Dealing with a Crisis?

thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 2:05 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 2:05 AM

Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Hi everyone,

Can I get some help with the best way to deal with a crisis please? I just got back off a 10 day goenka style course and one of my dogs was hit by a car. She is still recovering but it is very serious, and very complicated. The bills are mounting, and I just don't know what might be useful in trying to stay on top of this crisis.

I was going to not meditate for at least 2 days because on the course I did not sleep the last 3 days, but all the stress I thought I had mostly eliminated over the past year has come flooding back. It's clearly not as bad as it would have ben a couple of years ago but I am so drained. I have constant anxiety like sensations in the chest, stomach and throat and constantly feel "overwhelmed" by it all.

I can do body scanning to a pretty high degree. I can do jhana to some degree and I can do non-jhanic anapana (always as a vipassana exercise though). I can also do very basic noting, which I did on retreat whilst walking and eating etc etc.

I need some suggestions for what will help the most.

thanks,
thumbnail
Nikolai , modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 2:21 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 2:12 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1677 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
Bagpuss The Gnome:
Hi everyone,

Can I get some help with the best way to deal with a crisis please? I just got back off a 10 day goenka style course and one of my dogs was hit by a car. She is still recovering but it is very serious, and very complicated. The bills are mounting, and I just don't know what might be useful in trying to stay on top of this crisis.

I was going to not meditate for at least 2 days because on the course I did not sleep the last 3 days, but all the stress I thought I had mostly eliminated over the past year has come flooding back. It's clearly not as bad as it would have ben a couple of years ago but I am so drained. I have constant anxiety like sensations in the chest, stomach and throat and constantly feel "overwhelmed" by it all.

I can do body scanning to a pretty high degree. I can do jhana to some degree and I can do non-jhanic anapana (always as a vipassana exercise though). I can also do very basic noting, which I did on retreat whilst walking and eating etc etc.

I need some suggestions for what will help the most.

thanks,



I recommend pure metta and good will cultivation at all times one can directed at all times towards your dog, while you have her in your lap if possible or close by, with both your hands touching her if possible as well, preferably. Concentration is cultivated when one directs 'thought'. What better way to direct one's thought but in the direction of the benefit and wellbeing of a loved one. That way you are addressing the distress and feelings of being drained, which may hinder any other techniques and aims, and you are cultivating a state of mind which will lead to calmer shores not to mention providing comfort to your dog (best done while hands are placed on her). I am currently studying shiatsu and the power of touch/palpation and the intention to help the being in front of you can do wonders for the receiver as well as the giver.

I hope she gets better without problems.
thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 5:05 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 5:05 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Doing it. Thx Nick
thumbnail
Jake , modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 6:26 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 6:26 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 695 Join Date: 5/22/10 Recent Posts
You could mix that excellent practice with tonglen

I have found this hugely helpful in dealing with similar situations
thumbnail
katy steger,thru11615 with thanks, modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 8:14 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 8:14 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1740 Join Date: 10/1/11 Recent Posts
Hi Bagpuss,

Further to what Jake and Nikolai have already said - which are great and help her and you a lot no matter what happens, can you talk to the vets about quality of life issues and various treatments?

For example, there are some treatments I would not choose again: giving my dog a pace-maker ultimately was not a good intervention, for example. It made it hard for his body to shut down when other organs were 'ready' to shut down. We had added that to prepare for another surgery, but that surgery just seemed too aggressive by the time he needed it again.

Also, it's ok to plan for her peaceful passage and not go to heroic measures. It can useful to think, "what is the most peaceful way for her body to die or to recover with minor interventions?"

Best wishes.
thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 3:19 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 3:19 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Thanks everyone. This has helped enormously through the day. I didn't get much time with Sam to actually put my hands on her but I did get 10mins or so this morning and have been doing metta informally through the whole day. I just got to do 20mins formal sit and it was really good for me, and hopefully equally good for Sam.

I've not had time to look up the instructions for tonglen but may get the chance tomorrow.

Don't worry Katy. I have that part covered: sensible decisions only.

