner reasons. At least twice sensing an possible echo of the emotions of some one other quite distant from me. Possibly it was something else - interpreting such stuff is always difficult, and asking others to clarify these possibilities is socially awkward and usually just not reasonable.

So in the morning had to - and at this moment as I'm writing, the cover of a lamp in the ceiling of this room almosty fell off, ha! - do some enquiry into the physical tension and emotions that the night put forward. General disappointment with people, if/when I see that I'm unfairly misunderstood or misrepresented and talked about behind my back. That hurts since it is contrary to the quite human need of being recognized as an authentic being and also contrary to the need of open communication and sharing of lifes stuff with others.

The paranoia that at some time in my life could have been the reaction to those impressions, is thankfully mostly gone, seen and fulfilled by more common sense attitude. Also the anger that arises, also passes. The need to explain myself - also that seems more relative than it used to be, though I'm explaining him now and here. But this is for inner work, not for social benefit so to say, even though they are not entirely separate things. Some thing in me would like to do things so right! So it needs to explain possible misunderstandings, ask for forgiveness if it has hurt others or made a mistake of sorts, and also it judges it's own tendency towards these explanations etcetera, since explaining ones behaviour may be bad behaviour. What a mess, after all, haha!

In conclusion: easier suffering is still suffering. Seeing it is a ambivalent thing, partly freeing, partly causing new reactions. Heavy face with a tiny tiny bit of fire in it, tense jaw and flickering boredom and freedom in it.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/8/23 1:31 AM
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RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

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Hi Alexandra,
thank you for being inspired, I'm flattered and also a kind of responsibility arises, though I don't see any way to take that responsibility other than tell the obvious: use the inspiration well, for the benefit of your own situation and environment.

What becomes of the thing that is breathed in, after it has been digested and when it is breathed out?

I read your log, were going to reply something yesterday, but your latest report tells me you don't need any input from me but the process is going well.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/14/23 7:33 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/14/23 7:33 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Happened to get some insight into a painful dynamic. So, there is a fear that I hurt people - especially people who are above me in some (imagined or in one or other way real) hierarchy - by letting my energies run wild and without restriction. Qualities like sexuality, wisdom, intuition, experiencing stuff beyond the supposed normal senses - qualities like that may threaten some people and social structures, like in the childhood they might have hurten the parents and the family structure in some moments and ways. So, some outer rules and judgement are embodied and internalized in the person and structure of an individual, and when that internalization goes some how wrong, as it easily does, unnecessary tension and fear, aggressions and blockages and all that is created, and not any kind of useful, necessary or gracefully alive structure. So there's that, and seeing is like letting a little bit of air and sunlight into a small room with drowsy sleepers.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/15/23 7:59 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/15/23 7:59 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
As I'm not willing to share too much of how I practice, what my background is (I've done that twice on this forum, on this account in 2017, which I deleted, and somewhat differently and fragmentally a bit later on another account), and as there is not really time for accurate phenomenological reporting, and so on, I guess the idea of having this log is now coming to the end that I predicted early on. This log fulfilled two things: helped to get on with some sitting again after years of no sitting, and helped to untangle some of my psychological issues with spiritual communities/authority figures.

As my background includes leaving more than one long and serious involvements in different kind of methods/traditions/teachings of inner life, I have some unsolved psychological baggage what comes to spiritual communities and hierarchies which DhO in some ways is (and in some ways is not, of course). Not fun to go into such stuff, but surely useful.

So thank you, the community here, for that opportunity. Thank you especially those who responded here in words, and perhaps to those who had another kind of response.

I'm sorry if I happened to project some stuff on your figures, but transference is sometimes inevitable (you've been there too, haven't you - it's ok). It's interesting how complex that kind of psychological baggage is: as this DhO experiment facilitates for me the loss of spiritual group and guide, the spiritual group and guide were mirroring (to my particular subjective perspective) many of my childhood losses and situations in family and elsewhere. A fractal sort of terrain of psyche.

