Hi All,
I discovered this forum yesterday, after hearing Daniel on the most recent Buddhist Geeks podcast. I was curious as to what this "A&P Event" was that he kept mentioning, so I googled it and here I am.
I was pretty taken aback to read the description of the stages of progress, particularly the A&P Event and the subsequent Dark Night. An A&P is clearly what happened to me 3 years ago, and I'm pretty sure the Dark Night is what I've been in ever since. It is such a relief to hear that this has been an actual part of the path - whereas I was sure I had somehow been knocked off of it by the wonder of the A&P, and I think had sort of given up hope of finding my way back.
So, I need some guidance. I am trying to sort out my thoughts/questions. Here is where I'm at.
1) How do I find a teacher who is familiar with the map? (Is there a certain school of Buddhism?) Or, where do I turn for guidance?
2) Are there certain practices that are recommended at this stage? Now that I know I'm actually on the right track, I'm pretty motivated to practice.
I've been struggling along on my own for 3 years, sitting (almost) daily, just trying to focus on the breath. Before the A&P, meditating was an enjoyable experience for me, full of the objective viewing of my thoughts and the awareness of deeper sensations/motivations. (Which I now see are Steps 1 & 2.) I have been trying to get back to this, thinking there was something wrong with me because I can't seem to. But my attention is (as MCTB describes it), wide-flung and unfocused, and my physical being feels irritable in myriad ways, and usually my mind wanders around the whole time, and then I give up in a sort of welling up of frustrated energy, and go work out intensely.
2b) Have I been trying to go backwards? How do I try to go forward instead?
3) I'd love to try to understand a little better the stages of the Dark Night - I have no idea where I am in this process, only that I've seen only brief glimpses of Equanimity over these years. I feel like, surely, it must come to an end soon, but I have no idea what to do.
I appreciate any response you can give me.
with Metta,
Mary

I would recommend a practice that leads to calm and is more gentle than noting, which can be rough at times, and can emphasize the agitation during the dark night stages. Are you familiar with metta practice? If so, try that for a while. Nik has a detailed description of what he calls "a letting-go approach to jhana" (here), which can be very effective in the rough territory you find yourself in.

In general, I would say that aiming to get back to the bliss & clarity of the A&P is not recommended. The negative sensations that predominate in the dark night are just as any other sensations, they need to be seen for what they are, and the perspective from which this is possible can develop only in contact with those sensations. This will happen on its own but it can take a while, so don't give up, be patient, and keep practicing.

Best wishes
Christian

Good luck finding a teacher who is familiar with the map and will actually help you along it. Did you read the part in MCTB on Mushroom factor Look deeply into what it is exactly you are looking for from a teacher/guidance. Do you need instruction? what is not clear? do you need a coach? a cheerleader? why? do you need company and community? why? The clearer you are on these things the more likely you will find exactly what you are looking for and will be less likely to be led astray or down blind alleys that will waste your time....
Did you read MCTB yet? Is there anything unclear about the noting practice? Here are additional resources that explain the practice - WIKI
Practical Insight Meditation, by Mahasi Sayadaw
The Progress of Insight, by Mahasi Sayadaw
Insight Practice Instructions #1


Start right where you are....there is no other place...let go of expectation

Practice will skill and diligence. If you are cycling pay attention to the cycles and you will start to get a good idea where you are within the cycles...of course knowing does not change the instruction any....get to equanimity and push forward bit by bit til fruition. Noting practice might work very well for you. I'd try it and see. If you don't like the strong dark night effects (as some suggest can happen) at least you will know exactly where you are.
Good luck,
~D

Thanks to you all for taking the time to respond to my questions.
The reason I ask about a teacher/guide is that I just spent 3 years wondering what the hell happened to me and how I'm supposed to move on from it, and then I find this explanation of it right here, and it's been here all the time. I'd like to actually make progress on the path, not just keep getting stuck from a lack of recognizing signposts. I guess all I'm really looking for is someone who can point out the signposts. How am I supposed to know what EQ is, and where to go from there, if I didn't know what A&P or the DN was?
Well, for now, off to read more of MCTB, and practice practice practice.

You just keep doing what you have been doing, the same thing which progresses you in the beginning takes you the whole way.

In fact, if you have crossed A@P you will inevitably cross the dark night into the next stage, Equanimity, you have been sucked into the gravity and digging your heels into the ground in the opposite direction could not stop your progress.



You do not need to an iota.  Try to be a ride or die meditator like others on this forum But if you want some support that is fine, but know that that teacher cannot really give you too much more than you already have.



This is classic for everyone. There are these beautiful and painful parts of the path and then you leave them, with no way to return to that state, because it is transitory and thus your mind is not interested it and gives it up.

I could imagine one would complain then "why would I do this". I would respond saying yes, there is permanent stuff you gain, but it is not a something, it is a lack of things, a lack of things which once pained you, which results in a feeling of peace and safety for you.

I love the project management aspect to the phases and it's great to explain it to others....though they are never interested...
I did not know about any of this before first path....it was only after that I found MCTB and learned the stuff after the fact. I didn't have a teacher either. Just saying that you may not need anything besides meditating. I was not even doing that very skillfully in the beginning...practice is where it is at.
Of course you now have access to the advice of hundreds of yogis of different paths and at different levels....a totally awesome mixed bag of good and bad...reach into the bag and see what you get....mind the nuts though.
Good luck
~D