A few actualism notes - Discussion
A few actualism notes
|A few actualism notes||Adam . .||11/24/14 5:08 PM|
|RE: A few actualism notes||Bill F.||11/24/14 7:18 PM|
|RE: A few actualism notes||Adam . .||12/8/14 10:26 PM|
"What Richard was saying was daunting, bewildering, a complete reversal of all I had understood up until then! But a few things appealed: he was saying that if you make your goal in life to be happy and harmless then you will succeed given sufficient intent."
I have been using this lately. After reading it I walked around my college campus to do some errands. In the back of my mind there were some worries about life going on, mainly about getting a job and supporting myself and being successful after I graduate college. It occurred to me though that "my life" was basically this moment now, in the sense that every time I have the oppurtunity to worry about life or enjoy life it will also be simply "now." It then occurred to me that a life of worry was not really something worth pursuing, so my top priority should be happiness/harmlessness here and now, everything else should be secondary. Whether or not I get a good job what matters is that i am happy and at peace. What value is there in living an unhappy, anxious, malicious life with a great job?Life normally seems like the amalgamation of everything that is "mine" i.e. job, romantic relationship, health, family, friends, experiences, and skills... none of that stuff really matters though outside of the enjoyment of it. So rather than devoting mental energy to worrying about getting all of those things right, it would be better to just unconditionally enjoy life. Happiness for most people is an act put on to keep those things going smoothly rather than an actual condition which is vitally important.
So often I am unwilling to have a happy attitude because I think there is something wrong with other people/the world/myself and I think I will use some anxiety or malice or whatever to fight it off. That really is like fighting fire with fire though. Those emotions seem powerful... it seems like emotions like anxiety are huge forces of energy and I use can them to get what I want.
What is very funny though is that as I stop using these painful emotions, I find a fulfillment here and now. In such moments life is literally heaven-like. Absolutely nothing matters and nothing needs to be done, so I am totally free to marvel at the sheer fact that this universe exists, I stop taking that for granted. I am also free to pursue all kinds of action, none of it is serious. It is like the actions people take on vacation, you don't get incredibly stressed about whether you will swim perfectly at the beach or whether you will have the oysters or the lobster. At such times the basic fact of being alive is meaning and fulfillment enough so any choices events are only of minor importance.
I have started thinking of felicity a bit differently than I did before. It nows seems more like an excuberance than an equanimity, it is an active, forceful, total participation in the world.
Right now, despite all that ;] there is still a subtle sense of anxiety. Tomorrow I have a phone interview for a job, and I am not very confident about it. I do however have many moments of enjoying being here interspersed with the moments of slight anxiety. The moments of enjoying being here come from contemplating how valuable it would be to just enjoy this moment, enjoy all the moments between now and the phone interview, and to enjoy the phone interview itself. This as opposed to spending that same period of time worried and frightened about it. Such contemplation just deactivates the anxiety as it seems far less valuable. It also occurs to me how much better it would be for the people around me if I were not worried and frightened but rather excuberant and fulfilled in that time period. Ah writing those last few sentences out really helps.