I'm glad there is this collective buddha of pragmatic dharma, which challenges my competitive but inferior mentality and encourages to travel on, not clinging to an outcome but letting reality emerge while travelling. I can't evaluate the actual benefits and shortcomings of this all, so I'll let it be as it is.

The i ching hexagram for this process also changed. Water came over fire. Boiling. And new somethings have their beginnings.
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/15/23 12:37 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/15/23 12:37 PM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
aloha


​​​​​​​
from the tao te ching

Twenty-six

The heavy is the root of the light.
The still is the master of unrest.

Therefore the sage, traveling all day,
Does not lose sight of his baggage.
Though there are beautiful things to be seen,
He remains unattached and calm.

Why should the lord of ten thousand chariots act lightly in public?
To be light is to lose one's root.
To be restless is to lose one's control.
Alexandra F, modified 6 Months ago at 8/24/23 12:20 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/24/23 12:20 PM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 10 Join Date: 8/4/23 Recent Posts
I relate with what you're saying about not being willing to share much of your practice, especially as my own practice has started to have blurred boundaries with the rest of my life and has become more entangled with personal psychology. The more intimate and deeper any given hour-long slice of experience gets, the more difficult it becomes to expose it publically and powerful razor-sharp phenomenology becomes the instrument of just one perspective among many that might not even be helpful for your inner work.

I appreciate everything you've shared (as well as terry's verse quotes and comments emoticon) and I wish you the best of luck and lots of love for the path ahead. <3
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/24/23 10:25 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/24/23 10:25 PM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
   I hear what you're saying about not wanting to share the details of your meditations. Many here spend more time recording, talking and thinking about meditating than they do meditating, as they often recognize.

   I can't log my meditations because of the obvious redundancy. My log would itself be a meditation, and then I could log my meditation on meditation, at which point we begin an infinite rgression. The experience of logging one's experience is not outside of the experience, a tangle of proliferation.

   More to your point is the bright light of phenomenological analysis poured out on what at best is a poetical representation of an ineffable "experience." The sufi analogy is of a boy dissecting a fly and then while looking at the parts, wondering where the fly had gone.

   We are bathed in scientism and love analysis, identifying and classifying parts. Naming is mastery, distancing; concealing and revealing. 

   Taoism recognized a long time ago that this emphasis on brightness and contrast, light and shadow, yin and yang was only one pole of perception. The yang, male power pole, the action pole. The pole which solidified division, the actor and the acted upon. "The nameless is the origin of heaven and earth," before the original divison into light and dark, seed and power. "The named is the mother of the ten thousand things," the substance of consciousness, the form of emptiness.

   "Dim the brightness, blunt the shadows," the tao te ching advises. Don't look so close. There is dirt everywhere if you look close enough. Dirt is earth, the mother of us all, the mud from whiich we grow and to which we return. Everyone and everything does the best it can by its nature.

   There is much that prospers in the sushine, and much that grows best in darkness undisturbed. The definiton of tact. And yet it is not about preserving people's feelings, their egoic sense of comfort and self satisfaction. It's about being free. Letting be.



​​​​​​​Four

The Tao is an empty vessel; it is used, but never filled.
Oh, unfathomable source of ten thousand things!
Blunt the sharpness,
Untangle the knot,
Soften the glare,
Merge with dust.
Oh, hidden deep but ever present!
I do not know from whence it comes.
It is the forefather of the gods.

 

   
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 12:32 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 12:32 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
from

The Wisdom of Zhuang Zi
on Daoism
Translated with Annotations
and Commentaries by
Chung Wu


Yun Jiang journeyed to the east, passed by branches of a divine
tree called fuyao, and by chance saw Hong Meng. Hong Meng
was having fun tapping his thigh and hopping around like a
sparrow. On seeing him, Yun Jiang stopped walking and asked,
“Who are you, my venerable elder? Why are you doing that?”

Hong Meng kept on tapping and hopping and said to Yun
Jiang, “Having fun.”

Yun Jiang said, “I wish to seek your advice.”

Hong Meng turned and looked at Yun Jiang saying, “Oh!”

