New practice. - Discussion
Have made a slight structural change to my meditation ... Have dropped the supine as i've done it far to easy, which makes me think that despite the feeling of wellness at the end of supine, i've been taking 40 winks. So, out with it and back in with another hour of sitting. Leg position optional. Tried a full lotus sit and managed a whole couple of minutes before i was pushing that pesky left foot urgently off my right thigh. Some resistance to walking meditation, would like to deepen access concentration here. Bit of clock watching in last 15 to 20 of three hour sit/walk/sit.
Much more aware of my dreams. Normally are not. Had three really lucid dreams, the last being a most vivid end of days vision of death dance of the earth and moon at the end of times ... Weird
At all midway points from sitting i had the urge to sit more --- so even at 6 hours i haven't found my base line yet. Thought 6 hours have been harder.
Would love another taste of Samadhi ... YES PLEASE MISTA MEDITATION MAN!!!
Much more aware of my dreams. Normally are not. Had three really lucid dreams, the last being a most vivid end of days vision of death dance of the earth and moon at the end of times ... Weird
At all midway points from sitting i had the urge to sit more --- so even at 6 hours i haven't found my base line yet. Thought 6 hours have been harder.
Would love another taste of Samadhi ... YES PLEASE MISTA MEDITATION MAN!!!
Sounds good. I went into a concentration state once when I was in the doctor's office waiting for him to show up (15 minutes or so); when he finally came bursting into the room it was overwhelming. He was talking really fast, using a lot of emphasis, and was giving off all this restless energy. I just smiled and felt like I was an LP record watching someone at 78 (you know what I mean). Happy trails! I get what you're saying about supine meditation. I know exactly where that would take me. 
Single Pointed Concentration
Boy oh boy... this ol' train just keeps on rolling. Woke up this morning wanting to sit, so got myself together with my cushion and a little flat sided blue glass bead i started using as a sight marker on a large carpeted area where i meditate Sunday, with my local Sanga, and found myself in one of the 1/2 dozen sitting places i have around the house. Anyway i have a little bead of blu tac which i put on the flat side of the glass bead, then i can attach it to any wall surface, however high i want. A couple of months later i read about Kasinas.
Set up and sat.
Samadhi very early but with a difference... This was getting deeper all the time and it was obvious! About the 10 minute mark i realise that i'm fixcated with what i'm looking at, and it took me another couple of minutes to realise that i'm in an altered state... single pointedly concentrating. Rock Hard and bright as a diamond. !00% no effort to remain in this condition. Again, meditation is managing me!!! Stay cool dude, don't blow it. Faint little buzzy feeling in my hands ... careful ... just relax into the feeling, and then my eyes dimmed and blurred and i thought that was it until this funny feeling started rising, so slowly like a mist rolling out and up my body, what is this??? This is new to me ... what is this... i feel something, but what ...!!! It's a feeling, but not one i've experienced before. Something going on with mouth, whats wrong with mouth ... nothing, it just wants to smile. The funny feeling couldn't be that piti ... sukha thing i keep on hearing everybody else but me get. Could it!
I just re read my entry to check how it looks and feels and just reading about it bought tears to my eyes. That's about the kindest i've ever allowed my self to feel in my life. The Bloody Wonder of this path.
No living idea where i am but really, really happy to be here.
Travis,
first and foremost i thank you and greet you with respect that you would be caring enough to think of me and make a connection that something might be of benefit to me and my practice. Namaste
I first want to place on record where i perceive my practice to be (back in it's infancy once more) and what it is i intend trying to do with that practice.
It's become somewhat clear that i think i came to vipassana a little early and have been overcome by my inability to 'see' and 'practice' insight without quite a deal of distress and disharmony thus resolving me to stay in a samatha practice where i feel more comfortable and less vulnerable.
Because i came to this form of life practice so late and i'm a driven and result oriented type of person i may have pushed myself, perhaps, beyond my abilities. My life experience is such that i feel a very strong need to protect this small bubble of calm abiding that i've managed to ensconce my self in! Hence the rapid and confusing pull back to a concentration practice.
But with the Anapanasati sutta i have (i hope) the best of both worlds. The 16 steps of anapanasati take me in the first Tetrad or four steps right into my home base, contemplation of the breath and the body of the breath in it's totality... pure samatha or concentration practice. Through to the Fourth Tetrad, contemplation of Mental Objects, pure (so i've learnt) vipassana or insight territory!
Now i've come to understand that i can take this as fast or as slow as i want, weeks, months or years... and no matter where i am in any one of those 16 steps, if i experience discomfort disease or fear it's just a matter of slipping back into the familiarity of the breath and all it's beauty.
This past couple of weeks has produced a lot of mental static for me which has just added to my confusion but listening to a series of retreat instructions on the Anapanasati Sutta on Dharmaseed and practicing just being with the breath has bought me back somewhat.
What i take you to mean Travis, is that once i feel more comfortable with where i am, then to push out and be prepared that not every sitting is going to be the pleasure i find in my concentration practice. And to be prepared to sit with that inconvenience in the cause of advancement, pushing the envelope and developing my practice.