It's still in the balance but she is slowly improving and still with us!

thanks again,
thumbnail
Tommy M, modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 4:39 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 4:39 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1199 Join Date: 11/12/10 Recent Posts
Hey Bagpuss, sorry to hear about this mate. If it's of any reassurance, I went through a similar situation last year with my dog and wrote about it on the Hamilton Project forum, although the tangent I went off on may not be much practical use to you:

Now it gets a bit more strange, or at least what could be interpreted to be 'strange'[1]. My dog got a 20cm stick stuck between his oesophagus and carotid artery which, according to the vets who treated him, usually results in death. When I realized that he had something stuck in his neck (another bit of potential weirdness is that I "knew" what was wrong with him and what would happen next with absolute confidence) I immediately started doing the same sort of 4th jhana/intent/healing stuff I mentioned already with that same certainty of intent that it would work. I can't explain what this actually felt like but it was definitely NOT an affective feeling, which complicates things further, I know, but is worth mentioning. The best example I can give is that I could "see" it without any mental visualization occurring, it happened in that instant as if it was being shown on some panoramic television but I need to emphasize the fact that there was nothing imagination-based, nothing visualized, nothing being experienced in the way that you can, quite literally, imagine but it's exactly the same thing as I've experienced when doing magick successfully but I've never had this, what I can only call, detached coolness which is different to equanimity so easily. What happened in the upcoming days gets a bit more peculiar, the dog was taken into vet hospital and my partner was distraught but I remained calm and relaxed, quietly knowing that everything would be fine and that, even if it wasn't, everything would be fine anyway but not mentioning anything to anyone about what I was doing.

Roll on to last Friday, we were supposed to get the dog home but they called to say he'd developed an abscess on the wound on his chest. I got one of his hairs are decided I would try to take on the infection. Sounds weird, I know, but humour me here 'cause even I don't believe a word of it yet. I'm trying to present exactly what happened with as much detail as possible because I'm not 100% certain that any of this had anything to do with magick but I thought it'd be worth mentioning, if only for a laugh at a funny story with a happy ending. Within four hours, the previously scabbed up wound beneath my ear began to bleed, and apologies for the graphic descriptions here, this foul pus coming from it and fresh blood, not dried up, de-oxygenated blood from a dormant wound. As I cleaned it, the sebaceous cyst which caused the abscess in the first place burst into the wound and I ended up spending the rest of Friday and Saturday morning with this horrible mess coming from my face, my hand pressed against my jaw which was painful and seemed to be developing an infection. Obviously infection following a cyst bursting is fairly normal so I don't place much importance on that, just to clarify.

We went to get the dog around 1300 and spoke to the vet. Again, the word "miraculous" came up a few times and the guy mentioned how quickly the abscess had cleared so we brought him home, the dog, not the vet, and I went for a sleep 'cause I'd been up since about 0445. That night, the wound dried up again and over the last few days it's gone from being infected to being scabby again without antibiotics. I want to emphasize that I'm not trying to say "Look, I used magick and did some healing stuff", it's just a few interesting things which I thought were worth mentioning and which may be food for thought. I'm not entirely convinced yet that I'm not just selectively remembering this, deleting parts or doing any of the automatic editing stuff the mind does with memories and intent, but I'm inclined towards accepting it just purely because it's as cool as fuck and makes for a good story. No big deal anyway, there's more important stuff to be done and I'm just happy that my dog is back home, safe and well.


The main thing about doing all that which helped me was to just know, without a doubt, that whatever happens will happen regardless of what you do. I just tried to make the best of an unfortunate situation, not exactly sage advice or anything but in realistic terms you just need to go with flow and deal with it as it happens. Know too that any anxiety, stress or worry you have is never happening right now in this moment, it's always related to something that's either happened already, or not happened at all, and can only even occur as an afterthought to any immediate sensate experience. Go with metta and, in my opinion, bare sensate awareness as difficult periods like this are incredible opportunities to look at attachment, craving, beliefs, and anything preventing you from clearly seeing how things actually are right now.