Yun Jiang said, “The qi from heaven above are not harmonious.
The qi from earth below congeal. The six qi are not concerted and
the four seasons do not come on time. Now I would like to combine the essence of the six qi to nurture all living beings. How should I do it?”

Hong Meng kept on tapping and hopping. He turned his head
and said to Yun Jiang, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Yun Jiang got no answers. Three years later, he again journeyed
to the east, passed by the wilderness of the Song State, and saw
Hong Meng. Yun Jiang was overjoyed, went over to see him and
said, “Do you forget about me? Do you forget about me?” He
kowtowed and begged to hear from Hong Meng.

Hong Meng said, “Roaming freely but knowing not where to
go, being reckless but knowing not what to wish,
and wandering about a myriad of things in learning their
true nature, I have known nothing!”

Yun Jiang said, “I consider myself reckless, but people follow
me where I go. I cannot help come in contact with people, but
they imitate me. I beg to hear your advice.”

Hong Meng said, “As the normal course of nature is disturbed
and the sentiment of things is violated, the original conditions of
nature cannot be preserved. Consequently, animals do not flock,
birds crow at night. Calamities spread to plants and insects. Ah,
this is the fault of ruling people.”

Yun Jiang asked, “What should I do?”

Hong Meng said, “You have mistreated your people. Please
go home.”

Yun Jiang said, “I have found this rare chance of seeing you. I
hope to hear your advice.”

Hong Meng said, “Ah, cultivate your heart! When you do
things naturally, they will undergo changes by themselves.
Forget about your physical presence and smother your
intelligence. Commingle with things exterior and harmonize with
the qi from nature. Free your spirit and shut off your craftiness.
All things come in numerous ways and return to their origins
by themselves, for they can do so without knowing how. If
they use no clever schemes, they can return to their roots. If
they use clever schemes, they will lose their way to return to
their roots. Ask not their names and inquire not their circumstances,
​​​​​​​for things do flourish by themselves.”

Yun Jiang replied, “Heaven bestows grace on me and reveals
serenity to me. I have searched Dao diligently in person and now
I have gotten it.” He kowtowed and bade farewell.
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 1:43 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 1:43 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Alexandra, I wish all the best to your path, too. Thank you for your kind words.


It's good to know that my stuff resonates in a reader. So it was not totally useless!

I agree, Terrys contribution is always thoughtful and mysterious, at times a bit annoying, often elevating and suprisingly sitting well in the synchronicitical terrain where I read them. He said he only writes in dialogues, though I wonder if his inner dialogue could give him the impulse and reveal the textual world of himself realting to himself. But this is jsut me thinking of other peoples business - which I will continue below:


In my humble opinion it's best to have practice and life melted together. And I don't mean not being able to set aside and apart time for sitting, retreat, practice, therapy or what ever formal situation or ritual your path may include and need at any given situation. Any such elevated time just can't represent the total of life and human being as they are in their full, messy and semiaware entirety.

If razors don't work for your situation, what works? What are the many perspectives?

What about a-small-village-wide phenomenology? Such might work well with psyches end personas, at least at certain times.
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:42 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:40 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
kettu:

Terrys contribution is always thoughtful and mysterious, at times a bit annoying, often elevating and suprisingly sitting well in the synchronicitical terrain where I read them. He said he only writes in dialogues, though I wonder if his inner dialogue could give him the impulse and reveal the textual world of himself realting to himself.
​​​​​​​


(he's on to me)
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:53 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:53 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
I'm sorry Terry. It was rude to not write to You straight - though otherwise I'd write as I wrote again. Your contribution is very agile and puts the reader on their toes to try to see far enough and then the reader needs to come down to soles again to see close enough. I'm not against you, I might just be a bit clumsy in my expressions of affection (clinging? not so much...) Be well!
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terry, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:58 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 2:58 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 2419 Join Date: 8/7/17 Recent Posts
no worries bra...

​​​​​​​aloha
kettu, modified 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 3:00 AM
Created 6 Months ago at 8/25/23 3:00 AM

RE: Fox wetting its tail again?

Posts: 19 Join Date: 10/31/17 Recent Posts
Good!

Oh. Everything is a learning... to not to worry!

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