That's worthwhile. I can handle that. If i'm prepared prior to emerging from my trench i'm more able to survive the onslaught a!
Loved your clothing analogy, bought a smile to my face and laughter to my lips. Cheers mate!
Kind regards
Stu
first and foremost i thank you and greet you with respect that you would be caring enough to think of me and make a connection that something might be of benefit to me and my practice. Namaste
I first want to place on record where i perceive my practice to be (back in it's infancy once more) and what it is i intend trying to do with that practice.
It's become somewhat clear that i think i came to vipassana a little early and have been overcome by my inability to 'see' and 'practice' insight without quite a deal of distress and disharmony thus resolving me to stay in a samatha practice where i feel more comfortable and less vulnerable.
Because i came to this form of life practice so late and i'm a driven and result oriented type of person i may have pushed myself, perhaps, beyond my abilities. My life experience is such that i feel a very strong need to protect this small bubble of calm abiding that i've managed to ensconce my self in! Hence the rapid and confusing pull back to a concentration practice.
But with the Anapanasati sutta i have (i hope) the best of both worlds. The 16 steps of anapanasati take me in the first Tetrad or four steps right into my home base, contemplation of the breath and the body of the breath in it's totality... pure samatha or concentration practice. Through to the Fourth Tetrad, contemplation of Mental Objects, pure (so i've learnt) vipassana or insight territory!
Now i've come to understand that i can take this as fast or as slow as i want, weeks, months or years... and no matter where i am in any one of those 16 steps, if i experience discomfort disease or fear it's just a matter of slipping back into the familiarity of the breath and all it's beauty.
This past couple of weeks has produced a lot of mental static for me which has just added to my confusion but listening to a series of retreat instructions on the Anapanasati Sutta on Dharmaseed and practicing just being with the breath has bought me back somewhat.
What i take you to mean Travis, is that once i feel more comfortable with where i am, then to push out and be prepared that not every sitting is going to be the pleasure i find in my concentration practice. And to be prepared to sit with that inconvenience in the cause of advancement, pushing the envelope and developing my practice.
That's worthwhile. I can handle that. If i'm prepared prior to emerging from my trench i'm more able to survive the onslaught a!
Loved your clothing analogy, bought a smile to my face and laughter to my lips. Cheers mate!
Kind regards
Stu
Stuart,
It seems, from my perspective, that you have good guidance
Sometimes I get discouraged from not making any progress (seemingly) and I go out looking for motivation to go sit and cultivate the correct mental factors.
Recently I stumbled upon a post I long ago replied to and rediscovered a series of letters sent from a yogi and her teacher. The letters are amazingly motivational and the story itself spans about 7-8 years. The lady is in her 70's.
Reading stories like that helps me remember that it's not too late to start, and it's a matter of slow progress. With patience and diligence, one will awaken.
The link to the post is here and the actual series of letters and whatnot is here.
It's apparent that you're blog and practice is motivating many people. It's possible (as I'm sure you've considered) that it's helped more people than who have replied to it.
I hope that gives you some motivation to continue your practice
With meta,
Travis
It seems, from my perspective, that you have good guidance
Sometimes I get discouraged from not making any progress (seemingly) and I go out looking for motivation to go sit and cultivate the correct mental factors.
Recently I stumbled upon a post I long ago replied to and rediscovered a series of letters sent from a yogi and her teacher. The letters are amazingly motivational and the story itself spans about 7-8 years. The lady is in her 70's.
Reading stories like that helps me remember that it's not too late to start, and it's a matter of slow progress. With patience and diligence, one will awaken.
The link to the post is here and the actual series of letters and whatnot is here.
It's apparent that you're blog and practice is motivating many people. It's possible (as I'm sure you've considered) that it's helped more people than who have replied to it.
I hope that gives you some motivation to continue your practice
With meta,
Travis
That inspires me to redouble my efforts and try to gain just a small part of her path and wisdom.
That's exactly what I was hoping it would do
don't give up until you reach the end!Depression is no longer my constant companion, there in some small ways perhaps, but not constantly. New Years eve and new years day brought about lots of family trouble which wanted to bring out the old violence in me to stay and Multiply like the virus it is. But again several nights of heavy duty meditation took it from me. And through this all, i have a feeling of peace that never before has been a part of my life....
This is good, obviously. But like the Master and his student had discussed, don't get settled in to the peace. Because if this happens you won't continue your practice! Keep on keepin' on
Again Travis, your comment on my having good guidance .... the only guidance i have is what you see here on my time line. The majority of that being from Nick (Nikolai) whom i look up to with great respect and one from fivebells which i liked. The rest has come from the avarice trawling i've done of this and other Buddhist sites across the web.
I'm also the librarian at my real time Gompa, read Mahayana Meditation Hall. We have a small library of a couple of hundred books which i've sifted thro' time after time.
Finally i was reading thro' your time line earlier this evening and your entry for the 12/31/13 jumped out at me. Regarding the lack of knowledge on meditation and meditation matters outside this forum. It's pretty bloody grim, there seem to be so few of us that are motivated to practice and driven with our need!