I really do hope that your dog recovers well and that you and your family are bearing up ok, take care of yourself and let us know how she gets on. Metta to you all wherever you are. emoticon

[1] Not normal; odd, unusual, surprising, out of the ordinary.

"He thought it strange that his girlfriend wore a Ronald McDonald mask while they had sex."
thumbnail
fivebells , modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 5:38 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 5:38 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 563 Join Date: 2/25/11 Recent Posts
If metta is working for you, you might want to stick with it in favor of tonglen. It's not a good situation for learning it, and it is an insight practice more than a concentration practice.
thumbnail
Jake , modified 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 7:14 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 7/31/12 7:14 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 695 Join Date: 5/22/10 Recent Posts
fivebells .:
If metta is working for you, you might want to stick with it in favor of tonglen. It's not a good situation for learning it, and it is an insight practice more than a concentration practice.


That's a fair point. I never understood tonglen until I did, and I still don't have much affinity with metta-- which might indicate that for me, metta might require even more insight. I did find it helpful when dealing with similar issues, but I confess that was in the context of having some insight transformations under my belt so to speak.
thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 8/1/12 4:42 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/1/12 4:42 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Thanks Tommy, that's a great story emoticon
L O, modified 12 Years ago at 8/1/12 5:05 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/1/12 5:05 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 213 Join Date: 6/13/11 Recent Posts
My thoughts for the dog, Bagpuss. Take care emoticon
thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 1:41 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 1:41 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Sam passed peacefully in my arms today. It was the right thing for her.

Needless to say, this is a difficult time.

thanks for the help everyone,
thumbnail
Tommy M, modified 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 2:45 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 2:45 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1199 Join Date: 11/12/10 Recent Posts
Ah fuck, that sucks mate I'm really sorry to hear she didn't make it. At least you were there and could see her go without any more suffering, and as her owner she'll have been comforted by your presence with her so take some solace in the fact you made her exit much less stressful for her. It's difficult to lose a pet, perhaps more so with a dog due to their more constant companionship and their being, basically, part of the family; you guys are all still here, together, so do your grieving but keep the communication channels open so you can listen to how each other feel.

Insight-wise, and much as it's probably the last thing on your mind, I highly recommend investigating the sense of "loss" or the feeling of having something "you" 'owned' being 'taken away' from "you". Grief after death always occurs in the same general pattern for me, in terms of bodily and mental sensations: heaviness in the chest, a very distinctive and quick vibratory movement, mentally 'pulling' towards thoughts which will support feelings of sadness, a very fine vibration around the outer eye and a rising of tension from solar plexus to the throat. I don't know if that's of any use to you, but it's something I've noticed having lost a close relative very recently.

Take care and big love to the family.
thumbnail
fivebells , modified 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 4:16 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 4:16 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 563 Join Date: 2/25/11 Recent Posts
Tommy M:
Insight-wise, and much as it's probably the last thing on your mind, I highly recommend investigating the sense of "loss" or the feeling of having something "you" 'owned' being 'taken away' from "you". Grief after death always occurs in the same general pattern for me, in terms of bodily and mental sensations: heaviness in the chest, a very distinctive and quick vibratory movement, mentally 'pulling' towards thoughts which will support feelings of sadness, a very fine vibration around the outer eye and a rising of tension from solar plexus to the throat. I don't know if that's of any use to you, but it's something I've noticed having lost a close relative very recently.


For reliable stable results, only do this after establishing a stable base of attention by cultivating jhana, and stop if/when it starts to degrade attention.
thumbnail
Nikolai , modified 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 6:15 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 6:08 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1677 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
Put any 'beliefs' aside and simple keep sending Sam metta. Direct your thoughts of her towards metta/good will for her and include you and your family as well in those directed thoughts. I was a devout theravadan for a long time and conditioning and belief were the trigger for myself when my dog died in doing this. It helped me come to terms with it to direct thought towards the idea that my dog, wherever he may have ended up (a belief that he would end up somewhere else), he would be happier and because he made me and the family happy all the time throughout his life, to think of all the merits he gained helped to also be happy about his life and the goodness of it.

