When I think of A&P, I think of what I would call (and I as recall my teacher calling) "Ripping The Lid Off" as yet another attribute for classification that sets one up to enter the dark night. The way it occurred for me, it was a period of time during which you find yourself moving through fear/terror and eventually into a state of crystal stillness.
- The fear is essentially pure sensate terror. It is characterized by sweep sweats, flushed skin, a mind in abject terror for several hours (in my case and those of others I've heard). From outside appearance, you will appear to be suffering the acute onset of flu. The terror can come with no apparent object which is causing the cycling fear into terror.
. - Hence the phenomenological narrative content of the mind during the cycle of fear to terror is
- a fear initiates for any personal reason
- b you think [content] "my god this fear is terrible"
- c become further frightened by the intensity of your fear [believing content], and
- d hence further intensify your fear.
- You may or may not notice the phenomenological content of the mind may drop the original object entirely it is akin to:
- a You then hear yourself think a thought,
- b then believe the content of your thought (a),
- c generate more intense energy - perhaps vibration,
- d then become more terrified by the appearance of (c), and
- e cycle to (c) and repeat.
Hence once fear is ignited, you induce your own blazing inferno of terror by repeatedly being frightened by the echo of your own fear in the echo chamber of your mind. As this phase of the mind ends, you may find yourself in a reciprocally calm state of which feels like "crystal stillness".
. - Crystal stillness is characterized by a sense that the entire world is brand new and that your yourself have just been born. Anything no matter how old, cracked or worn or "broken" has this brand new quality. The mind is now as equally silent as it was loud during the terror. You may feel the urge to change your name as you don't feel like your old self. This is temporary as [going pithy here} you have yet to bring the dark night into full embrace and acceptance.
To my knowledge, nobody goes through this twice at ultimate intensity, "ripping the lid off", because in essence you exhaust and permanently break your resistance (I say resistance because its your own clinging [energy] that fanning the cycling flames of your terror. If this doesn't break, it will at least crack your identity, though you may not realize this immediately.
My experience of this was actually triggered by the observation and subsequent forms, "There is no going back [to the way it was before]."
So is this part of other people's classic A&P experience?