I used to go to my Gompa twice a week. Once on Thursdays for Dharma study group and once on Sunday for religious studies and a forty minute Calm Abiding silent meditation. It's a round trip of nearly a 100 klicks and my poor old Toyota ute's now twenty six years old and in the main there are so few that want to walk the walk and talk the talk. In fact it's rather damm lonely out here, mmm.
I'm also the librarian at my real time Gompa, read Mahayana Meditation Hall. We have a small library of a couple of hundred books which i've sifted thro' time after time.
Finally i was reading thro' your time line earlier this evening and your entry for the 12/31/13 jumped out at me. Regarding the lack of knowledge on meditation and meditation matters outside this forum. It's pretty bloody grim, there seem to be so few of us that are motivated to practice and driven with our need!
I used to go to my Gompa twice a week. Once on Thursdays for Dharma study group and once on Sunday for religious studies and a forty minute Calm Abiding silent meditation. It's a round trip of nearly a 100 klicks and my poor old Toyota ute's now twenty six years old and in the main there are so few that want to walk the walk and talk the talk. In fact it's rather damm lonely out here, mmm.
Yes the path that we've taken is lonely. It's unfortunate that more people don't take up this hardcore meditation practice.
I had detailed on my practice log of an experience I had recently with a small meditation group here in Denver. The people were all nice and respectful, but I got no feeling from anyone that they were practicing 'hardcore' like we here on Dharma Overground. Does that make us better than them? Not at all. It's just unfortunate from our perspective that there aren't more people with whom we can share our experiences with. The thing is; we don't need more people to share these experiences with. We have the book MCTB by Daniel, we have this website and we have countless of resources to look upon other people's experiences. Plus we have each other: the other members of this website and myself.
Nikolai has also been guiding me. He is great help.
I wouldn't qualify myself to something even remotely close to a teacher, but a friend in the Dharma is priceless (I think). So consider me as such; a friend in the Dharma!
Perhaps we can be pen pals (the email version). If you're interested let me know. If not, this website works just fine in keeping us all connected.
Anyways, above all; keep practicing! Don't give up. And remember; mind states and emotions are just as impermanent as the weather.
Stuart,
You take a lot of responsibility for your actions, that's good. I hope you're not taking them too hard.
Remember; you are only human Unfortunately like the rest of us.
First noble truth:
Life is stress/suffering
You take a lot of responsibility for your actions, that's good. I hope you're not taking them too hard.
Remember; you are only human
Unfortunately like the rest of us.First noble truth:
Life is stress/suffering
Stuart,
please continue with practice. Your thread among other things inspired me to start a practice finally. I didn't open a journal yet since I don't think there's much to write about but I'm going to do that as soon as bump into a wall. So far I was able to establish some sort of start of a regular practice. Aiming for 2-3 hours per day. I wake up at 2 - 3 AM and practice 3 minutes of "sat kriya" which helps with the start of samatha practice. I can sit for an hour, aiming for two. First goal is solid access concentration and possibly jhana before I start with vipassana. I feel I need strong concentration and this is the way I'll go. I have no time during the day (job+kids). So night time is what I have (if kids are healthy that is) hehe.
Anyway, yeah discipline. Tough one. When urge to get up is really strong I try and observe this feeling and hope urge will somehow pass. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I belive I just need to sit more and make it a habbit. Friends calling me up for a beer and football match doesn't help either. It's a tough one Wife likes me more though. She said I've changed even if its been just 2 weeks of my new practice.
You came so far with your practice! I urge you! Don't stop man. Sit down again. I'm positive you'll hit SE soon. You practiced for 6 hours/day ffs! That's awesome. Yeah I know, some have it easy, some don't. I don't have a good advice on that one. You know what you need to do. Perhaps reread this if you haven't already
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/ReformedSlackersGuide
And section on reobservation from MCTB
How's health treating you?
I will think of you in my sessions
please continue with practice. Your thread among other things inspired me to start a practice finally. I didn't open a journal yet since I don't think there's much to write about but I'm going to do that as soon as bump into a wall. So far I was able to establish some sort of start of a regular practice. Aiming for 2-3 hours per day. I wake up at 2 - 3 AM and practice 3 minutes of "sat kriya" which helps with the start of samatha practice. I can sit for an hour, aiming for two. First goal is solid access concentration and possibly jhana before I start with vipassana. I feel I need strong concentration and this is the way I'll go. I have no time during the day (job+kids). So night time is what I have (if kids are healthy that is) hehe.
Anyway, yeah discipline. Tough one. When urge to get up is really strong I try and observe this feeling and hope urge will somehow pass. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I belive I just need to sit more and make it a habbit. Friends calling me up for a beer and football match doesn't help either. It's a tough one
Wife likes me more though. She said I've changed even if its been just 2 weeks of my new practice.You came so far with your practice! I urge you! Don't stop man. Sit down again. I'm positive you'll hit SE soon. You practiced for 6 hours/day ffs! That's awesome. Yeah I know, some have it easy, some don't. I don't have a good advice on that one. You know what you need to do. Perhaps reread this if you haven't already
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/ReformedSlackersGuide
And section on reobservation from MCTB
How's health treating you?
I will think of you in my sessions