So, even if you aren't conditioned by such beliefs, keep directing such thoughts of good will towards the memories of Sam. It will do you good.

Nick
thumbnail
Brian Eleven, modified 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 9:03 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/2/12 9:03 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 221 Join Date: 9/14/10 Recent Posts
Very sorry to hear about this loss. Take care, and be gentle with all those involved(yourself included).

Metta,

Brian.
The Meditator, modified 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 5:05 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 5:05 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 153 Join Date: 5/16/11 Recent Posts
Hi Bugpuss
I was away and now I am reading your story. I am sorry regarding your dog. Dogs are the best friends and it is horrible that they leave us very often.
I hope you will go through it as soon as possible.
Friendly hug
Ivana
thumbnail
Jake , modified 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 12:09 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 12:09 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 695 Join Date: 5/22/10 Recent Posts
Bagpuss, I'm sure your presence was an incredible comfort to Sam in that final period. Of all the challenging experiences that have occurred to me in the past few years-- from being at mt mother's side during her death, to having a car accident which in the moment seemed to be quite likely fatal, to the ending of a thirteen year relationship, the one thing that was most difficult emotionally for me was losing my dog. (It sounds funny to write that down.) I spent eleven hours with him that final night, and when my ex arrived to relieve me for a nap, he passed five minutes after I went upstairs. Feelings of regret still arise around that, although perhaps he was hanging on because I was there. In any event it was a powerful experience we shared and ultimately was good for both of us. Lots of Tonglen for myself and him (in case his mindstream continues experiencing somehow, somewhere) have also been of benefit.
thumbnail
Tommy M, modified 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 3:38 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 3:38 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1199 Join Date: 11/12/10 Recent Posts
For reliable stable results, only do this after establishing a stable base of attention by cultivating jhana, and stop if/when it starts to degrade attention.

Awesome advice, btw. : )
thumbnail
Nikolai , modified 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 5:17 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/4/12 5:17 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 1677 Join Date: 1/23/10 Recent Posts
thumbnail
Bagpuss The Gnome, modified 12 Years ago at 8/7/12 12:35 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/7/12 12:31 PM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 704 Join Date: 11/2/11 Recent Posts
Hi everyone,

Time makes everything easier eventually. I think my problems coping with this were compounded by 3 sleepless nights at the end of my retreat. Even though it's only been a little over a week I already feel like I am back on track with all of this and not "overwhelmed" any longer.

Meditation is so deeply ingrained in me that even rushing Sam to the vets last Sunday i was automatically noticing the sensations of panic / stress / fear / anxiety etc. Seeing them as not-self, impermanent (but oddly missing the dukkha). The experience has been pretty interesting (and because of that interest, easier to deal with) in terms of watching unpleasant feelings come then go - the feelings that well up in the nose/eyes/throat area pass amazingly quickly if you really notice them. That "pull" Tommy mentioned towards thoughts that support sadness is also quite amazing. For days I kept replaying Sams final moments, and worse, the decision that I had to make before that. At first they brought on terrible sadness and regret (and the mind really wants to feel as bad as possible!), but now they seem to have lost their power. Those images still come up from time to time but there is just this bearable sense of regret.

Those images have also started slowly to be replaced by happier images. Fun stuff involving tennis balls, swimming and scrounging for treats emoticon

As an exercise in insight it's been educational to say the least.

Luckily my kids are quite young and appear to okay as long as me and mrs bagpuss are okay. Which, for the most part we are. And as Nick suggested, some of that Theravadin stuff has rubbed off on me and it's been comforting for all the family to speculate on what kind of trouble Sam is getting into in her new life...
Jasmine Marie Engler, modified 12 Years ago at 8/9/12 5:25 AM
Created 12 Years ago at 8/9/12 5:25 AM

RE: Dealing with a Crisis?

Posts: 69 Join Date: 5/1/12 Recent Posts
Bagpuss;

I hope you feel better. He must have been a great dog! Nikolai gives good advice; it helped me when my grandma died. I hope it gives you as much strength and courage as you and your family needs.

Love and Happiness,
Jazzi