a year in reflection/confusion

Hugh Fox, modified 8 Years ago at 2/19/15 1:59 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 2/18/15 4:59 AM

a year in reflection/confusion

Posts: 44 Join Date: 7/3/13 Recent Posts
I've not paid much attention to the maps in the past, as I've always had a mentality of keeping my head down and doing the work, (in many areas of life) but I've had some unusual experiences which I am trying to fit into a narrative, (I know I know, a narrative is not the thing itself...)

So I had about 5- years concentration practice under my belt before I switched to noting this time last year.  I've not been on retreat, but nor have I missed a day's sitting in 420 days, and prior to that it was only the occasional period of travelling which prevented daily practice.  I sit for about 40 mins usually, and do walking practice and informal noting most days as well.

From last summer, my moods became quite destabilised, and some impulsive, fairly self-destructive tendencies came to the fore.  These were very out of character for me and quite a surprise.  May or may not be meditation related, but it was interesting.  Felt slightly giddy all the time and made some rash decisions; spent more, drank more, socialised more.  Was very confident in this period.  (Btw I have no hyper manic episodes or mental health issues either with me or in family).

This was followed by a bit of a crash around christmas where things got very bleak, and my mood was quite the opposite.
Post christmas, I hae had a couple of strange specific experiences - one while 'asleep', one in meditation.  They were rushing, spaced out, blissful sensations and a feeling of openness and insight, for want of a better word.

Meditations since then have been fairly normal.  I twitch a lot, feel surges of energy now and then and have some nice pleasant states.  Most of the time though it's just normal, with the usual amount of doubt etc etc.  Day to day I feel pretty calm and more chilled out than last year generally.

So, after that long winded explanantion: where am I.