Apologies for the obtuse subject, but I really am confused here. Also I'm very much a noob to meditation.
For about three months I practiced at a local Zen dojo. Then real life intervened and I had to abandon the practice. I enjoyed it and would like to resume it; thing is, I read MCTB in the meantime and am now unsure what it was exactly that I was doing and if it was useful or not.
Basically, I sat with my back straight on a zafu lotus- or seiza-style, with my knees on the floor (the instructors insisted upon this detail), faced a wall with my eyes half open, put my hands together so that the thumbs were touching, and focused on the breath. I focused the feeling of the stream of air flowing through my nose, in and out. Whenever I was distracted, I gently shoved the distraction aside, and returned to focusing on the breath. We were told not to count the breaths (unlike most Zen schools, I guess), and I did not note the breaths as 'in' or 'out', just returned to the feeling of air in my nose. The instructors encouraged us to relax and maintain what I later learned was the Buddha smile.
Like I said, I enjoyed the practice. It was very pleasant at best and 'solid' and refreshing at its worst moments, and I would like to return to it. But now upon reading MCTB I have little idea if it was:
- an insight practice
- a concentration practice (I am reminded of how Daniel wrote about people who mistake concentration practice for insight practice - prior to reading MCTB I thought they were the same thing)
- both
- neither
- some sort of Zen-specific practice not really in-line with the terminology of MCTB
- useful
- useless
I tend to think it was primarily an insight practice, since I would regularly get to access concentration, but never try to hit a jhana (I didn't know such a thing existed back then) and would just focus on the ever-shortening breath until the inevitable mega-breath shook me out of the concentration. I could hear and feel thoughts and sensations doing their thing in the background, arising and vanishing.
If anyone here has any experience with this kind of practice, please tell me what it is meant to develop, and if it's 'legit' or not. Like I said, I found it rewarding while there and then, but didn't notice any lasting insights thanks to it after around fifty hours of practice (no idea how much that really is).
It doesn't help that the founder of the dojo is controversial in some circles, due to apparently not having been officially 'licensed' by his teacher, and that the quality of his students is considered low by some people. (They all seemed fine to me, warm, helpful and occasionally very funny).
