Hello all,

Below is my story. It is long. If you don't want to read it there is a TL;DR at the bottom.

6 months ago I attended a Goenka retreat. It was my first time meditating and I crossed the A&P during this retreat. Following the retreat I meditated semi-regularly for 1-2 months, after that I stopped meditating entirely.

A week ago I experienced a very strong 3 characteristics and A&P that set me firmly on the path again. I now understand that enlightenment is something I fundamentally want from my life. At the start of the week I resolved to begin practice again both on and off the cushion. The energy from the A&P made it pretty easy to do that, but the transition to the dark night (about 3 days ago) has been a little rough. I've made sure to set aside time on the cushion everyday (at least an hour) but my determination to explore reality during the rest of my day has really waned. When I do remember to be mindful during the day, for instance while I am walking, my attention quickly falters and I find myself lost in thought. Frustrating.

My time on the cushion has been going well. I've been focusing mostly on cultivating Jhanas. Last night I achieved what I believe to be 3rd Jhana. After opening my eyes I was able to observe fine qualities of the visual sense. I was able to see the individual "frames" of my vision arise and pass in a continuous flow as if a movie real had been slowed. There were also pulsations/vibrations around my eyes that aligned with these frames.

Paradoxically, as I have achieved greater levels of concentration in my sitting, my daily mindfulness has degraded further. I feel very frustrated because though I experienced many insights in the last week (the most rapid progress I have ever experienced), I am no longer able to experience their application in my waking life like I could during the A&P. I know that I should be examining the qualities of the dark night and learning its lessons, but it feels impossible to do! As if I am starving, before me lies a great meal, yet I cannot lift the hand to grasp it. I also am developing cravings for a return to the A&P and stream entry. I miss the rapidity of progress I was achieving during the A&P. This too is difficult to examine which is further reinforces the craving.

MY QUESTION

So anyway, I write this post in the hopes that some of you can provide me with suggestions, encouragement, or whatever What should I be doing? Should I continue with concentration? (my original plan had been to reach 4th Jhana and then begin insight from there) Any tips on daily mindfulness? Any general tips? Anything at all?

Oh and also! The last week has really messed with my schooling. I'm in university and after the 3 characteristics last week I really just lost most of my motivation and spent a lot of time that I should have spent studying meditating or reading the DhO. So if anyone has any tips on that that'd be awesome

TL;DR Having trouble coping with the dark night, should I be doing anything differently?

Peace

I'd say mostly work on insight practice in your sits to get through the Dark Night and into Equanimity. Jhanas are nice, but you have to make sure you are moving up the insight path. As for learning the Dark Night's lessons: this process takes a long time, and we go through it over and over, each time accessing deeper layers of mind. I can honestly say that there are times when I feel as if all I'm doing is spinning my wheels getting absolutely nowhere, and then there are times when I feel as if I have finally arrived. Neither feeling is anything more than a feeling. Try to return yourself gently to the things you need to be doing to maintain your life, and keep your practice going at the same time. Getting obsessed with practice is part of what happens. It is a good motivator, but it can also be a way of driving yourself crazy. Focusing on school can be difficult at times like this, but it isn't impossible. Just don't give way to the temptation to think that abandoning it is the right choice because practice is more important. Maintaining your daily life is part of the practice.

During the day, as often as you can, either do noting, or just stop whatever is absorbing you (even if it's reading MCT and be aware of whatever sensations are manifesting. You can also stop for a minute and watch your mind like a cat at a mousehole, waiting for a thought to pop out. That's actually kind of fun and amusing. Good luck

EDIT: Guys, I got an emoticon in here that I did not select. Tried to edit it out and it's still there. What I have written is MCTB.

Perhaps you missed this thread posted as a sticky on the "Recent Posts" tab?


Ditto to what Laurel had to say: "Just don't give way to the temptation to think that abandoning it is the right choice because practice is more important. Maintaining your daily life is part of the practice."

Well since following Goenka's instructions for 10 days seemed to get you to the A&P in record time how about... you continue to do what he said ;) (insight practice, anapana when needed)



1/2 awareness on daily activity, 1/2 awareness on body sensation throughout the whole day (or as much as you can do) will let you travel like a superstar.

Anyway, the overall vibe of your post feels very nice and peachy (compared to some of the other dark night posts on here) so I am not too worried about you



And do your homework! AND NO DRUGS!


-d