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Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice

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Hello DhO, I've made a few posts these last few months, and I've made incredible progress (while simultaneously going nowhere). I would like to post this here, seeing as I believe I'm in high EQ, possibly very close to popping. 

I got home from work, and not having my girlfriend home,  promptly sat down to meditate (I remember when I hated being alone). Two one hour sits later (took a dip break in the middle), here I am.  

First sit: I meditated once this morning and during my lunch break, so technically this is my third sit. I think I started in low EQ, maybe very high Re-Ob. Noted quickly at first, effort required. Able to note physical sensations like touching, hearing, seeing, and mental sensations like space, effort, calm, very little aversion and unpleasant sensations both mental and physical. Deep into the first sit I began to note selfing whenever I became aware of anything feeling self referencing. More and more surrender, less effort. Enjoyed the sit. Genuinely. 

Second sit: started in mid EQ. Got calm and spacious and concentrated very quickly. Noted selfing from nearly the get go. Stopped noted at times and just went with the flow. The three characteristics would stand out to me. I'd hear a sound, Anicca. Felt a pain, Dukkha. Have a thought, Anatta. Things got quieter and quieter. Began feeling more energy than I've ever felt before (not much). Hunger and pain and itching all became energy. At one point I was noting rising (selfing)  falling (selfing), and realized selfing is a sensation, the only one that gets "attached" or paired to any sensation. I also truly and honestly felt desires as Anatta. They had no sway over me. I'm close, I can feel it. Looking for any last bits of advice for this last leg. In closing, here are some notes I've compiled.

Awareness/I AM

Let go

Notice three characteristics 

Simply, easily, clearly, naturally, completely, fully, honestly, devoid of ideals beyond just being with whatever shows up as it changes and fluxes and moves around and vanishes and appears. All the way down, all the way up, all the way through the center.

RE: Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice
Answer
7/10/16 6:29 AM as a reply to Christopher Kerr.
Feeling close is promising, but it can also make you use too much effort in your excitement. It's good that you are noting the features of EQ (space, calmness, ease, naturalness), those are just more things to be noted. It's good that you are including sensations that feel like self.

The key thing is to keep easing into the experience of EQ and high EQ using less and less energy. Imagine that you are a satellite slowly losing speed in orbit. The earth is coming into view and suddendly you can see the details on the land, all the textues and colors. You know you're getting close and you think you know where you want to go, so you turn on the rockets --- but that just keeps you spinning in orbit. We all feel that way, but instead keep letting yourself drop out of orbit, using just enough energy to maintain your practice. At some point, you'll be sucked into emptiness. 

Or another metaphor: eventually a star burns itself out and then collapses into a black hole. 

So with the feeling of not controlling things, keep doing inclusive mediation. Let your body relax, let your mind get concentrated or clear. Notice how it wants to do that.

(Some days you wont drop in to concentration or spaciousness, no big deal, that's just the way it goes. Some days you might not reach your cutting edge, but that just means something else needs to be worked on. Trust the process and go where your mind takes you, investigate it.)

When you feel you are at your cutting edge, start relaxing there. Make that your home with less and less effort. When something seems distracting, simply include that experience. Let all go of any specific experience and try to experience all the bandwidths at the same time. Things might get concentrated, things might see very clear and plain -- it doesn't matter. Get a sense of the whole field of awareness that includes the self. Be aware of the breath, body, and mind as one field of experience. Stay gently curious: what is the ground that holds all experience? What knows experience?

There can be times when you feel like you are both the experiencer and watching the experiencer. That's a good sign. Include both of those experiences and stay curious about what is experiencing those experiences. Include it all.

As always, consistent practice will get you there. Keep putting in your time. Don't have big expectations, treat every sit as another sit in a lifetime of exploration. Just keep showing up for practice and let it take you where you need to go. The process is smarter than you.

RE: Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice
Answer
7/10/16 9:28 AM as a reply to shargrol.
Many thanks! 

Other than be aware of it, and the standard advise, do you have any specific tips for dealing with dreamy spaced out mind wandering in mid-EQ?

Thanks again for your response. There's a lot to digest in there. I had my first sit of the day, and I definitely didn't get to my cutting edge, as you said. I see the wisdom in treating every sit like any other sit. Thank you! 

RE: Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice
Answer
7/10/16 9:41 AM as a reply to Christopher Kerr.
Christopher Kerr:

Other than be aware of it, and the standard advise, do you have any specific tips for dealing with dreamy spaced out mind wandering in mid-EQ?

Increase effort. Re-apply a "beginner's level" technique such as noting with verbal labels or body scanning in a precise, systematic order. Once the focus is back and you reach hi-EQ, relax a bit more, let go, trust the process.

RE: Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice
Answer
7/10/16 4:46 PM as a reply to Christopher Kerr.
what confusing to me is i never seem to get it. You and also others, actually are describing the whole circle. What just with ongoingly they will become more bold, there will be main signal you are obsessed with, more details noticed, seemingly the progress goes expodentially quicker, knowldges are able to take on more little knowedges at once.

There are hallelujah once in a year events, monlthy, weekly, daily etc. One sensation can last pretty long before it makes a cessation or new start happen.

RE: Letting go into SE- practice log and looking for advice
Answer
7/11/16 5:52 AM as a reply to neko.
neko:
Christopher Kerr:

Other than be aware of it, and the standard advise, do you have any specific tips for dealing with dreamy spaced out mind wandering in mid-EQ?

Increase effort. Re-apply a "beginner's level" technique such as noting with verbal labels or body scanning in a precise, systematic order. Once the focus is back and you reach hi-EQ, relax a bit more, let go, trust the process.


You can increase effort if that makes sense, but you can also not increasing effort and simply note "dreamy" "spaced out"  "wandering". I would start with the latter approach and then apply the former if you feel like you need it.

Ultimately, if you get lost, no big deal, note when you come back. You don't need to control things, just note things. You don't need to "never get lost", you just note again when you are "back". 

This is ultimately an experiment you do yourself, stay playful, stay curious. Maintain your practice, but let every sit be different.