those are some very interesting descriptions

it sounds like you have had some very real insights

if you wish to put them on a map somewhere, that is usually best done by talking to someone who knows the maps well and seeing how they play out over time

if you are comfortable working with more general principles, then the general plan is to just see how things hold up, how they deepen, if there are areas of experience that do not seem as clearly perceived as the insights that seem at the forefront of things now, and, if you find gaps, incomplete areas of development that seem untouched by this level, then bring that same perspective to those areas

eliminating the sense of their being the illusion of two minds, usually subject/object, observer/observed, and even mentality/materiality dualities is definitely core stuff, is the deep key to insight

there are a few that do the whole thing in one go, duality vanishes, gone, that's it

however, most proceed by layers, and so if a new, less-clearly non-dual, less integrated layer shows up, then apply awareness to it to see through that next part of the illusion

question: when you say that you are different, in what ways?

daniel

The conflict arises with now to explain things. Concepts (like mind) are like metaphors for experience, and I don't really know how to use words without falling down this rabbit hole of talking with illusion, because I know no better way to explain experience. I've been circling around this, and it feels like there should be a better way, and I just can't quite put my finger on it.


Caught me there (on all of them)! I obviously have a lot of work to do.


A friend of mine said my personality hasn't changed, but before it seemed like I was arguing with others a lot, and now right or wrong is pointless, so I'm more open to letting others mention weakness without it stressing me out.

I'm calm, content, and I think the proper word is equanimity. Just sitting here light doses of euphoria comes and goes. It is like the hole in my stomach has significantly filled in. It has been like this most days for the last month, but seems strongest when things are quiet and peaceful.

As good as everything is, I keep questioning it. It is almost like I'm fighting this positive experience, because I don't know what the hell is going on, and I didn't ask for it. It feels like a trap, like indulging in euphoria and bliss would cause a disservice to myself and everyone else. It is funny, I tend to be fearless, but throw something positive my way and I don't know what to do with it, specifically because I can't find anyone else talking about it. From that there is this level of insecurity.

I don't even know how it happened, but there was permutations of entropy where I could walk by someone and it was like I had 100 different conversations with them in a split second. If Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha didn't have a bit about magick, I'd probably be freaking out a lot more than I have been.

And then there is the fact that "I know nothing". Like, that psychic experience, I don't know how it happened, I don't know how to cause it, I don't know how it went away. There was just observation of it happening. I'm so in the dark about so many things I thought I knew. I see these holes in my comprehension. Before I was blind because I thought I knew things I didn't. Now I'm blind, but I realize I'm blind.

I can keep going too. But basically, I have the perception that intentionally I've changed a lot, even if externally there probably is little difference.


Thank you for the fantastic advice.

Do you know Emily Horn or of her? She is a friend and a strong practitioner, and something about your perspective makes me think of her practice. Might look her up: Emily Horn's Web Page as you two might have some interesting things to talk about.

Integrating fear, doubt, questioning, confusion, analysis, and wonder about what has happened is most easily done by just noticing those things as they arise in the volume of space you are in, as objects in that space, as qualities of that space, as things shifting, changing, interacting. Again and again bring mindfulness to them as experiences, qualities, just as they are, in the context of this field of experience, in this 3D world we live in.

Thanks. I'll check her web page out.

Actually, I do have a specific question:

I generally observe beyond just unveiling what couldn't be seen before. I play with it, figure it out, rip insight apart, often in a rational way.

Would it be better or worse, to just observe and discover, without dissecting insight?