Author: young_jeff
Forum: Practical Dharma

I am a little bit confused about this. In my first week of concentration practice I had some very powerful
experiences and within two months I got my first samadhi experience, it lasted maybe 5 seconds only.
Everything seems great but since that day 2 years has passed and I haven't got anything remotely close
to what I had within my first week of practice. I know that we shouldn't get attached to any experience
but isn't that a little bit ridiculous? I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong or this is something
normal, was I better in concentration before I started doing concentration practices?? LOL
I have been training on average 30 minutes a day since then.

Perhaps I should also add that I got a very major experience 14 years ago. At that time I wasn't doing
any practices at all, in fact I didn't even knew anything about the spiritual life and didn't care, all I cared
about was partying. Anyway changes started to happened in me and some part of my body started to vibrate extremely fast
and it actually felt good. This was a building process that went for weeks until one night I was walking home
and while walking all lights went off and all that was left was one form and a incredible impression of deep presence.
I had no idea of what was going on and this scared the "shit" out of me. The next day when I woke up I was in a state
of panic, first because I had the impression that I was loosing control over a natural element I started playing with
weeks before that event occurred and second my genital area was dry like a bone, smaller than my little finger and completely unusable
CAN YOU IMAGINE? (It went back to normal at some point). Even with that panic I was feeling grandiose with a big G.
Things started to reverse and I started to have intense suffering that I can't describe because I have no frame of reference

Author: young_jeff

What I remember is that even the act of looking at a wall would produce intense suffering. This lasted maybe 3 months and somehow
I think it's still there but I just got use to it.

With all that said and the reverse progress I've been doing (the more I train the less I achieve) I'm wondering if
I'm on the right path.

Hi Jeff,

It's hard to guess whether you're on the right path or not based on your posts. Could you tell us more about your practice? What do you do for that 30 min per day?

~Jackson

Author: young_jeff

Hi, awouldbehipster

Nothing exotic or fancy mostly just sitting and following my breath trying to stay present with it.
With the lack of results I got tired of it and for the last three months I'm working on the sensations
in my body. I try to stay in touch with my body in my everyday life. As for my formal practice right now
it's mostly sitting and feel the vibrations on each of my fingertips one by one.

Hi Jeff. Thanks for the new info.

I think your practice sounds fine for now, but I'd like to make a recommendation (take it or leave it).

You mentioned an intense suffering brought on by looking at a wall. I don't really know what you mean by "intense suffering", but it sounds pretty bad to me. What has always been the most useful for me in this regard is to discover the sensations associated with the experience of suffering (pain in the stomach, tightness in the chest or throat, energy blocked up in the head, etc.), and dive right in to it. Treat the suffering as though it is a good friend or family member that needs to spill their guts to you, and all you have to do is pay attention to the message. It's as if the sensations and suffering are trying to tell you something really important, and they won't go away until you hear them out. Eventually, the experience opens up and there is relief -- as well as some new insight.

I hope that helps. Keep us updated on your practice :-D

~Jackson

Author: young_jeff

Thank you awouldbehipster for your input, I agree with your statement and I feel that I can deal more skillfuly with a similar event
if it occure now.

As for my main subject, I want to go deeper in my concentration pratices but somehow I feel that I am
persona non grata in that teritory since 2 years ago and I wonder if there is anything I can do about it
or this is something that is beyound my will.